Hubris

Mahangin. This is a colloquial term given to people whose self-confidence is so strong it is similar to being near a low pressure area. In Physics, when the pressure is low, speed of air is fast. This could cause trees and other things be toppled down. Self-confidence is the key to success, of course! But, too much of it could be annoying and unhealthy.

In one review of earlier studies on self-esteem, researchers found that high self-confidence could sometimes have undesirable consequences. People with high self-esteem also tended to have worse relationships because they blamed their partners for any problems with the relationship. High self-esteem was also linked a higher frequency of violent and aggressive behaviors (Cherry, 2018).

In social encounters, there is really a balance of giving information about yourself and achievements and keeping professional silence if the information is not needed. Yet these loud people often display themselves as if they are the entitled individuals to do so while we (the lesser beings) ogle at their feigned “greatness”.

Maslow clearly stated that we all have needs. The lower version of esteem is the need for respect from others. This may include a need for status, recognition, fame, prestige, and attention. The higher version manifests itself as the need for self-respect. Ergo, it is human nature to feel the need to be recognized.

Yet this might fall into a mental health issue once again. According to scientificamerican.com, new research suggests that nearly everyone will develop a psychological disorder at some point in their lives, but for most it’s temporary. But those who would hold on to such delusions and be held by the collar of their unmet needs might fall into the trap of being mentally ill.

So what then are these people who manifest hubris? Are they ill? Of course, we often get sick of their ways to the point that we want to get out of their zones to feel fresh air rather than die with their stink. Were they deprived of recognition when they were still young to the point that they want to fill in such need now that they have the power and the capacity? The answer could be yes. It has been researched many times and results stem down to childhood trauma.

Experiencing severe deprivation and neglect in childhood can have a lasting psychological impact into early adulthood, according to a study conducted at the University of Southampton, which has followed the mental health of a group of children adopted from Romanian institutions to UK families in the 1990s.

It is in this anchorage that psychologists view hubristic behavior as a counter-mechanism to cope on the traumatic experiences during childhood which grew to become a strong need to cope. Owen and Davidson (2009) said that Hubris syndrome is seen as an acquired condition, and therefore different from most personality disorders which are traditionally seen as persistent throughout adulthood. This is seen as a disorder of the possession of power, particularly power which has associated with overwhelming success.

In this times when we direly need cohesion and co-existence rather than division, it is but practical to view ourselves in the middle of the communities where we belong and scrutinize our contributions. It could be fair to lean on our strengths but to make this to make others feel inferior could be counterproductive. But the alarming thing is if we are the cause of turmoil and confusion due to the uncontrolled quirks blown out proportion. We might be thinking that we are the BEST among others yet they see us as pitifully SICK!

So, what then? It is now going back to journeying to the inner self. It is the ability to ask yourself: Am I being a tropical depression or a super typhoon in terms of presenting myself to others? If so, how can I make myself breeze into the lives of others like summer rain?

Cuckoo

During the eighties, being star-struck has a different reaction. The shriek is there and the religious awe of having the O-shaped mouth and the screaming were present as well. But the fans’ urge was to hug the star and try to plant a kiss or two on the personality. For months, the experience will be relived through the staccato delivery of the event to friends and acquaintances.

Today, the fans still scream and shriek shrilly. But the main goal is to get a selfie with the star so that they could post the pictures on the social media sites to be ogled by real-life and virtual friends.

Again, the question could be raised: is the picture more important than the experience? Is there a need to take a picture with famous personalities so that such fame could be experienced by the person once he/she posts the pictures on Facebook and other sites?

Social media have introduced a contemporary shift from broadcast to participatory media, through which content can now be produced, manipulated, and distributed by everyone with internet access (Jenkins, 2006). Because of this fact, anyone could now be a model, an actor or a singer in their own ways since there are platforms where they could upload their own versions of being a model, actor, musician, etc.

Humans have long demonstrated an interest in self-exploration. From early Greeks to present day, people have used self-study and self-observation to explore identity and sense of self. Trying to figure out who we are and what we’re about is a distinctly human pursuit for almost everyone (Ruthledge, 2013).

To date, discourses about the cultural meanings of selfies have tended to extremes. For understandable reason, marketers deploy selfies as an indicator that one is young, fun, and connected. Yet in news stories, it is almost impossible to encounter a discussion of selfies that does not dabble in discourses of pathology. Each month or so, a news article appears linking taking selfies to harmful mental states such as narcissism (Nauert, 2015), body dysmorphia (McKay, 2014), or even psychosis (Gregoire, 2015).

Lately, there seems to be an alarming data on people taking their own lives. Suicide cuts across culture and social status to the point that there seems to be a trend on be a collective concern on mental health. Depression is of course a serious matter but it is only one of the many illnesses of the mind. So, discussions on mental health must not be limited to being depressed. What about people with delusions of grandeur? What about those who have insecurities even if they are already adults? What about those who wallow in envy and those who thrive on anger all the time?

A strong relationship has been found between selfie addiction and various mental health issues like poor self-esteem, narcissism, loneliness and depression. Addiction with selfie in youth, especially teenagers and mental health issues are on the rise as many psychiatrists are seeing number of parents coming with the same complaint. Therefore, it is right time to sensitize parents, teachers and educators about the alarming increase in selfie addiction and its deteriorating impact on mental health of adolescents (Kaur & Vig, 2016).

It stems back to the journey within the SELF. It has been mentioned countless times that self-assessment is a healthy option since we could perform transcendence. There is a continuous quest of improving our own selves since we are the only persons in control with our quirks. We also need to listen to feedback since there are instances when our illnesses are our blind spots. 

Having the mental health law recently signed is a soothing balsam to the impending ailment threatening the society. There will be policies and laws to be created for the betterment of the people. Yet, it takes a strong and self-observant person to know whether he/she is trekking the SANE ground or he/she is flying over the cuckoo’s nest.

Narcissus

When all discussions start to become interesting, they would then pull back the gears towards them. They would then relate everything about themselves… You then experience being lost in the world of the Me Myself and I people. You are having an interaction with persons who have SFA - self-focused attention.

SFA is considered a cognitive bias that is closely interconnected with the experience of acute and chronic negative effect (Morris and Winquist, 2002). It is defined as an “awareness of self-referent, internally generated information that stands in contrast to an awareness of externally generated information derived through sensory receptors” (Ingram, 1990).

Relationships, like friendships, sometimes lead to conflict when one of the members of the group persistently point everything back to him/her. It is as if a broken record is being played that irritants would be triggered which often result to the exclusion of that “irritant”. Other members of the group start talking about the person on how they feel about the individual’s self-centered remarks.

As adults, it is but proper for us to have self-assessments on how we talk and how we deal with our discourses to others. We could recount the number of Me, Myself and I in each discussion for us to get alarmed with the SFA syndrome. There was even an experiment  conducted by a psychologist when he recorded a conversation and allowed the concerned individual to listen to his discussion tallying the number of times he mentioned Me, Myself and I. The individual then realized how he reroute the discussions to his achievements and experiences most of the time that other members of the group got alienated.

Most theoretical models assume that Self Focused Attention becomes dysfunctional if an individual experiences a negative discrepancy between a current and a desired personal state. Such discrepancies are more likely to occur in the face of negative events such as losses or failures. It appears plausible that increased SFA following negative but not positive events leads to increased negative effect (Pyszczynski and Greenberg, 1987).

There is a direct correlation to persons with SFA to their moods. Most of them are moody and very sensitive especially if attention is not focused on them. In the study of Flory, Raikkonen and Matthews, results revealed that a self-focusing style was associated with higher negative mood and lower positive mood at the time of a negative social interaction during three days of everyday activities. Women who were chronically self-focused were particularly vulnerable to these negative social interactions in the daily environment, they were more likely than men to report lower positive mood during the interaction. In addition, 30 minutes after the negative social interaction, self-focused individuals with higher levels of negative mood and lower levels of positive mood relative to individuals who were not self-focused and did not report higher depressive symptoms.

It has been mentioned all the time that maturity is a continuum of travelling from the SELF to the SELF. This means that we need to understand the inner person and consider if this person is consistent to the  NORMS of the society. We could not say WHO CARES? since we belong to social groups where others are also considered NOT just the self.

Our mental health could sometimes show symptoms of being imbalanced. Sturgeon (2006) mentioned that it is of great concern that mental health promotion is frequently overlooked by the individual and even in health promotion programs. This should not be since mental health is an integral part of the body’s well-being.

In the Philippines, the landmark Mental health Law (RA 11036) was signed by President Rodrigo Duterte which will provide affordable and accessible mental health services for the Filipinos. This is considered as laudable since the law sets the path for the government in integrating mental healthcare in the country’s public healthcare system (Rappler, 2018).

Gloat

They shake your equilibrium. They taint your good ideas with their unsolicited comments. They are following you to the point that you are wondering what is it in you that they want. Most of the time, they are waiting for you to commit a mistake so that they can GLOAT. They will then make your life contaminated with their negativity. They could not accept that you are happy and contented. They need to make you to experience their miserable lives. Why do you have to be happy when in fact they are not? THEY ARE YOUR CYBER STALKERS.

According to the National Center for Victims of Crime, “cyber stalking” is threatening communication or unwanted advances directed at another person using the internet and other forms of online and computer communications. It can involve the use of email, instant messaging, chat rooms, bulletin boards and/or other electronic communication devices to repeatedly harass or threaten another person.

Social media platforms like Facebook, Twitter and even Instagram are potential hunting grounds for cyber-stalkers. GMO Globalsign.inc mentioned that 95% of teens who witnessed bullying on social media report that others, like them, have ignored the behavior. However, 25% of teens on social media  reported that online incidents have resulted in face-to-face encounters in the police quarters and even face-to-face encounters.

What causes cyber stalking? Is there a profile of the person who like to follow your movements on social media and plan to destroy your credibility? Is this attitude a reflection of their “Shadow” or the thing that Jung calls the evil side in people? Or is this a symptom of a mental defect?

Psychologist Dr. Emma Short told Newsbeat that these “types” do not always know that they already have crossed the line. Most of these persons, she continued, are struggling with real relationships that they do not even form one. She said that those who spend a lot of time online are probably not functioning well with their families and their relationships and become fixated with others. They tend to be anxious and could be suffering from anxiety, depression, stress or another addiction.

Dr. Short also mentioned that cyber stalkers seem to be quite isolated and are lacking of social support which could be a result of poor family upbringing, selfishness and immaturity.

As a school head, I am confronted with this reality when police officers start coming to the office to report on cases of cyber bullying and cyber stalking. There are some who even create fake accounts and destroy the personalities of other students. Trolls are thriving in cyberspace and will continue to do so if these persons will not be healed with the wounds which made them who they are.

Psychiatrists, psychologists, and other mental health professionals view most stalkers as suffering from psychiatric illness causing them to be psychotic or delusional. When not deemed as psychotic, stalkers are considered plagued by some type of personality disorder or fueled by unique psychological factors. But, whatever the psychological rationale may be, the stalker rarely comprehends the fear or pain he/she is causing the other person. Blinded by the motivation he/she is causing, the predator feel the victim is deserving of the fear and pain he/she is causing… or he/she does not care for he/she is often selfish and do not have the capacity to love others. (ipredator.com)

In real life, we have these persons in our midst. They are the chismosas/chismosos and those persons who spy on your personal activities. They were present even when the internet was still a dream. They were able to cause a lot of misunderstanding and broke many relationships. They gloat on your pains and considers them as correct. They simply migrated to a new platform - the social media…. If they are adults, we could not help them since they are the ones dealing with their own lives. They chose to be like that. But if it is beyond the limits causing us to be trampled and abused, we must consider what is lawful.

We let them be. We must not be tainted with their negative and bitter lives. We continue to take our journeys toward happiness. Peace, love, affection and good deeds must blossom around us. Theirs is a life of darkness, avarice and selfishness. We do not mind them for they want us to feel their miserable lives. We shield ourselves with respect and divine guidance.

Esprit de corps

What is the source of their confidence? This is often asked silently as persons display annoying acts in public like shouting and laughing so loud in the dead of the night. This is a free country, right, but freedom has its boundaries. Being free is being able to practice CO-EXISTENCE. We need to know that others are also free to breathe clean air (for those who smoke anywhere) and free to have good rest (for those who shout obscenities at night).

Humans, says Taflinger, have the most complex society of any creature on Earth, which means we extend self-preservation beyond personal physical survival. We live in extremely complex and interdependent societies, where people band together in groups for mutual aid and protection. Such groups include families, friendships, associations, tribes, clans, states, nations. The members of these groups work together to help each other. Also, since the group enhances the members’ chance of survival, group survival means personal survival. The individual benefits by supporting the group because the group reciprocates by supporting the individual.

That should be the ideal mentality and basic understanding of an individual as he positions himself/herself to be a member of the society. The idea of respecting the companions must be present in the midst of the individual since the group will surely give him/her the respect he/she also needs.

The gang mentality is the distorted part of this concept. Although this is still related to the PACK MENTALITY of animals, we must not associate ourselves to canine needs since we are beyond these animals. We have the capacity to think. That is the reason why parents and educators have to look into the profiles of their children. They might be into the negative side of association.

In the animal kingdom, Wolf packs and lion prides hunt together, allowing them to get more, and bigger game. Marmots and prairie dogs posts lookouts to see danger and warn the other members of the group. Chimpanzees organize hunting bands. (Attenborough, 1990)

Gangs and some fraternities do the same. Their confidence levels up when they have more members. That is the reason why the continue to recruit members for their packs to become stronger. They need to protect themselves from others packs for survival. When a gang war would erupt, they might kill each other to protect their pack… But then the question would always be asked: for what?  For survival? Humans are not animals which kill each other for the sake of NUMBERS.

Families are social groups. Wakefield, et. al, said studies have shown that group identification (a sense of belonging to one’s social group, coupled with a sense of commonality with the group’s members) is linked to high levels of satisfaction with life. This is one of the key reasons where some young people affiliate themselves with gangs since esprit de corps is lacking in their families.

When in packs, animals have this projected strength since they are conditioned that MORE is STRONG. This is the time when timid boys releases their angst when they have companions. They sometimes could be unruly when they are with their gang members but so quiet when they are alone. Girls scream out loud with friends but are too shy when they are by themselves.

We even could remember times when we let ourselves loose since we have companions. We have a pack to protect us from other packs. We attach our confidence and strength to our friends and families since we understand that they are there to protect us…

So, what’s the point of this discourse? There is a need to consider our actions as individuals and as members of a pack. Am I doing my share to respect and understand the status of my affiliations? Am I a good member of the family/group/society? Or, I do not transcend from being an animal to the human being which is the  IDEAL SELF?

Akin to the Real You

One of the puzzling occurrences with the advent of social media is the importance of photographs rather than the real experience. There are those who would go to a certain place for the purpose of being photographed with the venue to be posted on the social media sites.  The first thing to be done when the place is picturesque is make it as the background, then proceeds to the ogling of the digital photo forgetting the scene since it is now ABOUT THE PERSON/S NOT THE VIEW.

Eating is also another thing. When people eat out these days, it is a requirement to take pictures of the food first before consuming them. Food attendants are even trained to take good pictures using smart phones to capture the moments. There are instances when the old-fashioned folks grimace on the things we do with the food. You see, lots are going to re-arrange the food and tinker on them so to look good in photos. There are also instances when such folks wonder whether the photographs are more important than the food itself and the time with the people you dine with.

The site shutterstock.com mentioned that perhaps the strongest force driving our motivation to share is based on our sense of identity - more specifically, the desired version of ourselves that we want to project onto the world. In a study conducted by The New York Times, 68% of the respondents said they post photographs and shout-outs to give people a better sense of who they are and what they care about.

Renowned psychologist Carl Rogers provided an explanation that our personalities are composed of the REAL SELF (who we really are) and the IDEAL SELF (who we want to be). He said that we are constantly motivated to pursue behaviors that bring us closer to our ideal self. On posting things on social media sites, the content that we share could be seen as a reflection of the person we want the world to see. A valid example are those activities and travels to represent our social identities.

Do we need to find answers on everything that we do? This could be a valid question from the reactive people once we tell them such explanations. This writer thinks so. We must be aware of the driving forces of our actions since we are the managers of ourselves. We need to understand the psychology behind our actions because they might affect our families and even the small communities we are in. We could not say WHO CARES! since we have to take responsibility to our actions. We might even dwell on having personality disorders if we do not monitor our own quirks. With doing so, we could lead towards maturity.

Yet, we continue to post US. There is nothing wrong with using the technology at hand. But we always adhere to the fact that there are NORMS we have to conform with. There are universal values that we have to embrace like respect and empathy.

Scheff (2015) said that in 2014, Career Builders released a survey that revealed 51% of job applicants were not hired due to their social media behavior. The survey also found that the percentage of employer’s eliminating applicants because of their social media behavior continues to climb; in 2013 it was 43% up from 34% in 2012. Entrepreneur Daymond John said that his companies GOOGLE every applicant they consider for hiring.

Self-care and self mastery allow us to draw out the best that we could be. We need to understand the driving forces within to gauge whether they are productive or counterproductive. 

Arid

It’s as if you are an empty shell. The hollow feeling gnaws you to the point that you are compelled to fill in the void by looking for fun… or try to look for other persons to make the time be filled with something. It is as if your time is devoid of things which are meaningful. You are craving for a change; something interesting or something new.

Most of the time, according to Margarita Tartakovsky, it is in abandoning the SELF which causes the feeling of being hollow and useless. You might abandon yourself unintentionally or unknowingly because you are striving for perfection or others’ approval. You might stop caring for yourself because you are trying cope with the social standards and you are comparing yourself to others. You do not appreciate your own uniqueness. You probably fail to acknowledge your strengths and limitations.

The craving for material things is one of the causes of feeling “unworthy”. A lot of us equate success to having beautiful things, gadgets, clothes and other things introduced through marketing campaigns. We see others donning signature clothes and we want to be like them. Cars are being made affordable for us to be “comfortable” and use this as a status symbol. We get angry with our partners and parents if they are poor and do not have the capacity to have them. We are equating our happiness to things which are tangible and could be displayed.

We fail to realize that happiness, satisfaction and peace are things which are INNER. If the spirit of the person is undernourished, it is similar to the physical body which will continue to crave for food. Unsatisfied hunger continues to haunt the person to the point that his/her moral projections will be twisted and dishonesty will then become part of his system. This is the time when the moral fibers will start to be corrupted.

So how could we shy away from the ARID areas of the spirit? We need to diagnose if we have spiritual health issues. We have to realize that if the INSIDE is hungry, the OUTSIDE will continue to crave for things to acquire; an insatiable cycle will soon happen until the day that we die. Most people are unaware of the importance of spiritual health that they are caught in the whirlwind of life, mindlessly and without question, living an illusion.

There are paths that we take to find the spiritual nourishment needed. Some considers religion as one but this is only one of the aforementioned paths. According to holistichelp.net: Religion and spirituality are not one in the same. Spiritual connection is about finding meaning and purpose in one’s life, discovering who you truly are and connecting with the sources that provide you inner strength, comfort, hope and inner peace.

In the development of learning plans, one of the most difficult attitudes which could be learned by students is APPRECIATION. They could mouth things which sound superficial since they do not do them in real life. Nature, for example, is not fully appreciated with the evidence of trash floating on rivers and seas. Life itself is not appreciated. Lots dwell on the negative side than on the positive ones. We count inefficiencies and not the blessings. People get depressed since they do not appreciate the things they have at the moment.

Positive psychology research mentions that gratitude and appreciation is strongly associated with emotions that help people enjoy greater health and happiness. These can also play important roles in nurturing relationships and can even inspire people to take better care of themselves.

With these, we then could attune ourselves to the essentials. We find our purpose and make our lives meaningful. We should not fail to enjoy what the materials things give us but they are not meant to be the ultimate goals for happiness. We cling to the belief that we are here in this world to realize our missions. We give thanks and appreciate the things that we have (big or small) and co-exist. Let us not do messianic acts since each one has a job to do and tasks to finish.

We live by embracing simplicity. It is the simple things, like our family and love, which will bring us joy and real happiness.