Reject

Nagpabilib. Acceptance and affirmation are two things needed by human beings to keep motivated. These things allow us to stretch our capacities to be able to give and do what we have so to “function”. But, if the act of functioning is motivated by the hunger to be affirmed and appreciated is another story.

Most children were taught from a young age to seek approval from their parents for the things they said or did. Since the need for approval, love and acceptance from our parents is strong, we become conditioned over time to seek approval from others as well. Whenever we don’t receive approval from someone who is not our parent, there is an automatic trigger and desire to win it back (eruptingmind.com).

Social creatures by nature, we are linked to each other from birth to death.  Social scientists have long recognized the critical function relatedness plays, from the bonding and attachment so vital in infancy to the central role being actively involved in the lives of others plays for the elderly.

The quest for validation underlies our attempts to project a “put together” image to others.  We expend significant amounts of energy in “impression management”, wanting others to think highly of us, to like us (Gentry, 2018).

Many people in our society seem to be hooked in getting the approval of others to the point that they could not say NO to them even if they are already exhausted. This will trigger depression and the weakening of the immune system that can trigger illnesses. The central question is: What causes people to hunger for appreciation and acceptance?

Many people waste much of their life obsessively catering to others, doing things against their better judgment, jeopardizing the welfare of self, friends, family, and much more that they later come to regret. Unfortunately, many of us never really get at the root of why we act in such self-destructive ways (Cohen, 2015).

These might root from the childhood experience of being rejected. Parents play a great role in affirming small things their children do (i.e. appreciating their art works, telling them how good they are with their home works, etc.). Yet, since these things were also not experienced by the parents, a vicious cycle will happen to the family. A lot of parents won’t even attend significant school activities like recognition programs and recitals. A deep sense of craving for appreciation and acceptance will then be created in the young person's psyche.

Rejection from one's family of origin, typically parental rejection, may consist of abuse, abandonment, neglect, or the withholding of love and affection. This form of rejection is likely to affect an individual throughout life, and it may have serious consequences: One study found that, in the male members of the study, the perpetration of abuse in intimate relationships was associated with the experience of higher levels of parental rejection in childhood. Symptoms of post traumatic stress and deficits in social information processing were also linked (goodtherapy.org).

This discourse will then be centered to the parents and the individuals on how we digest such information in our own levels and apply in the inner self to create more positive areas around us. There is no need to exhaust ourselves beyond our limits just for others to "believe" in us. We work within our capacities and capabilities because we want to serve, not because we want to be affirmed. We DO things for the common good.

We can start dealing with the inner person through self-acceptance.

Self-acceptance is the antidote to fear — especially the fear of being seen as unworthy and then experiencing shame, rejection and exclusion. It decreases self-critical thoughts or self-shaming, making it easier to tolerate the experience of feeling ashamed when criticized or rejected by others.

Self-acceptance frees the mind from feelings of inadequacy and the self-blaming thoughts that lie at the heart of many experiences with anxiety, depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, personality disorders and many others.

By doing so, we can deal with our strengths and limitations. There is no need for us to do things just to please others but DOING TASKS for the sake of their meaning and impact as self-contributions to positive change in the work place and eventually the country in general.

Learning self-compassion teaches you to focus your mind, brain and body to provide self-soothing, rather than repeating fear-provoking habits of negative thinking and self-judgment. By improving emotional regulation skills and managing your thoughts and behaviors in healthy ways you will learn to be calm and present for yourself — and others (West, 2018).

There is a better world than to think what to wear, what to post, what to say and what to do for the sake of allowing others appreciate you. Let us proceed to that venue!