Bigot

Di na makakita. There are many instances when people wonder what happened with their friends and acquaintance who could not “see” them anymore. It seems that they have become invisible to the eyes of others. People change, alright, but to be gracious enough in greeting others despite the status or whatever caused the confidence could be deemed unusual if not abnormal in some ways.

According to www.learning-mind.com, features of egotistical behavior are a tendency to talk about oneself all the time and a lack of humility. What then, is egocentric? Everyone is self-centered at times. It refers to a limited worldview, with a person focusing only on his needs. An egocentric person may become obsessed with them. Egocentric people often show a lack of empathy for others. They cannot see things from a different point of view than their own.

When a person start NOT to care for others and feel NOTHING towards them except contempt, these ones are edging towards being egocentric. They start not liking others to the point that affiliating with the “unwanted” seem to be a stressful task to do. They then see others as “different; of low quality and forgettable!”

Psychological egoism (Chung, 2016) is a view that claims that all human actions are motivated, at bottom, exclusively by one’s self-interest; it claims that everybody, in the end, is an egoist. This is a very strong claim. It does not merely claim that only some or the majority of human actions are generated from considerations of self-interest; but rather that all human actions – including the ones that apparently seem to be acts of benevolence as well as those acts that seemingly stem from one’s moral conviction – are ultimately motivated solely by a concern for one’s own exclusive personal good.

But then, we have the capacity to weigh things and draw a line between being ethical and being abnormally egoistic. That is the reason why reflections are encouraged by the sages and psychologists for us to be able to evaluate our inner drives, motivations and the inclinations of our dark half.

Others link with the powerful and the rich for the benefit of getting something. They look down on the poor and the helpless and place them on the margins. There are those who affiliate with the good-looking ones and bully the “ugly” group. They seem to draw some sort of energy from the attention they get for being with the IN crowd. They benefit from the actions they have chosen to do.

But isn’t it also rewarding for the SELF to love and embrace all people? Being with the marginalized group and helping them out could be meaningful and rewarding. Choosing to be affectionate could be beneficial to the SELF as well. That is the thin line between being able to understand and being a bigot. Ethical egoism must prevail in us rather than that of unhealthy one. We understand that we need each other. We just do not label ourselves so to be able to thrive. The rich and the poor; the beautiful and the ugly have things which could be shared to us…and vice versa.

Ethical egoism is often equated with selfishness, the disregard of others’ interests in favor of one’s own interests. However, ethical egoism cannot be coherently equated with selfishness because it is often in one’s self-interest to help others or to refrain from harming them (Rand, 2017).

Things like these could be cranial and stressful to some. But it has to reach our consciousness since we are the captain of our ships. We need to understand our own selves rather than dismiss such thoughts since we need to radiate knowledge and values to our small and big communities.

In this world being mandated by material things, it is but proper to touch base with our spirits rather than NOT being able to identify the real us and continue to thirst for things which are not meaningful and substantial.

We do not have to close our eyes to others. We have to look at them and SEE OURSELVES from their strengths and frailties.

Laizzes-faire

Way pakialam. There are instances when one would wonder why some people are so cool in frantic situations. In the workplace, there are those who are neck-deep with their tasks but there are those who are just so passive they still have the time to retouch their makeup and check on their phones. They seem to be indifferent with the pressing needs one will wonder about their work orientation.

Personal ethics are defined as moral objectives or values that one believe in and practice as part of his/her life’s philosophy. When it comes to work, one’s ethics also encompass one’s overall attitude about work. One definition of a person with good work ethics is a person who shows up on time with the willingness to do what it takes to get the job done without complaint (Brenner, 2014).

In public service, it is a necessity for the servant to exhaust his/her best for the interest of the public. Yet, it is saddening to notice that those who pledge to be of service to people are the ones who want to be served. There are even those who do not exhaust all the resources to be able to make a dent on the pressing needs. There seems to be a drone of indifference in their surroundings to the point that the workplace seems to have a flat line.

What is the motivation behind this?

Recent research from the Corporate Advisory Board shows that 90 percent of employees are not engaged or their behavior is not aligned with organizational goals. Certainly, the unproductivity have contributed to this state of malaise in the workplace. It’s not the only cause, however. Jealousies, personal rivalries, silo behavior, and incivility have also harmed the spirits of people at work. The primary culprit is indifference (Stallard, 2018).

Such reveries were triggered when this writer noticed that there are those who evade their tasks and justify them with other assignments. The Civil Service Commission has worked hard to underscore that there are job descriptions and expected Key Result Areas (KRA) among the public servants. A teacher’s KRA is to facilitate the teaching-learning process. Yet, there are those who justify themselves by saying they are being ordered to decorate the stage leaving the learners behind. There are officials in the local offices who only come to the office for attendance then go out for other tasks leaving their key result areas to nothing in exchange of other trivial acts.

Sometimes, the cause of such misalignments is also the head of the workplace. The subordinates could only follow the orders of the bosses since the leaders delegate their tasks to members. Again, the subject of being indifferent could be the culprit here. There are those in higher positions whose mantra is delegation even if they do not have anything on their hands.

Delegating tasks and responsibility is a vital component of time management according to Virtual Advisor Inc. (2014). The primary reason most people delegate is to decrease their workload, which enables them to focus on other tasks and responsibilities. Other reasons to delegate include improved staff satisfaction, better ability to get an increased amount of work done, and faster career growth for the supervisor and the employee who completes the project. Not only does the supervisor's workload decrease, but his staff members also have the opportunity to advance. When delegation is effective, the entire team and the business itself can succeed.

That is the real reason of delegation NOT that the manager or leader could sit back and relax.

It is disheartening to realize that productivity and the delivery of services in the government offices fall short. Of course, there are those who do their tasks well but there is also a percentage of people who shortchange the expected outcomes of the offices and departments. This is the main reason why inefficiency is cascaded to the roots of our culture. And when we tell things like this, we are always be the one to be criticized. We will be called self-righteous and those slow-workers will then accuse us of other things to discredit our personalities.

The only thing to do is by continuing to enrich our work ethics and do our tasks efficiently. We then continue to displace effective outputs to inspire others. We should anchor our actions to our MISSION. 

Excellent workers consider their own outputs and do not compare them to others. In their own ways, they always win their daily battles.

Pompous

Way makalupos. We have encountered people who do not consider defeat. They always complain in competitions as if they are always the best and could not be defeated. They always dominate discussions and think that their ideas are of importance than others. They walk out on events if these are not centered to them. They are very competitive that the concept of learning from mistakes is alien.

Competitive people do whatever it takes to fulfill their desires to keep up with status, winning at sports, board games and even the lottery. These types of people are very confident in themselves and the law of attraction are key elements to having a winning attitude and doing better than most everyone else. These people are being labeled as conceited, self-absorbed, too picky, full of themselves and not being flexible and sometimes passive aggressive (Benimati, 2017).

When you are with such personalities, you oftentimes get stressed or would want to breathe some fresh air. There is a compulsion to go away since there might come a time that your social etiquette would be fouled when you give retorts and create an argument which you could never win. They will make their own stands even if they already know that they are NOT correct. Again, they do not want defeat.

Research studies suggest that there are different kinds of self-esteem. Some people may have a secure sense of self, regardless of the situation, whereas others may have unstable or fragile self-esteem that varies depending on their last accomplishment or whom they are able to impress. When they are doing well, they feel great and even superior to others, whereas when they encounter setbacks, they tend to feel shame and self-doubt. This results in anxiety and vigilance around social status and performance. They have to keep comparing themselves to others to make sure they are measuring up and haven't fallen behind (Greenberg, 2011).

What made them?

Greenberg continued that these types have a survival mentality and may be jealous and controlling. The basis for this is often a deep insecurity about having their emotional needs met. They may have had parents who were critical, played favorites, or were unavailable or inattentive to their emotional needs.

Some competitive people may be pathologically narcissistic and self-centered, not seeing you as a separate human being, but more as a reflection or extension of themselves, a source of admiration for their accomplishments, a potential threat to their own success, or as an object to use or manipulate in order to meet their own needs or increase their resources.

Generally, people who are competitive about their houses, kids, dinner parties and so on are either insecure or arrogant and want to prove superiority. If they are the insecure type, praising their accomplishments and staying calm and friendly may make them see you as an ally or as less of a threat. If they are arrogant, you may want to speak up and toot your own horn as well or change the subject when they start boasting. Arrogant people tend to be narcissistic and status-conscious, so if you exude confidence and appear to have high status and accomplishments, they are more likely to respect you.

But then, these areas of encounters could be wearisome. We are free to choose whom to affiliate with. We could not concede to their illnesses all the time and consider our own space as well. We are not obliged to praise them and tell them things to widen their ego. We have our own lives to live we could let them live their own pathetic ways.

Yet, we have our social responsibilities as well. We nurture children for them to grow loved and respected. We displace care and affection to create wider areas of positive energies. We revisit our personalities for us to monitor and evaluate our inner battles and heal the wounded child within.

But if we can’t; if we continue to compete in an unhealthy manner, we must endure the brand of being UNSTABLE. “Way gajod makalupos kay...(silently circles the forefinger on the side of the head)”

Fret

Hurot yaot! There are people who see the ugly things all the time. They do not stop to see the yellow buds among the weeds; they are incapable of appreciating the small efforts you do; they always see the dot of a stain in the white clothes you don… These people often wear you out to the point that no one would gravitate to them. They always feel like burdens to be carried. They are the constant complainers.

A complain is simply defined as expression of dissatisfaction or annoyance about a state of affairs or an event. It is normal to complain if one’s comfort and rights are being hampered deliberately. But it is not normal when one complains on things all the time. These persons are often irritated with the weather, the way people act, the way the music is being played, the way others dress and the way everything there is!

Most chronic complainers, according to Winch (2011), truly see their lives as being full of hardship and challenge. Chronic complainers' perceptions about their hardships are deeply embedded in their personalities and sense of identity. Therefore, although they tell others about their problems all the time, they are not really looking for advice or solutions.

Psychology Today mentioned that complaining usually happens in the wake of a negative situation. Traffic was worse than expected. The movie was disappointing. The contractor did shoddy work. The city council should never have approved that new development. Of course, it is not just situations but also personal factors that are involved. You’ll notice, for example, that some people tend to complain while others hold their tongues. Indeed, there is a “complaint threshold” that must be reached before someone decides to grumble.

Aside from chronic complaining, venting is also present in our interactions with people. Venting is expressing emotional dissatisfaction. It turns out that people who vent have an agenda. They tend to be focused on themselves and their own—presumably negative—experience. By showing their anger, frustration, or disappointment, they are soliciting attention from their confidantes. They can feel validated by receiving attention and sympathy.

Venters are particularly likely to discount advice and proposed solutions to their problems. They aren’t looking to solve anything; they simply want validation (Diener, 2017).

It is so frustrating to come from a full day of work and service and you will be bombarded with complaints and venting to the point that your energy will come down to an all-time low. Instead of being nourished with appreciation, encouragement and the beauty of life, you will be fed with the foul odors of existence. This is mainly the reason why there are those people who will utter the phrase GET A LIFE! to some since they seem to dwell on the negative side all the time.

Meaningful activities must also be considered by us so that we could see the impact of our actions to the society since complaining is a by-product of dissatisfaction. Life must not only be filled with material things and worldly needs since these will tarnish and go out of style. Universal values won’t. Respect, love, affection and empathy will linger forever. With them, life is satisfying.

“Our brain has a tendency to focus on the negative,” says Emma Seppälä, PhD, author of The Happiness Track: How to Apply the Science of Happiness to Accelerate Your Success, and science director at the Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education at Stanford University. As a result, we tend to focus on what is wrong, rather than noticing all the things that are right, Seppälä observes. “In fact, research shows that three times more positive things than negative things happen to us every day, yet it takes just one upsetting email to ruin everything,” she says.

But then, as an individual, we could take action on our own situations. According to Will Bowen, once you have identified the motivation behind your complaints, address them. Changing a complaining habit isn’t simply positive thinking or being a pushover. It is your own responsibility since you are a big contributor to the energies you release to your family and the people you will encounter.

But if we persist on complaining and venting, we might notice that our loved ones are unhappy with us and would eventually look for “areas” where they could be at peace. It is because it is better to breathe than be suffocated, right?

As an adage goes: Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things you failed to appreciate… they seemed to be insignificant you complained about them.

Bipolar

Malabad. These individuals exist in our families and other social groups. We could not be ourselves since we have to be in tune with their moods for us not to be deprived of our peace. We have to test the waters first before wading into their territory. The difficult thing if these people are our bosses. Development and productivity could be hampered since we often measure our movements so to resonate with their quirks.

Schimelpfening (2018) says that mood swings are rapid and often extreme, fluctuations in one's emotional state, involving alternating between feelings of happiness and well-being and feelings of anger, irritability, or depression.

A mood swing is simply a noticeable change in one’s mood or emotional state. Everybody has mood swings and they are a natural part of most people’s lives. We get happy, we get sad. We have a period of feeling on top of the world, and then later in the same day, we feel tired, lethargic and beaten down. Small mood swings are a part of most people’s lives (Grobol, 2018).

Moods have psychological effects with people especially in productivity and creativity, Accounts have been recorded that emotions play a great part in the work place and even with person-to-person relationships. A lot of encounters ended with hurt and messed-up feelings due to moody innuendos. Some people’s mood swings are so extreme, rapid or serious, that they interfere with that individual’s functioning in everyday life.

Again, the grown up person must not fail to BE AWARE of his/her emotional state since the individual is the one handling the moods rather than the opposite. The power of self-awareness and control will take place here. We might be the cause of others’ discomfort through our outbursts we need to be responsible with our mental state. Negative moods create negative deeds which result to the creation of negative ripples.

As Dr. Grobol said, people who are experiencing a mood swing that’s been going on for more than a few weeks and is seriously affecting their friendships, relationship, school work, etc. should consider seeking professional help for the issue. A professional can help accurately diagnose the problem, and prescribe a course of treatment to reduce the mood swings.

Why do we have these moods? There are even instances when we wake up in the morning feeling irritated for no reason at all, thus the idiom – waking up on the wrong side of the bed! We also wonder what has become of our boss and companions when they put on that smug expression on their faces we cower and retreat to our comfort zones. Is it something “from their house”? We often wonder.

According to verywellmind.com, among the possible causes of mood swings is an imbalance in the brain chemicals associated with mood regulation, as in the case of bipolar disorder, and the hormonal changes associated with the menstrual cycle or menopause. In addition, mood swings may occur in men who abuse steroids. Mood swings are also common with depression, especially untreated depression, where moods can fluctuate from irritability to extreme sadness to an angry outburst.

Lately, this writer is delving on psychological causes of the people who seem to dominate us or oppress the people around them. There must be an explanation on their behaviors in a scientific manner. And it came to the attention that most of these personalities have issues on their mental health. But then, the thing to come up to the mind is personal responsibility. Since most of these persons are adults and hold higher positions, they must be responsible for their own well-being!

But what if this is their blind spot?

This is the reason why we listen to feedback. There are people close to us who could detect our mood swings especially family members and friends. Listening to suggestions could also allow us to review ourselves and consider the implications of our actions and reactions with other individuals.

Yet the persons with bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder sometimes are narcissistic to the point that they do not listen to “mere” mortals like us. They think that they are always right.

So why fuss over their choice to become insane? But then it is always a waste to climb the ladder of success when in fact others see you as DERANGED. 

Humbug

Hawod. They are always right. They do not welcome suggestions. It is as if they are gifted by the universe with this capacity to rule over. In small groups, the other members will just keep quiet so that no fuss would materialize. These people are the loud and opinionated to the point that they would lash out comments to you once you air out your own opinion about the topic at hand. It is like traversing a one-way road.

An opinionated person, according to Goulston (2010) is one who speaks as if their opinions are facts rather than mere beliefs.  Being opinionated is incompatible with other people having different opinions. Dr. Nicola Davies continued that while some people like to debate ideas and opinions, others argue out of habit: – they can’t help themselves, and will make a fuss about the most trivial things, just to cause conflict. This can drive those around them up the wall because they are almost always on the defensive, even about what might seem like the most insignificant things.

In a social encounter, it is but normal to have interaction with others. We do not fail to understand that people have differing opinions and ideas on certain things. We hold on to our convictions and so are they! It is very good to have your own beliefs and ideas on certain things but it is alarming when you insist that others would believe what you think is right. It is like insisting that the most beautiful color is blue to a person who loves pink! You could discuss on the benefits of wearing blue but you should not tell the pink-lover to change his/her mind.

Linda Emma of the Bump said: What makes someone who is opinionated annoying to many isn’t that they share their opinions, but that they believe everyone else should share the same view. This egocentric philosophy can be particularly disconcerting if they are so close-minded as to deem other’s opinions and values as unworthy. If you find yourself fuming at what someone is saying, don’t do so in silence. Instead, speak up and offer another viewpoint.

As a facilitator of development programs, this writer encounters a lot of people who dominate discussions. We were being taught how to “traffic” ideas and opinions but there are personalities who could be so difficult they cause annoyance to the learning process. It is as if they are more knowledgeable than the person “on board” to the point that they underscore their ideas as brilliant ones!

When we meet these types of people, first that would come to mind is having an antisocial personality disorder. Dr. Steve Bressert said that Individuals with antisocial personality disorder frequently lack empathy and tend to be callous, cynical, and contemptuous of the feelings, rights, and sufferings of others. They may have an inflated and arrogant self-appraisal (e.g., feel that ordinary work is beneath them or lack a realistic concern about their current problems or their future) and may be excessively opinionated, self-assured, or cocky. They may display a glib, superficial charm and can be quite voluble and verbally facile (e.g., using technical terms or jargon that might impress someone who is unfamiliar with the topic).

The mayoclinic.org mentioned that personality is the combination of thoughts, emotions and behaviors that makes everyone unique. It's the way people view, understand and relate to the outside world, as well as how they see themselves. Personality forms during childhood, shaped through an interaction of inherited tendencies and environmental factors.

Ergo: nature and nurture.

We do not have the license to help them since they may have a clinical condition. To retain our peace, the best thing that we could do is stop affiliating with them. They might influence our thought patterns and attitudes. We are responsible for our mental health that is the main reason that we CHOOSE to stay away from their paths. If they are our friends and members of the family, we could support them by bringing them to the doctor. Yet, if they insist they are WELL and BETTER THAN US, (if they are adults) let them be. Again, one’s health is his or her own lookout.

The Mayo Clinic staff continues: There's no sure way to prevent antisocial personality disorder from developing in those at risk. Because antisocial behavior is thought to have its roots in childhood, parents, teachers and pediatricians may be able to spot early warning signs. It may help to try to identify those most at risk, such as children who show signs of conduct disorder, and then offer early intervention.

Early, effective and appropriate discipline, lessons in behavior modification, social and problem-solving skills, parent training, family therapy, and psychotherapy may help reduce the chance that at-risk children go on to become adults with antisocial personality disorder.

But once these people reach adulthood, we be aware of them!

Finesse

Sosyal! This is often tagged to people who dress up well and move with grace. We see them as those whose hair are straightened or applied with dye to the point that they look different: expensive. There are also those who package themselves as if they are products to be consumed and they need to cope with the latest trend in clothing and skin care. They are the ones who could make us take a second look. These could be their crutch, their source of confidence.

Only 4% of women around the world consider themselves beautiful, and anxiety about appearance begins at an early age. Six out of ten girls are so concerned with the way they look, that they actually opt out of participating fully in daily life – from going swimming and playing sports, to visiting the doctor, going to school or even just offering their opinions (www.dove.com)

This is one of the many reasons why people use cosmetics, signature clothes and dowse themselves with cologne to have that security blanket around them. These chemicals and materials allow them to feel beautiful and confident.

Like a uniform, our possession of specific objects and brands can also signal our membership of social groups, both to others and to ourselves (Jarret, 2013). That is the reason why those who want to belong to the “higher” level of society tend to surround themselves with material things which would underscore their status.

There are people who are born with the silver spoon. Their genes dictate the way the move and their skin signals their innate breeding. According to Macdowall (2013), modern manners, codes of behavior, decorum and rules of etiquette matter in every culture and society – they illuminate and respect the human experience. Observing manners when out and about in society is, and should be ‘cool’, even in a casual setting. And these things are learned by these people from their family and throughout their growth.

So why do we have persons who package themselves as SOSYAL yet their manners are like stinking mud from the sewer? They sometimes annoy us since they criticize on the way we dress up and the way we opt NOT to wear makeup and loud clothes. They are the social climbers.

Based on Urban Dictionary, a social climber, which is also the synonym of an “attention whore,” is anyone who becomes friends with someone else if they have something that they want or need. Social climbers will value human relationships based on popularity and status as those two things are their primary needs.

They never see any depth and intimacy upon their friendship as they will only become friends with the people who “know people.” More often than not, social climbers feature characteristics including ambitious, competitive, and high-achiever as their one and only goal is to “get to the top.” These people will never feel satisfied if there is someone else who holds a “higher-status” than them (Noormega, 2018).

The article continued that lifestyle and identity crisis might also be the reasons for the emerging social climbers in our society. In this world, which is rapidly changing in terms of technology and social media, everyone wants to be recognized.

There is nothing wrong to aim for beauty and social recognition. Most of us work to attain some level of respect and recognition from the society we belong. That is the reason why we get hurt when we are neglected and rejected. Yet, we could be noticed by others when we bloom where we are planted. It is our own efforts and breadth when we could put our marks. No need to shout and be loud through our clothing and movements. No need to use others to be able to be recognized.

Self-control and the development of self-image is needed by each one of us. It is in these things when we become functional rather than the opposite. We have to rely on our own strengths not depending on crutches and delusions of grandeur.

Also, isn’t it annoying to see Channel on your shirt when in fact it’s Chanel?