Waya makuntento? This
was asked by someone who tried to understand an acquaintance who is having
multiple affairs even if the person is already married. The discussion segued
to human nature. There is some sort of hunger one will have when something is deprived of him/her. There was even a warning given by experts not to be in a
grocery store when one is hungry. Chances are, you will buy unnecessary things
without thinking properly. The compulsion is driven by the hunger…reason and
even moral sieving will be NOT present.
Hunger is a powerful
emotion, which is both exploitative and destructive to others when it is acted
out. People identify this feeling with love and mistakenly associate these
longings with genuine affection. Nothing could be further from the truth.
According to Firestone
(2009), feelings of emotional hunger are deep and are like a dull but powerful
aching in your insides. You may often find yourself reaching out and touching
others or expressing affection and loving movements in order to attempt to kill
off this aching sensation. People often give physical affection and attention
when they feel the most need for it themselves.
Psychologists say that such
hunger is a strong emotional need caused by deprivation in childhood. It is a
primitive condition of pain and longing which people often act out in a
desperate attempt to fill a void or emptiness. This emptiness is related to the
pain of aloneness and separateness and can never realistically be fully
satisfied in an adult relationship.
What about those who
continuously crave for accomplishment and recognition? Why is it so difficult
for them to be contented? What kind of hunger is this?
While all humans need
affirmation from others, different people have different sorts of recognition
hunger. Some are so internally weak, they need constant validation and
applause. They seek publicity for themselves. They want to be noticed, and they
ache when they are not noticed. The hungrier they are for recognition, the
weaker they are within themselves. They don’t think their life matters unless
they receive constant attention, however superficial or ephemeral. It may seem
odd, but it is often very true, that the most “popular” and “powerful” people
are also the most lonely and insecure people (Rabbi Marc Angel, 2018).
People with excessive
recognition hunger are so worried about their own egos, that they are callous
when it comes to caring about others. They want praise aimed at themselves;
they are self-centered and self-serving. They will step on anyone and do almost
anything in order to advance themselves and gain more recognition
(Transactional Analysis, Berne).
It is a human need to be
recognized. It has been a subject of multiple discussions anchored on Maslow’s
theory of motivation. But there is always a time to reach the point of being
self-actualized. During adulthood it could be queer when one is constantly
craving for attention and recognition if he/she already has a handful of them.
The hunger must be checked by the individual so that he or she must level up to
being actualized and could now SERVE. The person will then become a worker FOR
others (i.e. the family, community and others).
Theo Tsaousides, Ph.D (2018)
mentions that a periodic assessment of your life satisfaction provides you with
a mirror on which you can reflect your accomplishments, your desires, and your
unfulfilled needs all at once. It provides a global picture of your progress in
life in relation to your own expectations, and it becomes a good starting point
to begin exploring in more depth what contributes to the quality of your life
and what is taking away from it.
Confronting the “hungers”
(which Eric Berne identified as Stimulus, Recognition, Contact, Sexual, Time
Structure and Incident) is a personal journey. It has been mentioned many times
that a person must journey from the Self
to the Self so to be able to
understand himself/herself better. Once the person conquers such hungers, the
main function (that is to serve the self and others) could now be attained.
Martin Luther King aptly
said it: “This life, therefore, is not godliness but the process of becoming
godly, not health but getting well, not being but becoming, not rest but
exercise. We are not now what we shall be, but we are on the way. The process
is not yet finished, but it is actively going on. This is not the goal but it
is the right road. At present, everything does not gleam and sparkle, but
everything is being cleansed.”
