Try Alone

                                                  (photo: USA Today)

Kaaya anhi! This is the usual complain you see on social media as different authorities here in our country encouraged the people to have self-quarantine to prevent the spread of the dreaded COVID-19 virus. In fact, social distancing is one of the features of executive orders from the president down to the local chief executives. That is the reason why the young ones are complaining. Their social contact is now limited.

We humans are social beings; we share mirror neurons that allow us to match each other’s emotions unconsciously and immediately. We leak emotions to each other. We anticipate and mirror each other’s movements when we’re in sympathy or agreement with one another—when we’re on the same side. And we can mirror each other’s brain activity when we’re engaged in storytelling and listening – both halves of the communication conundrum (Morgan, 2015).

We can also feel disconnected with one another especially if our values are poles apart. Yet, simply put, it is difficult for us not to have contact with others.

President Rodrigo Roa Duterte has approved the imposition of Stringent Social Distancing Measures in the National Capital Region (NCR) for thirty (30) days, upon the recommendation of health officials, as well as members of the Inter-Agency Task Force for the Management of Emerging Infectious Diseases (IATF) in a bid to prevent the spread of COVID-19. Addressing the nation from Malacanang, the President appealed to the people not to stress themselves about the COVID-19 as he assures "government is doing everything to make it at least controllable,” he said (PIA).

Other cities and municipalities are also stipulating in their executive orders to practice social distancing schemes so to avoid direct contact which might spread the virus. This could be difficult to Filipinos since we are “touching” people. We kiss the hands of our elders; we hug our parents, hold our friends and feel “empty” when there is no contact with others thus the coined term “barkada” which now evolves to “tropa”. Being alone is equated to being lonely.

But as proactive individuals, we can make this phase in our lives as a situation which can improve ourselves. Why not try being ALONE?

Some people naturally prefer time alone and that can be fine. Roughly 50% of the population can be categorized as introverts, meaning they get the most value in life out of time spent on their own.  Being alone can offer a rich psychological experience according to psychalive.org.

Our brains need balance. While social interactions are crucial to certain areas of brain activity, time alone is necessary for our brains to unwind and recharge. Dr. Sherrie Bourg Carter explains, “Constantly being ‘on’ doesn’t give your brain a chance to rest and replenish itself. Being by yourself with no distractions gives you the chance to clear your mind, focus, and think more clearly. It’s an opportunity to revitalize your mind and body at the same time.”

Lena Firestone (2019) says that creativity tends to flourish in solitude.  Studies are now showing that people are actually more likely to come up with their best ideas on their own, rather than during group brainstorming sessions. Human beings in general and creativity in particular, are sensitive to criticism from others, which is one reason why so many of us are able to think more freely and express ourselves more clearly when we are alone. Additionally, the lack of interruption from others allows us to reflect and think differently, leading to more creative “meta-cognition.”

Most of the people who prefer to be alone take long walks. They are also fond of doing things which do not require social interaction like reading and writing. There are those who do crafts and scrapbooks. While they do these things, they often think.

Mindfulness of thoughts means watching them come and go, with friendly curiosity and nonjudgmental acceptance. When you’re mindful of your thoughts, you realize that thoughts are constantly appearing and disappearing and that you can choose whether to believe or comply with them (Baer, 2014).

But then again, are we trained and does our culture dictate us from being alone? Are we as a people adept to social distancing?

Sara Maitland in her book titled “How to be Alone” believes we are “under skilled” when it comes to being by ourselves, and that we were deprived of those skills as children. “Everybody says it is natural for the human species to be social,” she says, “yet we put enormous amounts of effort into training our children to be sociable. We tell them, ‘don’t fight, say thank you, and share your toys… ’, we send them to playgroup. We’re depriving them of the skills for being alone.”

In these life-threatening times when exposure to others is a risk factor, we need to perform social distancing. We can train ourselves to confront the inner things of our existence and our being and becoming. We can use this time to be the best person to know the inner self. 

Doing things by ourselves can be productive too.