Inferiority

                                         (photo: istockphoto.com)

According to Psychology Today, the top three common reasons why people are into criticism are: 1. They have a strong unmet need that is not being satisfied; 2. They have a controlling personality and have to be in charge; and 3. They feel entitled to special treatment or status and do not feel they are receiving it.

When the chance to become a module writer for Values Education happened, you realized the importance of reflective thinking. This entails a lot of deeper analyses on the things going on inside you taking out emotions and allowing things to sink in before going into evaluated actions. This fact was profoundly discussed in the infamous book of Stephen Covey: Seven Habits of Highly Effective People where the author underscored the importance of being reflective than reactive.

You see, it is in reflections when you understand better why you react on stimuli. These reactions often define your values and the needs you have in you. Also, most of the needs anchored on such reactions are your blind spots. It is in constant prodding and self-evaluation when one reach the point of self-awareness too.

Postivepsychologyprogram.com says that Self-awareness is the key cornerstone to emotional intelligence, according to Daniel Goleman. The ability to monitor our emotions and thoughts from moment to moment is key to understanding ourselves better, being at peace with who we are and proactively managing our thoughts, emotions and behaviors.

In addition, self-aware people tend to act consciously rather than react passively, to be in good psychological health and to have positive outlook on life. They also have greater depth of life experience and are more likely to be more compassionate to themselves and others.

Recently, you heard about people complaining a lot. You understand the importance of feedback but if these complaints come from the same people, you often proceed to a deeper analysis on their personalities and behaviors. It has been clearly defined that complaining is the antithesis of appreciation. People most likely complain since they do not appreciate the things presented to them based on the aforementioned facts. Most likely, their unmet needs would be the source.

One springboard from such analysis is SOCIAL STATUS. There are really persons who thrive on the feeling that they must be recognized in the community where they belong. This could be normal yet when constant efforts would be done and actions are on the askew side, one would then wonder what emotional motivations do they have. If the name has already a loud ring on it, why continue to bang the gong even during uncalled-for times? 

The intellectuals would then start their own buzz in gatherings. You heard about how such actions are being laughed at within the circles. Their words could be harsh especially when they look for the reasons of such actions and consider inferiority as the culprit. The laughter would intensify when such behaviors and manifestations are posted on social media. This would then allow you to think that the feeling superiority over others are oftentimes the main factor how others see the real you: Someone inferior to them.

Still, we could not help these from happening. We play different roles and we sometimes are being victimized by our own needs and motivations. Yet, self-mastery is an integral part of our being and becoming. We went to school and gathered the necessary knowledge, skills and attitudes to be more functional in the society.

One specific example: Staging and managing a show. One could not do it unless management skills and aesthetic gifts are acquired. Yet there are lapses to come along the way. The manager exhausts all his/her resources to make the event a better one even if the actions are gratis in nature. Then, the imperfections would be noticed by the critics who do not even have an idea how to manage themselves manifested by their dysfunctional lives. The complaining overshadow the much-needed appreciation. This is when fault-finding occurs on both sides of the fence. Peace will then become an elusive thing to exist between people.

Human nature entails self-preservation. If both sides won't go to a deeper understanding of themselves and the reasons behind such outbursts, then an ugly cycle of negative patterns would be created.

Self-resolution: You won't allow others to take away your peace. You would let them be. They might as well be stewed by their own bitter juices. You continue to be of help to others by sharing what you have... including the displacement of appreciation others greatly deserve despite their weaknesses.