Gloat

They shake your equilibrium. They taint your good ideas with their unsolicited comments. They are following you to the point that you are wondering what is it in you that they want. Most of the time, they are waiting for you to commit a mistake so that they can GLOAT. They will then make your life contaminated with their negativity. They could not accept that you are happy and contented. They need to make you to experience their miserable lives. Why do you have to be happy when in fact they are not? THEY ARE YOUR CYBER STALKERS.

According to the National Center for Victims of Crime, “cyber stalking” is threatening communication or unwanted advances directed at another person using the internet and other forms of online and computer communications. It can involve the use of email, instant messaging, chat rooms, bulletin boards and/or other electronic communication devices to repeatedly harass or threaten another person.

Social media platforms like Facebook, Twitter and even Instagram are potential hunting grounds for cyber-stalkers. GMO Globalsign.inc mentioned that 95% of teens who witnessed bullying on social media report that others, like them, have ignored the behavior. However, 25% of teens on social media  reported that online incidents have resulted in face-to-face encounters in the police quarters and even face-to-face encounters.

What causes cyber stalking? Is there a profile of the person who like to follow your movements on social media and plan to destroy your credibility? Is this attitude a reflection of their “Shadow” or the thing that Jung calls the evil side in people? Or is this a symptom of a mental defect?

Psychologist Dr. Emma Short told Newsbeat that these “types” do not always know that they already have crossed the line. Most of these persons, she continued, are struggling with real relationships that they do not even form one. She said that those who spend a lot of time online are probably not functioning well with their families and their relationships and become fixated with others. They tend to be anxious and could be suffering from anxiety, depression, stress or another addiction.

Dr. Short also mentioned that cyber stalkers seem to be quite isolated and are lacking of social support which could be a result of poor family upbringing, selfishness and immaturity.

As a school head, I am confronted with this reality when police officers start coming to the office to report on cases of cyber bullying and cyber stalking. There are some who even create fake accounts and destroy the personalities of other students. Trolls are thriving in cyberspace and will continue to do so if these persons will not be healed with the wounds which made them who they are.

Psychiatrists, psychologists, and other mental health professionals view most stalkers as suffering from psychiatric illness causing them to be psychotic or delusional. When not deemed as psychotic, stalkers are considered plagued by some type of personality disorder or fueled by unique psychological factors. But, whatever the psychological rationale may be, the stalker rarely comprehends the fear or pain he/she is causing the other person. Blinded by the motivation he/she is causing, the predator feel the victim is deserving of the fear and pain he/she is causing… or he/she does not care for he/she is often selfish and do not have the capacity to love others. (ipredator.com)

In real life, we have these persons in our midst. They are the chismosas/chismosos and those persons who spy on your personal activities. They were present even when the internet was still a dream. They were able to cause a lot of misunderstanding and broke many relationships. They gloat on your pains and considers them as correct. They simply migrated to a new platform - the social media…. If they are adults, we could not help them since they are the ones dealing with their own lives. They chose to be like that. But if it is beyond the limits causing us to be trampled and abused, we must consider what is lawful.

We let them be. We must not be tainted with their negative and bitter lives. We continue to take our journeys toward happiness. Peace, love, affection and good deeds must blossom around us. Theirs is a life of darkness, avarice and selfishness. We do not mind them for they want us to feel their miserable lives. We shield ourselves with respect and divine guidance.

Esprit de corps

What is the source of their confidence? This is often asked silently as persons display annoying acts in public like shouting and laughing so loud in the dead of the night. This is a free country, right, but freedom has its boundaries. Being free is being able to practice CO-EXISTENCE. We need to know that others are also free to breathe clean air (for those who smoke anywhere) and free to have good rest (for those who shout obscenities at night).

Humans, says Taflinger, have the most complex society of any creature on Earth, which means we extend self-preservation beyond personal physical survival. We live in extremely complex and interdependent societies, where people band together in groups for mutual aid and protection. Such groups include families, friendships, associations, tribes, clans, states, nations. The members of these groups work together to help each other. Also, since the group enhances the members’ chance of survival, group survival means personal survival. The individual benefits by supporting the group because the group reciprocates by supporting the individual.

That should be the ideal mentality and basic understanding of an individual as he positions himself/herself to be a member of the society. The idea of respecting the companions must be present in the midst of the individual since the group will surely give him/her the respect he/she also needs.

The gang mentality is the distorted part of this concept. Although this is still related to the PACK MENTALITY of animals, we must not associate ourselves to canine needs since we are beyond these animals. We have the capacity to think. That is the reason why parents and educators have to look into the profiles of their children. They might be into the negative side of association.

In the animal kingdom, Wolf packs and lion prides hunt together, allowing them to get more, and bigger game. Marmots and prairie dogs posts lookouts to see danger and warn the other members of the group. Chimpanzees organize hunting bands. (Attenborough, 1990)

Gangs and some fraternities do the same. Their confidence levels up when they have more members. That is the reason why the continue to recruit members for their packs to become stronger. They need to protect themselves from others packs for survival. When a gang war would erupt, they might kill each other to protect their pack… But then the question would always be asked: for what?  For survival? Humans are not animals which kill each other for the sake of NUMBERS.

Families are social groups. Wakefield, et. al, said studies have shown that group identification (a sense of belonging to one’s social group, coupled with a sense of commonality with the group’s members) is linked to high levels of satisfaction with life. This is one of the key reasons where some young people affiliate themselves with gangs since esprit de corps is lacking in their families.

When in packs, animals have this projected strength since they are conditioned that MORE is STRONG. This is the time when timid boys releases their angst when they have companions. They sometimes could be unruly when they are with their gang members but so quiet when they are alone. Girls scream out loud with friends but are too shy when they are by themselves.

We even could remember times when we let ourselves loose since we have companions. We have a pack to protect us from other packs. We attach our confidence and strength to our friends and families since we understand that they are there to protect us…

So, what’s the point of this discourse? There is a need to consider our actions as individuals and as members of a pack. Am I doing my share to respect and understand the status of my affiliations? Am I a good member of the family/group/society? Or, I do not transcend from being an animal to the human being which is the  IDEAL SELF?

Akin to the Real You

One of the puzzling occurrences with the advent of social media is the importance of photographs rather than the real experience. There are those who would go to a certain place for the purpose of being photographed with the venue to be posted on the social media sites.  The first thing to be done when the place is picturesque is make it as the background, then proceeds to the ogling of the digital photo forgetting the scene since it is now ABOUT THE PERSON/S NOT THE VIEW.

Eating is also another thing. When people eat out these days, it is a requirement to take pictures of the food first before consuming them. Food attendants are even trained to take good pictures using smart phones to capture the moments. There are instances when the old-fashioned folks grimace on the things we do with the food. You see, lots are going to re-arrange the food and tinker on them so to look good in photos. There are also instances when such folks wonder whether the photographs are more important than the food itself and the time with the people you dine with.

The site shutterstock.com mentioned that perhaps the strongest force driving our motivation to share is based on our sense of identity - more specifically, the desired version of ourselves that we want to project onto the world. In a study conducted by The New York Times, 68% of the respondents said they post photographs and shout-outs to give people a better sense of who they are and what they care about.

Renowned psychologist Carl Rogers provided an explanation that our personalities are composed of the REAL SELF (who we really are) and the IDEAL SELF (who we want to be). He said that we are constantly motivated to pursue behaviors that bring us closer to our ideal self. On posting things on social media sites, the content that we share could be seen as a reflection of the person we want the world to see. A valid example are those activities and travels to represent our social identities.

Do we need to find answers on everything that we do? This could be a valid question from the reactive people once we tell them such explanations. This writer thinks so. We must be aware of the driving forces of our actions since we are the managers of ourselves. We need to understand the psychology behind our actions because they might affect our families and even the small communities we are in. We could not say WHO CARES! since we have to take responsibility to our actions. We might even dwell on having personality disorders if we do not monitor our own quirks. With doing so, we could lead towards maturity.

Yet, we continue to post US. There is nothing wrong with using the technology at hand. But we always adhere to the fact that there are NORMS we have to conform with. There are universal values that we have to embrace like respect and empathy.

Scheff (2015) said that in 2014, Career Builders released a survey that revealed 51% of job applicants were not hired due to their social media behavior. The survey also found that the percentage of employer’s eliminating applicants because of their social media behavior continues to climb; in 2013 it was 43% up from 34% in 2012. Entrepreneur Daymond John said that his companies GOOGLE every applicant they consider for hiring.

Self-care and self mastery allow us to draw out the best that we could be. We need to understand the driving forces within to gauge whether they are productive or counterproductive. 

Arid

It’s as if you are an empty shell. The hollow feeling gnaws you to the point that you are compelled to fill in the void by looking for fun… or try to look for other persons to make the time be filled with something. It is as if your time is devoid of things which are meaningful. You are craving for a change; something interesting or something new.

Most of the time, according to Margarita Tartakovsky, it is in abandoning the SELF which causes the feeling of being hollow and useless. You might abandon yourself unintentionally or unknowingly because you are striving for perfection or others’ approval. You might stop caring for yourself because you are trying cope with the social standards and you are comparing yourself to others. You do not appreciate your own uniqueness. You probably fail to acknowledge your strengths and limitations.

The craving for material things is one of the causes of feeling “unworthy”. A lot of us equate success to having beautiful things, gadgets, clothes and other things introduced through marketing campaigns. We see others donning signature clothes and we want to be like them. Cars are being made affordable for us to be “comfortable” and use this as a status symbol. We get angry with our partners and parents if they are poor and do not have the capacity to have them. We are equating our happiness to things which are tangible and could be displayed.

We fail to realize that happiness, satisfaction and peace are things which are INNER. If the spirit of the person is undernourished, it is similar to the physical body which will continue to crave for food. Unsatisfied hunger continues to haunt the person to the point that his/her moral projections will be twisted and dishonesty will then become part of his system. This is the time when the moral fibers will start to be corrupted.

So how could we shy away from the ARID areas of the spirit? We need to diagnose if we have spiritual health issues. We have to realize that if the INSIDE is hungry, the OUTSIDE will continue to crave for things to acquire; an insatiable cycle will soon happen until the day that we die. Most people are unaware of the importance of spiritual health that they are caught in the whirlwind of life, mindlessly and without question, living an illusion.

There are paths that we take to find the spiritual nourishment needed. Some considers religion as one but this is only one of the aforementioned paths. According to holistichelp.net: Religion and spirituality are not one in the same. Spiritual connection is about finding meaning and purpose in one’s life, discovering who you truly are and connecting with the sources that provide you inner strength, comfort, hope and inner peace.

In the development of learning plans, one of the most difficult attitudes which could be learned by students is APPRECIATION. They could mouth things which sound superficial since they do not do them in real life. Nature, for example, is not fully appreciated with the evidence of trash floating on rivers and seas. Life itself is not appreciated. Lots dwell on the negative side than on the positive ones. We count inefficiencies and not the blessings. People get depressed since they do not appreciate the things they have at the moment.

Positive psychology research mentions that gratitude and appreciation is strongly associated with emotions that help people enjoy greater health and happiness. These can also play important roles in nurturing relationships and can even inspire people to take better care of themselves.

With these, we then could attune ourselves to the essentials. We find our purpose and make our lives meaningful. We should not fail to enjoy what the materials things give us but they are not meant to be the ultimate goals for happiness. We cling to the belief that we are here in this world to realize our missions. We give thanks and appreciate the things that we have (big or small) and co-exist. Let us not do messianic acts since each one has a job to do and tasks to finish.

We live by embracing simplicity. It is the simple things, like our family and love, which will bring us joy and real happiness.

Facade

                                              (geckoandfly)

Putting up a front is done by people to protect themselves from the judgmental eye of others. This is actually a common thing we usually do to conceal the real us because we are afraid to be identified by our weaknesses. We dislike being seen completely. We wear masks because of fear. There are instances that we are also insecure to the point that we wear masks so thick we often get smothered by them. Those who project as bullies and snobs are actually unsure of their power.

Susan Sparks mentioned that most of the common reasons we wear masks is the Impostor Syndrome - this is the fear that the world is going to find us out. Since it is human nature to be accepted, we tend to project ourselves to what is socially-acceptable among our peers so to be IN. Social-climbing is a common act so for others to accept you to be one of "them". There are lots of people who feign wealth and resources so to belong!

Then, if we think that the world does not love us, we put on anger as the one to cover us. We are always angry on everything. We do not see any beauty around us. We complain a lot. It is difficult for us to appreciate anything since the universe seem NOT to do that to us. We cover our selves with bitterness since the world seem to conspire against us. We do not get what we want. So, we better fight back! It is wise then to put on an armor or ANGER, COMPLAINTS and all the NEGATIVE things to conceal the real us - insecure.

Envy, the green-faced monster, often plays a great role why people hide behind a facade. We see that we are not at par with our friends that we need to project an image of being equal with them. We even mask our financial stability by incurring debts to pay for the lifestyles we really could not afford. We have to so  not to look pitiful.

Lampkin (2014) mentioned that putting up a front is more harmful than helpful because someone can only hide who they really are for some time. At a certain point, the real person is going to show up. This is also the point when trust is going to be put at stake. Others would soon dislike the inner person since they were being tricked by the superficial one. Most of our companions would feel a sense of disconnect to the person they have trusted when in fact another person is hiding behind the bushes.

So, it is better for us to accept our limitations than put up a front. It is a difficult thing since human nature dictates us to use the survival of the fittest theory. But then, accepting our limitations is actually liberating and empowering. We are not all-knowing and all-powerful. We then could open the possibility to link with others for help. We could build relationships founded on trust. We do not have to be somebody else just to be liked. We could be who we are and co-exist.

Accepting our limitations is actually not giving up. According to Hexter (2013), it is actually saying, “Here is what I cannot do, and could not become, but these are things I will work out to learn. This is when we stop comparing ourselves to others, and start focusing on your own gifts and strengths. This is even the time opening ourselves to teamwork since we are now courageous to link with others and allow them to help us attain our goals since there are some things that we could NOT really do.

Then, what is the danger if we insist on dwelling on pretense?

Look around you. You can see people who are like that. They project to be  kind, happy or functionally-upright individuals but in reality they are reeking with garbage. They are constantly unhappy since they are victimized by their own pretense, prejudice and insecurities. We could avoid them since it their choice to be like that. In the end, they will reap their own rotten fruits.

We continue to be REAL. By conforming the the laws of the land and the divine and consistently working our ways towards the common good, we will harvest PEACE and our own concept of happiness. 

We live. We love.

Liked

In reality, no one really cares about what you post on the social media sites unless they can directly relate to it. Or, if they are emotionally-linked to the person - if they are your friends, family or romantically-linked with them. People react to your posts because of who you are and not on the things that you have posted. Ironically, there are those who will soon know you better through the things you reveal about what’s inside and eventually be turned-off from “liking” you.

Human as we are, we like to be affirmed. We like to be LIKED! We want to be recognized for our skills, personality and actions. That is one of the motivations why people post things on social media. This could be considered as stimulus. A lot of psychologists suggests that the things we post on these portals are reflections of our need to be accepted and affirmed. This could even be a healthy way of self-cognition since one could track his or her line of thoughts.

The reactions generated from the posts you do, on the other hand, depend on the state of mind of the receiver and his/her orientation or background. The ones who have positive and “wide” mindsets could see the posts as they are: outlets of self-affirmation. But the ones with negative mindsets and backgrounds could not allow you to dwell on being HAPPY and start creating things otherwise. It is their nature - dark, envious, negative and unhappy. We could not help their existence. We just allow them to simmer on their own negativity.

But why do a lot of people misbehave in the social media sites?

Basically, what is inside could not be concealed for very long. Smoke goes out. Those who misbehave are often doing the same in real life. Or, according to psychologists, they are starting to come out since the virtual platforms seem to be safer grounds to reveal who one really is. There are even instances that the “freedom” suggested by the internet could trigger the metamorphosis of the “dark” side of our beings.

Recently, research reveal that the reasons why people love to express themselves on social media sites are self-esteem, levels of narcissism, neuroticism, extraversion, openness to experience agreeableness and conscientiousness. ( Marshall, Lefringhausen, Ferenczi)

The research formed conclusions that the purpose of the posts are: the user wants attention and acceptance, an outlet for self-expression, or the ability to communicate information through their weblogs or pictures.

Not surprisingly, the study revealed that posts about social activities, life, and achievements received the most likes and comments, and posts about deep thoughts and intellectual ideas received the least amount. The research then inferred that although the latter seem shallow and superficial, it makes sense since people who usually use the social media platforms either use them for recreational purposes or to link with the people they like… rather than bombard their minds with heavy stuff and intellectual discourses, they like to celebrate living by laughing and linking with those who understand them.

Of course, this is a free country. The freedom of speech and expressions could also be practised on these virtual sites. Yet, we must not fail to conform to what is moral and legal. Our education and values must overpower our eccentricities and even (minor) insanity . Because, it is so unbecoming to allow the skewed parts of our personalities to overpower when in fact, we are destined to be good, respectful and we are designed to LOVE.