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Uman hanapan man nan lusot? Ever notice that there are those who find justifications of their
wrong actions? Worse, there are those who do not accept their flaws and project
their mistakes to others. This is the sign when such persons won’t reach the
level of self-actualization.
Self-justification
is a portrayal of the brain that, despite its stated goals or desires, is not
interested in truth, but rather self-preservation. Admitting you were wrong may
save relationships and lives, it may prevent distress and war, but it will also
force you to admit that the narrative you have constructed about yourself is
wrong. And depending on how committed you are to that narrative, you may be
unable to even see that you made a mistake, let alone confront it (Tavris,
2019).
It is not the
same thing as lying or making excuses. … It is more powerful and more dangerous
than the explicit lie. It allows people to convince themselves that what they
did was the best thing they could have done. In fact, come to think of it, it
was the right thing.
Then, these
persons find people who, like them, love to justify themselves and do not allow
to see the mistakes they have committed. Of course, we have big tendencies to
do self-preservation but the concept is also applicable when we accept mistakes
and repair damages.
In the book Mistakes
Were Made (But Not by Me), Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson, the authors say
that between the conscious lie to fool others and unconscious
self-justification to fool ourselves, there’s a fascinating gray area patrolled
by an unreliable, self-serving historian – memory. Memories are often pruned
and shaped with an ego-enhancing bias that blurs the edges of past events,
softens culpability, and distorts what really happened.
We need to look
deeper into us and allow the ego NOT to be diminished by admitting our mistakes
and start repairing. Mending things lead to a positive outcome, therefore, the
ego is preserved, or better, strengthened.
It’s terrifying when
we even use God as part of our self-justifications. The divine’s intervention
is for us to feel GUILT and proceed to humility and asking repentance.
Most of the
time, we need to understand that WE SOMETIMES COMMIT MISTAKES. We don’t have to
justify them since it will lead to being UNHAPPY. Lying to others and your own
self is not enriching.
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