Pensive

Hilom pero layom. Thoughts matter. In fact, thoughts are matter. Some physicists claim that in the Zero Point Field (ZPF) thoughts equal energy and energy equals matter, then thoughts become matter.

Daily, we think a lot. These things are sometimes our source of confidence since we can think of anything without the judgmental eyes people are giving to our actions. We plan inside our heads and we create our own ideas and judgments with our thoughts. We see things and events and these will become triggers of an array of thought patterns inside our minds.

According to the theory of the law of attraction, our thoughts are magnetic and have their own frequency and consequently when we think we emanate a frequency depending on the kind of thinking we have and for the fact that our thoughts are magnetic, we attract everything located on the same frequency.

So, there is a need for us to be aware of what we are thinking. A filter must be installed like an application software in our minds for us to be able to guide our thoughts and allow ourselves to be pulled towards a more beneficial force field. This is termed as mindfulness.

When we learn mindfulness, we gain the power of familiarizing ourselves with our thoughts and our patterns. We can get to know our critical inner voices, and we can start to recognize when these cruel thoughts start to surface. We can then choose to steer our minds away from these thoughts. We can see the thoughts as clouds passing in the sky, yet like a mountain, we can stand solid and allow them to float by without letting them overpower us or influence our behavior (Firestone, 2013).

Again, we try to reason out why people choose to dwell on negative thoughts. According to Locke (2018) lack of success could be the reason but this is due to many factors, but negativity is a main cause. Negative people usually think they are not smart enough, athletic enough, or good enough. But the real threat to their success is that their emotional intelligence is crippled by their often critical and confrontational manner. Their fear to be dismissed or not listened to is the reason why they under-achieve.

Robert Locke continued that moving outside the familiar world is anathema to those who are negative. They cannot face the possibility of more fear, discomfort, challenges or failure. They are thus never able to try out new experiences and are doomed to dwell in their dull and dreary comfort zone.

So how then could we master “mindfulness” of our thoughts?

How we relate to our thoughts has a big impact on how our day unfolds, and also how we approach triggers in our lives. By taking a few mindful moments, we can gain some space between us and our reactions, and have some freedom from what triggers us—we don’t have to respond the same way every time. It’s a practice in breaking our habitual negative responses by first tuning in to how a thought or action makes us feel, and how it generates certain storylines in our minds (Goldstein, 2016).

That is the reason why we need some quite moments with ourselves to be aware of what is going on inside our heads. There are those who write down their thoughts on their journals. Some also would sieve their thoughts and create some kind of a plan for them to do “something” about those things which are bothering them. Most of the people who try to master their thoughts simply tell us that they BREATHE. That is why some gravitate to yoga and meditations. They pacify inner turmoil.

Thoughts awareness is the foundation to changing a thought pattern. We may not even be aware of how often we have a negative thought pattern or comprehend its impact on our daily lives. Once we identify the patterns, we know what to target. Mindfulness thus serves as the fulcrum for action to deal with negative thoughts and emotions (Cho, 2016).

As people mature, there is a need to be a contributor of world peace. Others might laugh at the audacity of this but it is true. Physics supplement the theory that our actions are being mandated by the energy of our thoughts.

As what Mahatma Gandhi said: Your beliefs become your thoughts; your thoughts become your words; your words become your actions; your actions become your habits; your habits become your values…and your values become your destiny.

Malfunction of the Brain

Gwapa. The different parts of the Philippines reverberated with shouts of joy and glee when Catriona Gray was proclaimed Miss Universe 2018. “I knew it,” gesticulated someone on the verge of tears. “She is indeed fitting for the title because she is beautiful!”

Nugent (2013) says that beauty is the quality present or inherent in an object or person, making it a stimulus which positively elicits pleasure, admiration, and satisfaction as a response. This quality is either pleasing to the mind or desirable to the senses. Psychology Today says that here are some universal standards of beauty across the world. Symmetry in the face and the body, plus clear skin and youthfulness are preferred traits.

Since time immemorial beauty has been said to be in the eye of the beholder. Meaning, we perceive what is beautiful differently. Our own choices and stimuli for admiration might be on the physical feature or the character-trait of others. Therefore, to insist on your own definition or to label men and women based on the color of their skin, their race and sexual orientation could fall into bigotry.

When a certain representative of the country joins a beauty pageant, that person is selected by the committee to be the epitome of their country’s definition of beauty. Therefore, all the contestants who will join such events are beautiful. It is going to be a battle of personality, self-confidence, advocacy and intelligence. So, anybody could win the title whether he or she is dark-skinned or fair.

Already social media platforms are awash with reports of emboldened bigots verbally, and in some disturbing cases, physically assaulting people of color, Muslims, and members of the LGBTQI+ community (Sherlock, 2016). This could be alarming since education is still trying to straighten things out. Books on open-mindedness and convergence are published yet the hate continue to thrive. Educators are on the crossroads since cultural and religious convictions are still creating barriers to the openness of acceptance.

Others still prefer to see the stain on the white sheet and dwell on the negative parts of the whole. This attitude could be attributed to the orientation of the person. According to Robert Locke (2018), there is a neurological explanation as to why some people end up being so negative. It has to do with the part of the brain called the amygdala, which functions as an alarm and is constantly on the lookout for danger, fear and bad news. Such persons failed to develop the ability to evaluate and face up to problems which can counteract this mechanism. Ergo, they constantly look for the bad side of everything.

This might be the scientific explanation why others could not see beauty on poor people and dark-skinned ones. They equate beauty with symmetry, fair skin and even expensive clothes and things. They belittle those who could not afford proper dental care and moisturizers. They grimace on the imperfections of others and label them as ugly. They look at the persons with disabilities as persons who do not deserve to be called beautiful. They could not accept mainstreaming since their brains are incapable of such function.

Our society must cope with the dynamic transformations and the setting of norms. There is no one-size-fits-all definition of beauty since there are causal factors that allow us to evolve. Psychologically, we need to be healthy in terms of acceptance and controlling the animalistic side to overpower our sanity.

Catriona is beautiful. She deserves the crown. And we are beautiful too. The persons beside you have their innate beauty from the one who created them. They deserve to be appreciated as well.

In the end, what the heart speaks is what defiles. Those who are incapable of appreciation must be the one to be laughed at. They deserve the negative things they harbor. We allow them to wallow in their own distress and free ourselves from their hate.

Life is too short to dwell on the dark. We do not allow others define our own happiness and least, our BEAUTY.

Superficial

Bahala manlimbong basta daug! This is a concept being stood upon by people who are highly competitive that even if others see them as NOT deserving of the win, they do anything just be recognized. They do not consider waste of resources or hurt feelings since they are centered to the WIN. The problem with this mindset (or behavioral dysfunction) is that winning moments are fleeting. After the euphoria, another set of recognition is craved for... Unless the unhealthy ambition is confronted, the craving for recognition escalates to the point that their families and personal lives are affected.

Research studies suggest that there are different kinds of self-esteem. Some people may have a secure sense of self, regardless of the situation, whereas others may have unstable or fragile self-esteem that varies depending on their last accomplishment or whom they are able to impress. When they are doing well, they feel great and even superior to others, whereas when they encounter setbacks, they tend to feel shame and self-doubt. This results in anxiety and vigilance around social status and performance. They have to keep comparing themselves to others to make sure they are measuring up and haven't fallen behind (Greenberg, 2011).

This is the reason why these individuals see other people as their competitor. Since they are comparing themselves to others and they feel some sort of inadequacy of others’ successes, they often develop contempt towards the so-called competitor. They will even reach the point of putting others down through character assassination. They consider this as normal since they are driven with an abnormal urge to compete.

Psychology Today said that these individuals have a survival mentality and may be jealous and controlling. The basis for this is often a deep insecurity about having their emotional needs met. They may have had parents who were critical, played favorites, or were unavailable or inattentive to their emotional needs. This model does not take into account the fact that humans are inherently social beings and that connection and cooperation with larger social groups can increase our personal and environmental resources.

In our social encounters, you deal with a lot of people. And if ever you have a set of strengths others appreciate, the jealous and envious ones will pull you down. They are not comfortable with your winning moments and will find ways and means to surpass you with their own so-called recognition.

If we need recognition from others to feel good and we perceive that we don't get it, we get frustrated. This frustration can then lead to negative emotion, rebellion and, in some cases, ego driven childishness (Villani, 2013).

These people exist. We could not help their presence since they might be placed in our areas for us to strike a balance with ourselves. We could make them as an inevitable fact NOT worthy of emulation. Since we have blind spots, we might as well check whether we manifest the symptoms of being too ambitious like them or not. Striking a balance in our lives leads us to inner serenity and happiness.

We won’t allow them to take away our peace. Let them blame their parents for playing favorites and we wage our own battles. We often win them if our intentions are geared towards the common good. By doing so, even if we are not recognized, we are happy deep within. We are content that we are blooming where we are planted.

If they muddle with our efforts to be positive, allow them to be cooked with their envy. Let them succeed with their superficial moments while we thrive in love and affection with our family and loved ones.

Discovering that having things has little to do with obtaining peace can be a lifelong mission.  There are some people in the world that have more and some have less but as long as basic needs are met there is no correlation with the accumulation of wealth, material possessions, and peace.  Nothing from the outside seems to be able to bestow peace or contentment.

We nourish our beings within.

Rage

Who wouldn’t get bothered with real-life violence gone viral? Before, we could just hear things from secondhand information but with the influx of technological advancements, we see it materializing in front of our very eyes. We are then bombarded with one-sided comments, self-righteous ideas and others resort to the sick side of it all: gloating.

UNESCO reported currently that violent extremism is becoming a major challenge for many societies and is threatening the security and fundamental rights of citizens all over the world. Violent extremism is an affront to the principles of the United Nations, embodied in universal human rights and fundamental freedoms.

With the availability of violence on the internet, children are exposed to it to the point that it might become a norm. Parental intervention is considered but mobile phones are not the television sets before. Adults could not monitor their children every second of the day and most of the kids are stooped over their mobile gadgets most of their waking hours anytime, anywhere.

Another effect of the internet and other media is the “glamorized” stunts and confrontations. This is due to the available technology where special effects and production design are utilized to lure more customers to the products. Mistresses and the legal wives are exchanging stinging words in full make up and beautiful dresses. In the movies, the directors make sure that the stunts are visually-impressive and CGI (computer-generated images) are utilized to make the chase scenes and fistfights enjoyable.

So, the thin line between cinematic scenes and real-life drama is sometimes crossed. Take for example the one which is being ogled by the local community, the one where students in a local university display violence. These are some of the overheard quips:

·         “They are not that beautiful to create a fuss over something”. This might be an effect of the Wildflower confrontations where Maja Salvador and Aiko Melendez scream at each other and pull each other’s’ hair in full regalia.

·         “Isn’t the violent girl too fat?” Body shaming is existing since the ones who play roles in the teleseryes are either thin or went under the knife and laser.

·         “The kicking scene is clumsy, too bad!” Of course, Wonder Woman, The Girl in the Dragon Tattoo and the X-men gals display lithe and aesthetic movements when they fight.

·         “I could not see their faces!” This is as if the real-life violence requires professional cinematography!

These comments could be disturbing. First, violence is not normal. It is a by-product of either behavioral disorders or emotional instability. We could be angry but not violent. Then, people are involved and to feast over their misfortune could be skewed. They have their own lives to live and their families might get hurt. We could leave the authorities to do their tasks.

This is then the time to be aware. Adults and educators must provide academic input to their children and learners about how violence breeds hate and contempt. These are things which must NOT be taken lightly due to the fragility of the children’s minds. They might see these things as the trend or normal things to happen.

Children who witness domestic violence or are victims of abuse themselves are at serious risk for long-term physical and mental health problems. Children who witness violence between parents may also be at greater risk of being violent in their future relationships. (womenshealth.gov, 2018) Similarly, children who are exposed to violence online are at risk to be violent themselves according to psychologists.

But then, going back to the issue at hand, why should we glamorize something which is the antithesis of being PROPER?

The social media are platforms to be used as sources of information. There was even a comment that the inventor of Facebook might be unhappy these days despite his financial success. You see, he created the site TO CONNECT people. Now it is a tool of division, personal wars and sometimes, a portal of hate and violence.

We have to remember that Wonder Woman and other characters seen on film are fictitious characters…and We are real. We are human beings. We are human with beings.

Old Tree in the Forest

It is really a great wonder how the mind works. We are often gripped with a feeling near awe when we marvel works of the creative mind. Goosebumps populate the skin as we see the aesthetics unfold in our mortal eyes. We will be transported to a wonderful world where pain and darkness are converted into something wonderful…best, meaningful.

I have always been a reader. Part of my being is to venture into the minds of those writers who grab me by the collar and push me to dark pits, not abysmal but areas where there are touching grounds. The journey towards the base always unhinges my old beliefs and sometimes shatters my prior concepts of life.

Filtering what to feed the gray matters in my head is easy. I do not want to be hooked to the pop culture where everybody is talking the same. Although I read the bestsellers but I always venture on the Bookerman shortlist, the sci fi, the macabre, the classics and genre which could be considered as trips to the alternative or yet, parallel universe.

My friend Simeon bought me twenty books from Italy. Most of them are from internationally-known Paulo Coelho. I shied away from his books some years ago since they were selling like hotcakes. I might be trapped with banal talk, I quipped. I was wrong. It was only then when I ventured into his prose (mostly translated into English) when I had this realization: There are still those who could connect to their spirits and are looking for the meaning of their existence! This is being manifest through the international acclaim the author gained. A theory I developed as I delved deeper into Coelho’s mind.

There are things that he introduced to me which created a lot of itch which I need to scratch. One is this: Why would beggars and homeless people think brilliantly than those who are successful ones? Are these really their thoughts? Here is one line of thought which struck me from a nomad: The world we know today is merely a story someone has told us, but it is not the true story. The other story includes special gifts and powers and the ability to go beyond what we know (The Zahir, 2005).

It seems then that the beggars are correct as they tell the main character that he is not who he is but a product of his past. The society dictates his so-called norms that is the reason why he had to study and work. The reason why, we the readers, eat breakfast, lunch and dinner is because it is dictated by our history…to un-conform to such societal dictates is to face the future…to be free from the past. Beggars (like those in his novel) are freeing themselves from their past by not being NORMAL at present.

In By The River Pietra I Sat Down and Wept, Coelho underscored the innate longing of the faithful (especially Catholics) to the female side of God. He insinuated that the reason why we adore The Lady (Our Lady) is because we want to be nurtured by the loving affection of a woman… God has this feminine nurturing side that we embrace Our Lady. His concepts might not be accepted by many but awakenings and shedding of shrouds are often experienced as he unveils his own truths.

ADULTERY tackles marital relationships which could be considered as perfect to the point that committing taboo deepens the understanding of a woman how to put imperfections to allow her to FEEL. It seems that a perfect life started to become boring and flat there must be meaning on drugs and extra-marital affairs. The plot could be difficult to accept and understand yet the basic truth of being insatiable often surface in all of us. It takes a married couple to jump from a cliff allowing windsurfing to free themselves from the criteria they set to define life.

Yes, Coelho’s books could be spiritual and deep. One could not even imagine them to be converted into films for the spirit could be difficult to project virtually. It would take intelligent actors to convince the viewers to understand the inner struggles of humanity. The business moguls might be disheartened to realize that the millions they will spend for production could not be compensated. How could one pay a ticket only to be shattered and proceed to the mending process?

I wanted to talk to someone after reading one of his books. The college boy whom we consider as a brother told me to slow down. He said that such things are only discussed by people who are OLD and DYING. He might be right…

We need to die first and be resurrected to the new truths that we find meaningful. We have to get old and ripen our understanding about love so to live.

Thriving on the Margins

Matinamajon. We often hear people belittle others to the point that one could wonder whether the one displacing the comment is a superhero in the making. We cringe on the thought of being criticized much more being labeled into something we are not. We dislike hearing people looking into us as if we are specimens of an experiment. Yet there are those individuals amongst the society who thrive in to this act. They act superior to us. They see us as lesser beings. Their world is so perfect it seems that we do not belong in it.

The Cambridge Dictionary defines belittling as an act of making an action or a person seem unimportant. Brown (2013) said that belittling is the intentional act of making another feel worthless, empty, and dismissed.  It is one of many forms of psychological and emotional abuse.  Belittling another often creates a personal emptiness and void.  It can create a sense of loneliness and despair in the lives of many.

But why do others dwell on this act? Is it a crutch since they themselves are deprived of something that there is a need to fortify the weakness inside him/her?

Some people, really want to be on the top, they believe that they are powerful enough to lead, and take the top most position in this ladder. Some, even if they are not all that powerful and dominant, have come up with an excuse for why they should be on the top. This is nothing but a motive to re-assert their social status, often born out of jealousy and greed. These also has other roots. These people are willing to do anything to make themselves appear better than yourself. They usually: 1)Make the smallest of your mistakes a huge event; 2)Try to prove others are wrong, even if it is the mundane thing; 3)Always try to assert their false status…Soon, they have this feeling of entitlement to their pseudo-position (Manivannan, 2016).

Those who bring you down are either unhappy or find prejudice as an avenue for them to feel important and being noticed. Most of the insecure people tend to judge others and their work so that others’ attention will be diverted to them rather than the one being appreciated. They always see something wrong with the persons and the outputs they are able to create. And since they do not have the capacity to do such, they will then resort to belittling the person or his/her creation.

According to Evans (2017): There are lots of different kinds of people who bring you down. On one extreme is the very gruff person with an obvious chip on her shoulder, and when she comes in the room, she makes no bones about the fact that she is going to put you down or invalidate your ideas. You have no doubt who those people are.

On the other extreme, you have people who are very polite and gracious. And yet, after talking with them, somehow you're aware of your faults and shortcomings, your limitations, the misery or danger of everything, etc. These people may compliment you and smile and do all the other stuff you associate with a friend, and yet somehow you feel bad after being with him or her.

That’s why, choose! We have the power in our hands to filter whom to affiliate with and whom to discard in our lives. Our existence in this world is fleeting and it is not good to fill it with painful experiences because of the ailments of others. It is their responsibility to make their minds healthy especially if they are already adults. Also, education is within our reach these days. If they choose NOT to understand themselves through self-help books and educational feedback, let them be. Their pathetic world must not muddle with ours!

Belittling words will fight for control of your subconscious. Don’t let them win. Once you’ve fully processed the words you heard, it’s time to counteract them. No matter what the words were, whether they diminished your intelligence, capabilities, profession, age, gender, sexual preference, etc., you can find evidence in your life that proves them wrong. Take the time to gather that evidence.

Humans are biased towards negativity. It’s so easy to believe the mean things we hear, it’s far more difficult to believe the good. So you have to fight for your thoughts. Fight for your subconscious and make losing not an option (strongsensitivesouls.com, 2018).

In the end, their pitiful existence and judgmental words might just be mere dust on our shoulders. All we need to do is brush them off and continue with our quest to make our imperfections matter.

Bigot

Di na makakita. There are many instances when people wonder what happened with their friends and acquaintance who could not “see” them anymore. It seems that they have become invisible to the eyes of others. People change, alright, but to be gracious enough in greeting others despite the status or whatever caused the confidence could be deemed unusual if not abnormal in some ways.

According to www.learning-mind.com, features of egotistical behavior are a tendency to talk about oneself all the time and a lack of humility. What then, is egocentric? Everyone is self-centered at times. It refers to a limited worldview, with a person focusing only on his needs. An egocentric person may become obsessed with them. Egocentric people often show a lack of empathy for others. They cannot see things from a different point of view than their own.

When a person start NOT to care for others and feel NOTHING towards them except contempt, these ones are edging towards being egocentric. They start not liking others to the point that affiliating with the “unwanted” seem to be a stressful task to do. They then see others as “different; of low quality and forgettable!”

Psychological egoism (Chung, 2016) is a view that claims that all human actions are motivated, at bottom, exclusively by one’s self-interest; it claims that everybody, in the end, is an egoist. This is a very strong claim. It does not merely claim that only some or the majority of human actions are generated from considerations of self-interest; but rather that all human actions – including the ones that apparently seem to be acts of benevolence as well as those acts that seemingly stem from one’s moral conviction – are ultimately motivated solely by a concern for one’s own exclusive personal good.

But then, we have the capacity to weigh things and draw a line between being ethical and being abnormally egoistic. That is the reason why reflections are encouraged by the sages and psychologists for us to be able to evaluate our inner drives, motivations and the inclinations of our dark half.

Others link with the powerful and the rich for the benefit of getting something. They look down on the poor and the helpless and place them on the margins. There are those who affiliate with the good-looking ones and bully the “ugly” group. They seem to draw some sort of energy from the attention they get for being with the IN crowd. They benefit from the actions they have chosen to do.

But isn’t it also rewarding for the SELF to love and embrace all people? Being with the marginalized group and helping them out could be meaningful and rewarding. Choosing to be affectionate could be beneficial to the SELF as well. That is the thin line between being able to understand and being a bigot. Ethical egoism must prevail in us rather than that of unhealthy one. We understand that we need each other. We just do not label ourselves so to be able to thrive. The rich and the poor; the beautiful and the ugly have things which could be shared to us…and vice versa.

Ethical egoism is often equated with selfishness, the disregard of others’ interests in favor of one’s own interests. However, ethical egoism cannot be coherently equated with selfishness because it is often in one’s self-interest to help others or to refrain from harming them (Rand, 2017).

Things like these could be cranial and stressful to some. But it has to reach our consciousness since we are the captain of our ships. We need to understand our own selves rather than dismiss such thoughts since we need to radiate knowledge and values to our small and big communities.

In this world being mandated by material things, it is but proper to touch base with our spirits rather than NOT being able to identify the real us and continue to thirst for things which are not meaningful and substantial.

We do not have to close our eyes to others. We have to look at them and SEE OURSELVES from their strengths and frailties.

Laizzes-faire

Way pakialam. There are instances when one would wonder why some people are so cool in frantic situations. In the workplace, there are those who are neck-deep with their tasks but there are those who are just so passive they still have the time to retouch their makeup and check on their phones. They seem to be indifferent with the pressing needs one will wonder about their work orientation.

Personal ethics are defined as moral objectives or values that one believe in and practice as part of his/her life’s philosophy. When it comes to work, one’s ethics also encompass one’s overall attitude about work. One definition of a person with good work ethics is a person who shows up on time with the willingness to do what it takes to get the job done without complaint (Brenner, 2014).

In public service, it is a necessity for the servant to exhaust his/her best for the interest of the public. Yet, it is saddening to notice that those who pledge to be of service to people are the ones who want to be served. There are even those who do not exhaust all the resources to be able to make a dent on the pressing needs. There seems to be a drone of indifference in their surroundings to the point that the workplace seems to have a flat line.

What is the motivation behind this?

Recent research from the Corporate Advisory Board shows that 90 percent of employees are not engaged or their behavior is not aligned with organizational goals. Certainly, the unproductivity have contributed to this state of malaise in the workplace. It’s not the only cause, however. Jealousies, personal rivalries, silo behavior, and incivility have also harmed the spirits of people at work. The primary culprit is indifference (Stallard, 2018).

Such reveries were triggered when this writer noticed that there are those who evade their tasks and justify them with other assignments. The Civil Service Commission has worked hard to underscore that there are job descriptions and expected Key Result Areas (KRA) among the public servants. A teacher’s KRA is to facilitate the teaching-learning process. Yet, there are those who justify themselves by saying they are being ordered to decorate the stage leaving the learners behind. There are officials in the local offices who only come to the office for attendance then go out for other tasks leaving their key result areas to nothing in exchange of other trivial acts.

Sometimes, the cause of such misalignments is also the head of the workplace. The subordinates could only follow the orders of the bosses since the leaders delegate their tasks to members. Again, the subject of being indifferent could be the culprit here. There are those in higher positions whose mantra is delegation even if they do not have anything on their hands.

Delegating tasks and responsibility is a vital component of time management according to Virtual Advisor Inc. (2014). The primary reason most people delegate is to decrease their workload, which enables them to focus on other tasks and responsibilities. Other reasons to delegate include improved staff satisfaction, better ability to get an increased amount of work done, and faster career growth for the supervisor and the employee who completes the project. Not only does the supervisor's workload decrease, but his staff members also have the opportunity to advance. When delegation is effective, the entire team and the business itself can succeed.

That is the real reason of delegation NOT that the manager or leader could sit back and relax.

It is disheartening to realize that productivity and the delivery of services in the government offices fall short. Of course, there are those who do their tasks well but there is also a percentage of people who shortchange the expected outcomes of the offices and departments. This is the main reason why inefficiency is cascaded to the roots of our culture. And when we tell things like this, we are always be the one to be criticized. We will be called self-righteous and those slow-workers will then accuse us of other things to discredit our personalities.

The only thing to do is by continuing to enrich our work ethics and do our tasks efficiently. We then continue to displace effective outputs to inspire others. We should anchor our actions to our MISSION. 

Excellent workers consider their own outputs and do not compare them to others. In their own ways, they always win their daily battles.

Pompous

Way makalupos. We have encountered people who do not consider defeat. They always complain in competitions as if they are always the best and could not be defeated. They always dominate discussions and think that their ideas are of importance than others. They walk out on events if these are not centered to them. They are very competitive that the concept of learning from mistakes is alien.

Competitive people do whatever it takes to fulfill their desires to keep up with status, winning at sports, board games and even the lottery. These types of people are very confident in themselves and the law of attraction are key elements to having a winning attitude and doing better than most everyone else. These people are being labeled as conceited, self-absorbed, too picky, full of themselves and not being flexible and sometimes passive aggressive (Benimati, 2017).

When you are with such personalities, you oftentimes get stressed or would want to breathe some fresh air. There is a compulsion to go away since there might come a time that your social etiquette would be fouled when you give retorts and create an argument which you could never win. They will make their own stands even if they already know that they are NOT correct. Again, they do not want defeat.

Research studies suggest that there are different kinds of self-esteem. Some people may have a secure sense of self, regardless of the situation, whereas others may have unstable or fragile self-esteem that varies depending on their last accomplishment or whom they are able to impress. When they are doing well, they feel great and even superior to others, whereas when they encounter setbacks, they tend to feel shame and self-doubt. This results in anxiety and vigilance around social status and performance. They have to keep comparing themselves to others to make sure they are measuring up and haven't fallen behind (Greenberg, 2011).

What made them?

Greenberg continued that these types have a survival mentality and may be jealous and controlling. The basis for this is often a deep insecurity about having their emotional needs met. They may have had parents who were critical, played favorites, or were unavailable or inattentive to their emotional needs.

Some competitive people may be pathologically narcissistic and self-centered, not seeing you as a separate human being, but more as a reflection or extension of themselves, a source of admiration for their accomplishments, a potential threat to their own success, or as an object to use or manipulate in order to meet their own needs or increase their resources.

Generally, people who are competitive about their houses, kids, dinner parties and so on are either insecure or arrogant and want to prove superiority. If they are the insecure type, praising their accomplishments and staying calm and friendly may make them see you as an ally or as less of a threat. If they are arrogant, you may want to speak up and toot your own horn as well or change the subject when they start boasting. Arrogant people tend to be narcissistic and status-conscious, so if you exude confidence and appear to have high status and accomplishments, they are more likely to respect you.

But then, these areas of encounters could be wearisome. We are free to choose whom to affiliate with. We could not concede to their illnesses all the time and consider our own space as well. We are not obliged to praise them and tell them things to widen their ego. We have our own lives to live we could let them live their own pathetic ways.

Yet, we have our social responsibilities as well. We nurture children for them to grow loved and respected. We displace care and affection to create wider areas of positive energies. We revisit our personalities for us to monitor and evaluate our inner battles and heal the wounded child within.

But if we can’t; if we continue to compete in an unhealthy manner, we must endure the brand of being UNSTABLE. “Way gajod makalupos kay...(silently circles the forefinger on the side of the head)”

Fret

Hurot yaot! There are people who see the ugly things all the time. They do not stop to see the yellow buds among the weeds; they are incapable of appreciating the small efforts you do; they always see the dot of a stain in the white clothes you don… These people often wear you out to the point that no one would gravitate to them. They always feel like burdens to be carried. They are the constant complainers.

A complain is simply defined as expression of dissatisfaction or annoyance about a state of affairs or an event. It is normal to complain if one’s comfort and rights are being hampered deliberately. But it is not normal when one complains on things all the time. These persons are often irritated with the weather, the way people act, the way the music is being played, the way others dress and the way everything there is!

Most chronic complainers, according to Winch (2011), truly see their lives as being full of hardship and challenge. Chronic complainers' perceptions about their hardships are deeply embedded in their personalities and sense of identity. Therefore, although they tell others about their problems all the time, they are not really looking for advice or solutions.

Psychology Today mentioned that complaining usually happens in the wake of a negative situation. Traffic was worse than expected. The movie was disappointing. The contractor did shoddy work. The city council should never have approved that new development. Of course, it is not just situations but also personal factors that are involved. You’ll notice, for example, that some people tend to complain while others hold their tongues. Indeed, there is a “complaint threshold” that must be reached before someone decides to grumble.

Aside from chronic complaining, venting is also present in our interactions with people. Venting is expressing emotional dissatisfaction. It turns out that people who vent have an agenda. They tend to be focused on themselves and their own—presumably negative—experience. By showing their anger, frustration, or disappointment, they are soliciting attention from their confidantes. They can feel validated by receiving attention and sympathy.

Venters are particularly likely to discount advice and proposed solutions to their problems. They aren’t looking to solve anything; they simply want validation (Diener, 2017).

It is so frustrating to come from a full day of work and service and you will be bombarded with complaints and venting to the point that your energy will come down to an all-time low. Instead of being nourished with appreciation, encouragement and the beauty of life, you will be fed with the foul odors of existence. This is mainly the reason why there are those people who will utter the phrase GET A LIFE! to some since they seem to dwell on the negative side all the time.

Meaningful activities must also be considered by us so that we could see the impact of our actions to the society since complaining is a by-product of dissatisfaction. Life must not only be filled with material things and worldly needs since these will tarnish and go out of style. Universal values won’t. Respect, love, affection and empathy will linger forever. With them, life is satisfying.

“Our brain has a tendency to focus on the negative,” says Emma Seppälä, PhD, author of The Happiness Track: How to Apply the Science of Happiness to Accelerate Your Success, and science director at the Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education at Stanford University. As a result, we tend to focus on what is wrong, rather than noticing all the things that are right, Seppälä observes. “In fact, research shows that three times more positive things than negative things happen to us every day, yet it takes just one upsetting email to ruin everything,” she says.

But then, as an individual, we could take action on our own situations. According to Will Bowen, once you have identified the motivation behind your complaints, address them. Changing a complaining habit isn’t simply positive thinking or being a pushover. It is your own responsibility since you are a big contributor to the energies you release to your family and the people you will encounter.

But if we persist on complaining and venting, we might notice that our loved ones are unhappy with us and would eventually look for “areas” where they could be at peace. It is because it is better to breathe than be suffocated, right?

As an adage goes: Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things you failed to appreciate… they seemed to be insignificant you complained about them.

Bipolar

Malabad. These individuals exist in our families and other social groups. We could not be ourselves since we have to be in tune with their moods for us not to be deprived of our peace. We have to test the waters first before wading into their territory. The difficult thing if these people are our bosses. Development and productivity could be hampered since we often measure our movements so to resonate with their quirks.

Schimelpfening (2018) says that mood swings are rapid and often extreme, fluctuations in one's emotional state, involving alternating between feelings of happiness and well-being and feelings of anger, irritability, or depression.

A mood swing is simply a noticeable change in one’s mood or emotional state. Everybody has mood swings and they are a natural part of most people’s lives. We get happy, we get sad. We have a period of feeling on top of the world, and then later in the same day, we feel tired, lethargic and beaten down. Small mood swings are a part of most people’s lives (Grobol, 2018).

Moods have psychological effects with people especially in productivity and creativity, Accounts have been recorded that emotions play a great part in the work place and even with person-to-person relationships. A lot of encounters ended with hurt and messed-up feelings due to moody innuendos. Some people’s mood swings are so extreme, rapid or serious, that they interfere with that individual’s functioning in everyday life.

Again, the grown up person must not fail to BE AWARE of his/her emotional state since the individual is the one handling the moods rather than the opposite. The power of self-awareness and control will take place here. We might be the cause of others’ discomfort through our outbursts we need to be responsible with our mental state. Negative moods create negative deeds which result to the creation of negative ripples.

As Dr. Grobol said, people who are experiencing a mood swing that’s been going on for more than a few weeks and is seriously affecting their friendships, relationship, school work, etc. should consider seeking professional help for the issue. A professional can help accurately diagnose the problem, and prescribe a course of treatment to reduce the mood swings.

Why do we have these moods? There are even instances when we wake up in the morning feeling irritated for no reason at all, thus the idiom – waking up on the wrong side of the bed! We also wonder what has become of our boss and companions when they put on that smug expression on their faces we cower and retreat to our comfort zones. Is it something “from their house”? We often wonder.

According to verywellmind.com, among the possible causes of mood swings is an imbalance in the brain chemicals associated with mood regulation, as in the case of bipolar disorder, and the hormonal changes associated with the menstrual cycle or menopause. In addition, mood swings may occur in men who abuse steroids. Mood swings are also common with depression, especially untreated depression, where moods can fluctuate from irritability to extreme sadness to an angry outburst.

Lately, this writer is delving on psychological causes of the people who seem to dominate us or oppress the people around them. There must be an explanation on their behaviors in a scientific manner. And it came to the attention that most of these personalities have issues on their mental health. But then, the thing to come up to the mind is personal responsibility. Since most of these persons are adults and hold higher positions, they must be responsible for their own well-being!

But what if this is their blind spot?

This is the reason why we listen to feedback. There are people close to us who could detect our mood swings especially family members and friends. Listening to suggestions could also allow us to review ourselves and consider the implications of our actions and reactions with other individuals.

Yet the persons with bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder sometimes are narcissistic to the point that they do not listen to “mere” mortals like us. They think that they are always right.

So why fuss over their choice to become insane? But then it is always a waste to climb the ladder of success when in fact others see you as DERANGED.