Votes Unite Not Divide

(photo: http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk)

For years now, I've been studying how to conquer emotions. You see, a lot of major decisions and even failures are based on poor judgments anchored on emotional bias. Take anger for example and how we give in to hurting others because we are angry. Others even resort to killing another person because of anger and personal issues. Families sometimes are divided because of the feuds founded on emotional setbacks and feelings.

"You are not your emotions," as a wise nun told me some years ago. You can control them not the other way around. This concept was then supported by the international bestseller of Stephen Covey when he published " Seven Habits of Highly Effective People". A chapter on that book delves into how we could choose our actions towards a stimulus.

There are some friends of mine who are asking persistently on who will I vote as president this May 9. I would then be entangled into a lot of thought processes since I could feel that they have their weapons ready for a word war. First, I have my own choice and they must respect that, No amount of cajoling could lead me to be influenced by them since I have my own discernment on how to vote wisely. Then, I find it counterproductive to argue on things which are sometimes based on how others FEEL about the candidate. Of course, feelings are important but the mind must be used as well since the election is not just about you and me. It has a macro effect that could cascade to generations.

Here's something: I like fruit scented colognes and my brother prefers musk. I could tell him the benefits of having the sweet scent over the woody one. He could also give his reason on how others find one attractive with a musky scent. But will we allow our choices to mar our relationship? Will I become a victim of my own insecurities of not being listened as an older brother? In the end, it is our personal choices that matter. It is how we exercise our freedom to choose that allows us to become better individuals.

It is OK to be a supporter. It's even OK to be angry when truth and justice are not prevailing. But it is not good to divide the country because of the petty reason of supporting per se. After the elections, it is not a good picture when we continue to be divisive and not become team players in molding the nation we love. What would happen to our efforts to build a better country if we allow division based on emotions to rule over our sanity?

I still believe that our individual efforts are the most important ones that count. In pursuing Management,  I realize time and again how proactive actions of individuals in an organization matter. Thus, we are the ones to run our own little "areas".

When my brother pursues his master's degree, I could continue inspiring and supporting him even if I realize that most of his friends chose musk cologne as the best there is than the fruity ones. What matters most is the fact that my own beliefs and convictions are respected and not ridiculed. 

What I feel is important. But what I think and feel could be better.

Killing a Mockingbird

                                                    (Photo: Manny Pacquiao)

Someone asked my take on the Paquiao and the LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender) community's rift on the latter being tagged by the world champion as "worse than animals". I heard about it when a video of an angry Boy Abunda appeared in the news feed of a social networking site. I practiced being stoic so that I could think straight and started listening to both sides. And being a member of the Editors Guild of the campus papering movement, I shied away from giving biased remarks.

The LGBT community is hurt. Evidence are the nasty comments on the face of Manny's mother as more likened to an animal and their side comments on Manny's "stupidity" since he is allegedly not well-educated. The absences incurred by Pacquiao in the legislative endeavors are also underscored.

Of course, the infamous boxer asked an apology for seemingly hurting the gay community. But then, the damage has been done and emotions perked up to Mt. Fuji. His fans and supporters aired their side as well bombarding Vice Ganda and questioning him and other comedy-bar artists on their jokes and the use of Mommy Dionisia's antics as if she is the ultimate laughingstock. They also release words such as "bakla na dapat mamatay at ipako sa krus". The word bigot is being hurled to both sides.

I'd like to walk-through with self-discernment. In the new Bloom's taxonomy of learning, REMEMBERING belongs to the low-level thinking and CREATING is on the higher order thinking strand. The latter includes creating ideas and insights. These original ideas or influenced insights are well-thought, organized and based on data. Meaning, a person's idea and intellect could be inferred from the number of books he studied and ideas he performed with careful dichotomy. In my own opinion, I could qualify the accusations of some that Pacquiao's ideas could be tagged as mediocre. This could be gleaned by the words he utter during interviews. 

In Malcolm Gladwell's "Outliers", he theorized that someone could be good with a certain skill (i.e. communication, idea-generation, etc.) if he will practice for 10,000 hours on that skill. Thus, most intellectuals immerse themselves into complex discourses and reading resulting to the desired skills either deliberately or accidentally, So, Manny's ideas especially in terms of human equality and the fallacy of generalizations might be on the amateurish stage. I bet he could not give a reaction on Harper Lee's "To Kill A Mockingbird" much to empathize to Oprah Winfrey's plight to end slavery.

I'm an educator. I believe in the importance of such things because they are tagged as life skills. But could I say that Manny Pacquiao is stupid? Of course not. It was Howard Gardner's revolutionary theory on Multiple Intelligence which opened doors for the schools' effort to deliver Differentiated Instruction. Pacquiao is an intelligent athlete. This could stem from the number of hours he trained as a boxer. Probably, he was able to reach 10,000 hours of practice since he has a lot of belts to be proud of.

Now what is the lesson out from this brouhaha? Simple. Don't venture on unknown territories. You might encounter situations where you could pass as incompetent and inconsistent. Learn first, er, train first before fighting. 

I could understand how he got this enlightenment stage with his "Christian" friends that he clung to the Bible and utter words from it. I don't have anything against the Bible, in fact, I could not live without it. I also share things I learn from it especially with the religious community I belong. But I do not PREACH. That's one thing Manny should learn. I was informed by a priest that they have some sort of a masters degree in Philosophy to be able to preach, I think he must not use his neophyte ideas with the bible since he is an international figure. If he wishes to, he must take a degree in religious studies prior to the preaching.

Another: I'm a devout Catholic. I don't take offense on the religious preference of others. I don't criticize their ways of praying. In fact, I am trained to perform CENTERING rather than giving a prayer when conducting international or national training so not to offend other religions. So, what is this seemingly-borrowed wisdom from a new-found religion?

On the other side of the fence, I also dislike the lewd comments of those LGBT members who seem to have some sort "resbak". They seem to go below the belt with their comments involving the athlete's mother. Who and what give them the right to say those words? OK, they are offended. So, it is their anger? I think giving in to bigotry is dangerous. The concept of learning first before reacting could be applied here as well. When one displaces unacceptable comments, allow him to receive the consequences.

Being severed from Nike is one. Now, let's learn to see each others as equal. Even if he sees you as animals, see his mother differently.

Waging War on Prejudice

When a sex video goes viral not just on the social media site but with the individual phones as well, it is always anti-women. The victim is either a woman or a child.

I am not interested with the "scandal" issue here in town as some (even teachers for crying out loud!) ogled on the video of an alleged college student from a local university, I was in deep thought what have become of the capacity-building activity I had with the educators to be child-friendly. Are the provisions on R.A. 9262 being cascaded to the public servants or ignorance simply prevails? I heard comments from people giving prejudice to the woman and nary a comment from the man who could be filed with statutory rape since the girl is allegedly a minor.

I have been asking around if local legislators regulated the "boarding houses" in the municipality for who could be accountable of such crimes against women? Violating their rights of privacy could be a good discussion in the legislators' hall. But then again, they might be busy with their early campaigns.

If the woman consents having sex with someone, does she deserve to be videotaped and be ridiculed by others? What about the man who probably was the one who initiated the whole event? We could not put the blame on him? What is it in our culture when we put a lot of respect to men even if most of them are weak enough to rear a family? And what is the state of mind of those peeping toms who recorded the sexual escapades?

Recently, I visited the detention center of the BJMP to spend some time with an inmate who doesn't have a family. Drugs. As I listened to the different MO's on how to deal methamphetamine, I was scandalized to hear stories of some guys allowing the girls to hit some "shabu" for the girls to endure hourly rounds of kinky sex. Of course, I could scream on the gals for consenting but whose intention was it?

I might sound as an all-out feminist but I'm not. I respect a lot of men who excel on their work and who are responsible enough to be real men. What I am questioning is that stigma on females who seems to be the only person to be blamed when infidelity and sex videos appear. It takes two to tango, you know.

With these gender-sensitive times, we must look at the equality of sexes. We must not marginalize women and children for they are also human beings: prone to commit mistakes like that of men. It would take a lot of education and tons of books to read I know, but we could start from a vantage point of reason and simple psychology.

Parents should also be aware of their children's rights. If I am the parent of the girl, I would wage war against the system. I need to face the shame and seek for justice. Why? It is simply because my daughter is more important than shame. I might not have a perfect family and outstanding parenting skills but NO ONE has the right to push me and my family towards something we do not deserve.

  

Askew

As the different plots seem to untangle themselves to become a cohesive story, one could wonder why the Filipino audience won’t be lured by such. I will always wonder why is it that local flicks are centered on relationships and the thrill of having third parties. There were even instances when the legal wife seemed to be overruled by the power of the mistress. Local networks are presenting young love teams and drawing young viewers to swoon over heartthrobs like that of Daniel Padilla and James Reid...

For days now, I immersed myself to American Horror Story a masterpiece produced by Brad Falchuk and Ryan Murphy (of the Glee fame). Season 1 is all about Murder House, Asylum for Season 2, Coven for Season 3 and Freak Show for Season 4. The much-awaited Season 5 (Hotel) will open this October with Lady Gaga and Naomi Campbell on the lead...

The thing to lure me towards the series nay anthology are the plots and subplots. They dwell on insanity, ghosts, serial killers, exorcism and even cannibalism. These quirks are all triggered by the disturbed mind and it always fascinate me to learn how a human being could be enslaved with his/her emotions and devolve into hideous creatures. I particularly like the way Asylum is presented where Jessica Lange could show the viewers how a person could live both poles: she plays Sister Jude, a nun, who is an alcoholic and could be tagged as a whore!

There is also this elusive topic in psychotherapy in which a young child is killing her friends and even her mother without a trace of guilt in her. This could be attributed to the concept of psychopathy but others could really question if there is really a natural born killer.

Of course, the anthology is violent and it dwells with the taboo but it always stirs the mind. In fact, Lange and even Kathy Bates get international accolades on their roles and the TV program itself wins a handful of Emmys.

I understand that the local networks must have their return of investments on producing their teleseryes. They need to get the pulse of the local viewers on what topics to be dealt with and who will be cast. But looking at the series where most of the young ones are ogling, I would be alarmed if I am a parent. Why is it that they could relate to young people having their “love life” as all or nothing? Do they know that even in school they will sneak out of their class rooms so that they could call their love teams and cry over petty things? I even caught a girl smashing her phone along the hallway because her crush posed with another girl on a Facebook post!

Emotions are important. But we must not be enslaved by them. We are the ones to control them not the other way around. Yes, there are weaklings but we could steer them towards empowerment. There are those who could waste a day wallowing on an emotional tantrum... There are those persons who are now adults but still dwell on their incapacity and insecurity. I could be one of them but at least I know how to grab myself and take a hold. I even grimace on how our local actors quarrel over “love” in full costumes. How could one remember putting on makeup when he/she plots revenge?

In American Horror Story, the depressed are ugly with snot on their faces and unkempt hair. Those who grieve over a family’s demise show wrinkles and skin sans moisturizer! The monsters are scary and the decapitated parts of the body are gory... Sex could be kinky and sick... That’s how the producers dwell on truth.

Still, I won’t have to wait for the 5^th season of AHS. All I have to do is look around. There are those who show a facade of calm and talk on pure intentions. But in them, Murphy and Falchuk would be interested to see for the forthcoming seasons.

Fragile

They were student leaders who joined the discussions on how to protect their companions in school through the Child Protection Policy of the DepEd. I delivered a talk on Positive Approaches to Discipline and I tagged them along. As the vehicle sped back to our place, I looked at them keenly and realized that indeed, an adult could change the way they will become in the future. 

For months that I have been immersed to the capacity building of teachers on how to protect children from bullying and abuse, I developed this disturbance inside. Those who shared their childhood memories could still vividly recall the way they have been hurt physically and emotionally when they were still young. A teacher remembered being thrown by his aunt some feet landing in all fours on the floor. Someone was punched by his father on the stomach... Another was made to kneel on rock salt. There were some who were hit by their teachers with stick and rulers. When we reached at the analysis part of the discussion, I asked the question: Why could you still remember them? All of them answered that these things are already embedded in their hearts.

On the other side of the fence, I asked for their happiest childhood memories and the syntheses of their answers come to the simplest acts of affirmation: that their parents and teachers appreciated their efforts by saying Very Good and they receive presents.

As a teacher and parent, what have we imprinted in the hearts of the children?

"The End of the Wasp Season" by Denise Mina is a disturbing book about a rich kid whose parents are into material things forgetting the existence of their children. Thomas, murdered a woman whom she thought as the mistress of his father only to realize later that she's not. The story is centered on the police deputy who is investigating the crime with entwined subplot of her being a product of a dysfunctional family as well.

I got hooked with the storytelling since I am into this adolescent behavior stuff. With the prose, I come into the conclusion that indeed, children would be pushed to a world where adults are oftentimes  the culprit.

I could not educate all the parents and the teachers on matters like these. I am even trying to learn more about these things... But I could not just be an onlooker for I might fall into the trap of indifference...

Young people are now considered as social investments. They will be the future parents. But the thing is: Most of them were born from parents who are still not ready to serve others. Their parents are still focused on how to satisfy their own needs and wants. So what kind of cycle are we going to expect?

I don't know. But I'm hopeful. I could see that there are still adults who are dynamically growing to be contributors of growth and development rather than those who constantly criticize to grab attention. I still could see people who are working hard to enrich themselves to realize the ultimate goal of life which is to SERVE. There are those who sacrifice so that their children will experience a better life soon.

****

When we reached our place, I asked the student leaders if they were hungry. they coyly nodded their heads and I told them that we will eat a hearty meal. Food is a basic need. Most of the kids I know are often hungry...

Unfriend Me

                                                                 (photo:google.com)

It was like seeing things on a desktop screen but on a very large version!

One thing I realized when I scanned the seated people in the cinema is the age of the viewers. It seemed that I was old enough for the flick! But, this sort-of insecurity faded away as I saw the older ones leave the theater in trickles as they found the film "too much" or too banal for them.

UNFRIENDED focuses on online bullying which resulted to the suicide of Laura Barns. The film starts with a conversation with lovers through a Skype-like app. Others then joined the live streaming conversations with all their wacky thoughts and banter. Along the way, a netizen viewer could sense something is wrong since there's a faceless icon linked with their group. Annoyance came to the group when the intruder started interacting with them.

Violence started to happen when the faceless joiner claimed to be Laura Barns and the group saw this as preposterous since the girl committed suicide and... it was her death anniversary. The story then untangled the "secret" of this group of friends who posted lewd pictures of Laura Barns and even encouraged her to kill herself. One by one, the online friends started dying.

By having an open mind, I could say that the flick introduces a new genre of film-making. It includes Facebook, You Tube and other online means of communication which is the WORLD of the new generation. While looking at the words being typed on the chat boxes juxtaposed with the Skype image, a viewer must understand all of these technologies for him/her to appreciate the storytelling. Those who went out in trickles had dismayed expressions on their faces...

I'm not saying that the film is good. It has a lot of debatable subplots which are like pebbles in a shoe. Like: Why should they stay in front of their laptops? They could have called their parents or the neighbors than wait for the alleged and seemingly-virtual killer to "delete" them from existence!

What I like is what the movie is trying to drive home: Cyber bullying is wrong and it is unhealthy. It could destroy relationships and could even lead to death and crimes.

Although Filipinos manifest less the products of psychopathy, it is still wise to monitor the well-being of children especially with their behavior in the cyber world. This is an area which oftentimes threaten adults but we need to take a peek if not immerse into this for us to be aware and be empowered on what armors to prepare.

You Are Stabbed Too

Inside a passenger van bound home, I overheard two persons talking about someone being stabbed to death. The conversation was unclear since I got a lot of things to think in line with the hosting of our division for the regional athletic meet. It was when I reached school when I heard about the gruesome murder of a medical technologist in a neighboring town straight from the cousin who is a teacher in our school.

My mind worked so fast I forgot to console the cousin since I was engulfed with anger. I personally do not know the victim but to realize that such evil exists in our area is a thought so repulsive I wanted to yell to the wall. Who gives someone the right to kill? Is there a valid reason to stab somebody almost twenty times? Of course we could think about insanity and drug abuse but again, how could one explain these factors to the grieving family members?

When I continued to fume inside, I then overheard someone blaming the victim for proceeding to an area as the rendezvous. He was, I inferred, a member of the LGBT community. Good thing I was distracted by a Grade 7 student who has mild dyslexia. If not, I could have retorted to that comment and gave a lecture on bigotry and the effects of prejudice to a community!

I toiled so hard and learned a lot from my graduate school thesis which is all about violence on women and children. I am an advocate of anti-trafficking on women and children and I believe that violence and gender bias are things which stem from hate. The thesis eventually landed as one of the best in the school for that year and received commendations from the Commission on Higher Education.

Yes, I carefully immersed myself into hate crimes and one of the things these perpetrators do to conceal their inferiority is violence. Studies reveal that husbands who beat their wives have childhood issues and anger towards their mothers. Those who find children as their prey are those who hunger for power and weak enough to deal with "stronger" ones that they settle for those they consider weaker than them! And of course, those who beat and kill gays violently are gays themselves. They are so disgusted with their secrets they need to kill someone who mirrors them! There is even a study conducted to violent men which is linked to the size of their penis. Teeny-weenies are those who are violent! Pathetic.

I have always known that this plight is a lonely one. I often give time to those mentally-challenged individuals. I befriend the Mamanwa. In the school where I am serving, I am close to those students who are bullied and have physical impairment. Others would raise their eyebrows and consider it as an eccentricity. But there is nothing wrong with empowering people who are victimized by the self-righteous and sick individuals.

With this incident in our society, we must be angry. Jesus was angry enough to kick and slam his hands on the tables of those gamblers and selfish thugs inside the temple. With such anger, we will be propelled to find justice and disallow violence to thrive in our midst.

NOBODY DESERVES TO BE MURDERED VIOLENTLY. There are times when we blame the victim for his or her mistakes (i.e. Sakto da na tagkulata nan bana kay nagger sija! Amo na nabono kay unoy pagkinadto-kadto!) but what if you are the victim of this? Or your son/daughter? Sakto da?

Violence on women, children, differently-abled persons, indigenous people, LGBT (lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transgenders) is evil. It is as evil as violence on the so-called normal people.

Let us discuss these things among our friends. Our behaviors and actions are always tainted with what we feel. Mental illnesses come from thwarted feelings translated into actions. Let us start spreading stuff to stop violence. It is difficult but it is worth the effort.