World Domination

 

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Bisan unhon pa, di ton mag-utro…Sakto man sila pirme! Do you think those with controlling attitudes will reflect and change? That could be impossible!

Self-righteousness stems from a personality disorder, such as Narcissistic Personality Disorder. People who suffer from this illness tend to feel that their opinions, ethics, or views are always correct. Generally, they won’t make an attempt to listen or understand the views of another person (Conor, 2021).

You notice that these persons seem to control all things around them – their need to “have a say” on everything is so intense they often do not understand that there are things others prepared for; That there are things of which others are emotionally-attached. They would say: What a waste of time!

Spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle goes as far as to describe the need to be right as a form of violence. At its mildest, it is inflexibility. At its height, it manifests as dominance. The compulsion to inflict our opinions of the world on another originates in fear. Its opposites are humility and compassion.

A dominant personality is a personality type that often leads themselves and others into action. It’s primarily defined by an overarching motivation for power and a sense of pride.

Gilette (2022) posits that dominance across many species is often associated with patterns of behaviors that involve intimidation, coercion, and aggression.

These types of personalities tend to dominate the people around them. They do not care about the feelings they may hurt since they are incapable of empathizing.

According to Dr. Nereida Gonzalez-Berrios, a board certified psychiatrist out of Houston, “As far as empathy and compassion are concerned, it is usually less than others,” she says. “They do not like to follow but prefer to lead.”

Organizations are full of these types. That is the main reason why there are those who prefer to leave their jobs than become a person suffering from a toxic environment.

Abusive behaviors in a relationship, which are always about power and control, can be signs of a mental health condition and not only a personality type.

A 2012 review from the National Library of Medicine into dominance behavior found dominant personality traits often overlapped with mania and narcissism.

So, communicating these to the culprit can be an exercise in futility. A medical intervention is needed.

Leave Them!

 

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Nalooy man gaod ako pagtan-aw sa ija samtang tag-isgan sija. Compassion literally means “to suffer together.” Among emotion researchers, it is defined as the feeling that arises when you are confronted with another's suffering and feel motivated to relieve that suffering.

When one feels the pain of being humiliated, the person understands how this can be felt inside. But there are those who are incapable of being compassionate.

According to Lonezak (2019), compassion is as vital to life as the air we breathe. For in the absence of compassion, how many benevolent, selfless and heroic deeds fail to happen throughout history?

What happens when you don’t feel it? Is it possible to lack compassion altogether? And if so, is this a sign of a mental health condition?

Being highly critical with others; unable to control emotions; immune or unaware of others’ feelings; accuse people of being highly-sensitive/emotional; over-reacting; behaving inappropriately and insensitively; can NOT be happy for others and have troubles in maintaining relationships are few symptoms of having lack of compassion.

People who lack empathy may have grown up around parents and other family members who had trouble regulating their own emotions or exhibited insensitivity or little compassion toward them. Or, they’ve dealt with other difficult situations that have caused them to shut down. A lack of compassion is also characteristic of personality disorders like narcissistic personality disorder and antisocial personality disorder (Berlinsky-Schine, 2022).

Lacking the ability to feel, understand and resonate with another’s feelings is categorized as empathy deficit disorder (EDD). This results in difficulty forming and maintaining relationships for both the individual who lacks empathy and potential friends and loved ones.

Indeed, it is no wonder why people only have few friends that even their relatives are avoiding them.

 

Predators

 

Ako na noon an motabi? According to Pedersen (2022) If the controlling and narcissistic behaviors continue and affect your self-esteem or autonomy, consider leaving. For instance, if your manager/supervisor is constantly micromanaging or belittling you, it’s probably time look for another job.

Have you ever wondered what makes controlling people tick?

Controlling people often prey upon those they’re closest to, taking advantage of others’ introversion, submissive tendencies, or simple good faith. Controlling people tend to prey on the kindest folks they can find.

Being manipulated, used, or controlled by another person can lead to a number of harmful effects. Some may be so subtle, that you don’t realize until you’re cemented into a toxic, controlling relationship with your friend, coworker, or partner.

Eventually, if someone feels truly and strongly that they have little free choice of their own and always have to be doing what the other person wants, they will long to break free. They will feel restrained, contained, and restricted and thus, will feel an urge to escape, act out, or even leave (Meredith, 2021).

But what about letting them realize their insanity? Isn’t it unfair to be victimized all the time?

When coercive control becomes a pattern of behavior, it’s considered abuse. One must never have to accept abuse to happen in a person’s life.

Patricia Evans, author of Controlling People: How to Recognize, Understand and Deal with People Who Try to Control You, told BBC it's "crucial to listen for ways a controlling person tries to enter your mind and dictate your reality." Stop giving them the pleasure of succeeding.

Since most of them have psychological issues, why not allow them to be stewed by their own toxicity? If they are unkind to us, we can as well be mean, right?

Sometimes, the preys must also fight the predators.

 

So What If I'm Different?

 

Dapat ganahan sila sa imo, smile pirme! Yes, it is true that people must be pleased with the services that you have to give especially if you are a government employee, but isn’t it too much to please them for the sake of being “accepted”?

Psychology Today reported that the people-pleaser needs to please others for reasons that may include fear of rejection, insecurities, the need to be well-liked. If the person stops pleasing others, the mindset seems to lead to abandonment and being uncared for.

The tendency to please is related to Dependent Personality Disorder. While the people-pleaser may not need others to do things for them, they do have a need for others, regardless.

What causes it? What is the psychology behind people-pleasing?

People pleasing behaviors evolve as a way to maintain connection and closeness with parents who are inconsistently available to their children.  A lack of parental attunement is a big part of what causes people pleasing.

Difficult or traumatic past experiences, such as abuse, can lead people to become more agreeable in order to feel safe and secure. They may believe that pleasing others will stop any abusive behaviors from being triggered (Hayes, 2022).

People-pleasers can often exhibit perfectionist traits which lead to a need for control over how other people think and feel.

The urge to please others can be damaging to ourselves and, potentially, to our relationships when we allow other people’s wants to have more importance than our own needs, explains Erika Myers, a therapist in Bend, Oregon.

So, why “smile” if you are busy doing something for the common good? Just to please others?

Yes, being kind and sociable are values we need to attain. But to constantly please people for the sake of deep-set insecurities is another issue to be reflected on.

 

Manners Matter

 

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Bisan unhon pagtago motunga gajod an tinood na kolor. There is brouhaha over the scene where the vlogger Alex Gonzaga smeared the face of a waiter with cake icing during her birthday. People found the act as rude even if the culprit claimed that it was just a joke and she knows the waiter.

Inquirer.net reported: Alex Gonzaga on Wednesday night apologized to the waiter who she smeared icing cake on during her birthday celebration in Pasig City on January 16. Gonzaga, on her Instagram Stories, said sorry to the hapless waiter who was identified by her family’s publicist as Allan Crisostomo, saying the incident, which was caught in a now-deleted video and had become viral on social media, had been a lesson in “humility and kindness” for her.

According to Cambridge dictionary manners are ways of behaving toward people, especially ways that are socially correct and show respect.

These are developed inside the house through the nurturing care of the parents and reinforced in the school. Whatever the person has developed, it would often show on the movements, the manner they talk and even the way they dress and present themselves in public.

Incivility is defined as a mild form of deviant behavior that is low intensity, ambiguous as to intent to harm, violates respectful social norms, and does not form a decided pattern of behavior (Emotions, Technology, and Behaviors, 2016),

There is no excuse for rudeness. This might be attributed to bad parenting and skewed value system.

Whether you are friends with someone, it is rude to perform a joke that may harm the feelings and dehumanize the person. That is why “pranks” should be considered properly since the stress it can bring to others might be too much for the intended fun.

Being civil and cultured matter.

You Freak!

 

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Uman ilugos mo man an IMO gusto? Have you met people who insist on doing something which they think as THE BEST thing to do? They often believe that they have the monopoly of knowledge. If you do not do their thing, you will then be labelled as INEFFICIENT.

Some other people are skilled at controlling other people. They have an autocratic, demanding style of interacting. They like to command others to behave according to their wishes. These may be changing whims––one thing one minute, another the next. They commonly want gratification by other people of their own needs or desires (Adams, 2022).

In the late 1960’s, the term “Control Freak” was coined. The term is then directed to people who tend to control even the minutest things in the surrounding. These people are all over – the offices, the homes, the circle of friends and definitely everywhere.

According to Parvez (2021), control freaks have a strong need to control others because they believe they lack control themselves. So excessive need to control means the person is lacking control somehow in their own life.

Instead of regaining control over the thing they lost control over in the first place, some people try to regain control over others.

If someone tries to control situations or other people to an unhealthy extent, others may describe them as a controlling person. They may try to control a situation by taking charge and doing everything themselves or control others through manipulation, coercion, threats, and intimidation.

A wounded grandiose self-image is a symptom of what Freud and other psychologists call a narcissistic wound. A narcissistic wound or wounds suffered earlier in life can be so deep, that the person experiencing them no longer has a healthy ego strength. Without their constant cultivation of perfection, they feel they are just the broken little boy or girl that was injured so long ago (Felton, 2021).

It goes back to childhood once again. Reflections and self-assessment really help. If we cannot control ourselves, there is a great danger that we might control others.

Sometimes people try to assert power over others and control situations. In other cases, it may be to assert dominance. In this case, it is a form of abuse.

Road to Un-Rude

 

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There is nothing wrong with aiming to become better. Research shows that having a strong network of support or strong community bonds fosters both emotional and physical health and is an important component of adult life.

You will be disliked if you are tactless, unruly and mean. Let us look at these things and learn to be a better version of ourselves.

·         Negative tactless people often lack self-love and inner peace and contentment (Kloppers, 2020).

If we lack self-love, then a big tendency is that we do not CARE about the feelings of others. There is a need for us to accept our flaws. We shy away from looking for the mistakes of others to feel good about ourselves. Harsh words are reflections of your inner turmoil. Be content with what you have and be grateful on things which are blessed to you.

·         Unruly people have bad behavior. Bad behavior is frequently a symptom of a bigger issue. If we regularly act out in inappropriate or irritating ways, it’s often a call for further self-awareness. Something deeper (unresolved anger, pain, fear, etc.) may be behind those poor relational skills (Davenport, 2022).

 

It has been repeatedly mentioned by self-help authors that the most effective way to understand life is to become self-aware. When you are unruly and you tend to purposely annoy others, something is wrong. The hang-ups must be processed well and worked on for improvement. Keeping a journal helps.

 

·         In psychology, the term aggression is defined as a wide range of actions and behaviors that can result in mental, emotional, or physical harm to a person, others, or objects. Even if it is done subconsciously or when one loses control, portraying signs of aggression often results in hurting another person physically or emotionally (Gray, 2020).

 

Being mean hurts a lot of people emotionally, If the actions are intended, probably the Gotham Asylum is still open.

Life is short. We are not perfect but we can at least try to be better.