Mare, umay latest? Thus,
the birth of Marites. Gossip was
there since time immemorial. Asking for information is a need to survive, to be
prepared and to make mindsets. But when information is dug for a malicious
intent like gloating on one’s misfortunes can be unhealthy. It will oftentimes
segue to something evil.
A 1993
observational study found that male participants spent 55% of conversation time
and female participants spent 67% conversation time on “the discussion of
socially relevant topics.” Thus, this writer cannot be accused of being sexist
since the “Karen” phenomenon also happened in the US. Marites can be the
Philippine version of those difficult women who can be profiled as envious and
have poor security issues like that of the Caucasian Karen who is racist and
entitled.
Marion Underwood
(2003) has found that for children, being victimized by social aggression
(including gossip) is associated with poor self-concept, especially for girls.
Other studies show that victimization is associated with loneliness, depression
and anxiety.
With the
introduction of social media to our lives, peering to others’ lives is accessible.
Those with poor self-concept will have escalations of insecurities when they
see their friends’ pictures enjoying their moments. This was carefully studied
which later become the theorized FOMO (fear of missing out). To bounce back,
the insecurities will allow the person to find faults on others. This is the
defense mechanism by making others “smaller” than them. Gossiping, making fun
and criticizing the work of others become the meals for survival of the skewed.
"Generally,
it's a form of diversion. Instead of facing pressing personal matters in their
personal lives that they need to focus, they'd rather concern themselves with
the lives of others, which they somehow feel like they're entitled to have an
opinion about," Joseph Marquez, a clinical psychologist told Ara Eugenio
in her article Marites Nation (2021).
Still, these
people must be aware about their contribution to the circle that they belong.
Are they agents of cohesion or destruction? Indeed, the thrust to reflect and
focus on personal issues and improvement should be prioritized rather than find
faults and failures of others. Those who aim for SELF-ACTUALIZATION need to
concentrate on the improvement of the self than finding faults and gloat on
others’ mistakes.
If Marites
persists, we can also play the game, right? Pwede man sab nato sila gisahon
sa ila kaugalingon na mantika, amo? Let us find their feared/denied
flaws. Instead of gossiping about it, we can tell their inadequacies in front
of them.
Being frank is
not gossip!
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