Ego Boosters

 

                                              (Image: youtube.com)

Uman hanapan man nan lusot? Ever notice that there are those who find justifications of their wrong actions? Worse, there are those who do not accept their flaws and project their mistakes to others. This is the sign when such persons won’t reach the level of self-actualization.

Self-justification is a portrayal of the brain that, despite its stated goals or desires, is not interested in truth, but rather self-preservation. Admitting you were wrong may save relationships and lives, it may prevent distress and war, but it will also force you to admit that the narrative you have constructed about yourself is wrong. And depending on how committed you are to that narrative, you may be unable to even see that you made a mistake, let alone confront it (Tavris, 2019).

It is not the same thing as lying or making excuses. … It is more powerful and more dangerous than the explicit lie. It allows people to convince themselves that what they did was the best thing they could have done. In fact, come to think of it, it was the right thing.

Then, these persons find people who, like them, love to justify themselves and do not allow to see the mistakes they have committed. Of course, we have big tendencies to do self-preservation but the concept is also applicable when we accept mistakes and repair damages.

In the book Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me), Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson, the authors say that between the conscious lie to fool others and unconscious self-justification to fool ourselves, there’s a fascinating gray area patrolled by an unreliable, self-serving historian – memory. Memories are often pruned and shaped with an ego-enhancing bias that blurs the edges of past events, softens culpability, and distorts what really happened.

We need to look deeper into us and allow the ego NOT to be diminished by admitting our mistakes and start repairing. Mending things lead to a positive outcome, therefore, the ego is preserved, or better, strengthened.

It’s terrifying when we even use God as part of our self-justifications. The divine’s intervention is for us to feel GUILT and proceed to humility and asking repentance.

Most of the time, we need to understand that WE SOMETIMES COMMIT MISTAKES. We don’t have to justify them since it will lead to being UNHAPPY. Lying to others and your own self is not enriching.