Better

 

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Samok na paglaong na magbag-o kaw. Himua nan hilom da. There something NOT right about new year’s resolutions. Most of them are purely forgotten on the third day of January. Chances are, you will be back with what you usually do. Change for the better is a decision, not just lip service.

Kaitlin Woolley from Cornell University and Ayelet Fishbach from the University of Chicago have just published some new research investigating New Year Resolutions, and found 55.2% of resolutions were health related (exercise: 31.3%, eat healthy: 10.4%, have healthier habits: 13.5%), 34.4% were work related (save: 20.8%, get out of debt: 12.5%, learn something: 0%, get organized: 1.0%), and 5.2% were social goals (spend time with family: 2.1%, help others: 0%, enjoy life: 3.1%).

But the research then found out that people are only limited to wishful thinking and cannot turn their promises into action. So, instead of saying them or posting them on social media, we can ponder on the importance of the things we like to change in us since these are needed for our well-being.

Do it. The people who consume a lot of substances that destroy the body cannot claim that they love themselves. They are probably trying to conceal something in them that they drown themselves with alcohol and satisfy the need to enjoy all the time. You see, there are things like “sacrifice” that we must do to have a better future. So, how can we say that we are capable of loving others when in fact we do not love ourselves?

Let us aim to become better. In the long run, we are here to serve others; to make good relationships. There are those who are so drunk with power they enjoy making others’ lives miserable. There are some who enjoy looking for others’ mistakes. Let them be. They are heading to something bad. We need to concentrate on what we can do to make a better world. We need to be better to contribute something good.

Let us face the new year with great expectations. We can deal with the challenges and we can rise above the difficulties. Like love, we can make ourselves become the answer.

Something for You

 

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Ajaw pagpahilabi panhatag, kahutdan kaw. Generosity is a good value. But to be generous to others, you need to be generous to yourself first. Like love, you cannot displace it once you do not know self-love.

Self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth. Self-love means having a high regard for your own well-being and happiness. Self-love means taking care of your own needs and not sacrificing your well-being to please others. Self-love means not settling for less than you deserve.

But then why is it that some of us work to please someone else even if we are already dying inside? Is there a dearth of freedom due to the self-restrictions and the fear of being unwanted? That is why there is a need to open our eyes that we need NOT depend our happiness to others?

Why are you begging for someone else’s affection? Cohen (2017) said: You should never have to beg to get someone’s love, attention, or affection even, and for them to make you a priority. And you should never have to beg to get someone to love you, because someone that truly and utterly cares about you will treat you as a priority, and will make time for you, despite their busy schedules and whatnot.

It’s high time to respect yourself. Do not place yourself as a second priority. There is a need to control your emotions than allow them to let you be humiliated by allowing someone to control over you. Regain CONTROL over your happiness.

Enjoy your life. No matter how difficult the situation can be, breathe in happiness and peace. Extract yourself from unhappy relationships and worse, possessive ones. Be free and savor the short moments and make them well-spent.

Give yourself a break. Give yourself a gift. Love.

Board of Judges

 

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Kilaya kaw baja sa ako? Diin man ta magkaiban? You have an opinion about me? What is the basis of that? Are you employing the mindset of a scientific researcher when one must have an unbiased set of mindset towards my person?

What is your background? You see, there are instances when your upbringing might be the cause of your prejudice. You might be raised with a set of parents who are overly critical of your movements. When parents fail to affirm the young children, they will become adults with fragile security issues.

You see me as strict? Why? We do not have prior experiences together. You gauge your labels from people you do not know. You mean you do not trust your own observations and assessments? This is a manifestation of poor self-confidence! Use your own criteria. Embrace the common good not just your comfortable concepts of living.

The problem with prejudice is that it is rooted in ignorance. Ignorant persons ignore the facts. They directly create an opinion towards others without understanding the basic facts. Prejudice is a baseless and often negative preconception or attitude toward members of a group. Prejudice can have a strong influence on how people behave and interact with others, particularly with those who are different from them, even unconsciously or without the person realizing they are under the influence of their internalized prejudices.

Is it because I work harder than you? Or are you threatened by my silence and being different?

Cherry (2020) mentions that the common features of prejudice include negative feelings, stereotyped beliefs, and a tendency to discriminate against members of a group. In society, we often see prejudices toward a group based on race, sex, religion, culture, and more. While specific definitions of prejudice given by social scientists often differ, most agree that it involves prejudgments that are usually negative about individuals and members of a group.

So please, do not paint something bad against me. You do not know me. Check on yourself. Maybe you are the problem, not me.

Wait for Your Turn

 

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Ajaw paghakopa tanan, manlusot an iban… The universe seems to consider equity. Some of us want more just to have them all. There is this insatiable need to have all the things we desire. Yet, life teaches us that we can’t have everything. Blessings are equitable to all.

The innate human desire to seek means that we can never truly feel that every desire and wish has been met. There will never be an end to the to-do list, future goals and plans, the things we want to achieve and see. But the fact that we don’t have everything we want is exactly what makes life so fulfilling (Goldhill, 2016).

If we have everything at this moment, what is the motivation to go on? You see, there is always this challenge for us to pursue something. We should NOT have everything to continue pursuing the things that we dream of. And if others have reached theirs, there will always be a time for us to do so.

Whether we’re striving for a new job, more meaningful relationships, or personal enlightenment, we need to actively want something more in order to live well. In fact, neuroscience shows that the act of seeking itself, rather than the goals we realize, is key to satisfaction.

So, there is no need to hurry. We can enjoy the small victories that we have right now and plan for other victories to pursue. There is always that thrill of seeking for the fulfillment of our goals. But, once we are impatient and will compare ourselves to others, we will become unhappy.

You can never make other’s life be yours. You have your own life patterns to create.

When we compare ourselves to others, we’re often comparing their best features against our average ones. It’s like being right-handed and trying to play an instrument with your left hand. Not only do we naturally want to be better than them, the unconscious realization that we are not often becomes self-destructive.

Comparisons between people are a recipe for unhappiness. Let us accept our own lives. We are unique. And, something good will happen to us sooner or later. Let us just focus on the things which we can control.

Just be patient.

Tangible

 

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Planohon an lihok! Although we need to live the day as it is, there is a big difference between doing something than doing nothing. Rest is essential but when we are resting after being tired of doing nothing is another story.

Productivity is a measure of efficiency of a person completing a task. We often assume that productivity means getting more things done each day. Wrong. Productivity is getting important things done consistently. And no matter what you are working on, there are only a few things that are truly important.

Being productive is about maintaining a steady, average speed on a few things, not maximum speed on everything.

Some of us are diving towards work which sometimes have less impact in the future. There are those who consider that technical things can really ease future problems forgetting about being creative and being efficient. Such endeavors wear us out.

Most productivity strategies focus on short-term efficiency: how to manage your to-do list effectively, how to get more done each morning, how to shorten your weekly meetings, and so on. These are all reasonable ideas. We often fail to realize, however, that there are certain strategic choices we need to make if we want to maximize our productivity for the long-term.

This is when long-term planning comes in. Yet, there are those who have wonderful plans but they do not know how to work them out.

It is not necessarily a person’s job to do that task, but they have to take responsibility for it, and be able to explain what progress has been made on it, so they do have to be able to engage in sufficient detail (skillsyouneed.com).

This is a pragmatic approach to enable you to track progress, so you need to take a pragmatic approach to identifying those responsible: you need to know what’s going on day-to-day.

But if your ideas are only limited to words and concepts and they will not turn out into reality, nothing will happen but purely intangible concepts hanging on air.

Let us contribute some action. We can fill up space now for a better change.

Downsize

 

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Simplehan da nato gud! Why complicate life when we can play it well with simple things? If we complicate it, will it warrant an outcome which we can equate to happiness? There are instances when we gauge life as satisfying if we immerse ourselves with tasks for the sake of being busy. Not realizing that these are just mere outputs, not outcomes.

Jones (2014) mentioned that it can be the difference between mediocrity and the creation of lasting and sustainable change. Mediocre organizations and individuals are stuck on making decisions based on outputs. Great organizations and persons are managing to outcomes.

In the work area, there are those who complain about being busy to the point of immersing themselves to performing tasks which might not be conceptualized well by the managers for better outcomes. There are those who design and assign stuff which lack creativity and too technical to be understood by the people in the organization and they impose on the intended outputs to keep the people busy. Not realizing that such activities can be considered as exercises in futility.

Same with the things we do with our lives.

Outputs can be considered as the quantitative things we do and attain. These will oftentimes lead to qualitative results. Those things we feel and perceive that enhance our lives. Of course, we do not have the same orientation on what things do we need and do to produce good emotions and experiences, yet we are gifted with the mind to discern.

Choice is our ability to make decisions when presented with two or more options. The psychology of choice explores why we subconsciously make the decisions we do, what motivates those decisions, and what needs these decisions are meant to satisfy.

Let us then choose things which will eventually become treasures in our lives. The activities and events that need to be faced must be aligned to what we want without sacrificing the greater good.

We need NOT look at our lives with what we do…but what do these things do to us.

 

We Define It

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Hinay-hinay lamang… Success is a mindset. It is not about what you attain or what others think about you. It is all about the meaning it has put in your life – a satisfaction that you feel out from the efforts you exerted to fulfill your envisioned life.

Successful people always find motivation to keep going no matter what’s happening around them or within them. That’s one of their differences from everyone else. Successful people have the drive to move forward. They channel their time, effort and energy towards their life goals. Each of us is unique. We have our motivations to do things to achieve our goals. But regardless, all goals require an effort. That’s why we need to get ourselves into that action so that we can direct our efforts toward them. For that, we need motivation (Nhan, 2020).

Psychologists believe that these are the common things that motivate a person: Money and Rewards; Desire to be the Best; Helping Others; Power and Fame; Recognition; and Passion. Adults and self-actualized persons must understand what pushes them towards the inclination to do something so that they can weigh their options. Else, they will be experiencing crises and will eventually lead to conflicting situations. Once in control, the person can embrace humility and understand his worth.

Research is clear that passion and creativity work together to produce drive. A study published in the Journal of Neuroscience demonstrated that the more inspired participants felt during a given activity, the more activated their amygdala (the emotional center of the brain) became. People are ultimately guided by their own values – not by other people’s attempts to control their behavior or even by external circumstances. This applies whether you want to know what motivates you to work hard, achieve certain goals or change anything about yourself.

The importance of understanding your drives is clear: It will lead to a happier life. You see, all of us have these motivations to work out towards our defined success. Without a deep self-knowledge, a big tendency is that people will drift. That is if they do not understand where they are going.

Again, justifications come in. There are some of us who whitewash the real reasons into something “grand” not realizing that we are concealing the real issue. We lie to ourselves and convince others about our own lies. But in the end, our conscience prevails.

Life is short. We have to define who we are and what do we want. In this case, even the simple sentence we have written on our notebooks is success in itself.

We create success every minute of the day!