Finding Yourself

 

Kay uman kun ako da isa, pirme baja dapat hamok para malingaw? There are those who are comfortable with themselves. There are also those who cannot stand their own persons that they have to escape. They need others to lift themselves up since they do not know how to do it themselves.

In the ’80s, the Italian journalist and author Tiziano Terzani, after many years of reporting across Asia, holed himself up in a cabin in Ibaraki Prefecture, Japan. “For a month I had no one to talk to except my dog Baoli,” he wrote in his travelogue A Fortune Teller Told Me. Terzani passed the time with books, observing nature, “listening to the winds in the trees, watching butterflies, enjoying silence.” For the first time in a long while he felt free from the incessant anxieties of daily life: “At last I had time to have time.”

Some people can go for a walk or listen to music and feel that they are deeply in touch with themselves. Others cannot.

It is alarming to note that there are people who depend their happiness to other people, situation, events and alarmingly to things. They will then become sad, frustrated or even depressed when these will be out of their grasp. This is what we call as relative happiness. There are even those who confuse enjoyment to happiness.

The peace and quiet others often seek allows then to sit and really think about things. And this is something they actually love doing. They like to find answers to those deep and meaningful questions about life and the universe. They like thinking.

Others may see them boring but these people are NOT bored at all. They read, listen to music and write down ideas. They can then be good resource persons for they have a tank full of ideas and theories. They may look boring but their thoughts are filled with a myriad of ideas that lighten up their minds!

Absolute happiness describes a kind of happiness or sustained joy that you find within yourself. It doesn’t rely on people, places, things, or goals — and so it is stable through the flux of life. Unlike relative happiness, it doesn’t fade due to circumstances, and it makes both your life and the lives of others richer. It’s absolute happiness that we should be chasing, and actually, that’s the great thing about it: we don’t have to chase it at all (Sturm, 2019).

Stop depending your happiness to people, things and situations. Find it inside you. In the end, there will be no one there but you!

Allow Us To Choose

 

Bolok kibali an di kun parehas sa imo kandidato? What is the gauge of intelligence? How to measure someone else’s mental competence? Is it through your biased criteria, or something more?

People seem to regain their power when the elections come. Much is true that the individual has the power to choose his/her own leader but it is another story when you discredit others with their own power to choose.

Why is it that “normal” people seem to have their own opinions and judgments this time? Before, you cannot hear them have their opinions on world peace, climate change and the evils of using plastic. But around this time, they even make enemies due to their convictions to vote for someone. It is as if the world must be aligned to their choice forgetting that each person has the freedom to choose.

People are choosing candidate to whom they can “relate” and who is popular and well-groomed in social media. A lot even believe the thwarted stories presented on online platforms.

Social media-borne misinformation threatens to sow further division in Philippine society and politics. As such, the 2022 elections will be a tough fight for each candidate. The right balance of outrage, virality, misinformation, and trolling might be enough to tip the scales in any candidate’s favor as only a bare plurality is required to win the presidency (Quitzon, 2021).

It is also on these sites where one can see “word war” against each other based on their chosen candidates. They even resort to name-calling and stereotyping which are things to be alarmed for. You see, these are psychological constructs which can have some causes to be considered for mental health issues.

There must be an understanding between people that if one is free to choose your candidate, it is true to all. Others’ choices might not conform with yours but that is the way they perform their freedom to choose. These are based on their value system and the way they perceive on the candidates’ capacity and political platforms.

Yes, you are free to express yourself, but your freedom must be aligned with the universal values. When you perform name-calling, check on your intentions. You might have a personality disorder.

If one will just have to accept the fact that there are individual things to do in the future, we can be empowered persons who work on the things that we can control. What would you do after May 9? You might be busy burning bridges today it will be difficult to move forward next time.

Meaningful things are within your reach. Nurture relationships. Build rather than destroy.

 

Too Much Noise

Kahamok na reklamo! Ever encountered people who complain a lot? These are annoying ones. Basically, there is something deeper than their complaints. Those who are exasperated with everything are unhappy. Those who complain about their work instead of appreciating it are probably incompetent.

Complaining creates a number of dysfunctional side effects: It creates factions, prevents or delays — because it replaces — productive engagement, reinforces and strengthens dissatisfaction, riles up others, breaks trust, and, potentially, makes the complainer appear negative. We become the cancer we’re complaining about; the negative influence that seeps into the culture (Bregman, 2018).

People want to be comfortable all the time. They cannot imagine sacrificing, or extending a mile, since they seem to gravitate on the things that they can get, not the ones that they can give. There are also those who cannot go out of the SELF and become weary when they proceed to serving others.

According to Harvard Business Review, chronic complainers in the workplace are toxic not only to themselves but also to the people around them.  A habit often formed in childhood, it arises from a need for validation and attention and over time can alter the neural pathways in the brain and become a part of the personality, which makes it hard to deal with.

It is sometimes disturbing to notice that these types willingly receive benefits and bonuses and yet would go on complaining. There are also those who can be incompetent yet their murmurs are more loud than their accomplishments. Indeed, childhood affirmation must be felt since it will become a strong cause of insecurity in adulthood.

According to new a research published in the European Journal of Work & Organizational Psychology, while venting and complaining about something or someone may give you that temporary relief, dwelling on its negative energy actually makes you feel worse. More specifically, if you find yourself engaging in the complaints and criticisms, this mindset will cement that negative event in your head, severely affecting your ability to focus, work and be productive.

There is a need to air-out things which are beyond the boundaries. We can cry out FOUL on injustice and morally-thwarted issues and things. But to make complaining as part of one’s system is another story.

Pilay pusta, di lagi kun abtik jaon hamok na satsat!

Uncontrolled

 

                                                      (image: youtube.com)

Umay sikaging-ging mo? Ya man kaw siguro unha? One of the most offensive things to happen in one’s life is when others muddle on their personal lives. This will lead to contempt and relationships will be broken once others come in to the private lives of others uninvited.

Minding one’s business, at its heart, is focusing on what the person can control and letting go of what he/she can’t. It is taking responsibility for one’s own thoughts and actions, and letting other people take responsibility for their own thoughts and actions. So often people try to control other people, control the world around them, and basically control everything and everyone but themselves. Ironically, the only thing a person CAN control is their own self (Philipson, 2021).

Being judgmental is a destructive approach that keeps a person’s mind in a gloomy state all the time. These people constantly think about the things that are not their concern.  All human beings are free to live and nobody has given others the mandate to perceive things according to their mentality.

It has been constantly mentioned that we can live better once we focus on our sphere of influence rather than things that we cannot control. And our individual lives are the ones that we can focus in to. The lives of others cannot be changed by us since it’s the persons’ choice to do so, not ours. Yes, we can give friendly advices but that is all that we can do. The actions will be done by them.

Prevost (2012) mentioned that control freaks rarely know that they are one. They believe that they are helping people with their "constructive criticism" or taking over a project because "no one else will do it right." They don't see their controlling behaviors as symptoms of what's really going on their own anxiety has run amok.

Most control freaks believe they know what is best for everyone and they try to convince other people to do things differently. Whether they lecture, become aggressive, or manipulate things behind the scenes, they want to make other people act a certain way.

But they do not realize, it is their own lives they CANNOT control.

Ergo, face a full-length mirror and look for the things that you need to control on and within yourself. Others’ lives are their responsibilities. Yes, you are your brother’s keeper. But to be an effective consultant, you need to iron-out everything in your life first.

Sika-hilabot mo dakan.