Gamhanan! We have them in our
offices. They have this sense of entitlement that they have the power over you
or your companions. They see themselves as the force behind the organization.
Funny thing is that they are actually NOT the boss but a secondary character in
the organization. They might be a head of the office but oftentimes, they
forget that they are not the ONE. These people are called informal leaders
because they have that sense of POWER with their positions.
The word power derives from the Latin word
potere, meaning to be able. Although the etymology of the word locates it in
the person, power is a relational concept and is dependent upon a person's
perceptions of his or her levels of control relative to another's [Dahl 1957
(2007), Parsons 1963]. Power results from a negotiation of a shared reality and
often involves the creation of shared meanings, ideologies, and identities
(Haslam et al. 2010, Hogg 2001, Parsons 1963).
Power seekers who are after personal power
have a strong desire to control others or cause them to behave in a way that is
consistent with the power seeker's wishes. This is actually caused by a strong
sense to satisfy a need to rule over. Chances are, these people were deprived
of the sense of control for a period of time causing them to regain their
balance by imposing power over others.
Past research found that environmental
uncertainty leads people to behave differently depending on their childhood
environment. For example, economic uncertainty leads people from poor
childhoods to become more impulsive while leading people from wealthy childhoods
to become less impulsive (Mittal, 2014).
This could be the case of those who are
called “hungry” for power. Their control needs were deprived of them during
their childhood to the point that such hunger consumes them as they merge
themselves with others even into adulthood. Their social behavior and etiquette
would be clouded over by such hunger to the point that they do not mind whether
they have hurt others or not. Like hungry animals in the dessert, they do
whatever they can so to satisfy that hunger…or their sense of purpose will tip
over. Especially when they feel that they are not in control.
Celebrated author Robert Fulghum aptly said: I know what I really want for Christmas. I
want my childhood back. Nobody is going to give me that… I know it doesn’t make
sense; but since when is Christmas about sense, anyway? It is about a child of
long ago and far away, and it is about the child of now. In you and in me.
Waiting behind the door of our hearts for something wonderful to happen.
So, hiding behind the facade of strength and
power of those leaders of ours are scared little children. They are projecting
an aura of control and anger for us not to see their weakness. They belittle us
because they are afraid we will know how UGLY they feel about themselves. They
let us feel bad because for them, it is unfair to see us happy even if they
feel BETTER and RICHER than us. They scream, they gossip and laugh at our
misfortunes but in truth, they are more pitiful than we are. They are writhing
in loneliness and nursing on their past aches of being UNLOVED. Maybe, they are
victims of abusive parents and horrible economic status that they tried hard
not be unloved and hungry again.
But why is it that there are people whose
childhood were undesirable yet they turn out to be loving, emphatic and humble
people?
Recovery from childhood trauma involves
owning the experiences we have disowned. It includes owning parts of ourselves
that we continue to want to push away. This is a painful process because it
means that we will need to embrace painful realities. Everything in us (and
often around us) tells us that this is not the right path to take. But it is
always truth, no matter how painful, that frees us. Embracing our life
experiences and their ongoing impact on us is the path to freedom and wholeness
(Ryan, 2018).
This discourse cuts both ways. It is about
nursing the child in us and nurturing our children. Since it is been
scientifically proven that childhood trauma could awaken the evil in us, we
must not fail to be generous with love, affection and the sense of feeling
secure to the young ones. They will be the future parents and it is a scary
scenario for them to neglect their future children because they themselves are
helpless little kids inside.
We let the power-grabbers be. They are
responsible for their own anger and inadequacies. They could blame their
parents for making them who they are, for all we care! While we continue to nourish ourselves with
positive thoughts and be generous with love and respect.
If they scream at you, if they belittle you…they
are actually reliving their pitiful and wounded childhood.
waif
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