Tardy

 

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Di ta pirme mag seryoso, hapi hapi da gud! People who are having this mentality fail to understand the idea of delaying gratification.

The concepts of delayed gratification, self-control, and self-regulation are often used interchangeably and inconsistently. The ability to delay an impulse for an immediate reward to receive a more favorable reward at a later time is the standard definition of delayed gratification. Studies have shown that the ability to delay reward is present in highly successful people.

The infamous mañana habit is a classic example on this. When a person delays the main task of accomplishing something from doing an enjoyable activity like scrolling up and down the social media sites, he/she is not prioritizing well.

Work ethic varies from person to person. High achievers choose to work for long-term goals consistently. Avoiding distraction, staying self-motivated, and having a strong connection with why the goal is important are key examples of delaying gratification in favor of long-term achievement (Miller, 2019).

When a deadline is fast-approaching and you are then stressing to cope with the outputs, you might have episodes when you failed to prioritize. You should have delayed gratifying yourself by doing things which are most important.

But then people do not confront themselves. They find scapegoats and point fingers. Their weaknesses are not accepted since pride is one of their main driving forces.

Researchers have found that this ability to delay gratification is not just an important part of goal achievement. It might also have a major impact on long-term life success and overall well-being (Mischel, 1989).

Those who are successful are envied. But then, they are doing their tasks well. Those who are NOT delaying gratification are always delayed with their outputs and eventually their own success.

 

In Tact

 

Kilaya kaw jaon maningog da lamang nan yay torapak? These persons often hurt the feelings of others for their tactlessness. Worse, there are those who simply do not care about the feelings of others.

The operational definition of tact is a keen sense of what to say or do to avoid giving offense; skill in dealing with difficult or delicate situations. It is a sense of what is appropriate, tasteful, or aesthetically pleasing.

People who do not have tact is of course, tactless.

Often, people who come across as rude, arrogant or tactless have many underlying issues. People who are generally happy, content and satisfied with their lives don’t project negativity onto others on a regular basis. When someone is tactless or rude, you can safely assume that they are dysfunctional within themselves on some level (Kloppers, 2021)

Many develop personality disorders which influences them as adults. They learn to distrust others and never let their guard down. Some learn that the best defense is to attack. Narcissists, sociopaths, psychopaths come from disturbed childhoods. Genetics also play a part and the mix of genetics and environment can result in an explosive combination of nastiness (thoughtsonlifeandlove,com).

These people exist. They sometimes are within our areas. They often annoy us especially when they constantly display their distasteful behavior. Although we understand that they were pathetically raised by their parents, this can never be an excuse for them to hurt us.

If they constantly attack, we can magnify their flaws out loud. We can give them a dose of their own medicine. Sometimes, it is TACT when we deal with difficult people.

We can also speak their language.

Bloviate

 

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Kinahanglan motingog gajod bisan uno day tanulti. There are mates in the office or organization who will often raise their hands during discussions while the rest of the companions cower on their seats, embarrassed by the actions of the comrade.

Plato once said: Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Indeed, there are those who will just speak for the sake of talking.

To bloviate is talk at length, especially in an inflated or empty way. We often hear people in academic discourses who will suddenly rise from their seats in an attempt to talk but then we do not understand what they are pointing at. They simple babble which can sometimes become their habits in gatherings.

The thing about it is they feel good about the deed. They do not understand the importance of maximizing time by curtailing the smooth flow of the intellectual colloquies.

But anything can be said since we have the right to express ourselves, right? Yet, there are psychological implications on people who will talk for the sake of talking which often routes the discussion to them.

A conversational narcissist is someone who constantly turns the conversation toward themselves and steps away when the conversation is no longer about them. They are generally uninterested in what other people have to say (Moore, 2020).

Conversational narcissists don't necessarily meet the criteria for a formal diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), says Wendy Behary, LCSW. "They're usually somewhere on the spectrum, though.”

Conversational narcissists will jump into the conversation while someone is midsentence. At first listen, it can sound like they're being helpful or sharing a resource, but it quickly becomes clear that this conversation is no longer about you—it's about them (Behary, 2020).

Again, depression is not just the mental health issue that we need to consider.

Imposing, Controlling

 

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Pagtoo nila bright sila ambaja kay tala-tala. Imposing people aren’t born, they’re made. There’s no gene or biological, physiological indicator that leads someone to become bossy. This tendency or this need to control other people is clearly transmitted through culture. First it comes from their general surroundings, and then from the family.

Have you noticed that there are people around you who seem imposing? The word
“please” is not in their vocabulary. Also, they seem to forget that no one has the monopoly of knowledge and ideas.

What makes these people become imposing is, on the one hand, a value system, and on the other, a combination of features of their personality. The bossy person doesn’t think they have a problem. Actually they usually think their actions are praiseworthy. Even their psychological conflicts reaffirm their opinion (exploringyourmind.com).

When others feign superiority, it is an obstacle for creativity, prevents moving forward and change, and encourages unhealthy patterns of communication. It also makes human relationships into a constant source of conflict that sometimes explode and sometimes sticks around as uninteresting and unproductive.

A lot of chances for development will be curtailed when the imposing person criticize others and insist on the “brilliance” of his/her idea. Contempt is always developed around these personalities.

What causes controlling behavior?

The most common are anxiety disorders and personality disorders. People with anxiety disorders feel a need to control everything around them in order to feel at peace. They may not trust anyone else to handle things the way they will.

Nazario (2022) mentions that controlling behaviors can also be a symptom of several personality disorders, such as histrionic personality, borderline personality, and narcissistic personality.

But since we know that there is something wrong with them, can we just let this pass? When we are constantly bombarded with the imposing situations we can always tell them to slow down. If they persist and continually insult us, in a curt voice, we can say:

See a doctor! Specifically, a psychiatrist. You are sick!

Those Who See You as a Person

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Jaon sila kun mabibo pa. Waya na kun waya nay imo. This is a harsh reality that we have to confront. There are people whom you thought are your real friends. They are always there when they need your comfort and companionship. But they are not there in times when you are the one to need them.

A fair-weather friend is there when things are going well for you, but disappears during your rough patches (Sherman, 2016).

There are times when you wonder why there are people who suddenly appear or call you up. There are even those who will cajole you to have outings with them since they are bored. These persons are oftentimes using you as an instrument to wipe away their boredom. Selfish ones won’t be there when it is your time to need them.

Fair-weather friends are exploiters of true friendship who are interested in unilaterally receiving support.

A person who is for you will celebrate your victories, cry with you during times of sorrow, and be there when you need advice. A fair weather friend is someone who is there for you only when it’s convenient for them. Not every person can be elevated to the status of a true friend.

One of the worst cases is when you will be picked by someone to be a friend because you are “convenient”. You seem to be the submissive type that the narcissistic characteristic of the other won’t be overshadowed. You are there any time the selfish friend wants you. You are always the follower so the ego of the egocentric individual won’t be harmed.

Meghan Marcum said: Being used is definitely not a sign of a healthy relationship. It means one person is taking excessively while the other is making all the sacrifices.

We will not fall prey on this unhealthy relationship. Detect early signs and leave them. There are people worthy of your attention and will be there in times when you are down. It is high time to be unleashed from the manipulating and sickening behaviors of these people.

We set ourselves free. We deserve true friends. We are not just for convenience. We have needs too. We deserve to be loved.