We Are Who We Are

 

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Hinay hinay lamang kay sa hilabian magdali. There is actually no competition. It is one’s outlook in life if he/she is competing with the people around. The real battle is within: a dynamic movement of the self from a starting point to the next. There is no time limit set by the society. Sometimes, the pressure seen from the outside can make the person feel inferior. Where in fact, no people must be pressured to live their lives the way they perceive it to be.

In 1990, psychologist Jennifer Campbell published a paper that introduced the idea of self-concept clarity. Basically, she suggested that having high self-esteem can be associated with having a clear sense of yourself and knowing who you are.

Anyone who is dedicated to self-improvement, personal development or the higher goal of spiritual growth needs to actively seek to understand oneself. This is because only when one understands where one lacks, can he or she focus their efforts on what to improve.

Basically, self-awareness is the capacity that a person has to introspect. It includes gaining an understanding of and insight into one’s strengths, qualities, weaknesses, defects, ideas, thoughts, beliefs, ideals, responses, reactions, attitude, emotions and motivations. Thus introspection also includes assessing how one is perceived by others and how others are impacted based on one’s behavior, responses and conduct.

There are instances when people look up to someone as a role model. That is not bad, but what is wrong is the time when the person start to copy or level up (and even try to go beyond) with the role model without understanding first his/her strengths and weaknesses. This is the time when the person instills some sort of a stressful set of activities for him/her to realize the skewed need.

To understand our personality, we need to understand the nature of our mind. The mind is made up of two parts – the conscious and sub-conscious mind. The sub-conscious mind is vast and the impressions that are buried deep inside are not easy to uncover and analyze. However, ever so often during the day one’s mind erupts and reacts to some events and situations negatively. As a result, one feels a certain amount of restlessness and emotions such as insecurity, fear or anger (spiritualresearchfoundation.org).

It is then important to experience metacognition, which means having awareness and understanding of one’s own thought processes. This particular type of self-development pertains to becoming conscious of one’s own body and mental state of being including thoughts, actions, ideas, feelings and interactions with others. It is therefore the first step in overcoming negative emotions and reactions.

There is always a need for us to look deeper inside us to understand out motivations. This will allow the person to develop maturity. When we understand our own strengths and improve our weaknesses, there will be no time for us to be envious. You see, we will also arrive to the understanding that we are gifted with skills and intellect differently.

Let us cherish each other’s efforts to become better individuals. We know that by doing so, our niche in this world, even how big and small could it be, will be more meaningful.

Everybody Fails...Sometimes

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Kay uman kun masajop? No one is perfect. There are instances that we mispronounce a word. But does this mean that we do not know how to speak? Mistakes should be welcomed since these are the stepping stones towards an improved self. What we should be afraid of is the induced “success” which is hollow from the inside out.

Deep Patel (2018) mentioned: Authentic people are self-aware. They avoid blaming others for their own mistakes and accept their strengths and weaknesses. They show vulnerability, opening themselves up to others and connecting with people on a deep level.

Inauthentic people are quite the opposite.

Simply put, inauthentic people are fake. Sometimes people start taking on inauthentic characteristics because they feel pressured to be what they’re not, or they believe it will help them increase their chances of being successful. We all know that appearances are important. But inauthentic people have lost their way, and their phoniness is toxic to themselves and those around them.

That’s why we keep it simple. The understanding of one’s strengths and weaknesses is the starting point of success. We enhance our weaknesses and sustain our strengths. We have to put an effort in dealing with these as we journey on. Yes, it is good to dream and be ambitious. Still, we need to put our perspectives on such dreams. We work on them and celebrate our small successes.

Inauthentic people, however, like to show off. They have high opinions of themselves and they want to make sure everyone around them sees how great they are. They view others as being beneath them. They are often the peacock of their group, the one who is strutting and bragging, and who can’t stand it when others show them up. They have wrapped themselves in a bogus façade and they even start to believe their own lies.

Under their carefully curated exterior, however, they may be struggling with low self-esteem and severe insecurity.

Life is what we make it. We have to consider living our lives within our realities. Living on an induced atmosphere won’t allow us to be happy. People will continue to bloat their ego to the point of hurting others and even themselves. There is really a need to have a robust mental well-being to be able to survive in this competitive and fast-changing world.

Fake people often insulate themselves within a clique. These cliques often put social pressure on others to conform to their ideas, which serves to reinforce their preconceived notions. This is because inauthentic people aren’t open-minded and don’t want others to question their motives or ideals (entrepreneur.com).

We have to embrace our weaknesses and correct our own mistakes. By doing so, our gauge of our own success will be meaningful. In the end, it is us who savor our own fortunes NOT others.

Your Efforts, Not Theirs

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Dili lamang maghilabot sa paigo nan iban! We work for our families. We extend ourselves and create efforts to make our small and big communities better. We keep busy to make productive outputs. Sometimes we fail. Yet, if we strive hard, we often succeed. Those who do not strive hard and on the verge of failure oftentimes pull us down. They feel better when they reduce you to their level.

The need to feel superior to others is a major cause for people who put others down. Psychology says those who feel this need humiliate people to knock them down. By making another person feel small, a person who bullies feels bigger. They may feel superior in that they can assert their dominance over another person. It could also make them feel strong or powerful to beat another person down. This need comes from a lack of stability regarding this person's self-worth, and the bullying is simply a defense mechanism they have developed to shield themselves (Dean, 2020).

When someone puts you down there is often a motive or reason behind it or an aim that the person wants to achieve that will ultimately make them feel better. They will resort to demeaning comments, ignoring the other person or their efforts or passing rude and passive aggressive comments. Hence they make the other person feel less important, put down or upset and this gives them happiness or joy.

In reality, they are the ones who are feeling small. It is not our mistake if they envy the things that we have. If they have some mental disorders of feeling inadequate and they project these inadequacies to us, that is their problem. We cannot do anything about their mental wellness since health is a personal responsibility.

One of the reasons why someone would put somebody down is because of the low self-esteem they have. They are unable to improve their own self esteem by making an effort or working hard mentally and physically to feel better about themselves hence they resort to an easier method. And this is a result of poor parenting during their childhood (optimisticminds.com).

So, why be affected with these people with mental issues who pull us down? We need to continue thriving without minding the impact of their parents’ poor nurturing to them and affect us. Let them wallow in their distress and allow them to continue living the dark world they created.

For the rest of us, let us continue doing things aligned to the common good. It is free to dream and working for them is our choice. If others opt to waste their time by letting opportunities pass (or allowing their fickle mindedness to be developed), let them be. We work. We perform.

Poor mental health manifests because of NOT understanding the outcomes brought about by childhood deficits and poor self-esteem. If they will get crazy pulling us down, that is their business!

For us, let us monitor or mental well-being by monitoring our own movements…NOT others.

Hungry for Accolade

 

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Basta kay naghimo kaw nan eksakto! We sometimes do things for the affirmation that we long for. We cannot deny the fact that it is a human need to be affirmed. There are also those who thirst for recognition. It was mentioned time and again about the hierarchy of needs theorized by Maslow that recognition is a human need. But to wallow on such need is a different story.

Some intriguing research conducted by Dan Ariely and his colleagues (Emir Kamenica and Drazen Prelec) highlights how powerful and important a simple gesture of acknowledgement can be in terms of our level of engagement and perseverance. They orchestrated a study to examine our willingness to work on a task, depending on the extent to which it was recognized by another party. Despite the repetitive, and some might say boring, nature of the task, the impact of acknowledgement on the motivation of the participants was profound.

We all need to be recognized. It’s not a matter of pride, selfishness, or immaturity. Human beings, from the earliest moments in their lives, absolutely need respect and affection from everyone around them, which is where we implicitly find that sincere recognition towards us as people (exploringyourmind.com).

But what about those who constantly look for recognition that it would be the main motive of the individual in performing the tasks? What about those who will feel bad when a regular task is NOT recognized?

The Mayo Clinic mentions that narcissistic personality disorder — one of several types of personality disorders — is a mental condition in which people have inflated senses of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others. But behind this mask of extreme confidence lies a fragile self-esteem that's vulnerable to the slightest criticism.

A narcissistic personality disorder causes problems in many areas of life, such as relationships, work, school or financial affairs. People with narcissistic personality disorder may be generally unhappy and disappointed when they're not given the special favors or admiration they believe they deserve. They may find their relationships unfulfilling, and others may not enjoy being around them.

We cannot blame people having this since it is considered as a mental disorder. In fact there are treatments like psychotherapy and others. But to be aware of the ailment is an individual responsibility. One has to acknowledge the disorder so that ways and means can be found to have a better life and good relationship with others.

Self-esteem refers to the positive (high self-esteem) or negative (low self-esteem) feelings that we have about ourselves. We experience the positive feelings of high self-esteem when we believe that we are good and worthy and that others view us positively. We experience the negative feelings of low self-esteem when we believe that we are inadequate and less worthy than others.

Our self-esteem is determined by many factors, including how well we view our own performance and appearance, and how satisfied we are with our relationships with other people (Tafarodi & Swann, 1995).

We have to boost our self-esteem by doing what we think is right; what we consider as meaningful. The rewards and recognition must come from the fulfillment that we feel inside us. Others may see us differently but as long as we understand what we are doing, we cannot wait for their affirmation to continue doing well.

Life is short to be bitter. Let us lift ourselves and encourage others to do the same. In the end, the plaques, certificates, trophies and the entire accolade will become distant memory or be forgotten once we are not here anymore.

Live well…even if no one notices you.