Parental Guidance

                                          

Malabad na mga bata gikan sa mga malabad na ginikanan. This is a fact since children are being raised by the parents based on their own values and orientation. Unruly and disrespectful youngsters came from parents who act that way.

According to Imperial Valley News, research has established that there are deep and significant effects of bad parenting. The effects of bad parenting on the children include antisocial behavior, poor resilience, depression, and aggression. Another study by the United Kingdom’s Department of Education indicates the effects of bad parenting on the children to include behavioral problems, poor coping skills, academic challenges, and mental health outcomes.

Kelvin Omere (2017) mentioned that frequent poor parenting decisions can have a harmful outcome through childhood and beyond.

For almost three decades of being a teacher and a principal, here are the types of parents whom I have met resulting to confusing, disruptive if not chaotic encounters in the academic world.

THE FAILED ACADEMICIAN. They were probably deprived of being an honor student before that they do the homework and assignments of the child. Then when the recognition activity comes and the kid won’t have a slot on the honor roll, they will proceed to the principal’s office and complain. They rant on the efficacy of the child’s “study habits” and will even lecture the teacher/principal about the grading system. These types fail to realize that IT IS THE CHILD WHO WILL PERFORM inside the classroom and NOT them.

THE TULFO PEOPLE. These are those parents who are making broadcast journalism as a threat to humanity rather than a platform of information and public service. There are FM stations who feign messianic solutions to societal problems. These parents threaten the teacher and the school to be shamed on the airwaves via programs whose anchors do not even have a degree on journalism or broadcasting. Some even proceed to these local stations. The moronic listeners then gloat on the “misfortune” of the educator.

THE DISBARRED LAWYERS. These parents come to school complaining on the contents of the Parental Consent and other forms. They will then point out unacceptable terminologies on the syntax of the document. Even if you will tell them that the paper is the official DepEd issuance, jargons must be discussed for an hour or two. They will then mention executive orders, republic acts and even barangay ordinances just to underscore their points. Two thousand five hundred students are waiting to be supervised yet one has to deal with the “lawyer”.

THE ABSENTEE PARENTS. To conceal their guilt from being NOT there during the growth of their children, there are those who will come to the office to complain on petty stuff. They just want to be recognized as the parents. But they are not there during the PTA meetings, recognition programs and other meaningful events. They are busy looking for a living they do not have time for their children.

THE COMPLAINANTS. When PTA meetings are called and agreements are made, there are those whose presence were NIL. They will then air out their complaints about things agreed by the majority. Isn’t this stupid?

THE EX-CONVICTS. These are the types whose children were being “bullied” by another student and claim to have killed someone and are willing to do it again by “eradicating” the bully. Of course, we understand the anger, but to resort to violence and claim to be having a criminal mind is…insane!

THE KONSENTIDORS. Who could miss this types? I threatened one mother to be reported to the social worker when she told me that she allows the boyfriend of her daughter (who is a minor) to stay in the room in their house. She told me with an “intelligent” expression that it is better for them to copulate inside the room than anywhere else. When she continued to insist on the correctness” of her actions, I told her to go out of the office I might break something. (She was called to the office since her daughter and the boyfriend had a violent quarrel in the school disturbing the classes. They were mimicking scenes from “Kadenang Ginto” daw.)

Being a good parent means you need to teach your child the moral in what is right and what is wrong. Setting limits and being consistent are the keys to good discipline. Be kind and firm when enforcing those rules. Focus on the reason behind the child’s behavior (parentingforthebrain.com, 2019).

We do not discount the presence of good parents in the school ecology. They are actually the best stakeholders to make the school a better place to learn.

But for those who are acting otherwise, remember this: The school’s focus is more on the academic knowledge and acquisition of skills. The way the child behaves is the main concern of the parents. 

Stop blaming the teachers of your inadequacies!

His Contribution to DepEd

                                    (photo: youtube.com)

“Marami daw nag react na mga netizens at merong mga BASHERS…hindi ko naman binabasa ang mga bashers, mga staff ko ang gumagawa nun…” The so-called broadcast journalist named Tulfo said in a telephone interview lately. This is in response to the multitude who reacted on his condemnation to that teacher who allegedly disciplined a learned which led to the kid being “traumatized”.

Let us first ask the so-called broadcast journalist if he has the authority or license to diagnose psychological trauma. In the department where WE work as teachers, we are not even allowed to give counselling to the learners. We are only allowed to do coaching. The licensed guidance counselors are the ONLY persons to perform the task. Much more on the classifying or profiling TRAUMA cases. That is why we must also include the guidance counselors here to feel chagrined. Tulfo can replace them since he is now profiling and diagnosing trauma cases!

He also mentioned bashers. According to the Oxford dictionary, a basher is a harsh critic or opponent. I reacted on his humiliating judgment to a companion in the teaching profession and blogged against his insulting comments. My friends shared the blog. So, I am now a basher?

MR. TULFO, YOU ARE THE ALL-TIME BASHER.

Do you remember the times when you verbally-abused those policemen without due process? Didn’t you give humiliating words to common people for acting “bad”? Did you remember creating a court via your program as if lawyers are stupid and changed the system of the judiciary where everyone has the right to trial? You did short-cuts and shamed people on air. You are the basher.

Sec. Leonor Magtolis Briones has posted her reaction as well. She mentioned you to be ENTITLED since your microphone and air time are your sources of POWER! According to Robert Porter (2019), a sense of entitlement is the epitome of the "Me! Me! Me!" attitude where the world is supposed to revolve around a single person and what they want. This is not how life works. Ultimately, the individual with a sense of entitlement takes, but they rarely give. They prioritize themselves over others at virtually all times and fancy themselves as superior to others.

Yes, Mr. Tulfo, you are self-entitled. You did not even hear the side of the teacher who faced multiple characters inside the classroom. You are not a teacher and you do not know what is happening in the classroom. Yet, you did not listen to the side of the teacher. You directly bashed her in your program where your moronic followers feed and gloat on such negativity. The only important thing about you is YOU!

Didn’t you realize that your program is now the crutch of those persons who want to defame and demoralize others? Did your staff study the psychological skew of the program and its so-called contribution to humanity?

That grandmother might just want to fulfill her unmet needs of being popular. That mother who seemed to be too young (was she impregnated and left the child to her mother?) might just have this want to be seen on TV. She has fair skin which may be a product of dermatologists: the artista syndrome. Did you profile on them as well? You see, you mentioned that the kid is traumatized. Are these “complainants” doctors as well? They were the ones to insinuate that the kid is traumatized.

Psychology Today defines trauma as the experience of severe psychological distress following any terrible or life-threatening event. When the kid was sent outside to sit there considered as life-threatening?

The teaching profession is once again placed in hot water because of you irresponsible judgment. And to suggest that the teacher be deprived of her license to teach is like having you castrated. What may happen if you won’t have your BALLS?

The school will be a different area because of your ripple. There are those who said that they won’t do anything to give discipline. They might be reported to you!

That is your contribution to the educational system.

Powerful

Umay katungdanan baja ni Tulfo? The broadcaster (?) is trending now due to his ill comments and judgment to the teacher who is being reported by a grandmother whose grandson was being “disciplined” by the teacher. The latter sent the kid out of the classroom since he failed to bring back the report card to the school. The grandmother angrily claimed that her grandson is traumatized by the act of the teacher. Tulfo then told the teacher to face criminal and administrative cases. The teacher said sorry but the mother who could be seen as a very young one insisted that the teacher MUST “rest”. (Digression: Since the mother is so young and the grandma was the aggressive one, one could wonder if she was a teenage mother.)

Broadcast journalists, like all journalists, try to deliver news to the public. But broadcast journalism specifically refers to a way of delivering the news to the people other than via the newspaper or other print sources. Generally, this category includes anyone associated with a radio or television (and increasingly the internet) news broadcast (Sailus, 2019).

Since this is journalism, the news and opinions must be anchored on facts and adheres to being fair and unbiased.

That is when the netizens cried foul on Tulfo as he started to be enslaved with his power using the platform as a source of confidence. There were even instances when he badmouthed public servants as if he is the direct supervisor of these people. He could claim that he belongs to the “public” the person is serving but what about manners? What about professionalism and due process?

One could wonder what he took up when he was still studying. Persons like me could be disinterested since these persons seem to have this messianic acts as if they are the answers to societal problems. Those who understand that his platform is still a commercial one can raise their eyebrows and think about the other side of envelopmental journalism. Theirs are just focused on the ratings and the number of ads they could have! So, they need to be controversial!

Sometimes, one could wonder why people are afraid of him. But power tripping is indeed fearsome. Newman (2012) mentions that power tripping is when people advance their own interests at the expense of the common good. The power tripper benefits at the cost of others and the organization by taking advantage of the trust placed in them.

The different teaching communities are reacting to the way the grandmother and Tulfo acted. Some even asked whether they went to public schools and DID NOT experience being disciplined by their teachers. We can still remember being scolded and whacked by rulers and sticks once we committed minor or major mistakes. We were not traumatized. In fact, we turned out to be better students.

I was even a teacher being feared by my students. I scolded some of them for submitting mediocre results. I threw outputs not within the set standards and I called the attention of those who loafed around and semi-screamed to them for wasting their resources and their parents’. Yet they turned out to be achievers and national winners.

So what is the brouhaha on this discipline thing? I am an advocate of Child Protection (this is even my dissertation) but we need to understand as well that DISCIPLINE IS NOT AN ENEMY OF LEARNING. In fact it is an ally of attaining the needed knowledge, skills and attitudes to become a functional adult.

I'm not saying that we should scream and hurt learners. But we need to understand that Jesus even screamed and whipped those who desecrated His Father's house. There is such a thing as righteous anger. 

Tulfo is laughing out loud right now. His program is trending online and advertisers are queuing to be part of the murk since bad publicity is still publicity. Money is flowing like water from a strong source…

Teachers are bombarded with a lot. It is high time that the parents will also have their own way of being disciplined. Or let them conduct homeschooling themselves. Let us see if they could cope with the standards of the academic world.

If the medical community turned Yeng Constantino’s career to become sour due to her infamous doctor-shaming, the teaching community could also join forces in toppling the power Tulfo is holding on. Let us see if his crutch could make him stand proud once again.

I-Tulfo mo na yan!

Critic

Hinawajon! There are those around us who constantly complain; look for the faults of others and even see the dark side of life ALL THE TIME. The ones who practice dwelling on the positive side often wonder what kind of life are they living. It seems that they are enjoying on the suffering and misfortunes of others.

“Remember that your thoughts are the primary cause of everything. Your thoughts become things.” These are two sentences that could be considered as BIG WORDS from Rhonda Byrne’s “The Secret”. It can be gleaned from the theories she present here that disciplining the mind to dwell on the positive side of everything allows the positive energy to materialize. Most successful persons think positive thoughts and this is the KEY, their SECRET in attaining their successes.

Thomas A. Richards, Ph.D. mentions that we spend hours and hours dwelling and ruminating on the negative and fearful things in our lives. We worry about what could go wrong, instead of focusing and paying attention to the rational, the positive and the good.  We should train ourselves to focus on thoughts that will move us forward in the right direction.

But why is it that there are some of us who really could NOT appreciate the things around him/her? According to psychologists, it is because they fail to train their minds on appreciation. Instead, they are always critical. In the education, appreciation is a competency which is difficult to attain since it must be constantly instilled in the lessons specifically in the affective learning pedagogy.

The pioneer of positive psychology, Martin Seligman, studied all kinds of techniques for making people happier. The three he found to be the most effective were: remembering three positive experiences at the end of every day, finding a main strength that you have and applying it in a different arena, and writing a letter of gratitude to somebody and delivering it personally.

We might also consider the fact that most common mental health problems include a major component of criticism. In depression people frequently struggle with self-critical thoughts, in anxiety fear of failure is often bound up with self-criticism, and self-criticism often also has a key role in body image issues, self-harm, psychotic experiences, and addictions.

For this reason, Barker (2016) says that therapies and practices involving kindness and compassion have become increasingly popular in recent years. The tendency to evaluate, judge and criticize ourselves harshly is often related to a similar approach to other people. Therefore expressing gratitude and appreciation might be a useful counter to this tendency. Perhaps we can cultivate self-compassion to counter self-criticism, and appreciation to counter our criticism of others?

Also, inferiority and envy are the root causes of critical minds. These persons always gauge themselves with the accomplishments and achievements of others to the point that they will look for loopholes on others’ personality to feel secure and feel better than the persons they are comparing themselves with.

When the criticism becomes constant and vicious, that person is probably not making a healthy assessment of others’ mistakes. It’s probably more like the defense mechanism known as “projection.” They see the person as a mirror; they criticize the things in him or her that they don’t like about themselves.

Psychologists find that, over time, feeling grateful boosts happiness and fosters both physical and psychological health, even among those already struggling with mental health problems. Studies show that practicing gratitude curbs the use of words expressing negative emotions and shifts inner attention away from such negative emotions as resentment and envy, minimizing the possibility of ruminating over them (a hallmark of depression).

So, let us practice being grateful. Whatever others might look, achieve and even fail, we try to look for the beauty in the situations.

Let us make it a point to think that our thoughts matter. Thoughts are matter. They will soon become real. Do not project something BAD will happen. It might be realized. It’s like a prayer of its own. Project good things and feel good inside.

Make the SECRET be practiced in your life.