He wept. We could directly see him since he was conspicuously seated in the front row. He was crying for the whole duration of the Thanksgiving Mass. Then during the graduation ceremonies, while almost all his classmates painted beautiful smiles on their faces, his was the epitome of sadness etched on all angles of his being. These events are supposedly victorious moments! There is something wrong with the picture he is projecting! What was it?
It was later learned that his parents are not around. They were not there during one of the most important phases of his life. They separated due to their own reasons…Reasons that a child could not understand. He even bargained that they could separate as long as they are there during that moment. But they were not. Probably, they were doing justifications on their actions. Still, in the heart of the child, they are simply selfish.
Relationships could be nurturing or toxic. It takes two souls to find the level of maturity for them to nourish each other and the EGO to turn situations into poisonous encounters to the point that the two must separate for self preservation. Maturity is the name of the game since mature individuals seek to find themselves first before connecting to another soul. That is the main point of the word “soul mate”. One has to discover the things he/she is thirsting first before quenching another person’s thirst. The person must strengthen the inner being so that when the being he/she is connecting to needs more energy, there is something to offer, to fill in. But, what if both of the partners have inadequacies? What is there to give?
Is it good to enter into a relationship to make the partner as part of a rehearsal? You see, there are those of us who claim that we are into a relationship to have an inspiration. That could be dangerous since we are making the person as a representation of what we need than accepting his or her totality. The best thing is to be THE inspiration to the other. We could do that once we attain all the needs that we have and address the things we desire. That is why relationships could be suffocating since a lot of us enslave our partners and label them with what we lack. We make them as the scapegoats of our incapacity and blame them of our weaknesses. We do not like to bend on our knees since we are too proud to accept who we are. We insinuate on our being good only to conceal our being NOT good enough!
And what happens to the children - the “fruits” of our love? Most of them become a consequence of a relationship gone bad. They are not considered since the parents are licking their own wounds and concentrating on themselves rather than others. The parents were not able to reach the maturity of forgetting themselves for others… not even for their own flesh and blood.
The incapacity to love and serve could be traced to FEAR. A lot of us did not overcome the fear of being rejected. We might had the experience of being shortchanged of love and affection from our loved ones when we were young we eventually became emotional vampires. We demand to be served to be pampered and to be always the “apple of the eye” not realizing that these things are so adolescent. We failed to grow up. We forget that the sole purpose of growing up is to SERVE not be served.
The crying graduate is just a micro-representation of the children who became victims of the incapacity to love by his parents. This could be terrifying since it might become a vicious cycle where the child is placed in the future. He might be a harbinger of toxic relationships too.
We might as well look into our own selves and be a positive force to overcome the negative one gnawing in the midst of our society.
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