Mea Culpa

 

Tindogan mo an imo binuhatan! Responsibility means feeling it is your duty to deal with what comes up, being accountable, and/or being able to act independently and make decisions without authorization. There are both moral and personal responsibilities.

Have you experienced being blamed with something which is not YOUR fault? There are those people around (friends, family members, companions, superiors) who do not take responsibilities of their actions. Worse, they will even give you tasks not your own and expect that these will turn out to be what they have expected and even beyond what is expected!

In ethics, moral responsibility is primarily the responsibility related to actions and their consequences in social relations. It generally concerns the harm caused to an individual, a group or the entire society by the actions or inactions of another individual, group or entire society. This is the mechanism by which blame can be placed, and influences many important social constructs, such as prosecution under the legal system.

It is proposed that self-responsibility or self-accountability is the quintessential defining attribute to qualify as an adult. The word responsibility literally means “response-ability,” that is, possessing the ability to respond. So self-responsibility means to not only have the ability to respond, decide and choose, but further to participate in an engaged, most practical possible fashion in taking responsibility for your entire life (Friedman, 2018).

Then why is it that there are some that are incapable of taking the responsibility of their actions? There are even instances that we allow others decide for us and then put the blame on them when things do not come out right.

Being responsible means taking care of yourself and understanding that every act or action has a consequence. Likewise, as psychotherapist Albert Ellis pointed out, many people find it easier to avoid or evade certain responsibilities than to deal with them. This is a defense mechanism that makes it easier for them to blame others for their mistakes. Thus, people project their discomfort onto others without knowing that the key to change lies inside them.

We have individual roles. The tasks that we do must be done by us. Let us not create more chaotic relationships by playing safe. Risks must be taken and the mistakes that we encounter along the way are part of our journeys.

We have to allow others trek their own paths.

Fortifying the Self

 

                                                 (image: youtube.com)

Tagkuyba, tagsawan, ya na ko kasabot sa ako tagbati! As the COVID 19 mutated into several variants like Delta, the newsfeed of the social media sites seem to become like the obituary. The viewers seem to intensify the fear in them that their feelings oftentimes segue to become depressive bouts.

For many people, the uncertainty surrounding coronavirus is the hardest thing to handle. We still don’t know exactly how we’ll be impacted, how long this will last, or how bad things might get. And that makes it all too easy to catastrophize and spiral out into overwhelming dread and panic.

Nervousness and anxiety in a society affect everyone to a large extent. Recent evidence suggests that people who are kept in isolation and quarantine experience significant levels of anxiety, anger, confusion, and stress. At large, all of the studies that have examined the psychological disorders during the COVID-19 pandemic have reported that the affected individuals show several symptoms of mental trauma, such as emotional distress, depression, stress, mood swings, irritability, insomnia, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, post-traumatic stress, and anger (Salari, et al., 2020).

Yes, these things are happening brought about by the pandemic. Research has also shown that frequent media exposure may cause distress. Lee Chambers said: Some of the potential reasons why [this may happen] include high levels of exposure to social media and news, disruption to routines and anchors caused by lockdowns and restrictions, and difficulties disengaging from the threatening stimuli, including [virus] variants and the situation in other countries.

That is why, it is unhealthy to constantly tinker on your phone and see sad stories about death happening around especially if you have the tendency to be depressive.

Despite vaccines and a decrease in disease prevalence, some people experience what scientists call COVID-19 anxiety syndrome. Symptoms of this syndrome mimic those of other mental health conditions, including anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). And, the pandemic and related factors appear to be the cause.

So, how to avoid these things from happening?

The Medical News Today suggests: Consider actively seeking out positive messages around improvements in the pandemic, the vaccine rollout, and how the risk of death from the disease appears to be lessening due to new treatment options. Also, take things slow despite the expectation for a rapid return to normalcy. Step outside comfort zones at an individual pace while still practicing safety measures to “ease back into a place of harmony” gradually.

Remember, we are the ones controlling our emotions. If we give in to fear, we might lower our own immune system. These times need strong WILL to survive. We have to continue arming ourselves with the physical heath and following the protocols mandated by the health department.

Explain feelings of anxiety to a trusted person to build mutual understanding. This increases confidence and allows others to provide the support needed when venturing outside the home.

We have to strengthen our faith as well. Enrich the belief that ALL WILL BE FINE soon.

 

Legacy

 

                                                    (image: youtube.com)

Bootan da kun jaoy kaatubang…. It’s a sad fact that there are people who seem to be nice in front of you but hurls all the judgment to you when you are not around. These persons exist in our society and most of them cause some chaos in their lifetime – minor or major.

Gossiping shows the basic nature of human beings. We have a tendency to look into others’ lives. If it is others’ downfall people are happier! Even the trendiest social website Facebook is climbing success with the same strategy. Most of us will have a natural curiosity about what is going on with others.

Persons who thrive on backbiting are either psychologically disturbed or innately envious. They cannot fill in their inadequacies they start looking for others’ mistakes instead. Their existence will become meaningful when they can talk bad about someone! How unhealthy that could be!

When people feel bad about themselves, they sometimes will target other people to try to make themselves feel better. As a result, they talk about others as a way to deflect attention from themselves. When people are at the top of the social ladder or are determined to climb higher, they sometimes accomplish that by diminishing the status of another person (Gordon, 2020).

Still we need to understand that what we have done good will be the ones that count: not the mistakes, the hitches in one’s journey. That is why we have to consider nurturing each other rather inflicting pain. A person’s legacy must be the efforts he/she exerted on empowering others and helping them to become better individuals and NOT destroying them.

Biologically and socially toxic conditions interfere with successful development. They influence development of the affective/cognitive factors that mediate behavior (Flay et al., 2009) and can undermine the development of social bonds with others and counter the development of pro-social norms and skills (Flay et al., 2009).

Life is difficult these days. Let us not add toxic things around to ease the fear, anxiety and feeling bad due to our own inadequacies. Let us concentrate on how to BUILD than to DESTROY. Life is short you might NOT have the chance to become a good person.

In the end, you will only become a memory.

The question is: How will you be remembered by others?

Silver Linings

                                                     (image: brainyquote.com)

Bisan hawoy, padajon ta. Strong people are not bent by petty things. They will pick themselves up every time the fall. They have this mindset that life is a continuous battle of having victories and defeats. The mindset allows them to continue to struggle even with the adversities around.

Going bankrupt, failing an important exam, and walking away from an abusive marriage. Living with depression or a child in jail, knowing you are socially awkward, needing help to manage life… being sick. These are not your identity; they are simply part of your story.

Our stories have their ups and downs. We need to understand that there is no perfect story. Even in movies, we always expect to see the CONFLICT which will lead to the denouement. The “happy ever after” phase is always looked for yet we need to understand that our life is a continuum of different stages. That is the reason why we have to understand how to be kind to ourselves.

Self-bullying arises from lack of compassion and kindness towards oneself. It is often engendered by painful childhood experiences that left a child with emotional scars. Children are more vulnerable and susceptible to negativity, so harsh criticism from parents, teachers, or peers can easily shatter their confidence, making them feel insecure or inadequate (Flaxington, 2015).

With this fact, we have to consider evaluating our own selves if we are inflicting our own pains. Yes, there are people around who could do that. But PAIN will linger when we allow it to greatly affect us. Again, the pain we feel (either self-inflicted or done by others) is not our identity. They CANNOT define us. There are many parts of us which are worth to be cherished and appreciated.

Expressing displeasure with the sources of your frustration does not need to involve ‘going ballistic’. There are alternative ways of doing so which entail calmly and assertively communicating your points verbally or in writing. Setting boundaries in this manner will make it easier for you to pick yourself up the next time you’ve fallen down.

A good way to remind yourself of this is by regularly noting mentally or in writing the people and things you are grateful for. This is a research-substantiated technique for improving your mood which we have to practice. This will allow your spirit to be lifted since you will feel the moral support of those who love you. For sure, they will understand your defeats as part of your growth.

Let us journey on. There are still good things to be felt and experienced ahead. Although we are in a bleak atmosphere these days, there is always beauty amidst the difficulties.

  

We Are Who We Are

 

                                             (image: youtube.com)

Hinay hinay lamang kay sa hilabian magdali. There is actually no competition. It is one’s outlook in life if he/she is competing with the people around. The real battle is within: a dynamic movement of the self from a starting point to the next. There is no time limit set by the society. Sometimes, the pressure seen from the outside can make the person feel inferior. Where in fact, no people must be pressured to live their lives the way they perceive it to be.

In 1990, psychologist Jennifer Campbell published a paper that introduced the idea of self-concept clarity. Basically, she suggested that having high self-esteem can be associated with having a clear sense of yourself and knowing who you are.

Anyone who is dedicated to self-improvement, personal development or the higher goal of spiritual growth needs to actively seek to understand oneself. This is because only when one understands where one lacks, can he or she focus their efforts on what to improve.

Basically, self-awareness is the capacity that a person has to introspect. It includes gaining an understanding of and insight into one’s strengths, qualities, weaknesses, defects, ideas, thoughts, beliefs, ideals, responses, reactions, attitude, emotions and motivations. Thus introspection also includes assessing how one is perceived by others and how others are impacted based on one’s behavior, responses and conduct.

There are instances when people look up to someone as a role model. That is not bad, but what is wrong is the time when the person start to copy or level up (and even try to go beyond) with the role model without understanding first his/her strengths and weaknesses. This is the time when the person instills some sort of a stressful set of activities for him/her to realize the skewed need.

To understand our personality, we need to understand the nature of our mind. The mind is made up of two parts – the conscious and sub-conscious mind. The sub-conscious mind is vast and the impressions that are buried deep inside are not easy to uncover and analyze. However, ever so often during the day one’s mind erupts and reacts to some events and situations negatively. As a result, one feels a certain amount of restlessness and emotions such as insecurity, fear or anger (spiritualresearchfoundation.org).

It is then important to experience metacognition, which means having awareness and understanding of one’s own thought processes. This particular type of self-development pertains to becoming conscious of one’s own body and mental state of being including thoughts, actions, ideas, feelings and interactions with others. It is therefore the first step in overcoming negative emotions and reactions.

There is always a need for us to look deeper inside us to understand out motivations. This will allow the person to develop maturity. When we understand our own strengths and improve our weaknesses, there will be no time for us to be envious. You see, we will also arrive to the understanding that we are gifted with skills and intellect differently.

Let us cherish each other’s efforts to become better individuals. We know that by doing so, our niche in this world, even how big and small could it be, will be more meaningful.

Everybody Fails...Sometimes

                                             (image: youtube.com)

Kay uman kun masajop? No one is perfect. There are instances that we mispronounce a word. But does this mean that we do not know how to speak? Mistakes should be welcomed since these are the stepping stones towards an improved self. What we should be afraid of is the induced “success” which is hollow from the inside out.

Deep Patel (2018) mentioned: Authentic people are self-aware. They avoid blaming others for their own mistakes and accept their strengths and weaknesses. They show vulnerability, opening themselves up to others and connecting with people on a deep level.

Inauthentic people are quite the opposite.

Simply put, inauthentic people are fake. Sometimes people start taking on inauthentic characteristics because they feel pressured to be what they’re not, or they believe it will help them increase their chances of being successful. We all know that appearances are important. But inauthentic people have lost their way, and their phoniness is toxic to themselves and those around them.

That’s why we keep it simple. The understanding of one’s strengths and weaknesses is the starting point of success. We enhance our weaknesses and sustain our strengths. We have to put an effort in dealing with these as we journey on. Yes, it is good to dream and be ambitious. Still, we need to put our perspectives on such dreams. We work on them and celebrate our small successes.

Inauthentic people, however, like to show off. They have high opinions of themselves and they want to make sure everyone around them sees how great they are. They view others as being beneath them. They are often the peacock of their group, the one who is strutting and bragging, and who can’t stand it when others show them up. They have wrapped themselves in a bogus façade and they even start to believe their own lies.

Under their carefully curated exterior, however, they may be struggling with low self-esteem and severe insecurity.

Life is what we make it. We have to consider living our lives within our realities. Living on an induced atmosphere won’t allow us to be happy. People will continue to bloat their ego to the point of hurting others and even themselves. There is really a need to have a robust mental well-being to be able to survive in this competitive and fast-changing world.

Fake people often insulate themselves within a clique. These cliques often put social pressure on others to conform to their ideas, which serves to reinforce their preconceived notions. This is because inauthentic people aren’t open-minded and don’t want others to question their motives or ideals (entrepreneur.com).

We have to embrace our weaknesses and correct our own mistakes. By doing so, our gauge of our own success will be meaningful. In the end, it is us who savor our own fortunes NOT others.

Your Efforts, Not Theirs

                                               (image:youtube.com)

Dili lamang maghilabot sa paigo nan iban! We work for our families. We extend ourselves and create efforts to make our small and big communities better. We keep busy to make productive outputs. Sometimes we fail. Yet, if we strive hard, we often succeed. Those who do not strive hard and on the verge of failure oftentimes pull us down. They feel better when they reduce you to their level.

The need to feel superior to others is a major cause for people who put others down. Psychology says those who feel this need humiliate people to knock them down. By making another person feel small, a person who bullies feels bigger. They may feel superior in that they can assert their dominance over another person. It could also make them feel strong or powerful to beat another person down. This need comes from a lack of stability regarding this person's self-worth, and the bullying is simply a defense mechanism they have developed to shield themselves (Dean, 2020).

When someone puts you down there is often a motive or reason behind it or an aim that the person wants to achieve that will ultimately make them feel better. They will resort to demeaning comments, ignoring the other person or their efforts or passing rude and passive aggressive comments. Hence they make the other person feel less important, put down or upset and this gives them happiness or joy.

In reality, they are the ones who are feeling small. It is not our mistake if they envy the things that we have. If they have some mental disorders of feeling inadequate and they project these inadequacies to us, that is their problem. We cannot do anything about their mental wellness since health is a personal responsibility.

One of the reasons why someone would put somebody down is because of the low self-esteem they have. They are unable to improve their own self esteem by making an effort or working hard mentally and physically to feel better about themselves hence they resort to an easier method. And this is a result of poor parenting during their childhood (optimisticminds.com).

So, why be affected with these people with mental issues who pull us down? We need to continue thriving without minding the impact of their parents’ poor nurturing to them and affect us. Let them wallow in their distress and allow them to continue living the dark world they created.

For the rest of us, let us continue doing things aligned to the common good. It is free to dream and working for them is our choice. If others opt to waste their time by letting opportunities pass (or allowing their fickle mindedness to be developed), let them be. We work. We perform.

Poor mental health manifests because of NOT understanding the outcomes brought about by childhood deficits and poor self-esteem. If they will get crazy pulling us down, that is their business!

For us, let us monitor or mental well-being by monitoring our own movements…NOT others.