Waif

Gamhanan! We have them in our offices. They have this sense of entitlement that they have the power over you or your companions. They see themselves as the force behind the organization. Funny thing is that they are actually NOT the boss but a secondary character in the organization. They might be a head of the office but oftentimes, they forget that they are not the ONE. These people are called informal leaders because they have that sense of POWER with their positions.

The word power derives from the Latin word potere, meaning to be able. Although the etymology of the word locates it in the person, power is a relational concept and is dependent upon a person's perceptions of his or her levels of control relative to another's [Dahl 1957 (2007), Parsons 1963]. Power results from a negotiation of a shared reality and often involves the creation of shared meanings, ideologies, and identities (Haslam et al. 2010, Hogg 2001, Parsons 1963).

Power seekers who are after personal power have a strong desire to control others or cause them to behave in a way that is consistent with the power seeker's wishes. This is actually caused by a strong sense to satisfy a need to rule over. Chances are, these people were deprived of the sense of control for a period of time causing them to regain their balance by imposing power over others.

Past research found that environmental uncertainty leads people to behave differently depending on their childhood environment. For example, economic uncertainty leads people from poor childhoods to become more impulsive while leading people from wealthy childhoods to become less impulsive (Mittal, 2014).

This could be the case of those who are called “hungry” for power. Their control needs were deprived of them during their childhood to the point that such hunger consumes them as they merge themselves with others even into adulthood. Their social behavior and etiquette would be clouded over by such hunger to the point that they do not mind whether they have hurt others or not. Like hungry animals in the dessert, they do whatever they can so to satisfy that hunger…or their sense of purpose will tip over. Especially when they feel that they are not in control.

Celebrated author Robert Fulghum aptly said: I know what I really want for Christmas. I want my childhood back. Nobody is going to give me that… I know it doesn’t make sense; but since when is Christmas about sense, anyway? It is about a child of long ago and far away, and it is about the child of now. In you and in me. Waiting behind the door of our hearts for something wonderful to happen.

So, hiding behind the facade of strength and power of those leaders of ours are scared little children. They are projecting an aura of control and anger for us not to see their weakness. They belittle us because they are afraid we will know how UGLY they feel about themselves. They let us feel bad because for them, it is unfair to see us happy even if they feel BETTER and RICHER than us. They scream, they gossip and laugh at our misfortunes but in truth, they are more pitiful than we are. They are writhing in loneliness and nursing on their past aches of being UNLOVED. Maybe, they are victims of abusive parents and horrible economic status that they tried hard not be unloved and hungry again.

But why is it that there are people whose childhood were undesirable yet they turn out to be loving, emphatic and humble people?

Recovery from childhood trauma involves owning the experiences we have disowned. It includes owning parts of ourselves that we continue to want to push away. This is a painful process because it means that we will need to embrace painful realities. Everything in us (and often around us) tells us that this is not the right path to take. But it is always truth, no matter how painful, that frees us. Embracing our life experiences and their ongoing impact on us is the path to freedom and wholeness (Ryan, 2018).

This discourse cuts both ways. It is about nursing the child in us and nurturing our children. Since it is been scientifically proven that childhood trauma could awaken the evil in us, we must not fail to be generous with love, affection and the sense of feeling secure to the young ones. They will be the future parents and it is a scary scenario for them to neglect their future children because they themselves are helpless little kids inside.

We let the power-grabbers be. They are responsible for their own anger and inadequacies. They could blame their parents for making them who they are, for all we care!  While we continue to nourish ourselves with positive thoughts and be generous with love and respect.

If they scream at you, if they belittle you…they are actually reliving their pitiful and wounded childhood.

 waif