Playing Victim

Dinaug-daog kuno. To create a façade of doing the right things, there are those who would play VICTIMS. They post sad comments telling that they are alright despite the persecution others are doing towards them. But in reality, they are the ones persecuting and causing a lot of pain and anxiety to others.

Individuals who habitually indulge in self-victimization (also known as playing the victim) do so for various reasons: to control or influence other people’s thoughts, feelings and actions; to justify their abuse of others; to seek attention; or, as a way of coping with situations. Although they can actually change circumstances to avoid being victimized, they won’t seize the opportunity because they want to play the role and appear as victims to others and themselves (Davies, 2012).

People, especially adults, know what is good and not. Due to drives and unmet needs, there are those whose actions would lead towards doing acts which could be considered unaccepted. Instead of dealing with the mistakes, some justify their actions through playing victims. They trash and squirm to their friends and air out their “pains” on being judged and accused of things the “do not” do.

The victim mentality can display itself in a variety of ways. People who play the role of a victim believe everything that happens to them is completely out of their control, therefore, it is never their responsibility. They blame others when bad things happen to them and they have an extremely negative outlook on life. They are resistant to help and respond to any advice or assistance with reasons why it won’t work and explanations as to why the problem is unsolvable (Brown, 2018).

There is this person who sought a lot of favors and borrowing clothes from his friends, then by the time the real owners want them back, the culprit then create stories that he is being persecuted…that he is being talked behind his back. Prof Kets de Vries says that, although this behavior can be counter-intuitive, manipulative and damaging, a "victim" may be genuinely unaware of his own complicity in his problems, and his secondary gain may be subconscious. Meaning, this could be another mental health issue.

Most of the time, a “victim” has trouble accepting they contributed to a problem and accepting responsibility for the circumstance that they are in. Instead, they point the finger, or simply ignore their role in perpetuating the problem. They are not overtly saying “I’m a victim”, but instead indirectly sending the message that they’re martyrs.

The victim grates on you with a poor-me attitude, and is allergic to taking responsibility for their actions. People are always against them, the reason for their unhappiness. They portray themselves as unfortunates who demand rescuing (Orloff, 2012).

Since they are in our surrounding, there are instances that we are being trapped by their selfish (or unintended) deeds. We are being portrayed as the villain of their lives where in reality, we are the ones to be used by them to feed on their inadequacies. We might dismiss the slight things since they are manageable but what if the so-called VICTIMS succeed in portraying us AS THE DEVIL?

We can do the right thing. Mahatma Gandhi says: “A 'No' uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than a 'Yes' merely uttered to please, or, what is worse, to avoid trouble.” Kind but firm limit setting is healthy. People must take responsibility for their own lives. You’re not in the business of fixing anyone. Enabling always backfires. Without limits, a relationship isn’t on equal ground; and no one wins.

Also, the truth must prevail. Although truth hurts, we could tell these people how they make us feel and how they disturb the balance of our environment. We sometimes do not do this since we want to avoid trouble. But they must not feel that they are always correct. We could not square a circle. We must spill the beans!

Enough. This might be our mantra especially when we see that these people are doing harm to ourselves and companions. We could NOT allow such negative activities thrive in our ecology.

We fight back!