When Primary Becomes Secondary

 

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You convince yourself that you are doing your job well. In fact, you have become even better at doing other things. But do you remember the days when you longed for this position? You worked tirelessly, made sacrifices, and did whatever it took to reach where you are now.

Yet somewhere along the way, you became lukewarm toward the very responsibilities you once aspired to embrace. The work that once gave you purpose slowly became secondary, replaced by pursuits that drew your attention away from your calling.

Have you ever paused to visit your inner self? Have you asked what emptiness you are trying to fill, or what validation you are seeking, when the very work entrusted to you is being left behind?

These are valid questions because we often witness people who gradually allow their real work to become secondary, until even the ordinary responsibilities of their position begin to feel burdensome. Some squander precious resources, especially time, while convincing themselves that they are doing well.

Others drift away from the work entrusted to them in pursuit of fulfillment that their responsibilities alone seem unable to provide. Many recognize these patterns within themselves yet choose to rationalize or dismiss them because confronting one's inner deficiencies demands honesty and courage.

As people lose sight of the purpose of their work, they often seek fulfillment in pursuits that offer temporary satisfaction but gradually distance them from their true responsibilities. Meaningful work requires more than competence. It requires a clear sense of purpose and fidelity to one's calling.

When that sense of purpose weakens, even ordinary duties can begin to feel like burdens. Rediscovering one's calling, therefore, begins with an honest examination of one's motivations and the reasons behind one's actions (Frankl, 2006).

What is even more troubling is that some begin to resent those who remain faithful to their responsibilities. Instead of allowing themselves to be challenged by such examples, they dismiss them as attention seekers, people pleasers, or individuals with a superiority complex.

Such labels can become convenient shields against uncomfortable self-reflection. It is often easier to question another person's motives than to confront the possibility that one's own commitment has faded. In doing so, they distance themselves from the difficult truth that they may no longer be giving their work the dedication it deserves.

So, stop painting me as the enemy. Perhaps I am not the foe you imagined. Perhaps the real adversary is not the person who remains faithful to the work, but the part of us that refuses to confront the truth.

Before judging those who simply strive to fulfill their calling, ask yourself whether the discomfort they awaken comes from their actions, or from the distance between who you once wanted to be and who you have become.

The Making of a Sick Mind

 

  

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These bomb threats in schools are becoming increasingly alarming. What some students, or even outsiders, dismiss as a prank is, in reality, a serious act that spreads fear, disrupts learning, and undermines the safety every school deserves. More than a disciplinary issue, it reflects a deeper problem that cannot be ignored.

Some young people who lack healthy affirmation and struggle with low self-worth may seek attention through harmful acts. They may mistake fear for influence and notoriety for significance. While this does not explain every case, it reminds us that destructive behavior often has roots that extend beyond the classroom.

Children reflect the adults who raise them and the society that shapes them. When responsible parenting weakens, schools inevitably confront the consequences. In an age where online validation often competes with meaningful relationships, children need more than provision. They need guidance, presence, and consistent examples. After all, they learn more from what adults do than from what adults say.

Teachers, meanwhile, are increasingly challenged in maintaining discipline. Some students invoke their rights without recognizing that rights are inseparable from responsibilities, leaving educators hesitant to enforce appropriate corrective measures. At the same time, social media has made it easier for harmful behaviors, including bomb threats and bullying tactics seen elsewhere, to be imitated locally.

Respect for authority must be restored through leadership that is firm, fair, and lawful. As a school principal, I learned that discipline is not about intimidation but about accountability. By consistently enforcing rules, involving parents, and working within the law, I found that students were less likely to challenge legitimate authority because they understood that expectations were clear and consistently upheld.

Research supports this approach. Schools that practice authoritative discipline, enforcing rules firmly, fairly, and consistently, report lower levels of bullying and victimization (Gregory et al., 2010). Students are more likely to respect authority when discipline is just, predictable, and guided by due process.

Every bomb threat begins long before the message is sent. It begins where responsibility is neglected, values are left untaught, and authority is allowed to weaken. Safer schools will not be built by security measures alone, but by homes that nurture, schools that discipline justice, and communities that choose to build character stronger than fear. 

Mirror First

 

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Don't you realize you're already old enough to stop acting like a child? Emotional growth should accompany physical growth. If you are already in your forties or fifties yet still cannot regulate your emotions and continue to react like an immature child, perhaps it is time to ask yourself an uncomfortable question: Have you neglected your own personal growth?

Growing older is inevitable; growing up is a choice.

You may refuse to control your emotional outbursts. You may never take the time to confront your insecurities, shortcomings, and unresolved issues. Instead, you may find it easier to blame others for your behavior. Whether you fail to recognize your own immaturity, deliberately ignore it, or have simply allowed unhealthy emotional habits to become deeply ingrained, the outcome is the same: you deny yourself the opportunity for genuine growth.

Individuals who habitually blame others for their reactions often demonstrate poor emotional regulation and limited self-awareness, two fundamental components of emotional intelligence. Genuine maturity begins when you stop justifying your behavior through external circumstances and honestly examine your own thoughts, emotions, and actions (Mayer & Salovey, 1995).

The more troubling reality is that people who refuse to examine themselves can be found everywhere. They occupy positions in government, lead organizations, manage workplaces, and are even part of our own circles of friends and families. Instead of fostering growth, encouraging dialogue, and inspiring wisdom, they often suppress opportunities for learning and personal development. Their inability to manage themselves creates environments where fear replaces trust, conflict overshadows collaboration, and growth struggles to take root.

A vicious cycle of negativity soon follows wherever such individuals hold influence. Over time, these unhealthy behaviors become normalized as others tolerate, excuse, or even imitate them simply to avoid conflict. What begins as one person's emotional immaturity gradually erodes sound judgment, weakens values, and stifles both personal and collective growth. When destructive conduct goes unchallenged, it eventually ceases to be the exception and becomes the culture.

So, you choose to focus on my mistakes and celebrate my small setbacks? Why not examine your own missteps and learn from them instead? The energy you spend criticizing others could become the very force that transforms your own character. In doing so, you can contribute something meaningful to the world, making your life a source of growth and purpose rather than one consumed by resentment and contempt.

In the end, your greatest enemy is not the person you criticize but the person you refuse to become. The world has never needed more critics; it has always needed more people willing to master themselves.

Spotlight Effect and Social Comparison

 

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You think you are better than everyone else. They think the very same about themselves. In their eyes, they are better than you. Pride, after all, is rarely a one-sided illusion.

Ironically, the same mind that convinces us of our own importance can also convince us that everyone is watching us. Whether through pride or insecurity, we often place ourselves at the center of other people's attention.

I once had a godchild ask me if he looked presentable. I smiled and told him that he did. Then I shared something I have long believed: do not worry too much about how others see you. Most people are too occupied with their own appearance, worries, and insecurities to scrutinize yours. Just as you wonder how you look, they are wondering the very same thing about themselves.

Psychologists call this the spotlight effect. It is our tendency to overestimate the extent to which other people notice and evaluate our appearance, behavior, or mistakes. Because our own experiences dominate our awareness, we naturally assume they occupy the attention of others as well. In reality, most people are equally absorbed in their own concerns, making the spotlight we imagine far less intense than we believe (Gilovich et al., 2000).

For some, this illusion becomes a prison. They gradually retreat into their shells, developing a self-limiting disposition driven by the fear of being judged. The imagined scrutiny of others discourages them from speaking freely, taking risks, and embracing opportunities that could help them grow.

This should not be confused with social comparison. While the spotlight effect concerns how much attention we think others give us, social comparison involves evaluating our worth, abilities, or appearance against those of other people. Although distinct, both distort how we see ourselves.

Left unchecked, these tendencies can hinder personal growth and impede the development of individuality. When people become preoccupied with imagined judgment or relentless comparison, they suppress their authentic selves, avoid meaningful opportunities, and limit their potential. In doing so, they diminish not only their own fulfillment but also the unique contributions they can offer to society and the greater good.

So, do you believe that everyone is watching your every move? Do you feel compelled to keep pace with everyone else's achievements, appearance, or success? If so, you may be falling into the traps of the spotlight effect and social comparison. The greatest freedom begins when you realize that most people are not judging your life; they are simply trying to make sense of their own.

The spotlight you fear exists mostly in your mind. The light that truly matters is the one you bring to the world.

Road To Devolution

 

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Some children now call their parents by their first names, while others interact with their teachers in ways that would have been considered unusually informal only a generation ago. Such behaviors reflect changing social norms shaped by online culture, evolving parenting philosophies, and broader cultural influences. Many parents welcome these changes, believing they foster warmer and more approachable relationships between adults and children.

For some, this shift may seem progressive and even necessary. Yet when cultural change outpaces the reinforcement of values and boundaries, it can unintentionally redirect behavior in counterproductive ways. Not every family, school, or community is equally prepared to navigate these evolving norms, and without thoughtful guidance, respect, discipline, and personal accountability may gradually lose their place within the social fabric.

We must also recognize that people adapt to change differently. For some, emerging values are difficult to reconcile with long held beliefs, creating confusion and emotional strain. Within many families, the convergence of traditional expectations and contemporary ideals can make it difficult to establish a coherent value system, leaving young people uncertain about the principles by which they should live.

These shifts are also evident in everyday life. Parents increasingly question how teachers teach and, at times, expect schools to assume responsibilities that have traditionally belonged to the home. Families likewise feel compelled to emulate lifestyles they encounter online, celebrating birthdays, monthsaries, and countless occasions simply to avoid being left behind. While these practices are not inherently problematic, they reflect changing priorities that differ from the Filipino tradition of simplicity, prudence, and the shared responsibility of families and schools in raising children.

Viewed in isolation, these changes may appear insignificant. Taken together, however, they invite us to reflect on how young people now negotiate authority, identity, and belonging. Recent tragedies, including the school shooting that shocked the country, remind us that no single event arises from one cause alone. Yet they also compel us to ask whether the relationships that once grounded children in guidance, accountability, and shared values are becoming increasingly fragile amid the competing influences of modern life.

The same reflection applies to our conversations about mental health. Depression and anxiety are genuine conditions that deserve compassion, understanding, and professional care. At the same time, there are instances in which mental health language is casually invoked or misused to evade responsibility or pressure adults into conceding to one's demands. Such cases should never diminish the experiences of those who truly struggle, but they remind us that discernment is as necessary as empathy.

Change is inevitable, and every generation will redefine its relationship with family, authority, and society. Yet progress should not require the abandonment of the values that have long sustained healthy communities. Warmth need not replace respect, freedom need not diminish responsibility, and modernity need not abandon wisdom. The challenge is not to resist change, but to ensure that, as culture evolves, our character evolves with it.

Alienation

 

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There was a time when a teacher volunteered to operate the sound system during a learners' recital, but I declined the offer. It was not because I questioned the teacher's capability, but because I did not want to place him in a position where a technical failure could unfairly become his burden. Instead, we hired professional technicians because ensuring a smooth program was their responsibility. If they failed to deliver, I could demand accountability without reservation because it was the work they were engaged to perform. Accountability should rest with those entrusted, equipped, and expected to carry it.

That experience reminded me that our instinct to locate responsibility extends far beyond school programs. Lately, we have witnessed an outpouring of commentaries and formal investigations surrounding the death of a beloved basketball player and the recent school shooting in Tacloban. In moments of tragedy, we seldom find rest until someone can be held accountable. Perhaps it is our way of making sense of the senseless, believing that once responsibility is identified, grief becomes more bearable and chaos appears, however briefly, to be under control.

This tendency is hardly new. Social psychologist Gilad Hirschberger (2006) argues that people seek explanations after tragedy because doing so restores a sense of order and predictability in a world suddenly made uncertain. Accountability, therefore, is not merely a legal or social expectation. It is also a psychological need.

Yet there is a deeper form of alienation when our search ends with blaming others and never reaches the difficult terrain within ourselves. What if, instead, we asked questions that have no easy answers? What is this tragedy asking me to learn? If I were the coach, would my good intentions alone absolve me of the unintended consequences of my decisions? If I were the parents of the shooter, have I become so consumed by the countless demands of modern life that I failed to notice the quiet unraveling of my own child? These questions are not meant to indict anyone. Rather, they remind us that every public tragedy carries a private invitation to examine the parts of ourselves we too often leave unquestioned.

In an era that seems to require scapegoats to make sense of tragedy, we often forget to place ourselves within the narrative, not as spectators searching for someone to blame, but as individuals capable of becoming part of the solution. We become so preoccupied with identifying who failed that we overlook the more unsettling question of how our own choices, omissions, and responsibilities can help prevent the same tragedies from happening again.

Perhaps the greatest measure of our humanity is not how quickly we identify who is at fault, but how honestly we allow tragedy to transform us. Accountability will always have its rightful place because justice demands it. Yet beyond the verdicts, the investigations, and the public outrage lies a quieter responsibility that belongs to each of us. Every loss asks whether we have become more attentive, more compassionate, and more faithful to the roles entrusted to us.

Society is not made safer simply because the guilty are punished. It becomes safer when ordinary people choose, in the silence of their everyday lives, to become better parents, teachers, leaders, neighbors, and citizens. Perhaps accountability has never been only about finding the right person to blame. Perhaps it has always been about becoming the right person to carry our own responsibilities.

Wounds

 

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There is a film titled “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” that captured the attention of many, including Academy Awards jurors. It tells the unusual story of a man who ages in reverse, beginning life as an old man and gradually growing younger. In its final scenes, Benjamin ultimately returns to infancy, ending his journey as a baby.

Some viewers interpret the film by drawing parallels to real life, suggesting that there are people who, instead of growing into maturity, seem to regress into immaturity. It is as though the film reflects how some individuals, regardless of age, remain governed by emotional deficits, eventually slipping into the irrationality and impulsiveness often associated with infancy.

In contemporary terms, Goleman (1995) posits that emotional intelligence, particularly self-regulation, is central to mature behavior, and its absence may lead individuals to act impulsively despite chronological age. This perspective supports the idea that emotional adulthood is not guaranteed by time but earned through inner regulation and unresolved conflict resolved.

We often encounter individuals who appear as giants on the outside, yet carry children trapped within them. More troubling is when these individuals are placed in positions of leadership, where unhealed inner wounds quietly seep into decisions, relationships, and systems. In such roles, harm is not always born of malice, but of overflow—the unconscious need to make others feel the weight they themselves cannot contain alone.

And this is when life becomes complicated and quietly fractured. Instead of moving toward the greater good, organizations begin to weaken as people are slowly consumed by what they carry within. Each one nursing private wounds, they unravel in silence, and in doing so, lose sight of the mission they once swore to serve.

Self-awareness has long been encouraged as a foundation for personal and relational growth. The “child within” must be acknowledged, not to be indulged, but to be understood and healed, so that wholeness may take its place. This process is not an end in itself but a passage toward becoming more capable contributors to the communities we belong to. When development turns inward without a parallel commitment to growth outward, education, skills, and even life itself risk collapsing into self-reference. True growth, therefore, lies in the balance between healing what is broken and building what is possible.

We are not defined by the depth of our wounds, but by the quiet courage to rise from them, and still choose to serve something greater than ourselves.