Stop Playing the Victim

 

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Kay uman ako may pirme sajop?

Playing the victim is an egocentric person’s way of twisting the truths. But despite all the efforts, others will always see their true colors. As the adage goes: We were not born yesterday!

Persons with victim mentality claim things that happen to them are the fault of someone or something other than themselves. It might be the fault of their partner, family, co-worker, friend, or "the way the world is." They frequently complain about the bad things that happen in their lives. They are reluctant to take personal responsibility, asserting that the circumstances aren’t in their control (Brennan, 2022).

Vicki Botnick, a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT) in Tarzana, California, explains that people identify with the victim role when they “veer into the belief that everyone else caused their misery.”

These people do not take responsibility of their actions!

A lot of people will then ask: Why is it that these types do not learn from their past mistakes? Is it a personality trait or something edging towards mental illness?

One 2020 study (Gabay, Hameiri, et al.) suggests that the victim mentality may be a personality trait, dubbed the “Tendency for Interpersonal Victimhood (TIV).” In this case, it spans multiple types of relationships and includes four patterns: a desire for recognition as a victim; feelings of moral superiority; limited empathy for others; and frequent rumination.

And Lebow (2022) theorized that a sense of victimhood may also be a symptom of another mental health condition, including: borderline personality disorder (BPD); major depressive disorder (MDD); and narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).

We often hear beauty queens advocating mental health awareness and all. Some always feel that this is all about depression. They do not realize that there are people we see around worse than being depressed.

Conflict-filled Minds

 

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Uman pirme man igkita nan kalabad?

What you feel and think, you will become. Therefore, if you are a person of bad thoughts, intentions and has a rotten set of values, expect that the universe will also give these negative things to you.

English philosopher James Allen mentioned: “As a man thinks, so he is; as he continues to think, so he remains.” Stoic and Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius said: “A man’s life is what his thoughts make of it.” And author Earl Nightingale posited: “We become what we think about.”  

In Hinduism and Buddhism, karma is the sum of one’s actions in their existence’s current and past states, believed to decide their future destinies. With this, the saying was quipped: What goes around comes around.

There is this movement about emptying the mind with negative thoughts through meditation and welcoming all the positive thoughts like gratefulness and intentions of peace and well-being. The proponents believe that the deed can transcend all negative things around.

And that is the difference between peace-loving person and a “war freak”. The former transcends while the latter dwells.

When people achieve transcendence, they have gone beyond ordinary limitations. The word is often used to describe a spiritual or religious state, or a condition of moving beyond physical needs and realities.

The American Psychiatric Association (2020) reported: rumination involves repetitive thinking or dwelling on negative feelings and distress and their causes and consequences. The repetitive, negative aspect of rumination can contribute to the development of depression or anxiety and can worsen existing conditions.

Those who dwell on negative intentions and thoughts and act on them will soon get their rewards: A chaotic life they fairly deserve.

In Constant Chaos

 

Basin nakalaong na sija day hawod!

There are those who think that they are the only manipulators, deceptive and power-hungry creatures. They’re wrong. Along the way, they will encounter similar species.

First, mean people don’t envision themselves as bad. They don’t understand people who think they are mean. And yet, when they do engage with another rude person, they often feel hurt and complain.

‘Evil’ people are those who are unable to empathize with others. As a result, their own needs and desires are of paramount importance. They are selfish, self-absorbed, and narcissistic. They cannot sense other people’s emotions or suffering, can’t see the world from other people’s perspectives, and so have no sense of their rights. Other human beings are just objects to them, which is what makes their brutality and cruelty possible (Taylor, 2003).

When, they apply this to others who have similar attributes, expect a “clash”. They will then release all their powers to stay on top not realizing that on the other side, the same mentality is applied.

Along the way, animals as they are, they will then experience the “fight or flight response”. It serves many for most of that time, readying for attack and helping individuals escape when they encounter something “dangerous” (Schoen, 2014).

Therefore, during the clash, there is a fight and if threatened, the animal in them, flees. But they won’t stop there.

The preservation of the ego will then take place. One’s ego is generally always oriented toward a fundamental defense of the self. Since most of the mean people are egocentric, they will always find ways to preserve their self-image.

Machiavellianism in psychology refers to a personality trait that sees a person so focused on their own interests they will manipulate, deceive, and exploit others to achieve their goals (Jacobson, 2023).

If these persons won’t consider reflections, therapy and interventions, they will experience a vicious cycle of conflicts and chaotic encounters. In the real world, they exist. And most of the time, they are involved in unresolved conflicts and constant “clashes”.

You Are What You Repeatedly Do

 

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Ugsa baja magsiningod!

Simply said, a habit is a routine or behavior that is performed regularly, and in many cases, automatically.

Ever wonder why there are people who are fond of doing things which are considered as morally wrong, yet they still do them? It has become their habits – an automatic response to a stimulus. Paired with justifications and the ability to whitewash lies (and probably experiencing mental illness like psychopathy and narcissistic disorder), they still can sleep well at night.

In his worldwide bestseller “Atomic Habits,” James Clear posited: Once habits are established, they seem to stick around forever – especially the unwanted ones. Despite the individual’s best intentions, unhealthy habits like [accumulating money even in a corrupt manner] can feel impossible to break.

Bandyk (2016) mentioned: Most corrupt acts are not committed by those whom we would likely picture as bad people, certainly not with knowing the specific contexts and rationalization behind a corrupt act. More often than not, corruption is a tale of “protagonists of these behaviors [that] gradually slide into habits, without thinking of them as wrongdoings.”

Dan Ariely, professor of behavioral economics and psychology at Duke University, calls this the fudge factor – “an ability to rationalize some dishonesty [where] as long as we cheat just a little bit, we can still rationalize it.”

Yet ultimately, habits matter since they help you become the person you want to be. You become your habits. A person who has the habit of writing will eventually be called a writer. Therefore, a person who is not honest enough of dealing other people’s money will either be corrupt or dishonest.

There is no single way to create better habits. But the awareness of good and evil must be in the system of a person. Doing good things repeatedly will cause automatic goodness. The opposite is fearsome.