Mea Culpa

 

Tindogan mo an imo binuhatan! Responsibility means feeling it is your duty to deal with what comes up, being accountable, and/or being able to act independently and make decisions without authorization. There are both moral and personal responsibilities.

Have you experienced being blamed with something which is not YOUR fault? There are those people around (friends, family members, companions, superiors) who do not take responsibilities of their actions. Worse, they will even give you tasks not your own and expect that these will turn out to be what they have expected and even beyond what is expected!

In ethics, moral responsibility is primarily the responsibility related to actions and their consequences in social relations. It generally concerns the harm caused to an individual, a group or the entire society by the actions or inactions of another individual, group or entire society. This is the mechanism by which blame can be placed, and influences many important social constructs, such as prosecution under the legal system.

It is proposed that self-responsibility or self-accountability is the quintessential defining attribute to qualify as an adult. The word responsibility literally means “response-ability,” that is, possessing the ability to respond. So self-responsibility means to not only have the ability to respond, decide and choose, but further to participate in an engaged, most practical possible fashion in taking responsibility for your entire life (Friedman, 2018).

Then why is it that there are some that are incapable of taking the responsibility of their actions? There are even instances that we allow others decide for us and then put the blame on them when things do not come out right.

Being responsible means taking care of yourself and understanding that every act or action has a consequence. Likewise, as psychotherapist Albert Ellis pointed out, many people find it easier to avoid or evade certain responsibilities than to deal with them. This is a defense mechanism that makes it easier for them to blame others for their mistakes. Thus, people project their discomfort onto others without knowing that the key to change lies inside them.

We have individual roles. The tasks that we do must be done by us. Let us not create more chaotic relationships by playing safe. Risks must be taken and the mistakes that we encounter along the way are part of our journeys.

We have to allow others trek their own paths.

Fortifying the Self

 

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Tagkuyba, tagsawan, ya na ko kasabot sa ako tagbati! As the COVID 19 mutated into several variants like Delta, the newsfeed of the social media sites seem to become like the obituary. The viewers seem to intensify the fear in them that their feelings oftentimes segue to become depressive bouts.

For many people, the uncertainty surrounding coronavirus is the hardest thing to handle. We still don’t know exactly how we’ll be impacted, how long this will last, or how bad things might get. And that makes it all too easy to catastrophize and spiral out into overwhelming dread and panic.

Nervousness and anxiety in a society affect everyone to a large extent. Recent evidence suggests that people who are kept in isolation and quarantine experience significant levels of anxiety, anger, confusion, and stress. At large, all of the studies that have examined the psychological disorders during the COVID-19 pandemic have reported that the affected individuals show several symptoms of mental trauma, such as emotional distress, depression, stress, mood swings, irritability, insomnia, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, post-traumatic stress, and anger (Salari, et al., 2020).

Yes, these things are happening brought about by the pandemic. Research has also shown that frequent media exposure may cause distress. Lee Chambers said: Some of the potential reasons why [this may happen] include high levels of exposure to social media and news, disruption to routines and anchors caused by lockdowns and restrictions, and difficulties disengaging from the threatening stimuli, including [virus] variants and the situation in other countries.

That is why, it is unhealthy to constantly tinker on your phone and see sad stories about death happening around especially if you have the tendency to be depressive.

Despite vaccines and a decrease in disease prevalence, some people experience what scientists call COVID-19 anxiety syndrome. Symptoms of this syndrome mimic those of other mental health conditions, including anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). And, the pandemic and related factors appear to be the cause.

So, how to avoid these things from happening?

The Medical News Today suggests: Consider actively seeking out positive messages around improvements in the pandemic, the vaccine rollout, and how the risk of death from the disease appears to be lessening due to new treatment options. Also, take things slow despite the expectation for a rapid return to normalcy. Step outside comfort zones at an individual pace while still practicing safety measures to “ease back into a place of harmony” gradually.

Remember, we are the ones controlling our emotions. If we give in to fear, we might lower our own immune system. These times need strong WILL to survive. We have to continue arming ourselves with the physical heath and following the protocols mandated by the health department.

Explain feelings of anxiety to a trusted person to build mutual understanding. This increases confidence and allows others to provide the support needed when venturing outside the home.

We have to strengthen our faith as well. Enrich the belief that ALL WILL BE FINE soon.

 

Legacy

 

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Bootan da kun jaoy kaatubang…. It’s a sad fact that there are people who seem to be nice in front of you but hurls all the judgment to you when you are not around. These persons exist in our society and most of them cause some chaos in their lifetime – minor or major.

Gossiping shows the basic nature of human beings. We have a tendency to look into others’ lives. If it is others’ downfall people are happier! Even the trendiest social website Facebook is climbing success with the same strategy. Most of us will have a natural curiosity about what is going on with others.

Persons who thrive on backbiting are either psychologically disturbed or innately envious. They cannot fill in their inadequacies they start looking for others’ mistakes instead. Their existence will become meaningful when they can talk bad about someone! How unhealthy that could be!

When people feel bad about themselves, they sometimes will target other people to try to make themselves feel better. As a result, they talk about others as a way to deflect attention from themselves. When people are at the top of the social ladder or are determined to climb higher, they sometimes accomplish that by diminishing the status of another person (Gordon, 2020).

Still we need to understand that what we have done good will be the ones that count: not the mistakes, the hitches in one’s journey. That is why we have to consider nurturing each other rather inflicting pain. A person’s legacy must be the efforts he/she exerted on empowering others and helping them to become better individuals and NOT destroying them.

Biologically and socially toxic conditions interfere with successful development. They influence development of the affective/cognitive factors that mediate behavior (Flay et al., 2009) and can undermine the development of social bonds with others and counter the development of pro-social norms and skills (Flay et al., 2009).

Life is difficult these days. Let us not add toxic things around to ease the fear, anxiety and feeling bad due to our own inadequacies. Let us concentrate on how to BUILD than to DESTROY. Life is short you might NOT have the chance to become a good person.

In the end, you will only become a memory.

The question is: How will you be remembered by others?

Silver Linings

                                                     (image: brainyquote.com)

Bisan hawoy, padajon ta. Strong people are not bent by petty things. They will pick themselves up every time the fall. They have this mindset that life is a continuous battle of having victories and defeats. The mindset allows them to continue to struggle even with the adversities around.

Going bankrupt, failing an important exam, and walking away from an abusive marriage. Living with depression or a child in jail, knowing you are socially awkward, needing help to manage life… being sick. These are not your identity; they are simply part of your story.

Our stories have their ups and downs. We need to understand that there is no perfect story. Even in movies, we always expect to see the CONFLICT which will lead to the denouement. The “happy ever after” phase is always looked for yet we need to understand that our life is a continuum of different stages. That is the reason why we have to understand how to be kind to ourselves.

Self-bullying arises from lack of compassion and kindness towards oneself. It is often engendered by painful childhood experiences that left a child with emotional scars. Children are more vulnerable and susceptible to negativity, so harsh criticism from parents, teachers, or peers can easily shatter their confidence, making them feel insecure or inadequate (Flaxington, 2015).

With this fact, we have to consider evaluating our own selves if we are inflicting our own pains. Yes, there are people around who could do that. But PAIN will linger when we allow it to greatly affect us. Again, the pain we feel (either self-inflicted or done by others) is not our identity. They CANNOT define us. There are many parts of us which are worth to be cherished and appreciated.

Expressing displeasure with the sources of your frustration does not need to involve ‘going ballistic’. There are alternative ways of doing so which entail calmly and assertively communicating your points verbally or in writing. Setting boundaries in this manner will make it easier for you to pick yourself up the next time you’ve fallen down.

A good way to remind yourself of this is by regularly noting mentally or in writing the people and things you are grateful for. This is a research-substantiated technique for improving your mood which we have to practice. This will allow your spirit to be lifted since you will feel the moral support of those who love you. For sure, they will understand your defeats as part of your growth.

Let us journey on. There are still good things to be felt and experienced ahead. Although we are in a bleak atmosphere these days, there is always beauty amidst the difficulties.