Being (In)Sane

Desente. Why the fuss over being cultured? The Urban Dictionary defines this as to have refinement in taste and manners. To be refined, well-educated or awesome. May apply to manners, dress, language or lifestyle. Learned in the way of civilized society.

There are those people in our midst who emits class even if they are not doing anything. Their presence tells us that they have in them some kind of stuff which is refined and aligned to the civilized ways. The minute movements and choice of words allow us to be transported to a world where parental efforts and “breeding” are employed.

Mayne (2018) mentions that it is never good to be unkind to anyone, but it is especially terrible to see adults being insulted intentionally. After all, these folks have life experiences that one should listen to and learn from. Remember that being gracious to everyone, regardless of their age, shows your character.

There are those in our society whose manners and characters are being hampered by their inability to function well due to internal miscues and deficits, It has always been mentioned by psychologists that what comes out of a person is a reflection of his or her internal balance or imbalance. These information must be used by the individuals to straighten himself/herself but if it is helpless, a clinical intervention must be given.

Emily Post, a famous American writer on etiquette, explained that etiquette is something that can be developed by all, regardless of one’s background or socio-economic status. Etiquette, she wrote, involves both ethics and good manners. Her writings pay a great deal of attention to the importance of considering the well-being of others.

According to Ashley Marie (2018), those who display poor manners have poor mental health. Unfortunately, our lack of social graces can negatively affect the welfare of others. When we are rude, short, or temperamental with others, we do not consider how our actions affect those around us. Our gradual loss of social graces has the potential to harm others, sometimes encouraging or reinforcing the development of social anxiety. Bad manners and bad behavior are inexcusable and can have a lasting impact on society.

Aside from the technological distractions, it is saddening that the academe is being hounded by ill-manners. In the basic education sector, a clamor to make Good Manners and Right Conduct (GMRC) to have a comeback is so strong. This is being manifest by the bad manners the young displays. But then, who created the “world” of the young? It is we, the adults. They simply fit in to the spaces we provide for them.

Another potent question to ask is: What if the parents and the teachers are the ones to emit bad manners and skewed culture?

That is why mental health is really a consideration. This writer is really bothered by the thought that people see mental issues as purely linked to depression. There are other major mental health issues like narcissism, power-grabbing, paranoia and other stuff which cause a lot of troubles in organizations.

Rudeness was reported as the chief cause of stress in a recent poll in France. For 60 percent of the French, it is not the debt crisis or persistent double-digit unemployment that stresses them out, but the behavior of other people (Zak, 2012).

An extraordinary triumph of the human species is our ability to extract value from all kinds of relationships with all kinds of people. One never knows when the server at the cafe you frequent might become a neighbor, or romantic partner, or work colleague, or perhaps a friend. Maintaining good relationships with a large number of people broadens our ability to find opportunities to profit from relationships.

But being NOT NICE and improper might lead to a misfortune. What if the one you are being rude at is more mentally-ill than you? He or she might snap and plan for your destruction. In the dark areas and deserted places might await your disaster.

You don’t have to volunteer on a consistent basis or give money to the homeless to be considered a decent human being. You don’t even need to be kind to people all of the time. You just need to be considerate. Somewhat thoughtful. If your goal is to be a slightly better version of yourself with the least amount of effort, be decent (Wahl, 2017).

If you can’t, isolate yourself. Give society a break! Do not muddle. See a shrink. Be sane.

Bleak

Way ambisyon. There are those of us who do not understand what things we want to achieve. There are young persons who seem to have no direction except to play and enjoy the moment. There seems to be an absence of goals amongst our midst.

According to mindtools.com, Goal setting is a powerful process for thinking about your ideal future, and for motivating yourself to turn your vision of this future into reality. The process of setting goals helps you choose where you want to go in life. By knowing precisely what you want to achieve, you know where you have to concentrate your efforts. You will also quickly spot the distractions that can, so easily, lead you astray.

But there are those who do not even set their directions for the day making a lot of resources be wasted.

Research has uncovered many key aspects of goal setting theory and its link to success (Kleingeld, et al, 2011). Setting goals is linked with self-confidence, motivation, and autonomy (Locke & Lathan, 2006). A 2015 study by psychologist Gail Matthews showed when people wrote down their goals, they were 33% more successful in achieving them than those who formulated outcomes in their heads.

Training the mind to set goals could be considered as a crucial part parents must employ in their children. This is beneficial for them to become responsible persons which will lead them to become independent. There are those parents who even decide for their children even the food they eat and the clothes they wear. This could be relative to their financial capacities but there are those who micromanage to the point that the kids will become dependent to them.

Taylor (2019) mentions that decision making is crucial because the decisions children make dictate the path that their lives take. Teaching children to make their own decisions has several benefits. When they make a good decision, they can gain the greatest amount of satisfaction and fulfillment because they chose it. When they make bad decisions, they may suffer for it, but they can learn from the experience and make better decisions in the future.

But it is a sad reality that there are parents who make their children as the fulfillment of their deficits. They want to make their unrealized dreams through the young allowing them to become extensions of themselves not as individuals. In such cases, something will not go right and one or more basic needs will be unmet. When a basic need is unmet, there is a loss, such as a loss of security, safety, freedom, trust or love. Losses like these tend to create emotional voids (Frenz, 2018).

There are also those who were not trained to create goals for themselves, so obviously, they do not see the relevance of allowing their kids to do so.

Effective parents use goals that are based around a set of core values. To establish these values, they must first decide what values are most important. Then they communicate these values clearly to the children. They also must constantly ensure that their actions and the actions of the family are in line with their core values. If they value education, activities relevant to this are always practiced at home (i.e. homework checking, buying books for the kids, etc.).

Yet, adults are more immersed with their unmet needs rather than looking into the well-being of their young. This could be attributed to their personal struggles too leaving the children to be influenced by outside forces rather than the things within the range of their values.

Troll (2016) states: If your needs were not met when you were a child, you may have trouble accepting and meeting your children’s needs because it wasn’t modeled for you.  You may be resentful of your children’s requests, or you may go overboard trying to satisfy every whim in an effort not pass on to them your childhood feelings of deprivation.

There is a need to make the future full of driven people towards the common good. We need to instill positive drives to our children for them to be enlightened. We could not dare to let them be imprisoned with our past by allowing them to play around in the present.

This could make their future become bleak.

Unstable

Way mosalig. In an organization, resources like people and time are maximized so to have good if not quality outputs. These could be done when managers designate tasks to people whose terms of references must be clear for them to attain the desired goals. Yet, there are those whose work attitudes are not at par with the standards that the managers would opt to assign them with nothing since their outcomes are not good. If there is an output, the processes are marred with negative relationships to the point that feelings are hurt and people get disheartened.

The Mayo Clinic research group defines narcissistic personality disorder as “a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance and a deep need for admiration. Those with narcissistic personality disorder believe that they're superior to others and have little regard for other people's feelings. At the workplace, a pathologically narcissistic co-worker can be annoying and frustrating at best, and a serious threat to your career at worst (Preston Ni, 2015).

It is in this light when managers see them as a smear to others and the organization that either they are not assigned with a task or they feign catatonia on the selfish motives of these culprits. You see, narcissists work only for themselves. They see work as a filler for their deep hunger of recognition. The “common good” is alien to them.

Human Resource practitioners often attempt to maximize the capacity of these individuals yet they often fail since the disorder in the heads of these persons always prevail. That is the reason why the mental health law is essential. There is a need for us to have examinations in the head since mental illness is affecting a person’s well-being similar to physical health. If found sick, clinical interventions must be administered so to help the sick ones than continue wreaking havoc to others and the organization per se.

Psychology Today divulges that many narcissists are unable to relate to individuals as equals. They either take an inferior position and defer to you, or a superior position and presume that they’re in some ways better than you. For them, both the superior and inferior postures are calculated to sway you to give them what they want – such is the purpose of relationships to them. They lack the empathy and humanity to treat people simply as equitable human beings.

Then, how can we deal with them especially if they are in the workplace?

First, ignore them. Let them wallow in their own pathetic lives. Let them die with envy as you continue to live a healthy mindset. They are insane you see, and you are sane. But if the go beyond their limits, FIGHT BACK! If they perform character assassination towards you, air out their incapacities as well. Tell the world that THEY ARE MENTALLY ILL. Narcissists could not deal with criticism so they might shy away from you since you are a person who fights back. If they have the capacity to hurt you intentionally, do the same! Anyway, such persons are insignificant in your lives, right? They only feel important but in reality, they are not.

Malkin (2017) said that narcissists weren’t given secure love when growing up. They weren’t appreciated for just being themselves; they were only celebrated for what they achieved. When people can’t count on empathy from those around them, they stop trusting, and they feel ashamed of their normal human frailties. They stop trying to get their emotional needs met from love and instead try to be special — better than others. Better looking, more talented, smarter or more accomplished. They stop trying to soothe their insecurities by relying on people and instead turn to a fantasy self where they are superior.

It is sometimes unfair to realize that these selfish individuals are making us as the outlets of the inadequacies of their parents. We sometimes get depressed due to the oppression they have given to us. Yet the knowledge that they are actually insecure children inside their bodies empowers us not to be affected by them. They are merely products of parental dysfunction. And since they can affect negatively to others, family support and clinical supervision/intervention must be employed.

We continue to do well and try to make REAL achievements. Theirs are fake and glorified ones which they believe are “big” enough.

If ever they will create gossips about us to maliciously destroy our credibility, we are secure in the fact that NO ONE believes them. They are crazy, you know.

Freak

Way mosalig. In an organization, resources like people and time are maximized so to have good if not quality outputs. These could be done when managers designate tasks to people whose terms of references must be clear for them to attain the desired goals. Yet, there are those whose work attitudes are not at par with the standards that the managers would opt to assign them with nothing since their outcomes are not good. If there is an output, the processes are marred with negative relationships to the point that feelings are hurt and people get disheartened.

The Mayo Clinic research group defines narcissistic personality disorder as “a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance and a deep need for admiration. Those with narcissistic personality disorder believe that they're superior to others and have little regard for other people's feelings. At the workplace, a pathologically narcissistic co-worker can be annoying and frustrating at best, and a serious threat to your career at worst (Preston Ni, 2015).

It is in this light when managers see them as a threat to others and the organization that either they are not assigned with a task or they feign catatonia on the selfish motives of these culprits. You see, narcissists work only for themselves. They see work as a filler for their deep hunger of recognition. The “common good” is alien to them.

Human Resource practitioners often attempt to maximize the capacity of these individuals yet they often fail since the disorder in the heads of these persons always prevail. That is the reason why the mental health law is essential. There is a need for us to have examinations in the head since mental illness is affecting a person’s well-being similar to physical health. If found sick, clinical interventions must be administered so to help the sick ones than continue wreaking havoc to others and the organization per se.

Psychology Today divulges that many narcissists are unable to relate to individuals as equals. They either take an inferior position and defer to you, or a superior position and presume that they’re in some ways better than you. For them, both the superior and inferior postures are calculated to sway you to give them what they want – such is the purpose of relationships to them. They lack the empathy and humanity to treat people simply as equitable human beings.

Then, how can we deal with them especially if they are in the workplace?

First, ignore them. Let them wallow in their own pathetic lives. Let them die with envy as you continue to live a healthy mindset. They are insane you see, and you are sane. But if the go beyond their limits, FIGHT BACK! If they perform character assassination towards you, air out their incapacity as well. Tell the world that THEY ARE MENTALLY ILL. Narcissists could not deal with criticism so they might shy away from you since you are a person who fights back. If they have the capacity to hurt you intentionally, do the same! Anyway, such persons are insignificant in your lives, right? They only feel important but in reality, they are not.

Malkin (2017) said that narcissists weren’t given secure love when growing up. They weren’t appreciated for just being themselves; they were only celebrated for what they achieved. When people can’t count on empathy from those around them, they stop trusting, and they feel ashamed of their normal human frailties. They stop trying to get their emotional needs met from love and instead try to be special — better than others. Better looking, more talented, smarter or more accomplished. They stop trying to soothe their insecurities by relying on people and instead turn to a fantasy self where they are superior.

It is sometimes unfair to realize that these selfish individuals are making us as the outlets of the inadequacies of their parents. We sometimes get depressed due to the oppression they have given to us. Yet the knowledge that they are actually insecure children inside their bodies empowers us not to be affected by them. They are merely products of parental dysfunction. And since they can affect negatively to others, family support and clinical supervision/intervention must be employed.

We continue to do well and try to make REAL achievements. Theirs are fake and glorified ones which they believe are “big” enough.

If ever they will create gossips about us to maliciously destroy our credibility, we are secure in the fact that NO ONE believes them. They are crazy, you know.

Unclean

Panuyay! This is the term used by many people when they encounter people whose intentions are so dark they often bring discomfort to the lives of others. These persons see the negative side of everything there is nothing good and beautiful on the situations they experience and encounter. Their hearts are susceptible with the presence of evil since they attract its energy in their hearts. They would then become the vessel of all the darkness in the world and they are the instruments to wreak havoc among peace-loving individuals.

The bible uses a single word which causes evil to thrive inside the heart: “defile.” It is this word that Jesus uses to introduce and conclude the passage: “Things that come out of a person defile him”; and then, “All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person,” (Callam, 2018)

If the heart of a person is corrupted or full of anger, envy and other extreme things, the possibility of it being defiled is high. This is the time when hate and the incapacity to appreciate blessings and persons thrive inside the person. Evil then nurtures such feelings so that it multiplies and be radiated to others. If goodness could be seen in a person (or happiness, well-being, etc.), evil won’t sleep. It will find ways and means to shatter such equilibrium. The instrument (the defiled person) will then bring confusion, pain and even oppression to others to become victorious.

‘Evil’ people are those who are unable to empathize with others. As a result, their own needs and desires are of paramount importance. They are selfish, self-absorbed and narcissistic. In fact, other people only have value for them to the extent that they can help them satisfy their own desires, or to which they can exploit them. This applies to dictators like Stalin and Hitler, and to serial killers and rapists (Taylor, 2017).

Paul Thagard, Ph.D. says, non-psychopaths can do evil things because of neural, psychological, and environmental effects. Thinking can fail to produce good moral judgments when people forget about relevant values that ought to contribute to their processing of emotional coherence. Empathy deficits can result from stress, fatigue, or alcohol, and psychological malfunction contributing to the neglect of the needs of others.

These people thrive in evil deeds since there are deficits in their childhood. According to the DSM 4-TR,"The essential feature of Antisocial Personality Disorder is a pervasive pattern of disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others that begins in childhood or early adolescence and continues into adulthood." (p. 701)

There are those who often argue that people can control their urges or understand their deficits when they reach adulthood. This is true but there are also those whose hunger is intense that their cravings could NEVER be satisfied unless treated or addressed with clinical interventions. In simple terms, they have become “crazy” since they are being engulfed to do evil deeds despite the efforts of others to spread positivism.

So, the next potent question to ask is: Can evil be toppled by being good?

‘Good,’ Taylor continued, means a lack of self-centeredness. It means the ability to empathize with other people, to feel compassion for them, and to put their needs before your own. It means, if necessary, sacrificing your own well-being for the sake of others’. It means benevolence, altruism and selflessness, and self-sacrifice towards a greater cause - all qualities which stem from a sense of empathy. It means being able to see beyond the superficial difference of race, gender or nationality and relate to a common human essence beneath them.

There are also people who look for goodness and positive meaning of their existence. They shy away from negative energies and consider displacing love, affection and understanding. These individuals are well-loved and they often attract people who need advice, attention and affection. They are those whose spirits are nurtured by service and generosity.

We delete evil in our surrounding by pushing the evil ones to the hell in this earth they truly deserve. We clear our front and back yards with weeds that could defile our temples. We welcome goodness by embracing the people who help us clean our vessels so that we could arrive to our destinations where flowers bloom and smiles decorate the environs.

“The way we read another person’s intentions changes our physical experience of the world,” said researcher and University of Maryland Assistant Professor Kurt Gray. His study found good intentions can soothe pain, increase pleasure, and even make cookies and candy taste sweeter.

With this, we eradicate pain by being good and BEING WITH GOOD.

Reject

Nagpabilib. Acceptance and affirmation are two things needed by human beings to keep motivated. These things allow us to stretch our capacities to be able to give and do what we have so to “function”. But, if the act of functioning is motivated by the hunger to be affirmed and appreciated is another story.

Most children were taught from a young age to seek approval from their parents for the things they said or did. Since the need for approval, love and acceptance from our parents is strong, we become conditioned over time to seek approval from others as well. Whenever we don’t receive approval from someone who is not our parent, there is an automatic trigger and desire to win it back (eruptingmind.com).

Social creatures by nature, we are linked to each other from birth to death.  Social scientists have long recognized the critical function relatedness plays, from the bonding and attachment so vital in infancy to the central role being actively involved in the lives of others plays for the elderly.

The quest for validation underlies our attempts to project a “put together” image to others.  We expend significant amounts of energy in “impression management”, wanting others to think highly of us, to like us (Gentry, 2018).

Many people in our society seem to be hooked in getting the approval of others to the point that they could not say NO to them even if they are already exhausted. This will trigger depression and the weakening of the immune system that can trigger illnesses. The central question is: What causes people to hunger for appreciation and acceptance?

Many people waste much of their life obsessively catering to others, doing things against their better judgment, jeopardizing the welfare of self, friends, family, and much more that they later come to regret. Unfortunately, many of us never really get at the root of why we act in such self-destructive ways (Cohen, 2015).

These might root from the childhood experience of being rejected. Parents play a great role in affirming small things their children do (i.e. appreciating their art works, telling them how good they are with their home works, etc.). Yet, since these things were also not experienced by the parents, a vicious cycle will happen to the family. A lot of parents won’t even attend significant school activities like recognition programs and recitals. A deep sense of craving for appreciation and acceptance will then be created in the young person's psyche.

Rejection from one's family of origin, typically parental rejection, may consist of abuse, abandonment, neglect, or the withholding of love and affection. This form of rejection is likely to affect an individual throughout life, and it may have serious consequences: One study found that, in the male members of the study, the perpetration of abuse in intimate relationships was associated with the experience of higher levels of parental rejection in childhood. Symptoms of post traumatic stress and deficits in social information processing were also linked (goodtherapy.org).

This discourse will then be centered to the parents and the individuals on how we digest such information in our own levels and apply in the inner self to create more positive areas around us. There is no need to exhaust ourselves beyond our limits just for others to "believe" in us. We work within our capacities and capabilities because we want to serve, not because we want to be affirmed. We DO things for the common good.

We can start dealing with the inner person through self-acceptance.

Self-acceptance is the antidote to fear — especially the fear of being seen as unworthy and then experiencing shame, rejection and exclusion. It decreases self-critical thoughts or self-shaming, making it easier to tolerate the experience of feeling ashamed when criticized or rejected by others.

Self-acceptance frees the mind from feelings of inadequacy and the self-blaming thoughts that lie at the heart of many experiences with anxiety, depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, personality disorders and many others.

By doing so, we can deal with our strengths and limitations. There is no need for us to do things just to please others but DOING TASKS for the sake of their meaning and impact as self-contributions to positive change in the work place and eventually the country in general.

Learning self-compassion teaches you to focus your mind, brain and body to provide self-soothing, rather than repeating fear-provoking habits of negative thinking and self-judgment. By improving emotional regulation skills and managing your thoughts and behaviors in healthy ways you will learn to be calm and present for yourself — and others (West, 2018).

There is a better world than to think what to wear, what to post, what to say and what to do for the sake of allowing others appreciate you. Let us proceed to that venue!

Predator

Buayahon. There are those who observe keenly on the social movements looking for their prey. If they see younger people who are vulnerable, they pounce and consume their innocence. If they see others are born “different”, they call them names, laugh at them and feel powerful over the weaknesses of others. They become all-time bullies. When other people lack the aesthetics and wealth, they criticize their looks and status as if these are attached to them from birth… as if being NOT beautiful/handsome and poor are their mistakes.

Heinberg (2018) said that human groups have “preyed” upon one another via two main pathways—intragroup and intergroup—which have often intersected or run parallel. Members of a complex society can “prey” upon other members of the same society via slavery (including sex slavery and debt slavery), caste, class, taxes, rents, crime, and debt; on the other hand, one society can “prey” upon a different society through raid, invasion, plunder, conquest, colonization, or (again) debt. In addition, members of conquered “prey” societies can be enslaved by or absorbed into the “predator” society, becoming a permanent underclass.

Individual predators are those whose orientation and psychological makeup are skewed. There are those who were maltreated as a children with power and identity were snatched from them. It is in this constant need (to fill the gap) to have power over something or someone that they are pushed to become predators themselves.

The article of Heinberg continued that a complex or stratified human society can be thought of as an ecosystem. Within it, humans (all a single species), because of their differing social classes, roles, and occupations, can act, in effect, as different species. To the extent that some exploit others, we could say that some act as “predators,” others as “prey.”

We hear on the news how some older people snatch children and rape them (which they later kill and be dumped anywhere). We hear about teachers who lure their learners with food and clothes and later abuse them. We observe older men salivate over young girls to the point that they give catcalls and side-comments offensive to gender-equality.

Sexual predators have plenty of sexual experience but it is shallow.  Sex is a control operation for them.  They ordain the time and place of the encounter.  Seeking a conquest is the overriding aspect.  The perpetrator cares little what his “partner” experiences. The idea is to conquer a body, not have a relationship.  Achieving his objective provides him with a buildup.  He has sex on his mind a great deal of the time, looking at females or young males as potential targets (Samenow, 2017).

These days, we have the so-called iPredators. According to Nuccitelli (2006), iPredator is a person, group or nation who, directly or indirectly, engages in exploitation, victimization, coercion, stalking, theft or disparagement of others using Information and Communications Technology [ICT]. iPredators are driven by deviant fantasies, desires for power and control, retribution, religious fanaticism, political reprisal, psychiatric illness, perceptual distortions, peer acceptance or personal and financial gain.

They can be any age or gender and are not bound by economic status, race, religion or national heritage. iPredator is a global term used to distinguish anyone who engages in criminal, coercive, deviant or abusive behaviors using ICT. Central to the construct is the premise that Information Age criminals, deviants and the violently disturbed are psychopathological classifications new to humanity.

It is for this reason that individuals, parents, and child-protection advocates must be aware of the presence of such deviants. These persons might harm the well-being of the children and their future might be put at stake.

Individual reflections must also be taken by us. We might NOT be aware that we manifest symptoms of being a 21^st century predator as we consume the innocence of others; as we perform character assassination for our own benefit. We could create gossips so to make others become weaker than us. Or we might allow others feel helpless over the things which we make as crutches of power like our titles and position.

In the end, it is only our wisdom and knowledge that separate us. Yet with such, we could make cohesion exist as we continue to make ourselves be aware of the things around us and be a contributor of change. However small our movements are, we can create ripples.