Dinaug-daog kuno. To
create a façade of doing the right things, there are those who would play
VICTIMS. They post sad comments telling that they are alright despite the
persecution others are doing towards them. But in reality, they are the ones
persecuting and causing a lot of pain and anxiety to others.
Individuals
who habitually indulge in self-victimization (also known as playing the victim)
do so for various reasons: to control or influence other people’s thoughts,
feelings and actions; to justify their abuse of others; to seek attention; or,
as a way of coping with situations. Although they can actually change
circumstances to avoid being victimized, they won’t seize the opportunity
because they want to play the role and appear as victims to others and
themselves (Davies, 2012).
People,
especially adults, know what is good and not. Due to drives and unmet needs,
there are those whose actions would lead towards doing acts which could be
considered unaccepted. Instead of dealing with the mistakes, some justify their
actions through playing victims. They trash and squirm to their friends and air
out their “pains” on being judged and accused of things the “do not” do.
The
victim mentality can display itself in a variety of ways. People who play the
role of a victim believe everything that happens to them is completely out of
their control, therefore, it is never their responsibility. They blame others
when bad things happen to them and they have an extremely negative outlook on
life. They are resistant to help and respond to any advice or assistance with
reasons why it won’t work and explanations as to why the problem is unsolvable
(Brown, 2018).
There
is this person who sought a lot of favors and borrowing clothes from his
friends, then by the time the real owners want them back, the culprit then
create stories that he is being persecuted…that he is being talked behind his
back. Prof Kets de Vries says that, although this behavior can be
counter-intuitive, manipulative and damaging, a "victim" may be
genuinely unaware of his own complicity in his problems, and his secondary gain
may be subconscious. Meaning, this could be another mental health issue.
Most
of the time, a “victim” has trouble accepting they contributed to a problem and
accepting responsibility for the circumstance that they are in. Instead, they
point the finger, or simply ignore their role in perpetuating the problem. They
are not overtly saying “I’m a victim”, but instead indirectly sending the
message that they’re martyrs.
The
victim grates on you with a poor-me attitude, and is allergic to taking
responsibility for their actions. People are always against them, the reason
for their unhappiness. They portray themselves as unfortunates who demand
rescuing (Orloff, 2012).
Since
they are in our surrounding, there are instances that we are being trapped by
their selfish (or unintended) deeds. We are being portrayed as the villain of
their lives where in reality, we are the ones to be used by them to feed on
their inadequacies. We might dismiss the slight things since they are
manageable but what if the so-called VICTIMS succeed in portraying us AS THE
DEVIL?
We
can do the right thing. Mahatma Gandhi says: “A 'No' uttered from deepest
conviction is better and greater than a 'Yes' merely uttered to please, or,
what is worse, to avoid trouble.” Kind but firm limit setting is healthy.
People must take responsibility for their own lives. You’re not in the business
of fixing anyone. Enabling always backfires. Without limits, a relationship
isn’t on equal ground; and no one wins.
Also,
the truth must prevail. Although truth hurts, we could tell these people how
they make us feel and how they disturb the balance of our environment. We
sometimes do not do this since we want to avoid trouble. But they must not feel
that they are always correct. We could not square a circle. We must spill the
beans!
Enough.
This might be our mantra especially when we see that these people are doing
harm to ourselves and companions. We could NOT allow such negative activities
thrive in our ecology.
We
fight back!
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