Nag-alingasa kay ya pay uyab! Sometimes, it is confusing why young people are being pressured to have a partner of sorts especially that February 14 is fast approaching. What is the psychology behind this? Are these people aware that they are being victimized by the marketing strategies of commercial institutions that the mentality stuck? You see, one can express love or be in a relationship anytime.
In 2020, prnewswire.com published “The Pressures of Valentine's Day & Dating” study which reveals that 43% of singles consider Valentine's Day to be the most pressure-filled day, with 1 in 5 wishing the event was canceled altogether.
The research also shows that on Valentine's Day, singles feel pressure to be romantic (51%), be in a relationship (43%), go on a date (42%), spend more money on gifts than they want to (37%), act like the holiday is meaningful (41%), or show others they have a Valentine (36%). Interestingly, the biggest pressures come from external sources tied to societal expectations (58%), commercialization and non-stop advertising of the big day (57%), and social media hype (48%).
Individuals with strong personalities understand that being pressured by the things they see and read can be a form of weakness. They stick on their own choices and be directed to where their visions of who they are geared. Reflective ones also look deeper on the reasons why people are “going with the flow”. They will then dichotomize things and arrive to conclusions and specific actions and NOT just “accept the facts”.
Whatever happened to the good old days of cutting out simple paper hearts, scarfing down a couple of powdery candies stamped with "Happy Valentine’s Day" on the side, and giving them to the parents and teachers? Nowadays, even TV stations are getting on shows offering special holiday centered programming and movies. And don't forget the restaurants offering a simple night out for two starting at discounted rates… so with hotels offering Valentine’s Day packages for lovers.
Around the end of the 5th Century, Pope Gelasius deemed February 14 as St. Valentine’s Day. The Catholic Church has three saints named Valentine or Valentinus – all martyrs, and all portrayed as a “sympathetic, heroic and, most importantly, a romantic figure.”
Dr. Gary Brown (2021) pointed that it took a few more centuries for St. Valentine’s Day to be connected with romance though, and in the Middle Ages it really kicked in. The first Valentines are reported to have been written in the 1400s. In the early 1700s, the practice of professing your love to another person in writing or deed picked up steam in the United States. And voila! Now it’s a multi-billion dollar industry and the 2nd largest gift-sending holiday!
The media has then portrayed the day in romanticized and idealized ways and has managed to put pressure on young people to be in a relationship or want a relationship. We have been inundated with images of cupids, fancy dinners, sunsets, and diamonds, and all this visual conditioning has created an expectation of what should be. That formula has worked for marketers. The industry generates more than 14 billion dollars in retail sales each year.
Dr. Laura Brown says: “Love is not about a particular day, or about cards, flowers, or even being in a relationship. The illusion that coupled people are happy and well-loved can feed feelings of loneliness or isolation for people who aren't with someone, and wish they were. Seeing the illusory nature of this holiday can be the first step in feeling better about being precisely whom and where you are.”
According to Brown, the most important message that people should remember on Valentine's Day is that love is not just for couples or a select few; it is for all of us.
Valentine’s Day doesn’t mean anything at all except for the meaning we give it. The people who get the strongest reaction around it, good or bad, are really just looking for reassurance that they are loved through a made-up holiday. If you are single, you want a Valentine so you can feel lovable. You celebrate when you have a date (even if it is someone that you settled for just to get out for the evening) or you get down on yourself, if you spend the night alone. The same goes for couples who need a big hoopla or gift so their partner can prove their love. If he or she doesn’t follow through, it could be the cause of distress in the relationship, said Debi Berndt.
There is nothing wrong with being in love, giving gifts and be able to express one’s feelings. But why limit it to a single day? There are days when we can do such. We can displace love and affection any day of the year. And being pressured to have a significant someone during a day is a bit skewed. Where is the normalcy on looking for “anybody” just to feel OK?
Emotional strength is defined as ‘the ability to respond in an open and vulnerable way in the face of intense emotional experience, feeling one's way deeper into the emotion which allows access to implicit functional processes driving action’. The skill is to feel deeply into all emotion experience, opening up vulnerability and emotional responsiveness and to change the way emotion is understood in everyday life.
We need to be strong and not bend on outer pressures so to survive in this technology-driven and media-filled existence. We can spread love anytime and not just on a specific date. Let us not be stressed on particular concepts of happiness for it leads to depression.
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