Ego Boosters

 

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Uman hanapan man nan lusot? Ever notice that there are those who find justifications of their wrong actions? Worse, there are those who do not accept their flaws and project their mistakes to others. This is the sign when such persons won’t reach the level of self-actualization.

Self-justification is a portrayal of the brain that, despite its stated goals or desires, is not interested in truth, but rather self-preservation. Admitting you were wrong may save relationships and lives, it may prevent distress and war, but it will also force you to admit that the narrative you have constructed about yourself is wrong. And depending on how committed you are to that narrative, you may be unable to even see that you made a mistake, let alone confront it (Tavris, 2019).

It is not the same thing as lying or making excuses. … It is more powerful and more dangerous than the explicit lie. It allows people to convince themselves that what they did was the best thing they could have done. In fact, come to think of it, it was the right thing.

Then, these persons find people who, like them, love to justify themselves and do not allow to see the mistakes they have committed. Of course, we have big tendencies to do self-preservation but the concept is also applicable when we accept mistakes and repair damages.

In the book Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me), Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson, the authors say that between the conscious lie to fool others and unconscious self-justification to fool ourselves, there’s a fascinating gray area patrolled by an unreliable, self-serving historian – memory. Memories are often pruned and shaped with an ego-enhancing bias that blurs the edges of past events, softens culpability, and distorts what really happened.

We need to look deeper into us and allow the ego NOT to be diminished by admitting our mistakes and start repairing. Mending things lead to a positive outcome, therefore, the ego is preserved, or better, strengthened.

It’s terrifying when we even use God as part of our self-justifications. The divine’s intervention is for us to feel GUILT and proceed to humility and asking repentance.

Most of the time, we need to understand that WE SOMETIMES COMMIT MISTAKES. We don’t have to justify them since it will lead to being UNHAPPY. Lying to others and your own self is not enriching.

Unload

 

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Molabay da iton. Sometimes, it is difficult to get over with something bad which happened to us. The memory lingers and the pain in the heart seem to haunt us over and over again. But again, we are the ones to allow the hurt to affect us. We oftentimes linger on the bad stuff which shattered us…

Therein lies a stark difference that may explain why happiness dissipates and sometimes, pain lingers. Positive emotions are usually embraced, accepted, expressed and released out of our bodies into the world. Once they’re out, they’re gone; they can only be recreated from scratch with a new joyful experience. Negative emotions however, are often suppressed, ignored, rejected and held within us. They remain entangled with the memory of the experience that caused them in the first place.

Therefore, one thing we need to do is to express the hurt and the pain. This may cause a bit of awkward moments with a loved one or a friend but since they know us better, they’ll understand. There are also instances that we do not express our pain to others since we feel “weak” when we do so. But, we cannot be strong all the time, right?

With today’s modern conveniences, a person can physically survive a solitary existence. But that existence is probably not a happy one. Kirsten Weir (2012) posited: It may take time to heal from a bad break-up or being fired, but most people eventually get over the pain and hurt feelings of rejection.

The one who allows this pain to linger is the self. There might be traumatic experiences beyond our comprehension that is the reason why we have to seek help from a friend or even from a professional. We can see and observe tell-tale signs in us that we are hurting too much.

Researchers have documented the detrimental effects of initial emotional reactivity to daily stressors on future physical health outcomes but have yet to examine the effects of emotions that linger after a stressor occurs. Most of the hypotheses are geared towards negative effects.

We then can surrender to the divine. We fortify our faith by seeking for spiritual advisers. These people may enrich our positive outlooks and we can process the hurt in us. We can also write the feelings down. We UNLOAD.

Life is short to be bitter. Let us release the hurt in us and feel the beauty of the simple things around. Let us also be grateful with what we have right now. It may be an old saying, still it applies: Let us count our blessings!

Exhale

 

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Bijai an mabug-at. There are things we consider as burdens in our lives. We oftentimes cannot move forward due to these heavy loads. We have to discard these from pinning us down. The hate, the toxic individuals bringing us down, the emotional hang-ups that we have won’t allow us to have a smooth journey. And based on the things that we observe lately, we can indeed say that we must move forward. Life is short.

"We are all carrying backpacks that we continually load up. We keep stuffing them full until one day, they can’t zip and the stuff starts spilling out all over the place."

While carrying past experiences (and the emotions that came with them) may help us better navigate future experiences, they also take a toll on our health. One study found that emotional baggage can be a real barrier to making healthy lifestyle changes (like exercising more, eating healthier or quitting smoking). “Participants described being burdened by an emotional baggage with problems from childhood and/or with family, work and social life issues,” found the study (Steinhilber, 2018).

If you do recognize some of these emotions or behaviors in yourself, the next step is determining the underlying cause. Emotional baggage is as unique to each person as the suitcase they pack it in.

In most cases, these emotional burdens come from people – those who hurt, insult, belittle and disrespect us. We are often affected by their “power” over us not realizing that we have the hold of that power. If we won’t ALLOW ourselves to be hurt by fortifying ourselves by accepting our own strengths and blessings, we can stay away from the toxic world others are creating.

“Entitlement is an expression of conditional love. Nobody is ever entitled to your love. You always have a right to protect your mental, emotional, and physical well-being by removing yourself from toxic people and circumstances.” -Dr. Janice Anderson & Kiersten Anderson

You deserve to know you are worthwhile. Try to remember that things will get better and that anything is possible. This means self-care, goal setting, surrounding yourself with positive support, and feeling a sense of peace. Your greatest ambition should be to love yourself. Without self-love, letting go of toxic people will be difficult.

It is time to breathe. It is time to heal. It is time to see the rainbow waiting for us. Let us not be burdened with the negative deeds of others. Give it to them. Allow them to wallow in their own murk. Let us PROCEED.

Bloom

 

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Pasagdi an mga hawod. In real life, there are those who are drunk with their ambitions. Most of the time, they step on others just to fulfil their dreams. In many cases, these persons are not aware that they are not growing. In fact, with the insecurities fueling their drive, they are shrinking.

People who struggle with boundaries are often people-pleasers, stepping on others along the process. It’s a coping mechanism – usually learnt from childhood. At the root of most people-pleasers is the child who didn’t feel worthy of love – who had to chase it by “fitting in” and pleasing others (typically, a parent). The parents of people-pleasers often have one thing in common: an inconsistent parenting style. And this can be for any number of reasons (often not intentional). Maybe they had a lot going on in their lives, struggling with mental illness, addiction etc. (thechelseapsychologyclinic.com).

We encounter them around: in school, work or even the neighborhood. These people are so engrossed with their ambitions so for the people will admire them. They are often successful but it is noticeable that their relationship with others are not good. These individual simply work for themselves and NOT for others.

According to University of Connecticut’s Anne Dailey (2017), “We say that people have good boundaries when they are able to restrain their impulses, to limit desire, to hold back, to tolerate frustration” (p. 13). But the need to satisfy their ambitions sometimes pushes these types to our areas. They pose as friends only to realize later that they just want something from us. Once they have what they want, they step on us and continue pursuing their ambitions by moving on to others’ areas to benefit from them. They are insatiable.

If someone needs to minimize your strengths and achievements to make themselves feel better, you don't need them in your life. Stay away from people who don't know "how to appreciate your hard work and can't rejoice in your accomplishments," suggests operations coordinator Anshul Sharma.

Again, let us go back to self-care. In many instances, all we have to do is to continue growing on our own. Let us not allow those people with childhood traumas affect us. Let them simmer on their own negative juices and let us embrace our own minor or major successes.

In the end, accomplishments are NOT always equated to happiness. The real one involve being happy of what we do despite the “mediocre” concept of others on our own definitions it.

Life is short. Let us do what we can without compromising our moral and ethical values.

 

 

Proliferation of Mutated Values

 

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Naghamok na sila…nahimo na uso an pamalikas hasta pagsabwag nan mayaot. Facebook (FB), Instagram and WhatsApp all suffered outages midday of October 4, 2021, according to public statements from the three Facebook services. CNN New York reported that outage tracking site Down Detector logged tens of thousands of reports for each of the services. Facebook's own site would not load at all; Instagram and WhatsApp were accessible, but could not load new content or send messages.

On Sunday, "60 Minutes" aired a segment in which Facebook whistleblower Frances Haugen claimed the company is aware of how its platforms are used to spread hate, violence and misinformation, and that Facebook has tried to hide that evidence. Facebook has pushed back on those claims.

At a Senate hearing on Sept. 30, US senator Richard Blumenthal pressed Facebook global head of safety Antigone Davis on Facebook-owned Instagram and the platform's potential negative impact on children, particularly young girls.

Freedom of speech is not absolute especially if it steps on societal norms. And since Facebook is a company, it is their moral and social responsibility to look into the company’s impact and influence to the majority.

One cannot deny the help of this platform to link families and friends in terms of its reach and usability and influence. The sites are even used for online businesses and even education to cope with the unnerving discord the pandemic has brought. But with the proliferation of the positive impact of such platforms to individuals and groups, a plethora of hate, trolls, memes against the rights of the marginalized (like PWD, LGBTQ and even women and children) are also thriving.

The whistleblower accused the company of putting a deaf ear on these things since algorithms sensed huge following on silly, violent and even hateful content which can eventually become big sources of profit. Researches were already done but the higher-ups of the company seem to be mum about the implications.

Look at the posts thriving on the timelines these days. Thematically, a keen observer can cluster them to divisiveness and even disrespect. There seems to be a sense of entitlement to people who seem to feel some sort of power once they post something which can feed their skewed beliefs.

Yes, we are in a democracy but we must also be open-minded in thinking about our influence to children when we blurt out profanities on social media and similar platforms. We must understand the ripple effects of our actions. Also, the company must practice accountability on the “mutation” of values people seem to experience through the platforms.

The billions the company acquire must come along with social responsibility.

 

 

Inner Power

 

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Padajon lam! It is natural to sometimes feel exhausted. There are times when we seem to give up especially when times get rough. But we now understand that it is now part of our journey to struggle on! The fittest will survive be it physically, psychologically or even spiritually.

The COVID-19 pandemic has had a major effect on our lives. Many of us are facing challenges that can be stressful, overwhelming, and cause strong emotions in adults and children. Public health actions, such as social distancing, are necessary to reduce the spread of COVID-19, but they can make us feel isolated and lonely and can increase stress and anxiety. Learning to cope with stress in a healthy way will make you, the people you care about, and those around you become more resilient (cdc.gov).

It is but normal to be afraid of the unknown enemy. But there are instances that the enemy is within us. We can sometimes bloat our fear to an uncontrollable force. We even make mountains out from anthills. That is why we need to check on our own well-being to be able to endure, to be able to continue struggling and survive in the end.

People were worried about the emotional impact that the loss of loved ones would have on themselves and on their friends and neighbors. Many found it hard to cope with the grief and isolation, and others found it hard to deal with job loss and financial insecurity. Still, the lingering fact is that we have to continue our efforts to make it until the end of this global crisis.

Worrying and welcoming anxiety can lower our immune system. If we allow these things to happen in us, there are greater risks of being unmotivated. Although we are oftentimes contained in our own spaces, we have to look for good things to do. We can read, write, plant, listen to music and be with our friends and family virtually. We can use technology to feel less-pressured.

Prior research shows that positive psychology factors play a significant role in the likelihood of growing stronger through adversity. Intrapersonal variables that prompt growth include positive appraisal and optimism (Prati & Pietrantoni, 2009), reflective modes of thinking (García et al., 2015), capacity for dialectical thinking (Waters & Strauss, 2016), and the process of benefit finding (Danoff-Burg & Revenson, 2005). Positive extra-personal factors that contribute to growth during challengeing times include social support (Scrignaro et al., 2011) and strengths-based parenting (Zavala & Waters, 2020).

Let us endure. We know that we are susceptible to the infection and we are unaware of its presence. But we can follow the government’s moves to lessen the spread and continue to empower ourselves with positive energy for us to survive.

We shy away from depressive episodes by doing productive things. We stay healthy and happy. But best, we need to stay away from situations and people who can induce psychological weakness which will later turn into physical weakness. We FIGHT!

 

 

Mea Culpa

 

Tindogan mo an imo binuhatan! Responsibility means feeling it is your duty to deal with what comes up, being accountable, and/or being able to act independently and make decisions without authorization. There are both moral and personal responsibilities.

Have you experienced being blamed with something which is not YOUR fault? There are those people around (friends, family members, companions, superiors) who do not take responsibilities of their actions. Worse, they will even give you tasks not your own and expect that these will turn out to be what they have expected and even beyond what is expected!

In ethics, moral responsibility is primarily the responsibility related to actions and their consequences in social relations. It generally concerns the harm caused to an individual, a group or the entire society by the actions or inactions of another individual, group or entire society. This is the mechanism by which blame can be placed, and influences many important social constructs, such as prosecution under the legal system.

It is proposed that self-responsibility or self-accountability is the quintessential defining attribute to qualify as an adult. The word responsibility literally means “response-ability,” that is, possessing the ability to respond. So self-responsibility means to not only have the ability to respond, decide and choose, but further to participate in an engaged, most practical possible fashion in taking responsibility for your entire life (Friedman, 2018).

Then why is it that there are some that are incapable of taking the responsibility of their actions? There are even instances that we allow others decide for us and then put the blame on them when things do not come out right.

Being responsible means taking care of yourself and understanding that every act or action has a consequence. Likewise, as psychotherapist Albert Ellis pointed out, many people find it easier to avoid or evade certain responsibilities than to deal with them. This is a defense mechanism that makes it easier for them to blame others for their mistakes. Thus, people project their discomfort onto others without knowing that the key to change lies inside them.

We have individual roles. The tasks that we do must be done by us. Let us not create more chaotic relationships by playing safe. Risks must be taken and the mistakes that we encounter along the way are part of our journeys.

We have to allow others trek their own paths.