Insecure, Insane

 

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Hilabtonon The moment, they see the fault of others, they make it sound as if it’s the greatest mistake of the century.

All people have insecurities. These are the things that we see in others that we ourselves don’t have. This may come in the form of characteristics, achievements, material things, or even physical appearance. Tan (2016) mentioned that instead of us just being happy for them for the things that they have, we make an effort to find fault in them just so we can get even with them.

There is nothing wrong when one party complains about the actions or attitudes of another, if that complaint is designed to improve the relationship. But when it becomes a habit and such criticisms are meant to hurt and destroy, it can be another story.

When someone presents an idea, finding a flaw or an improvement makes one feel superior. It gives him/her an illusion of knowledge and expertise irrespective of whether the person possess it or not.

Then we go back to the concept of self-improvement by doing things within the sphere of influence. Why not consider your own flaws?

Self-improvement is any activity or goal that enhances quality of life, helps reach one’s full potential or leads persons to realize their dreams. Improving the knowledge, skillset, character or mindset are all good ways to move toward one’s self-improvement goals.

But insecurity is oftentimes undetected. Persons who do not make efforts to perform self-evaluation have the tendency criticizing others to feel good about themselves. They like putting others down so that they can feed their egos. The act of criticizing gives them power. In reality, they have shrunken personalities either caused by their parents or by peers when they were still young.

So what then? Do we just allow these persons to muddle with our lives?

We leave them behind. They are just unimportant facts. Despite the criticisms hurled at us by these detractors, we continue doing the best that we can and keep doing the right thing.

Let them deal with their insecurities which, if not dealt with, will lead to their insanity.

Green with Envy

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Kun magkalipay an iban, maglabad an uyo. Kun abtik sab an iban kay sa ija moisan paglabad an uyo! You have these people around you, right? They are full of envy to the point that they will be irritated with your happiness and achievements.

Envy is an emotion that occurs when one person wants something another person has, whether that thing is a material possession or perceived success or stature.

A complex emotional experience, envy can consist of many elements: longing, feelings of inferiority, ill will toward the envied person, resentment, and guilt. When a person becomes envious, it is often due to some degree of dissatisfaction with the self (goodtherapy.org).

There are companions in the workplace who will make moves to destroy you since you are “too much” for them. They do not understand that it is the deep-set insecurity and envy in them which propelled them to muddle with the business of others. There are also superiors who question your professionalism especially if you will be “liked” better than them.

They fail to reinforce the reflective questioning the inner person using WHY? Why am I behaving this way? Why am I making this achiever as an enemy? Is this some kind of insecurity? Am I envious with the “freedom” of this person?

Envy tends to be directed towards those with whom we compare ourselves, those with whom we feel we are in competition. As Bertrand Russell wrote, ‘Beggars do not envy millionaires, though of course they will envy other beggars who are more successful.’

Burton (2014) posited that envy has never been a greater problem than it is today. Our age of equality encourages us to compare ourselves to one and all, and the internet and social media make this all too easy, fanning the flames of our envy.

So what then? Are we going to allow them to harm us? Or we going to ignore them and let them wallow on their unhealthy mindset?

We continue to improve ourselves. We do our best in everything that we do. We won’t hamper their need to monitor our daily grind and allow them to get envious. What if this is the only meaningful activity of their pathetic lives? We might be depriving of the reason of their existence. Because if they won’t change, they are probably born (or nurtured) that way.

If they are inevitably near (like workmates), ignore them. But if they persist, it is also human nature to bite back. Life is short to keep quiet. Be professional in doing so since you will always win if you do so! 

Un-zapped

 

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Mag video call baja bisan nagmisa? There are people who cannot leave their mobile phones for even one hour. They fear that they will miss out something if they won’t check what is happening around them. They fear that they will miss out something “important”.

British psychologists elaborated and defined FoMO (fear of missing out) as “pervasive apprehension that others might be having rewarding experiences from which one is absent”, FoMO is characterized by the desire to stay continually connected with what others are doing.

There are people we know that even during meals are tinkering and scrolling on the social media sites. Cell phone use during meals is just as bad as eating while watching television. This is especially true if the mealtime in question is centered around family, friends, and treasured occasions.

Amuno (2022) reported: While phones interfere with the eating experience itself, they actually deny us the opportunity to enjoy the food we are eating. In any case, we spend more time swiping away than touching the food. When the brain is hypnotized by the smartphone screen, it under-utilizes sensory elements such as sight, smell, touch, taste, and sound, which are all closely linked to eating.

Checking and scrolling through social media has become an increasingly popular activity over the last decade. Although the majority of peoples’ use of social media is non-problematic, there is a small percentage of users that become addicted to social networking sites and engage in excessive or compulsive use.

That is the phenomena during the early 80’s when people tell you that you are zapped-out. You are physically present but you are somewhere else.

These facts are telling us that manners, the wise use of technology, the strong sense of self-knowledge, the importance of face-to-face communication, the application of our education, discipline and the wise utilization of our time are what matter most.

We will USE technology. We MUST NOT let technology USE us.

Redress

 

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“Hay salamat klase na, ya nay sagdahonon sa bayay!” These words were overheard from a parent who heaved a sigh of relief that their naughty children are now in school. “Mak-trabaho na ko nan yay mag samok-samok!”

Kurtz (2022) reported that in districts that were offering mostly remote or hybrid instruction last school year, 71 percent of survey respondents said students are misbehaving more this school year, compared with 52 percent from districts that had offered mostly in-person instruction the previous year.

Lately, there was a student who got hospitalized due to physical injuries. He was mauled by school mates. Some learners were also reported defecating on their classroom’s floor. Worse, cursing among learners in the elementary intensified. Some kindergarten teachers are complaining about their daily struggle with the unruly kids.

The ironic thing is this: Lots of parents are now happy that their peace is back that the in-person classes are back.

According to Nierva (2009), parent involvement in the Philippines is vague because there is still a need to improve parent involvement practices, especially those promoting the parents’ active involvement in the child’s learning at home and in school. Much of the practices of Filipino are brought about by history including the ways parents raise their children.

There is still a need to educate the adults that the attitude and well-being of children are PRIMARY responsibilities of the parents, not the teachers.

In order for a child to succeed, parents exert a lot of influence on their child's cognitive development in the early years and thus, the contact between home and school should be maintained, especially during the primary school years (Ho, 2009).

So, what then? Will the teachers just shrug their shoulders and allow these truant creatures to thrive?

For starters, let us visit their houses and see the ecology which might be the causal factor of the learners’ behavior. We then say: KAYA PALA! Then, we can introduce their parents to the registered social workers of our place.

Since our hands are full, we can report them to such authorities so that they will be reprimanded for their irresponsibility.

 

Blatherskites

 

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Tungod sa ka-bright ya na magpakatunong! Tungod sab kay nag pa-bright bright ya na noon maamo Have you experienced to have this confusion when a boss or a companion in the workplace speak of a certain concept that you often cannot comprehend?

Worse, when you will be blamed with an assigned task without a framework.

According to a report from the Economist Intelligence Unit, poor communication can lead to low morale, missed performance goals, and even lost sales in business.

But what about those leaders who project intelligence then pass the responsibilities to their subordinates? They find “empowerment” and “delegation” as excuses. In fact, they simply do not want to do the task (or do not know about it) that they simply pass it on.

It is all very well to try to get things off one’s plate. But if the leader is simply removing work from the pile only to dump it onto someone else’s, this isn’t necessarily effective time management (Brearley, 2020).

In the education arena, there are teachers who complain about too much paper work since the school authorities are passing-on their work to them. There are even school heads assigning teachers to track the lesson plans and develop findings through analyses! No wonder many of them are complaining about paperwork.

Being detached from the team can also cause a leader to be distanced from the details of their work. One doesn’t need to know everything, but often the leader is expected to be able to speak about the work of the team or report progress. Having no answers never looks very good!

There is a need to be at par with the position one is proud about. Self-improvement through developing the self by continuously learning and exposing oneself to learning opportunities are tantamount to the outputs expected of a leader.

Let us be empowered. We do the tasks first and allow others to learn through modelling.

Then, the achievements you post on social media can be more meaningful than claiming them as solely your effort.

 

Bad Fruit

 

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Report dajon kan Tulfo amo da sab di kun sila an sayaan! There are parents who are creating noise these days since they are always putting the blame when teachers react to the misbehavior and misconduct of their children. They even use the word “trauma” as if they understand the magnitude of such experience.

Trauma, according to the American Psychological Association, is an emotional response to a terrible event like an accident, rape, or natural disaster. Immediately after the event, shock and denial are typical. Longer term reactions include unpredictable emotions, flashbacks, strained relationships, and even physical symptoms like headaches or nausea.

And shouting to the unruly adolescent to “Shut Up!” can cause trauma? What about the neglect the parents gave by NOT giving them complete meals which is a basic responsibility of them?

As parental affection and influence decreases and the amount of time children spend in non-parental care increases, an increased likelihood for behavioral problems both at home and at school is observed. Parents are critical in every aspect of a child’s development (Cavell and Strand, 2002).

Authority, responsibility, discipline, and accountability constitute the foundation of a sensible behavioral structure in all persons. Parents fail to exert these four premises of behavior in their children and this has gone a long way into shaping their children’s failing to uphold moral values and etiquette.

And when these children converge inside a classroom with only one teacher to traffic their undisciplined action, what is there to expect? There are parents who will then say that teachers are paid to be facilitative with the behavior of the learners. It can be true. But the mentors are not there to clean up the mess of these irresponsible parents manifesting on the ill manners of the children.

Let them know their inadequacies! The teachers can compose themselves even if their emotions are boiled up. They can call the attention of the parents and confront them with their irresponsibility. They can even raise their voices since NEGLECT is child abuse. A teacher can tell the parents up front that THEY are the ones causing long-term trauma to their children.

Since some are weaponizing the social media, the teachers can do the same. Subtly and in a professional manner, they can post things on why these cretins become who they are.

Tell them the story of a bad tree bearing rotten fruits!

Center of the Universe

 

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Uman di man sija makatunong pagtubag? Have you encountered people who do not know how to answer questions? You see, there are those who will be asked with a simple question answerable with yes or no but they answer you with phrases. That is when communication halts.

Is this their way of sounding clever? Or, they are simply incompetent with their communication skills.

A good communicator can encourage two-way dialogue, discuss critical issues, exchange information, build trust, and engage people in the desired goals of a group.

Good communication skills are key to success in life, work and relationships. Without effective communication, a message can turn into error, misunderstanding, frustration, or even disaster by being misinterpreted or poorly delivered (Hereford, 2020).

Yet, there are people who are incapable to communicate since the concept of this as two-way is not applicable to them. They think that their own ideas are the important ones. Often, their insecurities propel them to block another person for them not to confront the inferiority of their ideas. Or, their narcissistic personality overpowers.

One of the main reasons why we dislike certain personalities is their inability to listen and their power-seeking efforts to cut us off. These types like to be the center of the conversations to the point that they think that all conversations gravitate to them, their spouses and children or anything about their lives.

If you know somebody who constantly makes everything about themselves or seems to have little to no consideration for others, you are likely dealing with a self-centered person.  This is common with people who have narcissistic personality disorder and makes it difficult for them to maintain healthy relationships with others (Mutziger, 2022).

Sometimes, the concept of “having a standard” on friendships is a wrong concept. You simply do not know how to communicate well. This might be caused by something in your personality. A disorder might be one.