Fret

Hurot yaot! There are people who see the ugly things all the time. They do not stop to see the yellow buds among the weeds; they are incapable of appreciating the small efforts you do; they always see the dot of a stain in the white clothes you don… These people often wear you out to the point that no one would gravitate to them. They always feel like burdens to be carried. They are the constant complainers.

A complain is simply defined as expression of dissatisfaction or annoyance about a state of affairs or an event. It is normal to complain if one’s comfort and rights are being hampered deliberately. But it is not normal when one complains on things all the time. These persons are often irritated with the weather, the way people act, the way the music is being played, the way others dress and the way everything there is!

Most chronic complainers, according to Winch (2011), truly see their lives as being full of hardship and challenge. Chronic complainers' perceptions about their hardships are deeply embedded in their personalities and sense of identity. Therefore, although they tell others about their problems all the time, they are not really looking for advice or solutions.

Psychology Today mentioned that complaining usually happens in the wake of a negative situation. Traffic was worse than expected. The movie was disappointing. The contractor did shoddy work. The city council should never have approved that new development. Of course, it is not just situations but also personal factors that are involved. You’ll notice, for example, that some people tend to complain while others hold their tongues. Indeed, there is a “complaint threshold” that must be reached before someone decides to grumble.

Aside from chronic complaining, venting is also present in our interactions with people. Venting is expressing emotional dissatisfaction. It turns out that people who vent have an agenda. They tend to be focused on themselves and their own—presumably negative—experience. By showing their anger, frustration, or disappointment, they are soliciting attention from their confidantes. They can feel validated by receiving attention and sympathy.

Venters are particularly likely to discount advice and proposed solutions to their problems. They aren’t looking to solve anything; they simply want validation (Diener, 2017).

It is so frustrating to come from a full day of work and service and you will be bombarded with complaints and venting to the point that your energy will come down to an all-time low. Instead of being nourished with appreciation, encouragement and the beauty of life, you will be fed with the foul odors of existence. This is mainly the reason why there are those people who will utter the phrase GET A LIFE! to some since they seem to dwell on the negative side all the time.

Meaningful activities must also be considered by us so that we could see the impact of our actions to the society since complaining is a by-product of dissatisfaction. Life must not only be filled with material things and worldly needs since these will tarnish and go out of style. Universal values won’t. Respect, love, affection and empathy will linger forever. With them, life is satisfying.

“Our brain has a tendency to focus on the negative,” says Emma Seppälä, PhD, author of The Happiness Track: How to Apply the Science of Happiness to Accelerate Your Success, and science director at the Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education at Stanford University. As a result, we tend to focus on what is wrong, rather than noticing all the things that are right, Seppälä observes. “In fact, research shows that three times more positive things than negative things happen to us every day, yet it takes just one upsetting email to ruin everything,” she says.

But then, as an individual, we could take action on our own situations. According to Will Bowen, once you have identified the motivation behind your complaints, address them. Changing a complaining habit isn’t simply positive thinking or being a pushover. It is your own responsibility since you are a big contributor to the energies you release to your family and the people you will encounter.

But if we persist on complaining and venting, we might notice that our loved ones are unhappy with us and would eventually look for “areas” where they could be at peace. It is because it is better to breathe than be suffocated, right?

As an adage goes: Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things you failed to appreciate… they seemed to be insignificant you complained about them.