Dili mahibayo maghatag nan bili. This is one thing that a lot of people lack; they do not know how to appreciate. Most of the things they see are the mistakes and the errors one can commit. When one displaces a good deed or creates an act of goodness, people dismiss them as commonplace. Although a lot of mature people do not demand for appreciation, it is more on the development of the attitude that matters.
The Harvard Medical School defines gratitude as “a thankful appreciation for what an individual receives, whether tangible or intangible. With gratitude, people acknowledge the goodness in their lives … As a result; gratitude also helps people connect to something larger than themselves as individuals–whether to other people, nature, or a higher power”
It is also a social emotion that signals our recognition of the things others have done for us (Fox et al., 2015).
Then why is it difficult to be developed among people? What are the causes of such deficit? You see, we often hear people complain about their life, the situations they are in, their jobs and how they get busy with it. A lot of people complain on almost everything including the weather!
According to Dr. Robert Emmons, the feeling of gratitude and appreciation involves two stages (2003): First comes the acknowledgment of goodness in one’s life. In a state of gratitude, we affirm that all in all, life is good, and has elements that make worth living. The acknowledgment that we have received something gratifies us, both by its presence and by the effort the giver put into choosing it. Second, gratitude is recognizing that some of the sources of this goodness lie outside the self. One can be grateful to other people, to animals, and to the world, but not to oneself. At this stage, we recognize the goodness in our lives and who to thank for it (i.e., who made sacrifices so that we could be happy?).
Despite the great and many benefits that it confers, gratitude is hard to cultivate, because it opposes itself to deeply ingrained human traits, in particular, our striving to better our lot, our need to feel in control of our destiny, our propensity to credit ourselves for our successes while blaming others for our failures, and our belief in some sort of cosmic equality or justice.
According to Burton (2014), since human nature does not leave much place for it, appreciation or gratitude is an attainment associated with emotional maturity—which is why children taught to parrot ‘thank you’ never really mean it. Conversely, many grown-ups express gratitude, or a semblance of gratitude, simply because doing so is useful or the ‘done thing’. Expressing gratitude is good manners, and the aim of good manners is to ape profundity when profundity is lacking.
Emotional maturity and good manners are two major factors of displacing appreciation. These are two main reasons why people lack it. They oftentimes cultivate on envy and other negative emotions to the point that their emotional maturity is curtailed. Manners can be learned from the family and the education that people get. We can then consider the gaps families are giving input to the children which they later practice as adults. And, what about the educational institutions’ role in developing the affective part of the students… is this aspect considered properly?
There are many reasons some people don't appreciate others. One might be that they like to mind their own business. They don't care how others are performing. Another reason might be that appreciation is not in their nature. They don't like saying good things to others. One important reason for not appreciating or motivating others might be that they are jealous of others. They don't want others to do well (Upadya, 2020).
The psychologist Orlando M. Lourenco mentions: Some reasons may have to do with people's biological inheritance. Psychopaths, for example, are not able, say, to put on another's shoes and, hence, they are deprived of any empathetic concerns for others' well-being. Other reasons are situational. If people are born and grow up in a competitive, instead a cooperative, atmosphere and environment it is likely that they fail to value people. Other reasons have to do with people's moral development. The less morally developed people are, the more they are likely to fail to value people. The American psychologist Lawrence Kohlberg, for example, found that people located at his Stage 1 or Stage 2 of moral reasoning are dominated by egocentric interests and desires and, because of this, think, feel and act without taking into account others' needs, interests and concerns.
Indeed, the harshness of life can affect the things inside people’s heads and their emotions. Yet, it is also the mind that allows us to weigh things carefully including the way we LOOK at things. Self-examination is one key in opening up to improvement and maturation. There is no other person that can help you change for the better but the SELF.
Morality is not an easy thing to master. We have different criteria on what is good and what is not. Also, we need to understand that moral beliefs must be paired with moral actions to make them tangible. But there are things we call as universal values. These can be applied anywhere and to everybody.
Appreciation is one. While developing this
behavior, we are also assured that our mental well-being and manners are
nurtured.
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