Bloom

 

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Pasagdi an mga hawod. In real life, there are those who are drunk with their ambitions. Most of the time, they step on others just to fulfil their dreams. In many cases, these persons are not aware that they are not growing. In fact, with the insecurities fueling their drive, they are shrinking.

People who struggle with boundaries are often people-pleasers, stepping on others along the process. It’s a coping mechanism – usually learnt from childhood. At the root of most people-pleasers is the child who didn’t feel worthy of love – who had to chase it by “fitting in” and pleasing others (typically, a parent). The parents of people-pleasers often have one thing in common: an inconsistent parenting style. And this can be for any number of reasons (often not intentional). Maybe they had a lot going on in their lives, struggling with mental illness, addiction etc. (thechelseapsychologyclinic.com).

We encounter them around: in school, work or even the neighborhood. These people are so engrossed with their ambitions so for the people will admire them. They are often successful but it is noticeable that their relationship with others are not good. These individual simply work for themselves and NOT for others.

According to University of Connecticut’s Anne Dailey (2017), “We say that people have good boundaries when they are able to restrain their impulses, to limit desire, to hold back, to tolerate frustration” (p. 13). But the need to satisfy their ambitions sometimes pushes these types to our areas. They pose as friends only to realize later that they just want something from us. Once they have what they want, they step on us and continue pursuing their ambitions by moving on to others’ areas to benefit from them. They are insatiable.

If someone needs to minimize your strengths and achievements to make themselves feel better, you don't need them in your life. Stay away from people who don't know "how to appreciate your hard work and can't rejoice in your accomplishments," suggests operations coordinator Anshul Sharma.

Again, let us go back to self-care. In many instances, all we have to do is to continue growing on our own. Let us not allow those people with childhood traumas affect us. Let them simmer on their own negative juices and let us embrace our own minor or major successes.

In the end, accomplishments are NOT always equated to happiness. The real one involve being happy of what we do despite the “mediocre” concept of others on our own definitions it.

Life is short. Let us do what we can without compromising our moral and ethical values.

 

 

Proliferation of Mutated Values

 

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Naghamok na sila…nahimo na uso an pamalikas hasta pagsabwag nan mayaot. Facebook (FB), Instagram and WhatsApp all suffered outages midday of October 4, 2021, according to public statements from the three Facebook services. CNN New York reported that outage tracking site Down Detector logged tens of thousands of reports for each of the services. Facebook's own site would not load at all; Instagram and WhatsApp were accessible, but could not load new content or send messages.

On Sunday, "60 Minutes" aired a segment in which Facebook whistleblower Frances Haugen claimed the company is aware of how its platforms are used to spread hate, violence and misinformation, and that Facebook has tried to hide that evidence. Facebook has pushed back on those claims.

At a Senate hearing on Sept. 30, US senator Richard Blumenthal pressed Facebook global head of safety Antigone Davis on Facebook-owned Instagram and the platform's potential negative impact on children, particularly young girls.

Freedom of speech is not absolute especially if it steps on societal norms. And since Facebook is a company, it is their moral and social responsibility to look into the company’s impact and influence to the majority.

One cannot deny the help of this platform to link families and friends in terms of its reach and usability and influence. The sites are even used for online businesses and even education to cope with the unnerving discord the pandemic has brought. But with the proliferation of the positive impact of such platforms to individuals and groups, a plethora of hate, trolls, memes against the rights of the marginalized (like PWD, LGBTQ and even women and children) are also thriving.

The whistleblower accused the company of putting a deaf ear on these things since algorithms sensed huge following on silly, violent and even hateful content which can eventually become big sources of profit. Researches were already done but the higher-ups of the company seem to be mum about the implications.

Look at the posts thriving on the timelines these days. Thematically, a keen observer can cluster them to divisiveness and even disrespect. There seems to be a sense of entitlement to people who seem to feel some sort of power once they post something which can feed their skewed beliefs.

Yes, we are in a democracy but we must also be open-minded in thinking about our influence to children when we blurt out profanities on social media and similar platforms. We must understand the ripple effects of our actions. Also, the company must practice accountability on the “mutation” of values people seem to experience through the platforms.

The billions the company acquire must come along with social responsibility.

 

 

Inner Power

 

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Padajon lam! It is natural to sometimes feel exhausted. There are times when we seem to give up especially when times get rough. But we now understand that it is now part of our journey to struggle on! The fittest will survive be it physically, psychologically or even spiritually.

The COVID-19 pandemic has had a major effect on our lives. Many of us are facing challenges that can be stressful, overwhelming, and cause strong emotions in adults and children. Public health actions, such as social distancing, are necessary to reduce the spread of COVID-19, but they can make us feel isolated and lonely and can increase stress and anxiety. Learning to cope with stress in a healthy way will make you, the people you care about, and those around you become more resilient (cdc.gov).

It is but normal to be afraid of the unknown enemy. But there are instances that the enemy is within us. We can sometimes bloat our fear to an uncontrollable force. We even make mountains out from anthills. That is why we need to check on our own well-being to be able to endure, to be able to continue struggling and survive in the end.

People were worried about the emotional impact that the loss of loved ones would have on themselves and on their friends and neighbors. Many found it hard to cope with the grief and isolation, and others found it hard to deal with job loss and financial insecurity. Still, the lingering fact is that we have to continue our efforts to make it until the end of this global crisis.

Worrying and welcoming anxiety can lower our immune system. If we allow these things to happen in us, there are greater risks of being unmotivated. Although we are oftentimes contained in our own spaces, we have to look for good things to do. We can read, write, plant, listen to music and be with our friends and family virtually. We can use technology to feel less-pressured.

Prior research shows that positive psychology factors play a significant role in the likelihood of growing stronger through adversity. Intrapersonal variables that prompt growth include positive appraisal and optimism (Prati & Pietrantoni, 2009), reflective modes of thinking (García et al., 2015), capacity for dialectical thinking (Waters & Strauss, 2016), and the process of benefit finding (Danoff-Burg & Revenson, 2005). Positive extra-personal factors that contribute to growth during challengeing times include social support (Scrignaro et al., 2011) and strengths-based parenting (Zavala & Waters, 2020).

Let us endure. We know that we are susceptible to the infection and we are unaware of its presence. But we can follow the government’s moves to lessen the spread and continue to empower ourselves with positive energy for us to survive.

We shy away from depressive episodes by doing productive things. We stay healthy and happy. But best, we need to stay away from situations and people who can induce psychological weakness which will later turn into physical weakness. We FIGHT!

 

 

Mea Culpa

 

Tindogan mo an imo binuhatan! Responsibility means feeling it is your duty to deal with what comes up, being accountable, and/or being able to act independently and make decisions without authorization. There are both moral and personal responsibilities.

Have you experienced being blamed with something which is not YOUR fault? There are those people around (friends, family members, companions, superiors) who do not take responsibilities of their actions. Worse, they will even give you tasks not your own and expect that these will turn out to be what they have expected and even beyond what is expected!

In ethics, moral responsibility is primarily the responsibility related to actions and their consequences in social relations. It generally concerns the harm caused to an individual, a group or the entire society by the actions or inactions of another individual, group or entire society. This is the mechanism by which blame can be placed, and influences many important social constructs, such as prosecution under the legal system.

It is proposed that self-responsibility or self-accountability is the quintessential defining attribute to qualify as an adult. The word responsibility literally means “response-ability,” that is, possessing the ability to respond. So self-responsibility means to not only have the ability to respond, decide and choose, but further to participate in an engaged, most practical possible fashion in taking responsibility for your entire life (Friedman, 2018).

Then why is it that there are some that are incapable of taking the responsibility of their actions? There are even instances that we allow others decide for us and then put the blame on them when things do not come out right.

Being responsible means taking care of yourself and understanding that every act or action has a consequence. Likewise, as psychotherapist Albert Ellis pointed out, many people find it easier to avoid or evade certain responsibilities than to deal with them. This is a defense mechanism that makes it easier for them to blame others for their mistakes. Thus, people project their discomfort onto others without knowing that the key to change lies inside them.

We have individual roles. The tasks that we do must be done by us. Let us not create more chaotic relationships by playing safe. Risks must be taken and the mistakes that we encounter along the way are part of our journeys.

We have to allow others trek their own paths.

Fortifying the Self

 

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Tagkuyba, tagsawan, ya na ko kasabot sa ako tagbati! As the COVID 19 mutated into several variants like Delta, the newsfeed of the social media sites seem to become like the obituary. The viewers seem to intensify the fear in them that their feelings oftentimes segue to become depressive bouts.

For many people, the uncertainty surrounding coronavirus is the hardest thing to handle. We still don’t know exactly how we’ll be impacted, how long this will last, or how bad things might get. And that makes it all too easy to catastrophize and spiral out into overwhelming dread and panic.

Nervousness and anxiety in a society affect everyone to a large extent. Recent evidence suggests that people who are kept in isolation and quarantine experience significant levels of anxiety, anger, confusion, and stress. At large, all of the studies that have examined the psychological disorders during the COVID-19 pandemic have reported that the affected individuals show several symptoms of mental trauma, such as emotional distress, depression, stress, mood swings, irritability, insomnia, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, post-traumatic stress, and anger (Salari, et al., 2020).

Yes, these things are happening brought about by the pandemic. Research has also shown that frequent media exposure may cause distress. Lee Chambers said: Some of the potential reasons why [this may happen] include high levels of exposure to social media and news, disruption to routines and anchors caused by lockdowns and restrictions, and difficulties disengaging from the threatening stimuli, including [virus] variants and the situation in other countries.

That is why, it is unhealthy to constantly tinker on your phone and see sad stories about death happening around especially if you have the tendency to be depressive.

Despite vaccines and a decrease in disease prevalence, some people experience what scientists call COVID-19 anxiety syndrome. Symptoms of this syndrome mimic those of other mental health conditions, including anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). And, the pandemic and related factors appear to be the cause.

So, how to avoid these things from happening?

The Medical News Today suggests: Consider actively seeking out positive messages around improvements in the pandemic, the vaccine rollout, and how the risk of death from the disease appears to be lessening due to new treatment options. Also, take things slow despite the expectation for a rapid return to normalcy. Step outside comfort zones at an individual pace while still practicing safety measures to “ease back into a place of harmony” gradually.

Remember, we are the ones controlling our emotions. If we give in to fear, we might lower our own immune system. These times need strong WILL to survive. We have to continue arming ourselves with the physical heath and following the protocols mandated by the health department.

Explain feelings of anxiety to a trusted person to build mutual understanding. This increases confidence and allows others to provide the support needed when venturing outside the home.

We have to strengthen our faith as well. Enrich the belief that ALL WILL BE FINE soon.

 

Legacy

 

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Bootan da kun jaoy kaatubang…. It’s a sad fact that there are people who seem to be nice in front of you but hurls all the judgment to you when you are not around. These persons exist in our society and most of them cause some chaos in their lifetime – minor or major.

Gossiping shows the basic nature of human beings. We have a tendency to look into others’ lives. If it is others’ downfall people are happier! Even the trendiest social website Facebook is climbing success with the same strategy. Most of us will have a natural curiosity about what is going on with others.

Persons who thrive on backbiting are either psychologically disturbed or innately envious. They cannot fill in their inadequacies they start looking for others’ mistakes instead. Their existence will become meaningful when they can talk bad about someone! How unhealthy that could be!

When people feel bad about themselves, they sometimes will target other people to try to make themselves feel better. As a result, they talk about others as a way to deflect attention from themselves. When people are at the top of the social ladder or are determined to climb higher, they sometimes accomplish that by diminishing the status of another person (Gordon, 2020).

Still we need to understand that what we have done good will be the ones that count: not the mistakes, the hitches in one’s journey. That is why we have to consider nurturing each other rather inflicting pain. A person’s legacy must be the efforts he/she exerted on empowering others and helping them to become better individuals and NOT destroying them.

Biologically and socially toxic conditions interfere with successful development. They influence development of the affective/cognitive factors that mediate behavior (Flay et al., 2009) and can undermine the development of social bonds with others and counter the development of pro-social norms and skills (Flay et al., 2009).

Life is difficult these days. Let us not add toxic things around to ease the fear, anxiety and feeling bad due to our own inadequacies. Let us concentrate on how to BUILD than to DESTROY. Life is short you might NOT have the chance to become a good person.

In the end, you will only become a memory.

The question is: How will you be remembered by others?

Silver Linings

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Bisan hawoy, padajon ta. Strong people are not bent by petty things. They will pick themselves up every time the fall. They have this mindset that life is a continuous battle of having victories and defeats. The mindset allows them to continue to struggle even with the adversities around.

Going bankrupt, failing an important exam, and walking away from an abusive marriage. Living with depression or a child in jail, knowing you are socially awkward, needing help to manage life… being sick. These are not your identity; they are simply part of your story.

Our stories have their ups and downs. We need to understand that there is no perfect story. Even in movies, we always expect to see the CONFLICT which will lead to the denouement. The “happy ever after” phase is always looked for yet we need to understand that our life is a continuum of different stages. That is the reason why we have to understand how to be kind to ourselves.

Self-bullying arises from lack of compassion and kindness towards oneself. It is often engendered by painful childhood experiences that left a child with emotional scars. Children are more vulnerable and susceptible to negativity, so harsh criticism from parents, teachers, or peers can easily shatter their confidence, making them feel insecure or inadequate (Flaxington, 2015).

With this fact, we have to consider evaluating our own selves if we are inflicting our own pains. Yes, there are people around who could do that. But PAIN will linger when we allow it to greatly affect us. Again, the pain we feel (either self-inflicted or done by others) is not our identity. They CANNOT define us. There are many parts of us which are worth to be cherished and appreciated.

Expressing displeasure with the sources of your frustration does not need to involve ‘going ballistic’. There are alternative ways of doing so which entail calmly and assertively communicating your points verbally or in writing. Setting boundaries in this manner will make it easier for you to pick yourself up the next time you’ve fallen down.

A good way to remind yourself of this is by regularly noting mentally or in writing the people and things you are grateful for. This is a research-substantiated technique for improving your mood which we have to practice. This will allow your spirit to be lifted since you will feel the moral support of those who love you. For sure, they will understand your defeats as part of your growth.

Let us journey on. There are still good things to be felt and experienced ahead. Although we are in a bleak atmosphere these days, there is always beauty amidst the difficulties.