You Freak!

 

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Uman ilugos mo man an IMO gusto? Have you met people who insist on doing something which they think as THE BEST thing to do? They often believe that they have the monopoly of knowledge. If you do not do their thing, you will then be labelled as INEFFICIENT.

Some other people are skilled at controlling other people. They have an autocratic, demanding style of interacting. They like to command others to behave according to their wishes. These may be changing whims––one thing one minute, another the next. They commonly want gratification by other people of their own needs or desires (Adams, 2022).

In the late 1960’s, the term “Control Freak” was coined. The term is then directed to people who tend to control even the minutest things in the surrounding. These people are all over – the offices, the homes, the circle of friends and definitely everywhere.

According to Parvez (2021), control freaks have a strong need to control others because they believe they lack control themselves. So excessive need to control means the person is lacking control somehow in their own life.

Instead of regaining control over the thing they lost control over in the first place, some people try to regain control over others.

If someone tries to control situations or other people to an unhealthy extent, others may describe them as a controlling person. They may try to control a situation by taking charge and doing everything themselves or control others through manipulation, coercion, threats, and intimidation.

A wounded grandiose self-image is a symptom of what Freud and other psychologists call a narcissistic wound. A narcissistic wound or wounds suffered earlier in life can be so deep, that the person experiencing them no longer has a healthy ego strength. Without their constant cultivation of perfection, they feel they are just the broken little boy or girl that was injured so long ago (Felton, 2021).

It goes back to childhood once again. Reflections and self-assessment really help. If we cannot control ourselves, there is a great danger that we might control others.

Sometimes people try to assert power over others and control situations. In other cases, it may be to assert dominance. In this case, it is a form of abuse.

Road to Un-Rude

 

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There is nothing wrong with aiming to become better. Research shows that having a strong network of support or strong community bonds fosters both emotional and physical health and is an important component of adult life.

You will be disliked if you are tactless, unruly and mean. Let us look at these things and learn to be a better version of ourselves.

·         Negative tactless people often lack self-love and inner peace and contentment (Kloppers, 2020).

If we lack self-love, then a big tendency is that we do not CARE about the feelings of others. There is a need for us to accept our flaws. We shy away from looking for the mistakes of others to feel good about ourselves. Harsh words are reflections of your inner turmoil. Be content with what you have and be grateful on things which are blessed to you.

·         Unruly people have bad behavior. Bad behavior is frequently a symptom of a bigger issue. If we regularly act out in inappropriate or irritating ways, it’s often a call for further self-awareness. Something deeper (unresolved anger, pain, fear, etc.) may be behind those poor relational skills (Davenport, 2022).

 

It has been repeatedly mentioned by self-help authors that the most effective way to understand life is to become self-aware. When you are unruly and you tend to purposely annoy others, something is wrong. The hang-ups must be processed well and worked on for improvement. Keeping a journal helps.

 

·         In psychology, the term aggression is defined as a wide range of actions and behaviors that can result in mental, emotional, or physical harm to a person, others, or objects. Even if it is done subconsciously or when one loses control, portraying signs of aggression often results in hurting another person physically or emotionally (Gray, 2020).

 

Being mean hurts a lot of people emotionally, If the actions are intended, probably the Gotham Asylum is still open.

Life is short. We are not perfect but we can at least try to be better.

Replace

 

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Kuman bag-ong tuig… Here are some things which I hope won’t thrive on social media during the New Year.

1. Romanticizing and Normalizing Binge Drinking. Here is hoping that those who post drinking as a form of achievement will think twice. Alcohol addiction is a serious case. It is not something to be proud of just like nicotine addiction.

2. Incorrect spelling. When the education department discussed about learning loss brought about by the pandemic, there was a reaction that it already existed long before. People writing great instead of greet; consistently using the word bunos, instead of bonus and using multiple exclamation points to highlight something happened prior to COVID 19. We hope that this year, people will capitalize the proper nouns and re-learn the basics.

3. High Sense of Entitlement. There are people who abuse the so-called freedom of expression. They think that anything can be said and posted without the filters of manners and etiquette. The moral fiber of each one should be intact before embracing delusions of grandeur.

4. Insensitivity. People should understand that what they say and post can hurt others and their families. There must be a consistent effort among netizens that positive and empowering words can help build communities and harsh ones destroy.

5. Absence of the Nerds. I hope that the nerds, the mathematicians, the literary minds and artistic individuals will flood the feeds with their creations rather than the stupid, banal and trivial stuff hounding our screens.

6. Narcissists. The “Me-Myself-and-I” people can start counting the use of I in their conversations and write down things on big notebooks how to overcome their psychological issues.

7. Rude and Disrespectful Youngsters. We hope that responsible parenting happens this year. You see, the rude actions of adolescents and young people are products of parental neglect or skewed home environment.

 

Most of all, respect and discipline may exist. A lot of people are NOT delaying gratification to the point that 2022 was filled with some things worth regretting. We hope and pray that a more positive and peaceful world will exist.

Materialism on Christmas

 

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Ajoon an pinaskohan, o ihatag? We need to instill in the minds of the children that Christmas is NOT about gifts or food. It is all about welcoming the truth that GOD is with us; that the word became FLESH.

One misconception about Christmas is the role of godparents as “gift-givers”.

Traditionally a godparent will take part in a baptism or baby dedication for the infant, and make a vow to assume a role in the spiritual development of that child. A godparent serves God in developing a close-knit relationship with the child, encouraging through a Christian light whenever possible (Logan, 2020).

It is then a role of the godparent to nurture the spiritual growth of the children by loving them dearly and encouraging them to be closer to God. He/she must be God-fearing too to take upon this role.

Gifts are given, not asked.

The basic definition of a gift is a thing given willingly to someone without payment. Therefore, when you ask for it, it is not actually a gift. It is something given out of a request.

Materialism during Christmas.

There is this mentality that MONEY must flourish during this time of the year. Even the godchildren want money during the holidays.

In Veritas Truth Survey (VTS) conducted from Nov. 1 to 30 by Church-run Radio Veritas, 1,200 respondents were asked what kind of gift they would prefer for Christmas. Thirty-eight percent of the respondents said they wanted to receive “gifts in cash” this holiday season, while 32 percent preferred to have “gifts in kind” (Patinio, 2022).

So, what then is the true meaning of Christmas?

Actually, this is a SPIRITUAL celebration. The enrichment of the spirit is the main purpose of celebrating. The realization that God loves the world by giving His only son; The time when we see the obedience of Mary as he pondered in her heart to accept the role of nurturing Jesus… and our efforts to follow the examples of the Messiah.

This is a Christian thing, Let us keep it that way.

Emmanuel!

Holiday Blues

 

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Uman an iban di man ganahan nan Pasko? There are times when we remember the character The Grinch. But if we dig deeper, there are indeed reasons why some get sad during the holidays.

According to Winchester Hospital, the reason behind the claim that depression rates and suicides rise during the holidays is that holiday cheer amplifies loneliness and hopelessness in people who have lost loved ones, or who have high expectations of renewed happiness during the holiday season, only to be disappointed.

Indeed, there are some who expect a lot during the season when everybody is expected to be merry.

The American Psychological Association reported that 44% of women and 33% of men surveyed feel stressed during the holidays. The holiday blues strike people experiencing the forced joyfulness and expectations of the season.

The reasons for holiday blues vary by individual. According to clinical psychologist Michelle Paul, triggers include "memories of lost loved ones, and with that, a sense of yearning or aching to be with them," along with "too high or unrealistic expectations for what things 'should' or 'must' be."

We then go back to understanding ourselves. It has been mentioned most of the time that we are the ones who can “allow” emotions to rule over us. We can write the sadness down and start counting our blessings. If we cannot help it, we might seek professional help.

Christmas and New Year’s Eve often present challenging demands, from never-ending parties to family obligations. These events can come with higher levels of stress.

If you’re dealing with feelings of stress or depression, know that you aren’t alone. There are ways to manage your symptoms and get the help you need.

Look for your friends and be with them. Mangatawa ta anay!

Fallacy

 

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Isa day hindunggan motoo na dajon. Sometimes, we really wonder why some people capitalize “isolated cases”.

An “isolated case” is just a one-off case — it doesn’t represent any general or specific pattern. Otherwise, lawyers would describe the isolated case as being “a case unique on its own facts.”

The ‘isolated’ here means happening rarely or practically only as a unique incident. Therefore, it means it is separate (‘isolated’) from everything else.

But why is it that some people jump directly to conclusion about things they hear and observe even if these are just isolated cases?

The hasty generalization fallacy is sometimes called the over-generalization fallacy. It is basically making a claim based on evidence that it just too small. Essentially, you can't make a claim and say that something is true if you have only an example or two as evidence (owl.exelsior.edu).

In conducting research, one can never draw a conclusion from an isolated case. The thematic analysis is one thing that a researcher must undergo to break responses into codes then group them into themes. Hasty generalization is drawing a conclusion based on a small sample size, rather than looking at statistics that are much more in line with the typical or average situation.

If so, is there an underlying reason why do people perform hasty generalizations aside from the inability to conduct scientific qualitative inferences?

According to Rangan (2019) psychologists have found that basically there are reasons why people pass judgments:

A person, who has low self-esteem, uses judgment and hasty generalization to put oneself in a position of control. By labeling the person attempts to exert control over others and establishes oneself as the complete opposite. This is cathartic for the individual and offers him or her power.

As a general rule, the more insecure a person is about themselves, the more judgmental they’ll be toward others. This might be about personal appearance, social standing, achievement, fitness, health, age, or even behavior.

A lot has to do with a person’s upbringing and past experiences as well.

With these, when we will be hurt by these people, we try to remember how blessed we are to be loved and affirmed by our parents. We look back at our happy childhood years and pity those who are still nursing on their pains.

Baduy

 

Hasta da iton aja da mag drowing drowing hampan arang baja kamahal! When you hear these words from unappreciative people (especially on art), you sometimes wish to shrink on your seat.

Aesthetic experience concerns the appreciation of aesthetic objects and the resulting pleasure. Such pleasure is not derived from the utilitarian properties of the objects but linked to the intrinsic qualities of the aesthetic objects themselves.

The mind and psychological well-being is linked to art appreciation. There are those who cannot see the beauty in it, but the appreciative brain will then get the “experience” of being touched by the object seen and subjected to the different senses.

Recent studies suggest the arts can promote health and psychological well-being and offer a therapeutic tool for many, e.g., adolescents, elderly, and vulnerable individuals (Daykin et al., 2008; Todd et al., 2017; Thomson et al., 2018). Aesthetic experience has been associated with mindfulness meditation, as it leads to enhancing the capability of perceptually engaging with an object (Harrison and Clark, 2016).

To appreciate or “feel” art, one needs to have sophisticated cultural knowledge.

We remember people who say: Do not be with these friends, “they are uncultured!” They are simply underscoring the fact that such friends lack finesse. There seems to be a gap on manners, etiquette and some sort-of socially accepted movements among these persons.

Art is about the sensory experience; it connects the bridge between thoughts, feelings, emotions with movement. The best part about art, or rather the psychology of it is that you don’t have to be an artist to truly appreciate what art has to offer (Reynolds, 2020).

So, those who dismiss works of art are either unappreciative of the time and skills poured out to finish the piece or dismiss art/artists as nonsense might be lacking the needed cultural knowledge… or they’re simply un-aesthetic.

If they dust off the work of art, we let them dwell on their ignorance. Anyway, most of them are being talked behind their back on their bad manners (like eating) and how they dress up!