Slaves

                                      (photo: cuttingnews.co.uk)

Di ako malooy sa ila! This, if constantly blurted out, is the reality inside a person’s heart. The lack of empathy is always caused by too much considering on the SELF forgetting that OTHERS are present in the spaces of small and big communities.

Empathy (Quist, 2018), derived from the Greek word empatheia, which means ''passion or state of emotion'', is the ability to feel what others are feeling. It is an important part of human interaction that is unfortunately lacking in some people.

When lack of empathy is extreme Quist mentions that severe problems can be the result. There are many disorders related to a lack of empathy. They can be the result of genetics (or the characteristics you inherited from your parents), environment (especially in early childhood), disease, or physical or psychological damage and trauma related to an event.

Since one causal factor on the lack of empathy is the environment and even genes, parents must be in control in the exposure of their children to empathic encounters while they are still young. Value-oriented books are read and videos showing affection to persons and other living things must be viewed by the kids.

A child with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder may have a difficult time understanding empathy. Children who are overwhelmed with too many emotional feelings from parents and caregivers may also have trouble developing empathy for others, child psychiatrist Dr. Liane Leedom explains. Children with personality disorders such as narcissism, borderline personality disorder and antisocial personality disorder may have a difficult time understanding empathy. Children with addiction issues can also lack empathy for others, according to Leedom.

According to Perkins (2018), lack of empathy in the preteen or teenager can be one warning sign of a psychiatric disorder. Other signs that should lead concerned parents to look for medical help and guidance include cruelty to animals, fire-setting, frequent lying, petty thievery, defiance, bullying others, aggressive behavior, unresponsiveness to punishment and lack of remorse.

These young ones will become the adults who do not consider others. It is not meaningful to them to help others. Yet, there are those who are being hired to be public servants. It is a scary scenario to encounter when people value more the tools rather than the reason why there are tools.

People lacking empathy don’t put themselves in another person’s shoes. Therefore, they disregard others’ feelings, thoughts, and desires. One of the most outstanding characteristics in people who lack empathy is their selfishness.

People who lack empathy can be very selfish. They think about their own well-being first without thinking about others’ needs. Also, they take advantage of situations and people for their own benefit. In addition, they push the boundaries of reciprocity. This means they only give if they get something in return. They don’t do things disinterestedly. They relate to us in almost a standoffish way, making manipulation a way of life.

Therefore, those lacking empathy can be cold. When we experience an unpleasant situation with them, we’ll end up feeling misunderstood or that they don’t care about us. This is because they’re only concerned about their own well-being. These people are unfriendly and have a difficult time connecting with others (exploringyourmind.com).

Going back to the discourse on being people-centered than “systemic or tool-centered”. There are those whose only concentration is to insist on the output not considering the capacities of the human resource.

Employment, in the best case scenario, is a business deal of mutual benefit. But in other instances, the company is expending such minimal resources that they are taking advantage of the employee. In the worst case scenario, through a combination of slave-driving principles and psychological techniques to break you down, such a job can morph into something very similar to actual slavery (Cyrus, 2014).

The Free Dictionary defines a slave driver as (Industrial Relations & HR Terms) an employer who demands excessively hard work from his employees. Without the considerations of the well-being of the people, an absence of empathy is gleaned.

In an organization, those who are tasked to guide people must consider their capacities through profiling than insist on allowing them to be placed in a system they might not have the orientation. Leaders must have empathy for them to see the humane side of everything than drive people to be obedient incidentally concealing such obedience to being slaves.

These are modern times. Slavery is now considered as a crime to humanity.

Enslaved

                                                   (photo: barkinka.com)

Way ak kwarta! In an emergency situation, your life could rely on the contents of your wallet. You will be required to have laboratories and if the hospital is run by a private group, you need show money. You will then cling to plastic! But what if the cashier finds nothing on your card since the bank is off-line? And worse, it is already in the middle of the night you could not look for help anywhere.

This situation is realistic there is a need for us to check our lifestyles and our crutches. We rely too much on online banking and we always resort to loans. We spend more than what we earn.

The Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas’ (BSP) inaugural National Baseline Survey on Financial Inclusion sought to measure the financial literacy of the Filipinos. Its results are troubling. One in four Filipino adults has never experienced saving money in any form, while seven in 10 of those who save choose to keep their money at home (inquirer.net).

Despite this strong record in financial management, a survey conducted by Manulife Investor Sentiment Index (MISI) revealed relatively high levels of personal debt. Four in 10 (41%) Filipino investors carry debt -- the second highest proportion in the region after Malaysia, the insurance firm said.

Some factors may rely on the use of credit to pay for day-to-day living expenses, the report added, while other loan items include children’s current education, and medical expenses, among others. Average debt across age groups stands at P291,582 for those aged below 35; P207,418 for those aged 35 to 49; and P143,958 for those 50 and older (Lopez, 2016).

Financial literacy, according to Mbazigwe (2016) is the ability to understand how money works: how someone makes, manages and invests it, and also expends it (especially when one donates to charity) to help others.

Yet how many households are being hounded by those who will collect their “arawan” and their monthly debts with high interests from banks and other lending institutions? How many Filipinos rely on the banks as their “hope” of being able to cope with the social standards? These are manifestations that we are still incapable of managing our finances well.

One of the worst things about being in debt is the risk it brings into your life. If you’re already in debt and have no emergency savings to fall back on, you’re always just one financial blow away from disaster. A job loss or a major medical crisis could leave you unable to meet the payments on your debt, which could result in: Constant calls from collections agencies; Being sued for nonpayment, and possibly having your wages garnished; Having your car repossessed; Losing your home due to foreclosure or being evicted because you can’t pay your rent; Bankruptcy (Livingston, 2018).

So why not confront the reasons why we are neck-deep with debts?

There is often a common misconception that people find themselves in debt due to living an excessive lifestyle, or going ‘wild in the aisles’ with credit cards and store cards. The truth might surprise you: unemployment and redundancy are actually the most common triggers for debt problems, and can happen to anyone, no matter what their attitude to money may be.

Whether you’ve lost your job, are suffering from poor mental or physical health or you’ve separated from your partner, changes like this can mean that you struggle to pay your household bills and debts. Having to adjust to such a financial change can be difficult, even if it’s only going to be for the short term.

A lack of energy can make it harder to keep track of money, and rash or unwise decisions, can result in spending money on things people can’t actually afford. In more serious cases, taking time off of work may cause a sudden reduction in a person’s income and being admitted into hospital can also make it harder to keep up to date with bills (mentalhealth.org.uk).

Best, we must live simply. Keeping up with the Joneses will often lure us into wallowing in debts. We simply accept that we only have what we have and confront our deficits in childhood. We could lessen throwing parties and splurging.

These will really help us be in control when emergencies take place.

Ingrate

Some of them want to use you…

This is a reality one has to face: There are those people who seem to appreciate you but their inner motive is to attach to you to feed on their inadequacies. There are even those who feign friendship but once they could sense that they cannot benefit something from you, they leave you behind. Worse, they spread vile rumors about you.

When someone is using you, the whole point of the "friendship" is that they get more out of it than you do. If they're reciprocating too much, or worse, if they're giving more than you are then they are going against their agenda. You definitely have to give more over the long-term for them to "profit" from your relationship (Vamos, 2019).

Like, they won’t be your friend anymore since you are NOT achieving anymore. Consider the mental pattern of such mindset. So, the main reason why they like you is the ACHIEVEMENT that they could also take part since they are linked with you! What sickness is there! Their capability to self-assessment might be nil…

Another sign that someone is using you is simply that they don't really care to get to know you. After all, it's not you they care about in the first place. If your "friend" doesn't seem to pay much attention to what you have to say, forgets important things about you, and overall just seems uninterested, then obviously they must be hanging out with you for another reason.

They will soon then put you on the sidelines if you are not of use to them. These people are actually sick!

According to the Urban Dictionary, a social climber is those who become friends with someone else if that person has something that they want or need. Social climbers value human relationship based on popularity and status, as those two things are their primary needs. They do not value depth and intimacy in their friendship, as they only befriend people who “know people.” More often than not, social climbers are ambitious, competitive and high-achieving as their one and only goal is to “get to the top”. They will never feel satisfied if someone else holds a “higher-status” than them.

The urge to fulfill their esteem needs, for one. According to Psychology Today, social climbing behaviors may stem from a low self-esteem and an extreme tendency towards self-comparison. Despite being social butterflies, they may actually feel insecure about themselves.

They will always see other people as better than them in terms of career, appearance, quality and personality. And because social climbers never believe in themselves, they use other people’s existence to boost their self-esteem. This is why they will never build genuine friendship because if they think that your status is lower than theirs, your friendship will never satisfy their esteem needs.

Some of them want to abuse you…

They do not actually SEE you as a human with being. They are so engrossed with their needs they would then criticize you as if they are the authorities of manners and etiquette. Yes, some of them are superior to you in terms of position but they are actually UGLY inside. They may dowse themselves with eau de toilette but they are stinking inside. They bite you behind your back since they are corrupted with the need to be superior.

There’s nothing worse than a two-faced friend—a person you confide in who then tells everyone your secret, or the person who tells you one thing, but then tells others the opposite. Trust is a critical element of a good (Riggio, 2017).

Push them away. They often think that they are doing the right way. Let them feel the exhilaration of fake happiness. In the end, they will realize when they themselves will be left by their fake friends once they are “out of the circle”.

(Some lines are excerpts from Sweet Dreams by the Eurythmics)

Entitled

                                                           (Photo: dailymail.co.uk)

Magboot kaw? The retort was given by a student who came to school wearing skimpy shorts. The guard asked why she was dressed that way and the girl answered back as if her clothes were appropriate to an academic environment. Other students seemed to blame the guard for asking the question as if they are entitled to do anything even if this is NOT acceptable to the school norms anymore.

Khan (2019) says that entitlement is defined as "an unrealistic, unmerited or inappropriate expectation of favorable living conditions and favorable treatment at the hands of others."

Since the Philippines is now adapting to the opening of its doors to the “world culture,” the orientation of the young and adults seems to experience a divide. One of these gaps is the sense of entitlement of the young as if they deserve to do everything they fancy putting traditions, culture and values on the sidelines.

Statistics show that 65% of American adults think that millennials are entitled. There are different reasons why they become self-entitled. It can be because of parenting, their sense of “ownership” to the world, or the fact that their generation has been more intellectually trained and skilled than other generations before them (Brown, 2018).

As a country, we were under the Spanish mindset for so long that we inherited the disciplinarian way. We trained our kids to behave and NOT answer or talk back to adults. Once they did, being punished was expected. The older ones got accustomed to this that it will be a questionable act to talk back especially NOT following their directions. The young persons will then be labeled as a rebel or “suplado” if they “break the rules”.

When the country joined with the United Nations, legislation on children’s rights became a reality. We then linked to the universal declarations and acculturation came in. Schools became learner-centered and everything is then focused to the customer. Principals and teachers became service-providers and now, the clients could question the way they are being SERVED.

Are these concepts and technological advancements the causal factors of being entitled among the young?

In society, entitlement is often perceived differently from a sense of entitlement. While the latter breeds negative connotations, Psychology Today cites entitlement as "an enduring personality trait, characterized by the belief that one deserves preferences and resources that others do not." At its best, entitlement can be viewed as confidence and self-assurance, and at its worst, the trait can be perceived as narcissism.

More often than not, a sense of entitlement manifests in various common forms. According to A Conscious Re-Thinker, the most frequent displays of negative entitlement include the inability to compromise with others, impractical demands, an attitude of supremacy, habitual anger towards people, and self-pity. Granted, all people have a sense of entitlement, to some degree, but when extreme or regular manifestations take place, it then becomes highly problematic.

Countless people have questioned the psychological roots of the dreaded sense of entitlement. Why do certain people believe they deserve admiration, respect, dominance, etc. when they have not truly earned it? What caused this? Is it an inherent trait or a characteristic that one picks up over time?

Psychology Today states that a sense of entitlement can manifest as an offshoot of experiencing maltreatment or being treated with contempt by other people. Essentially, the sense of entitlement becomes a coping method, only taken to the extreme. For instance, someone whose childhood lacked the same toys, games, and clothes of their more fortunate counterparts may grow up with a sense of entitlement. Rooted in resentment, the person who missed out on a plentiful childhood may believe that he or she deserves to have the finer things in life or deserves to be treated as special. Although missing out on certain childhood experiences is unfortunate, the overcompensation can be equally as damaging to their individual, if not more.

Persons who suffer from a sense of entitlement also tend to see their peers and other people around them as competition and struggle to compromise or reach negotiate on mutually beneficial agreements. A sense of entitlement is the epitome of the "Me! Me! Me!" attitude where the world is supposed to revolve around the person and what they want. However, this is not how life works. Ultimately, the individual with a sense of entitlement takes, yet rarely gives, prioritizes themselves over others at virtually all times, and fancy themselves as superior to others (Khan, 2019).

Be it bad parenting, acculturation, mental disorder or traumatic childhood, we still adhere to the belief the RESPECT begets respect. We might have a good sense of self-image yet we must know that others deserve to be treated well… As much as we want to be treaded fairly.

Display

Bagan masawaing na! This was the comment given by someone who confronted high school lovers who performed PDA (Public Display of Affection) to the dismay of the older generation. Some of the couple’s companions tried to ignore the deed allowing the thing to be some sort of the norm among their group.

First, let’s address the definition: According to Verity Hogan, a PDA, or public display of affection, is the term used to describe any form of physical contact between couples in a public setting. It includes everything from kissing and cuddling to holding hands or exchanging light touches.

Falling in love is wonderful, and when it happens, you may want the world to know. Holding hands and exchanging loving glances will draw a happy sigh from those who witness these sweet signs of affection. However, being too affectionate in public shows a lack of general etiquette skills. When you and your main squeeze make out in front of other people, they are likely to feel extremely uncomfortable.

Mayne (2019), mentions that public displays of affection, also known as PDAs, may elicit a wide range of reactions from people around you. Some of the factors for tolerance include age, social norms, and customs. If you're not sure whether or not an action is okay in any social setting, you should probably hold off until you are in a more private situation. Wouldn't it be nicer to have people rooting for you rather than being embarrassed and running from you?

This phenomenon is already happening in public schools. Aside from the alarming rate of adolescent pregnancy, young lovers are displaying their intimacy as if it is the normal thing to take place in such settings. They sometimes get offended when authorities tell them to behave and will then give retorts as if the universe is aligned to their unacceptable actions.

PDA is often considered a public profession of how two people feel about one another. Schools typically see this type of behavior as a distraction and inappropriate for a school setting. Most schools have policies that forbid this type of issue on campus or at school-related functions. Schools typically have a zero-tolerance stance on PDA because they recognize that even innocent displays of affection can turn into something more.

Being overly affectionate can be offensive to many people, though a couple caught up in the moment may not be aware that their actions are offensive. Because of this, schools must educate their students on the issue. Respect is a critical component of character-education programs in schools everywhere. Students who regularly engage in acts of PDA are disrespecting their peers by subjecting them to witnessing their affection. This should be brought to the attention of the over-affectionate couple who were probably too caught up in the moment to consider others who were around them (Meador, 2019).

University of Kansas researchers asked 349 primarily straight college students, ages 17-35, about their engagement in PDA and the reasons behind it.The number one reason people showed PDA was "to enhance their image or status by proving they were capable of making out with a particular person." Others wanted to broadcast their love to the world, some were doing it for the thrill of breaking a taboo, and a few didn't really care where they were—they just wanted to make out and happened to be out in the open.

Psychologists offer a range of explanations for such reactions. In very simple terms, Dr. Charles T. Hill noted that public displays of affection force people to become an unwilling audience. And that, he said, is discomforting.

Acculturation is also a big factor. Filipinos open its doors to multiple cultures and with the advent of the social media, they are exposed to different presentations of affections through the internet. Some copy what they see.

Still, one thing is certain, we still have our own identity and the moral fiber of our culture put a lot of premium on decency. We expect people to do simple favors, exchange pleasantries, show mercy, express gratitude, and volunteer for tasks because it is just common decency—though not morally obligatory—to do so. But we also criticize those who refuse to “elect” commonly decent “moral gifts.”

Being “different” for the sake of it all is irresponsible. We must still conform to the societal norms since we belong to a society which is strongly anchoring itself to such norms. We could break the rules sometimes but we must adhere to the attainment of the common good.

In the end, it is only the good memories of us that count. The bad ones must be our struggles NOT to commit.

Dust

I close my eyes, only for a moment, and the moment's gone… All my dreams pass before my eyes, a curiosity…Dust in the wind…All they are is dust in the wind… (Kansas)

It was like heaven, the inside of a taxi embraced you with the cold arms of the air-conditioning system. You surrendered to the cushioned seat and Kansas then started reminding you of your mortality. The worldly comforts of the seat and the waft of coldness vanished as you succumbed to introspection.

You remembered the ideal state you dreamed about. The sojourns to the places you fancy; the stories those strangers give when they whisper to your willing ears…The clothes and exotic food served before you matched with aperitif and godly desserts. You thought these were the meaningful stuff… But you were wrong. Life served you with the harshness of reality.

You realized that NOT all you want will turn into reality. The dreams shatter into pieces as you get bombarded with the selfish forces of the people surrounding you. Even how courageous you can be, there are those who are in power who will crush you. The envious ones also kill your spirit. They smear your hope with something pungent from their own deficits. You are left with nothing but the bitter taste of your fantasies…

Same old song, just a drop of water in an endless sea…All we do crumbles to the ground though we refuse to see…Dust in the wind…All we are is dust in the wind…

Then, you wanted to connect. You craved for the affection and affirmation of someone who can COMPLETE you. Lovers came and go. The gap inside continued to eat you up. It even created a chasm leading to an abyss. You then realized that the songs they are singing play the same beat. You ventured on different genre but failed to find the music which could quench the thirst of your existential angsts.

You then realize that you failed to journey within your own self. The loneliness and emptiness that you feel are by-products of the vague understanding of the person cringing inside.

Whatever the world brings, whoever is there, you will always feel empty since you do not know what you are craving for.

Now don't hang on…Nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky…It slips away…And all your money won't another minute buy…

You attached yourself to the titles you can get. You competed for the accolade and recognition. But you feel that such things are still lacking. There is an unending craving for being on the top. You absent-mindlessly brushed aside the groans of pain of those you stepped on. What is important is the recognition, not those human beings around you. They are just pawns on your own battle.

But the trophies could not embrace you. Your titles could not comfort you when you get sick. The commendations won’t materialize into words of comfort once you will be pained. The things you desire most are simply…THINGS! Unfeeling, uncaring…

Dust in the wind… All we are is dust in the wind…

So what must you do to find the gold amidst the impending “dustiness”? Emily Esfahani Smith mentions in “The Power of Meaning” the following:

Belonging. When we are understood, recognized, and affirmed by friends, family members, partners, colleagues, and even strangers, we feel we belong to a community. Results from some studies—as well as end-of-life conversations—indicate that many people count their relationships as the most meaningful part of their lives, even when those relationships are difficult or strained… We then see the people around us as more important than things and recognition.

Purpose. When we have long-term goals in life that reflect our values and serve the greater good, we tend to imbue our activities with more meaning. Selfishness is confronted for the COMMON GOOD.

Transcendence. Experiences that fill us with awe or wonder—ones in which “we feel we have risen above the everyday world to experience a higher reality,” according to Smith—can decrease our self-focus and lead us to engage in more generous, helpful behavior. It may seem counter intuitive in some ways; but the diminishing of our own self-importance can induce a sense of meaning.

These, you see, might be effective. Living a life focused on competing with others could resort to nonsensical existence. The SELF is preserved for OTHERS. We need to see the importance of such thoughts since…

Everything is dust in the wind.

(photo: poesypluspolemics.com)