Bloviate

 

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Kinahanglan motingog gajod bisan uno day tanulti. There are mates in the office or organization who will often raise their hands during discussions while the rest of the companions cower on their seats, embarrassed by the actions of the comrade.

Plato once said: Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Indeed, there are those who will just speak for the sake of talking.

To bloviate is talk at length, especially in an inflated or empty way. We often hear people in academic discourses who will suddenly rise from their seats in an attempt to talk but then we do not understand what they are pointing at. They simple babble which can sometimes become their habits in gatherings.

The thing about it is they feel good about the deed. They do not understand the importance of maximizing time by curtailing the smooth flow of the intellectual colloquies.

But anything can be said since we have the right to express ourselves, right? Yet, there are psychological implications on people who will talk for the sake of talking which often routes the discussion to them.

A conversational narcissist is someone who constantly turns the conversation toward themselves and steps away when the conversation is no longer about them. They are generally uninterested in what other people have to say (Moore, 2020).

Conversational narcissists don't necessarily meet the criteria for a formal diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), says Wendy Behary, LCSW. "They're usually somewhere on the spectrum, though.”

Conversational narcissists will jump into the conversation while someone is midsentence. At first listen, it can sound like they're being helpful or sharing a resource, but it quickly becomes clear that this conversation is no longer about you—it's about them (Behary, 2020).

Again, depression is not just the mental health issue that we need to consider.

Imposing, Controlling

 

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Pagtoo nila bright sila ambaja kay tala-tala. Imposing people aren’t born, they’re made. There’s no gene or biological, physiological indicator that leads someone to become bossy. This tendency or this need to control other people is clearly transmitted through culture. First it comes from their general surroundings, and then from the family.

Have you noticed that there are people around you who seem imposing? The word
“please” is not in their vocabulary. Also, they seem to forget that no one has the monopoly of knowledge and ideas.

What makes these people become imposing is, on the one hand, a value system, and on the other, a combination of features of their personality. The bossy person doesn’t think they have a problem. Actually they usually think their actions are praiseworthy. Even their psychological conflicts reaffirm their opinion (exploringyourmind.com).

When others feign superiority, it is an obstacle for creativity, prevents moving forward and change, and encourages unhealthy patterns of communication. It also makes human relationships into a constant source of conflict that sometimes explode and sometimes sticks around as uninteresting and unproductive.

A lot of chances for development will be curtailed when the imposing person criticize others and insist on the “brilliance” of his/her idea. Contempt is always developed around these personalities.

What causes controlling behavior?

The most common are anxiety disorders and personality disorders. People with anxiety disorders feel a need to control everything around them in order to feel at peace. They may not trust anyone else to handle things the way they will.

Nazario (2022) mentions that controlling behaviors can also be a symptom of several personality disorders, such as histrionic personality, borderline personality, and narcissistic personality.

But since we know that there is something wrong with them, can we just let this pass? When we are constantly bombarded with the imposing situations we can always tell them to slow down. If they persist and continually insult us, in a curt voice, we can say:

See a doctor! Specifically, a psychiatrist. You are sick!

Those Who See You as a Person

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Jaon sila kun mabibo pa. Waya na kun waya nay imo. This is a harsh reality that we have to confront. There are people whom you thought are your real friends. They are always there when they need your comfort and companionship. But they are not there in times when you are the one to need them.

A fair-weather friend is there when things are going well for you, but disappears during your rough patches (Sherman, 2016).

There are times when you wonder why there are people who suddenly appear or call you up. There are even those who will cajole you to have outings with them since they are bored. These persons are oftentimes using you as an instrument to wipe away their boredom. Selfish ones won’t be there when it is your time to need them.

Fair-weather friends are exploiters of true friendship who are interested in unilaterally receiving support.

A person who is for you will celebrate your victories, cry with you during times of sorrow, and be there when you need advice. A fair weather friend is someone who is there for you only when it’s convenient for them. Not every person can be elevated to the status of a true friend.

One of the worst cases is when you will be picked by someone to be a friend because you are “convenient”. You seem to be the submissive type that the narcissistic characteristic of the other won’t be overshadowed. You are there any time the selfish friend wants you. You are always the follower so the ego of the egocentric individual won’t be harmed.

Meghan Marcum said: Being used is definitely not a sign of a healthy relationship. It means one person is taking excessively while the other is making all the sacrifices.

We will not fall prey on this unhealthy relationship. Detect early signs and leave them. There are people worthy of your attention and will be there in times when you are down. It is high time to be unleashed from the manipulating and sickening behaviors of these people.

We set ourselves free. We deserve true friends. We are not just for convenience. We have needs too. We deserve to be loved.

Insecure, Insane

 

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Hilabtonon The moment, they see the fault of others, they make it sound as if it’s the greatest mistake of the century.

All people have insecurities. These are the things that we see in others that we ourselves don’t have. This may come in the form of characteristics, achievements, material things, or even physical appearance. Tan (2016) mentioned that instead of us just being happy for them for the things that they have, we make an effort to find fault in them just so we can get even with them.

There is nothing wrong when one party complains about the actions or attitudes of another, if that complaint is designed to improve the relationship. But when it becomes a habit and such criticisms are meant to hurt and destroy, it can be another story.

When someone presents an idea, finding a flaw or an improvement makes one feel superior. It gives him/her an illusion of knowledge and expertise irrespective of whether the person possess it or not.

Then we go back to the concept of self-improvement by doing things within the sphere of influence. Why not consider your own flaws?

Self-improvement is any activity or goal that enhances quality of life, helps reach one’s full potential or leads persons to realize their dreams. Improving the knowledge, skillset, character or mindset are all good ways to move toward one’s self-improvement goals.

But insecurity is oftentimes undetected. Persons who do not make efforts to perform self-evaluation have the tendency criticizing others to feel good about themselves. They like putting others down so that they can feed their egos. The act of criticizing gives them power. In reality, they have shrunken personalities either caused by their parents or by peers when they were still young.

So what then? Do we just allow these persons to muddle with our lives?

We leave them behind. They are just unimportant facts. Despite the criticisms hurled at us by these detractors, we continue doing the best that we can and keep doing the right thing.

Let them deal with their insecurities which, if not dealt with, will lead to their insanity.

Green with Envy

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Kun magkalipay an iban, maglabad an uyo. Kun abtik sab an iban kay sa ija moisan paglabad an uyo! You have these people around you, right? They are full of envy to the point that they will be irritated with your happiness and achievements.

Envy is an emotion that occurs when one person wants something another person has, whether that thing is a material possession or perceived success or stature.

A complex emotional experience, envy can consist of many elements: longing, feelings of inferiority, ill will toward the envied person, resentment, and guilt. When a person becomes envious, it is often due to some degree of dissatisfaction with the self (goodtherapy.org).

There are companions in the workplace who will make moves to destroy you since you are “too much” for them. They do not understand that it is the deep-set insecurity and envy in them which propelled them to muddle with the business of others. There are also superiors who question your professionalism especially if you will be “liked” better than them.

They fail to reinforce the reflective questioning the inner person using WHY? Why am I behaving this way? Why am I making this achiever as an enemy? Is this some kind of insecurity? Am I envious with the “freedom” of this person?

Envy tends to be directed towards those with whom we compare ourselves, those with whom we feel we are in competition. As Bertrand Russell wrote, ‘Beggars do not envy millionaires, though of course they will envy other beggars who are more successful.’

Burton (2014) posited that envy has never been a greater problem than it is today. Our age of equality encourages us to compare ourselves to one and all, and the internet and social media make this all too easy, fanning the flames of our envy.

So what then? Are we going to allow them to harm us? Or we going to ignore them and let them wallow on their unhealthy mindset?

We continue to improve ourselves. We do our best in everything that we do. We won’t hamper their need to monitor our daily grind and allow them to get envious. What if this is the only meaningful activity of their pathetic lives? We might be depriving of the reason of their existence. Because if they won’t change, they are probably born (or nurtured) that way.

If they are inevitably near (like workmates), ignore them. But if they persist, it is also human nature to bite back. Life is short to keep quiet. Be professional in doing so since you will always win if you do so! 

Un-zapped

 

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Mag video call baja bisan nagmisa? There are people who cannot leave their mobile phones for even one hour. They fear that they will miss out something if they won’t check what is happening around them. They fear that they will miss out something “important”.

British psychologists elaborated and defined FoMO (fear of missing out) as “pervasive apprehension that others might be having rewarding experiences from which one is absent”, FoMO is characterized by the desire to stay continually connected with what others are doing.

There are people we know that even during meals are tinkering and scrolling on the social media sites. Cell phone use during meals is just as bad as eating while watching television. This is especially true if the mealtime in question is centered around family, friends, and treasured occasions.

Amuno (2022) reported: While phones interfere with the eating experience itself, they actually deny us the opportunity to enjoy the food we are eating. In any case, we spend more time swiping away than touching the food. When the brain is hypnotized by the smartphone screen, it under-utilizes sensory elements such as sight, smell, touch, taste, and sound, which are all closely linked to eating.

Checking and scrolling through social media has become an increasingly popular activity over the last decade. Although the majority of peoples’ use of social media is non-problematic, there is a small percentage of users that become addicted to social networking sites and engage in excessive or compulsive use.

That is the phenomena during the early 80’s when people tell you that you are zapped-out. You are physically present but you are somewhere else.

These facts are telling us that manners, the wise use of technology, the strong sense of self-knowledge, the importance of face-to-face communication, the application of our education, discipline and the wise utilization of our time are what matter most.

We will USE technology. We MUST NOT let technology USE us.

Redress

 

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“Hay salamat klase na, ya nay sagdahonon sa bayay!” These words were overheard from a parent who heaved a sigh of relief that their naughty children are now in school. “Mak-trabaho na ko nan yay mag samok-samok!”

Kurtz (2022) reported that in districts that were offering mostly remote or hybrid instruction last school year, 71 percent of survey respondents said students are misbehaving more this school year, compared with 52 percent from districts that had offered mostly in-person instruction the previous year.

Lately, there was a student who got hospitalized due to physical injuries. He was mauled by school mates. Some learners were also reported defecating on their classroom’s floor. Worse, cursing among learners in the elementary intensified. Some kindergarten teachers are complaining about their daily struggle with the unruly kids.

The ironic thing is this: Lots of parents are now happy that their peace is back that the in-person classes are back.

According to Nierva (2009), parent involvement in the Philippines is vague because there is still a need to improve parent involvement practices, especially those promoting the parents’ active involvement in the child’s learning at home and in school. Much of the practices of Filipino are brought about by history including the ways parents raise their children.

There is still a need to educate the adults that the attitude and well-being of children are PRIMARY responsibilities of the parents, not the teachers.

In order for a child to succeed, parents exert a lot of influence on their child's cognitive development in the early years and thus, the contact between home and school should be maintained, especially during the primary school years (Ho, 2009).

So, what then? Will the teachers just shrug their shoulders and allow these truant creatures to thrive?

For starters, let us visit their houses and see the ecology which might be the causal factor of the learners’ behavior. We then say: KAYA PALA! Then, we can introduce their parents to the registered social workers of our place.

Since our hands are full, we can report them to such authorities so that they will be reprimanded for their irresponsibility.