Better Alone

 

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Mogara kun mahamok an iban.  When in a group, there are tendencies that one lets loose: Manners will be forgotten and the danger of being on familiar grounds allow the person to act sometimes in offensive ways.

Let us have a situation inside a fast-food chain when people are queueing. There are those who order food as a group. Then they argue on what food to order. For some minutes, they think on their preferences and even add some more orders forgetting that there are people next in line who are hungry have schedules to catch up.

There are also those group of friends who talk loudly inside a passenger vehicle as if their stories and jokes are meant to be heard by the world. They do not consider others like if their seatmates are trying to catch a nap.

Walden University published an article which states: When we’re in a group, we have a strong tendency to conform to the norms of that group. This may be due to the fact that, in many ways, groups protect us. By conforming, we demonstrate our willingness to be a part of the group, thus increasing the likelihood the group will protect us.

With conformity, we follow a group’s norms for the sake of getting along. When a specific behavior is normalized in us, we believe it to be normal and proper, which bonds us strongly to groups that believe the same. Depending on what’s being normalized, normalization can either be positive (eating healthy is normal) or negative (using drugs is normal).

But these persons act differently when they are alone. Sometimes, they are even more behaved and reserved – conscious of their manners and actions.

That’s why there are those who prefer to be alone (like this writer). Conforming to the norms of a group can oftentimes lose one’s identity.

Big Heads

 

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Sige kaw sipanmantay sa iban nagkapag gan ton im buhok! What’s with this people who are so fond of looking for the mistakes of others when in fact they are also flawed? Is this some sort of trying to become superior to hide the inferiorities in them?

In the bestselling book of Stephen R. Covey, he mentioned about the circle of influence - the things that concern you that you can do something about. This must be developed as a habit so to become highly effective.

Ergo, there are tendencies that the people who are so concerned outside their circle of influence are NOT effective in their dealings with their personal and professional lives.

By successfully focusing on the things we can influence within our own life, family, or business (e.g. our own actions, behaviors, planning, etc), that impact our own lives directly, we can indirectly have an impact on a larger scale (Abraham, 2020).

Yet, there are those who persist on looking at the mistakes of others forgetting that they themselves need to upgrade themselves to become better persons. Alfred Adler, an early psychologist, in his theory of Individual Psychology defined superiority complex as a reaction to a deep feeling of inferiority.

If people have an unrealistically high sense of self-esteem that’s causing their superiority complex, it can still cause negative mental health effects. A superiority complex is likely to make them feel overconfident in their abilities. They may not work hard enough to achieve their goals, and failure may make them feel especially bad (Brennan, 2021).

This type of overconfidence can also push away other people in the life of those who are overconfident. That is the reason why they are disliked by many.

So, we can start pushing them away from our lives too. If they pester us continuously, they deserve to be pushed literally.

Delusional

 

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Ikaw kibali an pinaka-brayt? There are people who think that they are better than others. They have this mindset that they are endowed with perfection in terms of intelligence to the point that they belittle and disrespect others.

There’s nothing wrong with being very smart. It’s when an individual lets his pride in being smart, go to his head, that problems start to occur. Such swollen-headed individuals exhibit a condition known as intellectual arrogance.

Intellectual arrogance refers to a state and frame of mind, where an individual considers his/her intellect to be superior to others, his/her knowledge cannot be challenged and he/she judges others based on their intellect (socialmettle.com).

But what if the feigned intellect is also limited? What if the individual is just having some sort of delusions of grandeur?

People experiencing delusions of grandeur see themselves as great, highly accomplished, more important than others, or even magical. The delusion may be persistent, or it may appear only periodically.

However, a delusion of grandeur is more than just very high self-esteem or an inflated sense of self-importance. It marks a significant disconnection from the real world. A person with delusions of grandeur may continue to believe in the delusion in spite of contradictory evidence (Legg, 2018).

Even if the person is NOT that intelligent, the delusion continues due to the inflated sense of importance. Psychologists believe that this is being caused by poor parental affirmation and lack of affection during childhood.

So, those who insult us for not being able to cope with their BELIEVED intelligence, let us examine their childhood and investigate how their parents raised them.

The Darkness Within

 

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For a long time, I have been studying Carl Jung’s “The Shadow” to the point that I sometimes feel alarmed if I am edging to obsession. You see, I encountered people who can be good all the way but their dark side sometimes manifest through their words, deeds and intentions.

Can we not control The Shadow taking over the Self?

Complementary to Jung’s idea of the persona, which is “what oneself as well as others thinks one is” [CW9 para 221], the “shadow is that hidden, repressed, for the most part inferior and guilt-laden personality whose ultimate ramifications reach back into the realm of our animal ancestors…It has been believed hitherto that the human shadow was the source of evil.

Listing down what you have done in a journal can lead you to evaluate the deeds and their attached intentions. Journals allow you to reflect and see the flow of your thoughts and ideas. Can you feel a hint of The Shadow in your daily routine?

New Age philosophers believe in the power of ENERGY. They theorize that once you emit and invite positive energy, your life can be better. But if your thoughts and deeds are skewed towards the negative, you will then manifest the darkness… The Shadow.

When in churches, during prayers, intentions are good – positive. If we constantly surround ourselves with goodness, positive things happen and will be felt. But if we invoke the devil through our words, deeds and intentions, it would surely manifest in our lives.

Ergo, Jung’s “Shadow” can be stifled if we are aware that it would rear its ugly head once we surrender to it. He saw quite clearly that failure to recognize, acknowledge and deal with shadow elements is often the root of problems between individuals and within groups and organizations.

Let us be aware of what we are dealing with.