High Quality

Lingap. People work to get something out from the job. The major thing is of course, money. But money could be considered as the reward for working hard. This is when professionalism comes in. We practice our profession and get paid for the work we have extended. The supervisors then see to it that the money given to the workers meet up with the expected outputs.... There are also people who work for service. They see themselves as harbingers of change that they do not seek for anything in return. Their satisfaction is on their contribution to make things happen.

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines professionalism as "the conduct, aims, or qualities that characterize or mark a profession or a professional person;" and it defines a profession as "a calling requiring specialized knowledge and often long and intensive academic preparation." These definitions imply that professionalism encompasses a number of different attributes, and, together, these attributes identify and define a professional.

The mindtools.com says that professionals get the job done. They're reliable, and they keep their promises. If circumstances arise that prevent them from delivering on their promises, they manage expectations up front, and they do their best to make the situation right. Professionals don't make excuses, but focus on finding solutions.

Yet, inside offices we have persons who simply work to get the time by. They project superficial movements as if to tell the world that they are busy. They are actually unproductive. Their main motivation is the reward of the job not the outcome of the task. They often do haphazard work to the point that the outputs are not of quality. They are driven with other “personal” stuff to the point that their jobs are secondary.

Yes, we work for ourselves but there are jobs which directly affect people. We could not be hasty in dealing with them since they are not objects to be dismissed. The term public service must be put into practice rather than a façade created to win the affection and attention of others.

Professionalism is more than a list of desired behaviors and codes of ethics. It is the means by which a profession keeps its social contract with society. The profession "professes" to the public that it will be altruistic, competent, self-regulating, trustworthy and address societal concerns. In return, it is granted autonomy, prestige and financial rewards (Belar, 2013).

Quality time, service and outcomes are things that our clients need. We need to focus on them not just on the things that we could get out from our jobs. How many leaders are out there feeding on their deficits? They are making their jobs as platforms of satisfying their unmet needs like fame, power and the like. How many “public servants” are the ones being served by the public? How many educators are out there seeing the kids as JOBS rather than human beings? There are even those who feed on their innocence to fill in the need for power.

According to Thompson (2012), one must be brilliant at building rapport and developing trust. Without professionalism you will end up missing an important link that will have people saying "yes, he is very nice and friendly, but he doesn't know what he is talking about."  This is not good!  Professionalism includes being prepared, having confidence in yourself, and being experienced and possessing expertise on the task you are doing.

It is insulting and irritating to see one’s efforts to be placed on the trash by some companions who put the institution in bad light. Many people who could be considered as incompetent are actually imprisoned with psychological malfunctions according to clinical psychologists. There is a need to revisit the psychological makeup of the person prior to the assignment of a certain task since a domino effect will happen which could damage an organization.

At work, people are expected to behave in a manner that positively reflects on their company, and unprofessional behavior negates this standard, disrupting work environment.

It is in this anchorage when we must put into the system and individual mindsets the direction (or mission) of our company or organization. We take control of our individual needs and allow help from others in identifying our deficits. It is only in dealing with the INNER person when we could displace quality outputs for the people surrounding us.

Playing Victim

Dinaug-daog kuno. To create a façade of doing the right things, there are those who would play VICTIMS. They post sad comments telling that they are alright despite the persecution others are doing towards them. But in reality, they are the ones persecuting and causing a lot of pain and anxiety to others.

Individuals who habitually indulge in self-victimization (also known as playing the victim) do so for various reasons: to control or influence other people’s thoughts, feelings and actions; to justify their abuse of others; to seek attention; or, as a way of coping with situations. Although they can actually change circumstances to avoid being victimized, they won’t seize the opportunity because they want to play the role and appear as victims to others and themselves (Davies, 2012).

People, especially adults, know what is good and not. Due to drives and unmet needs, there are those whose actions would lead towards doing acts which could be considered unaccepted. Instead of dealing with the mistakes, some justify their actions through playing victims. They trash and squirm to their friends and air out their “pains” on being judged and accused of things the “do not” do.

The victim mentality can display itself in a variety of ways. People who play the role of a victim believe everything that happens to them is completely out of their control, therefore, it is never their responsibility. They blame others when bad things happen to them and they have an extremely negative outlook on life. They are resistant to help and respond to any advice or assistance with reasons why it won’t work and explanations as to why the problem is unsolvable (Brown, 2018).

There is this person who sought a lot of favors and borrowing clothes from his friends, then by the time the real owners want them back, the culprit then create stories that he is being persecuted…that he is being talked behind his back. Prof Kets de Vries says that, although this behavior can be counter-intuitive, manipulative and damaging, a "victim" may be genuinely unaware of his own complicity in his problems, and his secondary gain may be subconscious. Meaning, this could be another mental health issue.

Most of the time, a “victim” has trouble accepting they contributed to a problem and accepting responsibility for the circumstance that they are in. Instead, they point the finger, or simply ignore their role in perpetuating the problem. They are not overtly saying “I’m a victim”, but instead indirectly sending the message that they’re martyrs.

The victim grates on you with a poor-me attitude, and is allergic to taking responsibility for their actions. People are always against them, the reason for their unhappiness. They portray themselves as unfortunates who demand rescuing (Orloff, 2012).

Since they are in our surrounding, there are instances that we are being trapped by their selfish (or unintended) deeds. We are being portrayed as the villain of their lives where in reality, we are the ones to be used by them to feed on their inadequacies. We might dismiss the slight things since they are manageable but what if the so-called VICTIMS succeed in portraying us AS THE DEVIL?

We can do the right thing. Mahatma Gandhi says: “A 'No' uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than a 'Yes' merely uttered to please, or, what is worse, to avoid trouble.” Kind but firm limit setting is healthy. People must take responsibility for their own lives. You’re not in the business of fixing anyone. Enabling always backfires. Without limits, a relationship isn’t on equal ground; and no one wins.

Also, the truth must prevail. Although truth hurts, we could tell these people how they make us feel and how they disturb the balance of our environment. We sometimes do not do this since we want to avoid trouble. But they must not feel that they are always correct. We could not square a circle. We must spill the beans!

Enough. This might be our mantra especially when we see that these people are doing harm to ourselves and companions. We could NOT allow such negative activities thrive in our ecology.

We fight back!

Wrong Crowd

Yaot na kaiban. The wrong kind of people. This could come up inside one’s mind and it may sound prejudicial. But based on keen observation, a person could infer and take educational cues that the values of the person he is connecting with is the wrong kind. This entails the development of character traits not attuned to what their parents are expecting. Parental intervention on the affiliations of their kids must be of importance. You see, the efforts to straighten a child’s character could be bent by outside forces. These might be the people whom the child affiliate with.

Lumenlearning.com mentions that Individual behavior and decision making can be influenced by the presence of others. There are both positive and negative implications of group influence on individual behavior. For example, group influence can often be useful in the context of work settings, team sports, and political activism. However, the influence of groups on the individual can also generate negative behaviors.

Psychologists say that Groupthink is a psychological phenomenon that occurs within a group of people, in which the desire for harmony or conformity in the group results in an incorrect or deviant decision-making outcome.

Meaning, the people whom the child link with have great influences on what he/she thinks and these will be the foundation of character. It has always been a mistake of parents on NOT monitoring the people whom the kid is joining and befriending. They think that they know their kids well but they do not focus on the outside forces hounding on the children.

Here are some thoughts to ponder: The people we choose to spend our time with, as well as the ones we have no choice but to see, can have a tremendous impact on us. You can begin to internalize other people’s voices, as you start to believe the horrible things they say. You can probably think of at least one person in your life who always leaves you wishing that you hadn’t met up with them. Sometimes the best thing to do about them is to remove them from your life (Mendoza, 2018).

That is the point. We could not stop respecting but we could disallow others to manipulate our thought-patterns and values which might be inconsistent to the universal values and the ones our parents are holding on. Yes, families, like organizations, must adhere to their mission statements, their vision and CORE VALUES. The lives of the people in our families could be affected greatly without such.

It is a messianic thought to have positive psychological environments since we could not control the orientations and experiences of others which cascade to their children. But we have our areas of responsibility whom we have a sense of control.

We can stop giving negative people too much power in our life. We must guard our time. Negative people can monopolize your time - even when they're not with you - if you're not careful. We need to choose our attitude. Spending time with negative people can be the fastest way to ruin a good mood. Refocus your thoughts.

But these things could not be understood by children if we do not guide them well. Out there, some people are sick, self-righteous and self-centered. They may look kind but they just want something out from your kids- a filler of their deficits, a distraction, someone to bully, someone to apply their “power”, an object to be possessed or someone to fill in a blank…

We allow our kids to those friends who could nurture. Those companions who will not spoil but empower. We expose our kids to friends whose values are consistent to our family values…

This is not prejudice but common sense.

In her bestselling book “positive Discipline”, Jane Nelsen, Ed.D. says: When children (and adults) develop more social interest (concern for others, their community, and their environment) and learn methods and problem-solving skills to act on their own concern, we will have peace in the world.

In a micro scale, we could continue dealing with the young through positive guidance and eventually become a contributor of goodness in a macro level.

Being (In)Sane

Desente. Why the fuss over being cultured? The Urban Dictionary defines this as to have refinement in taste and manners. To be refined, well-educated or awesome. May apply to manners, dress, language or lifestyle. Learned in the way of civilized society.

There are those people in our midst who emits class even if they are not doing anything. Their presence tells us that they have in them some kind of stuff which is refined and aligned to the civilized ways. The minute movements and choice of words allow us to be transported to a world where parental efforts and “breeding” are employed.

Mayne (2018) mentions that it is never good to be unkind to anyone, but it is especially terrible to see adults being insulted intentionally. After all, these folks have life experiences that one should listen to and learn from. Remember that being gracious to everyone, regardless of their age, shows your character.

There are those in our society whose manners and characters are being hampered by their inability to function well due to internal miscues and deficits, It has always been mentioned by psychologists that what comes out of a person is a reflection of his or her internal balance or imbalance. These information must be used by the individuals to straighten himself/herself but if it is helpless, a clinical intervention must be given.

Emily Post, a famous American writer on etiquette, explained that etiquette is something that can be developed by all, regardless of one’s background or socio-economic status. Etiquette, she wrote, involves both ethics and good manners. Her writings pay a great deal of attention to the importance of considering the well-being of others.

According to Ashley Marie (2018), those who display poor manners have poor mental health. Unfortunately, our lack of social graces can negatively affect the welfare of others. When we are rude, short, or temperamental with others, we do not consider how our actions affect those around us. Our gradual loss of social graces has the potential to harm others, sometimes encouraging or reinforcing the development of social anxiety. Bad manners and bad behavior are inexcusable and can have a lasting impact on society.

Aside from the technological distractions, it is saddening that the academe is being hounded by ill-manners. In the basic education sector, a clamor to make Good Manners and Right Conduct (GMRC) to have a comeback is so strong. This is being manifest by the bad manners the young displays. But then, who created the “world” of the young? It is we, the adults. They simply fit in to the spaces we provide for them.

Another potent question to ask is: What if the parents and the teachers are the ones to emit bad manners and skewed culture?

That is why mental health is really a consideration. This writer is really bothered by the thought that people see mental issues as purely linked to depression. There are other major mental health issues like narcissism, power-grabbing, paranoia and other stuff which cause a lot of troubles in organizations.

Rudeness was reported as the chief cause of stress in a recent poll in France. For 60 percent of the French, it is not the debt crisis or persistent double-digit unemployment that stresses them out, but the behavior of other people (Zak, 2012).

An extraordinary triumph of the human species is our ability to extract value from all kinds of relationships with all kinds of people. One never knows when the server at the cafe you frequent might become a neighbor, or romantic partner, or work colleague, or perhaps a friend. Maintaining good relationships with a large number of people broadens our ability to find opportunities to profit from relationships.

But being NOT NICE and improper might lead to a misfortune. What if the one you are being rude at is more mentally-ill than you? He or she might snap and plan for your destruction. In the dark areas and deserted places might await your disaster.

You don’t have to volunteer on a consistent basis or give money to the homeless to be considered a decent human being. You don’t even need to be kind to people all of the time. You just need to be considerate. Somewhat thoughtful. If your goal is to be a slightly better version of yourself with the least amount of effort, be decent (Wahl, 2017).

If you can’t, isolate yourself. Give society a break! Do not muddle. See a shrink. Be sane.

Bleak

Way ambisyon. There are those of us who do not understand what things we want to achieve. There are young persons who seem to have no direction except to play and enjoy the moment. There seems to be an absence of goals amongst our midst.

According to mindtools.com, Goal setting is a powerful process for thinking about your ideal future, and for motivating yourself to turn your vision of this future into reality. The process of setting goals helps you choose where you want to go in life. By knowing precisely what you want to achieve, you know where you have to concentrate your efforts. You will also quickly spot the distractions that can, so easily, lead you astray.

But there are those who do not even set their directions for the day making a lot of resources be wasted.

Research has uncovered many key aspects of goal setting theory and its link to success (Kleingeld, et al, 2011). Setting goals is linked with self-confidence, motivation, and autonomy (Locke & Lathan, 2006). A 2015 study by psychologist Gail Matthews showed when people wrote down their goals, they were 33% more successful in achieving them than those who formulated outcomes in their heads.

Training the mind to set goals could be considered as a crucial part parents must employ in their children. This is beneficial for them to become responsible persons which will lead them to become independent. There are those parents who even decide for their children even the food they eat and the clothes they wear. This could be relative to their financial capacities but there are those who micromanage to the point that the kids will become dependent to them.

Taylor (2019) mentions that decision making is crucial because the decisions children make dictate the path that their lives take. Teaching children to make their own decisions has several benefits. When they make a good decision, they can gain the greatest amount of satisfaction and fulfillment because they chose it. When they make bad decisions, they may suffer for it, but they can learn from the experience and make better decisions in the future.

But it is a sad reality that there are parents who make their children as the fulfillment of their deficits. They want to make their unrealized dreams through the young allowing them to become extensions of themselves not as individuals. In such cases, something will not go right and one or more basic needs will be unmet. When a basic need is unmet, there is a loss, such as a loss of security, safety, freedom, trust or love. Losses like these tend to create emotional voids (Frenz, 2018).

There are also those who were not trained to create goals for themselves, so obviously, they do not see the relevance of allowing their kids to do so.

Effective parents use goals that are based around a set of core values. To establish these values, they must first decide what values are most important. Then they communicate these values clearly to the children. They also must constantly ensure that their actions and the actions of the family are in line with their core values. If they value education, activities relevant to this are always practiced at home (i.e. homework checking, buying books for the kids, etc.).

Yet, adults are more immersed with their unmet needs rather than looking into the well-being of their young. This could be attributed to their personal struggles too leaving the children to be influenced by outside forces rather than the things within the range of their values.

Troll (2016) states: If your needs were not met when you were a child, you may have trouble accepting and meeting your children’s needs because it wasn’t modeled for you.  You may be resentful of your children’s requests, or you may go overboard trying to satisfy every whim in an effort not pass on to them your childhood feelings of deprivation.

There is a need to make the future full of driven people towards the common good. We need to instill positive drives to our children for them to be enlightened. We could not dare to let them be imprisoned with our past by allowing them to play around in the present.

This could make their future become bleak.

Unstable

Way mosalig. In an organization, resources like people and time are maximized so to have good if not quality outputs. These could be done when managers designate tasks to people whose terms of references must be clear for them to attain the desired goals. Yet, there are those whose work attitudes are not at par with the standards that the managers would opt to assign them with nothing since their outcomes are not good. If there is an output, the processes are marred with negative relationships to the point that feelings are hurt and people get disheartened.

The Mayo Clinic research group defines narcissistic personality disorder as “a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance and a deep need for admiration. Those with narcissistic personality disorder believe that they're superior to others and have little regard for other people's feelings. At the workplace, a pathologically narcissistic co-worker can be annoying and frustrating at best, and a serious threat to your career at worst (Preston Ni, 2015).

It is in this light when managers see them as a smear to others and the organization that either they are not assigned with a task or they feign catatonia on the selfish motives of these culprits. You see, narcissists work only for themselves. They see work as a filler for their deep hunger of recognition. The “common good” is alien to them.

Human Resource practitioners often attempt to maximize the capacity of these individuals yet they often fail since the disorder in the heads of these persons always prevail. That is the reason why the mental health law is essential. There is a need for us to have examinations in the head since mental illness is affecting a person’s well-being similar to physical health. If found sick, clinical interventions must be administered so to help the sick ones than continue wreaking havoc to others and the organization per se.

Psychology Today divulges that many narcissists are unable to relate to individuals as equals. They either take an inferior position and defer to you, or a superior position and presume that they’re in some ways better than you. For them, both the superior and inferior postures are calculated to sway you to give them what they want – such is the purpose of relationships to them. They lack the empathy and humanity to treat people simply as equitable human beings.

Then, how can we deal with them especially if they are in the workplace?

First, ignore them. Let them wallow in their own pathetic lives. Let them die with envy as you continue to live a healthy mindset. They are insane you see, and you are sane. But if the go beyond their limits, FIGHT BACK! If they perform character assassination towards you, air out their incapacities as well. Tell the world that THEY ARE MENTALLY ILL. Narcissists could not deal with criticism so they might shy away from you since you are a person who fights back. If they have the capacity to hurt you intentionally, do the same! Anyway, such persons are insignificant in your lives, right? They only feel important but in reality, they are not.

Malkin (2017) said that narcissists weren’t given secure love when growing up. They weren’t appreciated for just being themselves; they were only celebrated for what they achieved. When people can’t count on empathy from those around them, they stop trusting, and they feel ashamed of their normal human frailties. They stop trying to get their emotional needs met from love and instead try to be special — better than others. Better looking, more talented, smarter or more accomplished. They stop trying to soothe their insecurities by relying on people and instead turn to a fantasy self where they are superior.

It is sometimes unfair to realize that these selfish individuals are making us as the outlets of the inadequacies of their parents. We sometimes get depressed due to the oppression they have given to us. Yet the knowledge that they are actually insecure children inside their bodies empowers us not to be affected by them. They are merely products of parental dysfunction. And since they can affect negatively to others, family support and clinical supervision/intervention must be employed.

We continue to do well and try to make REAL achievements. Theirs are fake and glorified ones which they believe are “big” enough.

If ever they will create gossips about us to maliciously destroy our credibility, we are secure in the fact that NO ONE believes them. They are crazy, you know.

Freak

Way mosalig. In an organization, resources like people and time are maximized so to have good if not quality outputs. These could be done when managers designate tasks to people whose terms of references must be clear for them to attain the desired goals. Yet, there are those whose work attitudes are not at par with the standards that the managers would opt to assign them with nothing since their outcomes are not good. If there is an output, the processes are marred with negative relationships to the point that feelings are hurt and people get disheartened.

The Mayo Clinic research group defines narcissistic personality disorder as “a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance and a deep need for admiration. Those with narcissistic personality disorder believe that they're superior to others and have little regard for other people's feelings. At the workplace, a pathologically narcissistic co-worker can be annoying and frustrating at best, and a serious threat to your career at worst (Preston Ni, 2015).

It is in this light when managers see them as a threat to others and the organization that either they are not assigned with a task or they feign catatonia on the selfish motives of these culprits. You see, narcissists work only for themselves. They see work as a filler for their deep hunger of recognition. The “common good” is alien to them.

Human Resource practitioners often attempt to maximize the capacity of these individuals yet they often fail since the disorder in the heads of these persons always prevail. That is the reason why the mental health law is essential. There is a need for us to have examinations in the head since mental illness is affecting a person’s well-being similar to physical health. If found sick, clinical interventions must be administered so to help the sick ones than continue wreaking havoc to others and the organization per se.

Psychology Today divulges that many narcissists are unable to relate to individuals as equals. They either take an inferior position and defer to you, or a superior position and presume that they’re in some ways better than you. For them, both the superior and inferior postures are calculated to sway you to give them what they want – such is the purpose of relationships to them. They lack the empathy and humanity to treat people simply as equitable human beings.

Then, how can we deal with them especially if they are in the workplace?

First, ignore them. Let them wallow in their own pathetic lives. Let them die with envy as you continue to live a healthy mindset. They are insane you see, and you are sane. But if the go beyond their limits, FIGHT BACK! If they perform character assassination towards you, air out their incapacity as well. Tell the world that THEY ARE MENTALLY ILL. Narcissists could not deal with criticism so they might shy away from you since you are a person who fights back. If they have the capacity to hurt you intentionally, do the same! Anyway, such persons are insignificant in your lives, right? They only feel important but in reality, they are not.

Malkin (2017) said that narcissists weren’t given secure love when growing up. They weren’t appreciated for just being themselves; they were only celebrated for what they achieved. When people can’t count on empathy from those around them, they stop trusting, and they feel ashamed of their normal human frailties. They stop trying to get their emotional needs met from love and instead try to be special — better than others. Better looking, more talented, smarter or more accomplished. They stop trying to soothe their insecurities by relying on people and instead turn to a fantasy self where they are superior.

It is sometimes unfair to realize that these selfish individuals are making us as the outlets of the inadequacies of their parents. We sometimes get depressed due to the oppression they have given to us. Yet the knowledge that they are actually insecure children inside their bodies empowers us not to be affected by them. They are merely products of parental dysfunction. And since they can affect negatively to others, family support and clinical supervision/intervention must be employed.

We continue to do well and try to make REAL achievements. Theirs are fake and glorified ones which they believe are “big” enough.

If ever they will create gossips about us to maliciously destroy our credibility, we are secure in the fact that NO ONE believes them. They are crazy, you know.