Stop Playing the Victim

 

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Kay uman ako may pirme sajop?

Playing the victim is an egocentric person’s way of twisting the truths. But despite all the efforts, others will always see their true colors. As the adage goes: We were not born yesterday!

Persons with victim mentality claim things that happen to them are the fault of someone or something other than themselves. It might be the fault of their partner, family, co-worker, friend, or "the way the world is." They frequently complain about the bad things that happen in their lives. They are reluctant to take personal responsibility, asserting that the circumstances aren’t in their control (Brennan, 2022).

Vicki Botnick, a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT) in Tarzana, California, explains that people identify with the victim role when they “veer into the belief that everyone else caused their misery.”

These people do not take responsibility of their actions!

A lot of people will then ask: Why is it that these types do not learn from their past mistakes? Is it a personality trait or something edging towards mental illness?

One 2020 study (Gabay, Hameiri, et al.) suggests that the victim mentality may be a personality trait, dubbed the “Tendency for Interpersonal Victimhood (TIV).” In this case, it spans multiple types of relationships and includes four patterns: a desire for recognition as a victim; feelings of moral superiority; limited empathy for others; and frequent rumination.

And Lebow (2022) theorized that a sense of victimhood may also be a symptom of another mental health condition, including: borderline personality disorder (BPD); major depressive disorder (MDD); and narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).

We often hear beauty queens advocating mental health awareness and all. Some always feel that this is all about depression. They do not realize that there are people we see around worse than being depressed.

Conflict-filled Minds

 

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Uman pirme man igkita nan kalabad?

What you feel and think, you will become. Therefore, if you are a person of bad thoughts, intentions and has a rotten set of values, expect that the universe will also give these negative things to you.

English philosopher James Allen mentioned: “As a man thinks, so he is; as he continues to think, so he remains.” Stoic and Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius said: “A man’s life is what his thoughts make of it.” And author Earl Nightingale posited: “We become what we think about.”  

In Hinduism and Buddhism, karma is the sum of one’s actions in their existence’s current and past states, believed to decide their future destinies. With this, the saying was quipped: What goes around comes around.

There is this movement about emptying the mind with negative thoughts through meditation and welcoming all the positive thoughts like gratefulness and intentions of peace and well-being. The proponents believe that the deed can transcend all negative things around.

And that is the difference between peace-loving person and a “war freak”. The former transcends while the latter dwells.

When people achieve transcendence, they have gone beyond ordinary limitations. The word is often used to describe a spiritual or religious state, or a condition of moving beyond physical needs and realities.

The American Psychiatric Association (2020) reported: rumination involves repetitive thinking or dwelling on negative feelings and distress and their causes and consequences. The repetitive, negative aspect of rumination can contribute to the development of depression or anxiety and can worsen existing conditions.

Those who dwell on negative intentions and thoughts and act on them will soon get their rewards: A chaotic life they fairly deserve.

In Constant Chaos

 

Basin nakalaong na sija day hawod!

There are those who think that they are the only manipulators, deceptive and power-hungry creatures. They’re wrong. Along the way, they will encounter similar species.

First, mean people don’t envision themselves as bad. They don’t understand people who think they are mean. And yet, when they do engage with another rude person, they often feel hurt and complain.

‘Evil’ people are those who are unable to empathize with others. As a result, their own needs and desires are of paramount importance. They are selfish, self-absorbed, and narcissistic. They cannot sense other people’s emotions or suffering, can’t see the world from other people’s perspectives, and so have no sense of their rights. Other human beings are just objects to them, which is what makes their brutality and cruelty possible (Taylor, 2003).

When, they apply this to others who have similar attributes, expect a “clash”. They will then release all their powers to stay on top not realizing that on the other side, the same mentality is applied.

Along the way, animals as they are, they will then experience the “fight or flight response”. It serves many for most of that time, readying for attack and helping individuals escape when they encounter something “dangerous” (Schoen, 2014).

Therefore, during the clash, there is a fight and if threatened, the animal in them, flees. But they won’t stop there.

The preservation of the ego will then take place. One’s ego is generally always oriented toward a fundamental defense of the self. Since most of the mean people are egocentric, they will always find ways to preserve their self-image.

Machiavellianism in psychology refers to a personality trait that sees a person so focused on their own interests they will manipulate, deceive, and exploit others to achieve their goals (Jacobson, 2023).

If these persons won’t consider reflections, therapy and interventions, they will experience a vicious cycle of conflicts and chaotic encounters. In the real world, they exist. And most of the time, they are involved in unresolved conflicts and constant “clashes”.

You Are What You Repeatedly Do

 

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Ugsa baja magsiningod!

Simply said, a habit is a routine or behavior that is performed regularly, and in many cases, automatically.

Ever wonder why there are people who are fond of doing things which are considered as morally wrong, yet they still do them? It has become their habits – an automatic response to a stimulus. Paired with justifications and the ability to whitewash lies (and probably experiencing mental illness like psychopathy and narcissistic disorder), they still can sleep well at night.

In his worldwide bestseller “Atomic Habits,” James Clear posited: Once habits are established, they seem to stick around forever – especially the unwanted ones. Despite the individual’s best intentions, unhealthy habits like [accumulating money even in a corrupt manner] can feel impossible to break.

Bandyk (2016) mentioned: Most corrupt acts are not committed by those whom we would likely picture as bad people, certainly not with knowing the specific contexts and rationalization behind a corrupt act. More often than not, corruption is a tale of “protagonists of these behaviors [that] gradually slide into habits, without thinking of them as wrongdoings.”

Dan Ariely, professor of behavioral economics and psychology at Duke University, calls this the fudge factor – “an ability to rationalize some dishonesty [where] as long as we cheat just a little bit, we can still rationalize it.”

Yet ultimately, habits matter since they help you become the person you want to be. You become your habits. A person who has the habit of writing will eventually be called a writer. Therefore, a person who is not honest enough of dealing other people’s money will either be corrupt or dishonest.

There is no single way to create better habits. But the awareness of good and evil must be in the system of a person. Doing good things repeatedly will cause automatic goodness. The opposite is fearsome.

Those Who Sit (Not Just Sitting)

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Mo silbi or magpa silbi?

It has always been a debate on why there are those who run for public service when in fact their motivations are unclear. We cannot discount the fact that there are those who deserve to run… still, what drives those who cannot even make a draft of a resolution?

Butuyan (2022) mentioned that an election provides a stage that generates public attention for individuals who crave fame. Running for office feeds big egos. It also gives the same adrenaline rush associated with gambling, because getting elected into office can yield a bonanza of great wealth as viewed by those with unscrupulous intentions.

What if others are just bored? And since there is an election, what a good way to fill in the empty hours by doing something…

Public servants work for government and for citizens. They're responsible to the elected government, not a political party or themselves. They develop and deliver public programs or services and provide evidence-based policies to defend constitutional rights and improve the quality of life among the people they are serving.

Ergo, this is not some hobby to do for a person not to get bored.

The examination of political ambition emerged with the classic study by Schlesinger (1966, p. 4), who described “political ambitions” as being shaped by a person's “office goals.” This conceptualization of political ascent argues that people take actions which enable them to reach their goals of advancing in their political careers.

Sadly, Philippine political parties rarely pay attention to their platforms but are used to perpetuate their members’ personal and clan interests. They do not rigorously select qualified candidates as they revolve around political stars seen to have the best chance of electoral victory (Wong,2022).

There is a need for the ambitious to have research skills to arrive to data-driven policies. The mind-set must be changed as well for them to be more SELFLESS than SELFISH since public office is FOR the people.

The voting public cannot control the motivations of those who are running for an office. But, the people has the power to elect the ones they see as capable of serving the public. 

Real Monsters

 

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Di na maghuyat Hallowen kay mahamok na daan kahadlokan!

There is this Western tradition being embraced by Filipinos – trick or treat and horror costumes during the last day of October. Television shows also feature weird and scary stories in this time of the year.

This writer do not believe on such stuff because in reality, Halloween happens daily. Let us just open our eyes and see the horrific persons amongst us:

ASWANG. There are people around you who seeps all the goodness in you. They are going to suck all your energy since most of the time they attack on your personality and slowly kill you by spreading bad things about you.

VAMPIRES. These are the “friends and so-called significant others” who drain your emotions since they have the talent of blaming you for all the mistakes in your relationships.

KAPRE are leaders who impose their power over you. You cannot say anything since they are TOO LARGE you are always cowering down when they unleash their powers. The smoke of their tobacco can kill your spirit you oftentimes feel suffocated emotionally and physically.

SIGBIN. You cannot see them. They are so good when you are with them but behind your back, they are draining your integrity. Their power lies on their tongues. They are so good in creating stories that will diminish all the good things you have done.

MANANANGGAL. These are impartial people. Sometimes, they are politicians who tell you how they care about the greater good. But these words are just fronts. They are leaving a lot of things behind for their own consumption.

WHITE LADY. The dishonest ones are those who want to whitewash their lies with beautiful words. Similar to the promises of the whitening lotions in the market claiming that you will have lighter skin after seven days, their words are simply bluff.

According to Thomas (2021) Halloween has its roots in the ancient Celtic festival of Samhain, a pagan religious celebration to welcome the harvest at the end of summer, when people would light bonfires and wear costumes to ward off ghosts.

Again, there is no need to wait for that date to get scared. The costumes others are wearing are invisible. But the horrifying things are being worn in their hearts.

Adults Going Berserk

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Kun di makatunong an dagko na tawo, mga bata an madaot!

Was it Stephen King who suggested that adults must be terminated since they are the cause of troubles? This can be inferred in his novel “Children of the Corn”.

ISRAEL AND HAMAS. Social media, news sites and online newsfeeds are full of the pitiful experiences of the people who are trapped amidst bombing and air strikes. One could not help but be tearful when images of children orphaned and traumatized come to the picture. What have become of humanity?

HAMAS–the acronym for Harakat al-Muqawama al-Islamiya (Islamic Resistance Movement)—is the largest and most capable militant group in the Palestinian territories and one of the territories’ two major political parties.

Ideologies must be geared for the common good. When adults become obsessed with beliefs and doctrines, their empathy can oftentimes be clouded with reason and their “greater good” is something skewed.

SANGGUNIANG KABATAAN. The elections are coming. There are youngsters who are being lured by politicians to be used by them with their self-serving deeds. These puppeteers are muddling with the young ideals and later corrupt them.

Grim as it may sound, the youth leaders must now set a precedent for future leaders by taking up active roles in the community and in school before they can even file their certificates of candidacy (Tan, 2023, inq.net). Yet, there are those “trapos” (traditional politicians) who are grooming them to become their alter-egos.

EDUCATION SECTOR. What happens when teachers and educational leaders forget about their clients and focus on their selfish motives? A long-term effect will happen and nation-building will just be a dream.

Building a warm, positive and responsive relationship with young people, helps to shape the adult the children will become giving a strong foundation for the rest of their lives (Shaman, 2021).

Probably, those who manipulate the children and neglect their future were unhappy during their childhood days.