Being (In)Sane

Desente. Why the fuss over being cultured? The Urban Dictionary defines this as to have refinement in taste and manners. To be refined, well-educated or awesome. May apply to manners, dress, language or lifestyle. Learned in the way of civilized society.

There are those people in our midst who emits class even if they are not doing anything. Their presence tells us that they have in them some kind of stuff which is refined and aligned to the civilized ways. The minute movements and choice of words allow us to be transported to a world where parental efforts and “breeding” are employed.

Mayne (2018) mentions that it is never good to be unkind to anyone, but it is especially terrible to see adults being insulted intentionally. After all, these folks have life experiences that one should listen to and learn from. Remember that being gracious to everyone, regardless of their age, shows your character.

There are those in our society whose manners and characters are being hampered by their inability to function well due to internal miscues and deficits, It has always been mentioned by psychologists that what comes out of a person is a reflection of his or her internal balance or imbalance. These information must be used by the individuals to straighten himself/herself but if it is helpless, a clinical intervention must be given.

Emily Post, a famous American writer on etiquette, explained that etiquette is something that can be developed by all, regardless of one’s background or socio-economic status. Etiquette, she wrote, involves both ethics and good manners. Her writings pay a great deal of attention to the importance of considering the well-being of others.

According to Ashley Marie (2018), those who display poor manners have poor mental health. Unfortunately, our lack of social graces can negatively affect the welfare of others. When we are rude, short, or temperamental with others, we do not consider how our actions affect those around us. Our gradual loss of social graces has the potential to harm others, sometimes encouraging or reinforcing the development of social anxiety. Bad manners and bad behavior are inexcusable and can have a lasting impact on society.

Aside from the technological distractions, it is saddening that the academe is being hounded by ill-manners. In the basic education sector, a clamor to make Good Manners and Right Conduct (GMRC) to have a comeback is so strong. This is being manifest by the bad manners the young displays. But then, who created the “world” of the young? It is we, the adults. They simply fit in to the spaces we provide for them.

Another potent question to ask is: What if the parents and the teachers are the ones to emit bad manners and skewed culture?

That is why mental health is really a consideration. This writer is really bothered by the thought that people see mental issues as purely linked to depression. There are other major mental health issues like narcissism, power-grabbing, paranoia and other stuff which cause a lot of troubles in organizations.

Rudeness was reported as the chief cause of stress in a recent poll in France. For 60 percent of the French, it is not the debt crisis or persistent double-digit unemployment that stresses them out, but the behavior of other people (Zak, 2012).

An extraordinary triumph of the human species is our ability to extract value from all kinds of relationships with all kinds of people. One never knows when the server at the cafe you frequent might become a neighbor, or romantic partner, or work colleague, or perhaps a friend. Maintaining good relationships with a large number of people broadens our ability to find opportunities to profit from relationships.

But being NOT NICE and improper might lead to a misfortune. What if the one you are being rude at is more mentally-ill than you? He or she might snap and plan for your destruction. In the dark areas and deserted places might await your disaster.

You don’t have to volunteer on a consistent basis or give money to the homeless to be considered a decent human being. You don’t even need to be kind to people all of the time. You just need to be considerate. Somewhat thoughtful. If your goal is to be a slightly better version of yourself with the least amount of effort, be decent (Wahl, 2017).

If you can’t, isolate yourself. Give society a break! Do not muddle. See a shrink. Be sane.

Bleak

Way ambisyon. There are those of us who do not understand what things we want to achieve. There are young persons who seem to have no direction except to play and enjoy the moment. There seems to be an absence of goals amongst our midst.

According to mindtools.com, Goal setting is a powerful process for thinking about your ideal future, and for motivating yourself to turn your vision of this future into reality. The process of setting goals helps you choose where you want to go in life. By knowing precisely what you want to achieve, you know where you have to concentrate your efforts. You will also quickly spot the distractions that can, so easily, lead you astray.

But there are those who do not even set their directions for the day making a lot of resources be wasted.

Research has uncovered many key aspects of goal setting theory and its link to success (Kleingeld, et al, 2011). Setting goals is linked with self-confidence, motivation, and autonomy (Locke & Lathan, 2006). A 2015 study by psychologist Gail Matthews showed when people wrote down their goals, they were 33% more successful in achieving them than those who formulated outcomes in their heads.

Training the mind to set goals could be considered as a crucial part parents must employ in their children. This is beneficial for them to become responsible persons which will lead them to become independent. There are those parents who even decide for their children even the food they eat and the clothes they wear. This could be relative to their financial capacities but there are those who micromanage to the point that the kids will become dependent to them.

Taylor (2019) mentions that decision making is crucial because the decisions children make dictate the path that their lives take. Teaching children to make their own decisions has several benefits. When they make a good decision, they can gain the greatest amount of satisfaction and fulfillment because they chose it. When they make bad decisions, they may suffer for it, but they can learn from the experience and make better decisions in the future.

But it is a sad reality that there are parents who make their children as the fulfillment of their deficits. They want to make their unrealized dreams through the young allowing them to become extensions of themselves not as individuals. In such cases, something will not go right and one or more basic needs will be unmet. When a basic need is unmet, there is a loss, such as a loss of security, safety, freedom, trust or love. Losses like these tend to create emotional voids (Frenz, 2018).

There are also those who were not trained to create goals for themselves, so obviously, they do not see the relevance of allowing their kids to do so.

Effective parents use goals that are based around a set of core values. To establish these values, they must first decide what values are most important. Then they communicate these values clearly to the children. They also must constantly ensure that their actions and the actions of the family are in line with their core values. If they value education, activities relevant to this are always practiced at home (i.e. homework checking, buying books for the kids, etc.).

Yet, adults are more immersed with their unmet needs rather than looking into the well-being of their young. This could be attributed to their personal struggles too leaving the children to be influenced by outside forces rather than the things within the range of their values.

Troll (2016) states: If your needs were not met when you were a child, you may have trouble accepting and meeting your children’s needs because it wasn’t modeled for you.  You may be resentful of your children’s requests, or you may go overboard trying to satisfy every whim in an effort not pass on to them your childhood feelings of deprivation.

There is a need to make the future full of driven people towards the common good. We need to instill positive drives to our children for them to be enlightened. We could not dare to let them be imprisoned with our past by allowing them to play around in the present.

This could make their future become bleak.

Unstable

Way mosalig. In an organization, resources like people and time are maximized so to have good if not quality outputs. These could be done when managers designate tasks to people whose terms of references must be clear for them to attain the desired goals. Yet, there are those whose work attitudes are not at par with the standards that the managers would opt to assign them with nothing since their outcomes are not good. If there is an output, the processes are marred with negative relationships to the point that feelings are hurt and people get disheartened.

The Mayo Clinic research group defines narcissistic personality disorder as “a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance and a deep need for admiration. Those with narcissistic personality disorder believe that they're superior to others and have little regard for other people's feelings. At the workplace, a pathologically narcissistic co-worker can be annoying and frustrating at best, and a serious threat to your career at worst (Preston Ni, 2015).

It is in this light when managers see them as a smear to others and the organization that either they are not assigned with a task or they feign catatonia on the selfish motives of these culprits. You see, narcissists work only for themselves. They see work as a filler for their deep hunger of recognition. The “common good” is alien to them.

Human Resource practitioners often attempt to maximize the capacity of these individuals yet they often fail since the disorder in the heads of these persons always prevail. That is the reason why the mental health law is essential. There is a need for us to have examinations in the head since mental illness is affecting a person’s well-being similar to physical health. If found sick, clinical interventions must be administered so to help the sick ones than continue wreaking havoc to others and the organization per se.

Psychology Today divulges that many narcissists are unable to relate to individuals as equals. They either take an inferior position and defer to you, or a superior position and presume that they’re in some ways better than you. For them, both the superior and inferior postures are calculated to sway you to give them what they want – such is the purpose of relationships to them. They lack the empathy and humanity to treat people simply as equitable human beings.

Then, how can we deal with them especially if they are in the workplace?

First, ignore them. Let them wallow in their own pathetic lives. Let them die with envy as you continue to live a healthy mindset. They are insane you see, and you are sane. But if the go beyond their limits, FIGHT BACK! If they perform character assassination towards you, air out their incapacities as well. Tell the world that THEY ARE MENTALLY ILL. Narcissists could not deal with criticism so they might shy away from you since you are a person who fights back. If they have the capacity to hurt you intentionally, do the same! Anyway, such persons are insignificant in your lives, right? They only feel important but in reality, they are not.

Malkin (2017) said that narcissists weren’t given secure love when growing up. They weren’t appreciated for just being themselves; they were only celebrated for what they achieved. When people can’t count on empathy from those around them, they stop trusting, and they feel ashamed of their normal human frailties. They stop trying to get their emotional needs met from love and instead try to be special — better than others. Better looking, more talented, smarter or more accomplished. They stop trying to soothe their insecurities by relying on people and instead turn to a fantasy self where they are superior.

It is sometimes unfair to realize that these selfish individuals are making us as the outlets of the inadequacies of their parents. We sometimes get depressed due to the oppression they have given to us. Yet the knowledge that they are actually insecure children inside their bodies empowers us not to be affected by them. They are merely products of parental dysfunction. And since they can affect negatively to others, family support and clinical supervision/intervention must be employed.

We continue to do well and try to make REAL achievements. Theirs are fake and glorified ones which they believe are “big” enough.

If ever they will create gossips about us to maliciously destroy our credibility, we are secure in the fact that NO ONE believes them. They are crazy, you know.