Stabbed

Kasakit na kamatajon! These words still reverberate in our midst as we try to move on from the brutal death of a teacher and her two children as they got stabbed to death by allegedly the husband. The family man ran amok after episodes of depression and mental instability which resulted to the painful demise of his family and eventually himself.

Violence against women (VAW) appears as one of the country’s pervasive social problems. According to the 2008 National Demographic and Health Survey conducted by the National Statistics Office, one in five Filipino women age 15-49 has experienced physical violence since age 15. It is indeed alarming that despite efforts to address the concern, VAW persists.

VAW is deemed to be closely linked with the unequal power relationship between women and men otherwise known as “gender-based violence.” Societal norms and traditions dictate people to think men are the leaders, pursuers, providers, and take on dominant roles in society while women are nurturers, men’s companions and supporters, and take on subordinate roles in society. This perception leads to men gaining more power over women. With power comes the need to control to retain that power. And VAW is a form of men’s expression of controlling women to retain power (osg.gov.ph).

When power is going to be muddled with psychological imbalance, violence comes in. That is why a lot of people are advocating mental health since manifestations of violence, untimely death and violence to children have become pervasive in the country. Also, chemical imbalance induced by drug intake is another cause of the rage and outbursts among the people these days.

UNICEF mentions that according to the 2015 National Baseline Survey on Violence Against Children in the Philippines, there is a high prevalence of physical, psychological, sexual and online violence committed on Filipino children. Eighty per cent of Filipino children have experienced some form of violence at home, in school, in their community and online. These are often committed by people they trust. Despite the high incidence of violence, 7 in 10 children are not aware of services that may be able to help them.

One could ask: Why do people inflict pain on the people they vowed to love and protect? If these are coming from the cultural implications that fathers are the ones to “straighten” the paths of his family, will violence be acceptable? What evils lurk behind the facade of such family men?

Aggression and violence in adults are results of violent experiences from childhood. Parents who give corporal punishments to their children oftentimes produce violent adults in the future. The cycle will then continue. Aggressive children often turn into violent adults, according to research from Concordia University that monitored local kids from grade 1 through to adulthood.

Legislation and laws are present in the Philippines. In section 2 of R.A. 9262: towards this end, the State shall exert efforts to address violence committed against women and children in keeping with the fundamental freedoms guaranteed under the Constitution and the Provisions of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, the convention on the Elimination of all forms of discrimination Against Women, Convention on the Rights of the Child and other international human rights instruments of which the Philippines is a party.

In the study conducted by this writer. The Implementation of Anti-Violence Against Women and Their Children Act in the Secondary Schools of CarCanMadCarLan area, Surigao del Sur, it was found out that the schools only implement the law SOMETIMES specifically focusing on physical violence. Lack of training of the law is mentioned as the main culprit.

Aside from the massive campaign for anti-drugs and mental health, there is a need for the people to understand Gender and Development issues so to eliminate gender-based violence. Also, a concerted effort among the local governments and the academe to orient people about legislation and laws like RA 9262 (Anti-Violence Against Women and their Children) must be done.

We do not want evil to thrive among us. The society could not just allow things like a family massacre to prevail. We need to act together. Violence must be stopped. Domestic aggression is no longer a private thing. It is now a crime against society. We report things similar to battery of women. We muddle with parents who are abusive to their children. Or, as concerned citizen, we can report these episodes to authorities.

Let us not just grieve. Let us take action!

Cortisol

Stressed ako pirme! This could be heard in the workplace and these complaints are always directed to the workload and the people around those who are edging towards burnout. One could wonder why there are people who could do away with the so-called stress gracefully. It seems that they understand how to deal with the pressures and see the way out of its negative effects to the emotions, body and the entire well-being.

Psychology Today mentions that stress generally refers to two things: the psychological perception of pressure, on the one hand, and the body's response to it, on the other, which involves multiple systems, from metabolism to muscles to memory.

A stressful event—whether an external phenomenon like the sudden appearance of a snake on the path or an internal event like fear of losing one's job when the boss yells—triggers a cascade of hormones, including adrenaline and cortisol, that surge through the entire body, speeding heartbeat and the circulation of blood to support quick action, mobilizing fat and sugar for fast energy, focusing attention to track the danger, preparing muscles for movement, and more.

Over the last few years, this is mentioned by people who have responsibilities and relationships to the point that one will wonder how to manage and prevent stress from overcoming one’s equilibrium.

If you’re living with high levels of stress, you’re putting your entire well-being at risk. Stress wreaks havoc on your emotional status, as well as your physical health. It narrows your ability to think clearly, function effectively, and enjoy life.

Effective stress management, on the other hand, helps you break the hold stress has on your life, so you can be happier, healthier, and more productive. The ultimate goal is a balanced life, with time for work, relationships, relaxation, and fun—and the resilience to hold up under pressure and meet challenges head on. But stress management is not one-size-fits-all (Robinson, 2019).

There are those of us who feed on it. Others consider this as a gauge of being effective. They overwork themselves to show that they are functional individuals. They even consider people who find time unwinding and enjoying their weekends as inefficient.

At first, the term “Savior Complex” may have a positive connotation. However, when you learn more about it and the underlying motivations and impact on others, it is clear that this behavior pattern can be problematic (Benton, 2017).

According to the blog PeopleSkillsDecoded.com, the savior complex can be best defined as “A psychological construct which makes a person feel the need to save other people. This person has a strong tendency to seek people who desperately need help and to assist them, often sacrificing their own needs for these people.” They also work all the time to save the company, organization or...the world.

But then again, you cannot really change other people. You can only change your attitude towards them. If they do stuff which may shatter your footing, you are the one to allow yourself to be bothered. You are allowing cortisol to develop inside your system. But if you decide NOT to let others take away your peace, all would be well.

The Second of The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz is “Don’t Take Anything Personally.” This book chapter and the following quote teaches key concepts that may provide helpful guidance for those struggling with savior complex tendencies:

“You are never responsible for the actions of others; you are only responsible for your own.”

People who seek out power or find themselves unexpectedly in positions of power often develop such ideas about themselves; after all, their employees, citizens or dependents count on the leader’s competence, permission, wisdom, generosity etc. to survive. In the sense of power “going to someone’s head”, it can definitely twist up someone’s perspective of the world. This state of being is often linked to having delusions of grandeur, but it is not technically a diagnosable psychological disorder (Staughton, 2017).

The direction of this discourse is for us to realize that we cannot control everything or everybody. Some might agree with us or others might not be aligned to our beliefs. By having this mindset, we can avoid stress or be exposed to stressful situations which can be counterproductive.

It is a fact of life that THINGS HAPPEN. We do not have all the control over them.

In the end, we must not be enslaved by work. We must find meaning from the work we do and maintain our well-being, God even rested on the seventh day…