The Real Winners

 

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Uman an bala man noon an hamok na reklamo? An mga bagtik noon di magbujong! Is this some sort of a defense mechanism?

Complaining isn’t all bad.  Occasional venting and expression of negative emotions to a colleague about difficult situations allow us to get our concerns out into the open, and in doing so, lessen possible stress reactions. Repressing our feelings may stop us from naming our problem and getting to the bottom of it. People also complain in order to feel better about themselves (de Vries, 2021).

But complaints can also be used as a way to exercise power and influence perceptions. Especially within organizations, which can be hotbeds of political games, people use complaining in order to get people’s support.

According to the Harvard Business Review: In many cases, chronic complaining starts early in life, as a means of gaining visibility and establishing rapport in the family. These early experiences can become deeply ingrained patterns of behavior.

Some griping is healthy, says Dr. Guy Winch — but too much can fill us with constant stress hormones. It can also infect those around us with our negativity, he adds.” We are just really stressing ourselves out and having a really negative perception of the world, and there’s a price you pay for that,” he says.

On the other side of the fence, there are those who are resilient and performing their work as silently as they can. They are slaying the challenges like David toppling down a Goliath.

Research has shown that resiliency is pretty common. People tend to demonstrate resilience more often than you think. Demonstrating resiliency doesn’t necessarily mean that you have not suffered difficulty or distress. It also doesn’t mean you have not experienced emotional pain or sadness. The road to resilience is often paved with emotional stress and strain (Riopel, 2019).

Yet, the development of the coping strategies is the main accomplishment of these people. These coping mechanisms are being used every time they encounter challenges keeping them quiet and focused on the goal. These people then become the silent winners since they gain out from the encounters rather than complain about them.

Everywhere, you encounter those who are noisy and those who are quietly slaying their weaknesses. Later, these silent ones are the real victors manifesting on their life and work accomplishments.

Mirrors

 

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Panhibay-anan nila, amo da sab sin-o! There are people who judge you through the things they see and hear about you. But they do not know where you come from. They are unaware of your value systems and most of the time, they are so busy looking for the mistakes of others they forget to look into their own weaknesses.

"How easy it is to criticize others," Pope Francis said. "There are some people who seem to have a degree in tattling, criticizing others every day. Hey, look in the mirror" and reflect on one's own weaknesses and fragility.

Some common synonyms of faultfinding are captious, carping, censorious, critical, and hypercritical. While all these words mean "inclined to look for and point out faults and defects," faultfinding implies a querulous or exacting temperament. a faultfinding reviewer.

Yet, Psychology is telling us that these people are actually projecting their faults to others so they won’t have the time looking into their pathetic selves. They like to look for other’s flaws since they know deep inside that they are also flawed and have errors of their own.

The self-righteous and smug thoughts that can provide a fleeting emotional boost, don’t lead to happiness.

According to Watson (2021): In essence we become intolerant of the weaknesses of others, in turn distorting the way we may view our own faults. From time to time I think we can all be a little prone to look at the weaknesses, limitations and failings of others.

The world is vast. We can change it through the spaces IN us. We have to start changing our own ways so to create a ripple of goodness to the greater space around us.

For those who constantly peer into others’ lives, let us gift them with mirrors. Better, let us surround them with everything that gives them clear reflections of themselves.

Expand Your Horizons

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Di kun hilabian da ad-on na gugma? Have you thought about the fearsome message brought by the song which goes: I can’t live without you? Isn’t it too much to surrender your happiness to another person?

Self-reliance, in its most basic form, is having the skills required and confidence in your ability to meet your needs without dependence on others (Jenkins, 2020).

Our emotions (like attraction to the opposite or similar sex) is within the boundaries of our control. This is what Covey mentions as something within our sphere of influence. We cannot control the feeling of others towards us, but we can control our reactions and actions towards how others deal with us.

Emotions might be harmful when they are excessive. Emotional excess is harmful for the same reasons that other kinds of excess are harmful. As in other emotions, excessiveness in love can impede the lover from seeing a broader perspective. Even normal cases of romantic love tend to create a narrow temporal perspective that focuses on the beloved and is often oblivious to other considerations (Ben-Zeev, 2009).

There are those people who limit themselves with their significant others as their sole companion. They cannot expand their view of the world since their exposure is limited to their created small circle. Others cannot even go out to have adventures and travels since they are being restricted by their lovers!

Spending your time giving too much love to someone else might cause you to neglect yourself. If all of your energy is put toward spending time with your romantic partner and showing them affection, the other areas of your life are going to suffer. Life shouldn't be focused only on one thing (Porter, 2022).

Breathe. Love yourself first. There are billions of people in this planet. Do not allow someone to limit your worth. No one must take away your peace and happiness. You need to be in control with them. Not others.

Messy

 

Nagwagit da an agi! Isn’t it good to have organized schedules and well-kept surrounding? You see, there are people whose organization skills are evident on the way they arrange the contents of their bags to the plans that they do for the day.

An organized personality is a person who is naturally neat, punctual and detailed. Their habits and behaviors in life and at work are ordered, planned and efficient. They have natural organizational skills that other personality types might have to work to develop (indeed.com, 2021).

Psychological science tells us that we cannot control our external circumstances, but we can control our internal circumstances (our homes, our spaces) we will have better outcomes with regards to controlling our thoughts and emotions as well.

Clutter is not good. People often question others when they see their homes in disarray. When leaders also push people to situations where there are no foundations and clear-cut plans, subordinates will then be stressed-out with the mess.

The thing about organization is, it is not just about where things go, or the system you use to organize your space, it’s about the WHY. Understanding why you want to organize your day and the days ahead is just as important as understanding how to do it.

Then, the hideous part is when these disorganized persons will try to muddle with you. They will even accuse you of things which you are not guilty of. Their disorganized thoughts will have this mental projection that you are NOT efficient enough on coping with their spur-of-the-moment ideas!

Again, we fortify our personalities by believing on the things that we consider as OK anchored to the greater good.

Let us de-stress by de-cluttering.

Soliloquy

 

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Hasta kaugalingon imo ilaron? It is often disorienting to hear people cover-up their mistakes even if they are already glaringly obvious. One can then proceed to wondering what is the status of the person’s self-actualization.

The attainment of self-actualization involves one’s full involvement in life and the realization of that which one is capable of accomplishing.

There is a need to understand your own motivations. Why are you driven to attain those things you hunger for? The problem is when the individual fail to realize the “drives” he or she have. This is the main reason why developmental psychologists underscore the importance of reflections and introspection. In your journals, you can infer the things you lack and why your desires are directed to some stimuli.

Generally, the state of self-actualization is viewed as obtainable only after one’s fundamental needs for survival, safety, love and self-esteem are met (Maslow, 1943, 1954).

But then, we hear people tell lies on their actions and why they falter on their responsibilities. They sugarcoat their faults and look for scapegoats. That is where failure comes in. When we fail to realize that there are fundamental needs that we still have to meet.

Carl Rogers described self-actualization as the continuous lifelong process whereby an individual’s self-concept is maintained and enhanced via reflection and the reinterpretation of various experiences which enable the individual to recover, change and develop (Rogers, 1951).

There is a need to do hands-on improvement of the self. That is our individual responsibility. Our contribution to the world depends on how we manage our selves for the common good.

Complainant

 

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Lord, salamat sa buhangin. I was struck with a myriad of thoughts as I overheard a child playing on the very fine white sand of a sandbar. She was a daughter of a teacher who was with me during that trip. At her age, she understands how to be grateful.

There are those whom I know who complain a lot. They curse on the weather causing them headaches. They rant on the damage the rains do to their clothes and they basically complain on everything.

Complaining is simply expressing dissatisfaction. This usually happens verbally. One may be the “locus of control,” or how much control a person feels she has in a situation. There may be other personal factors involved as well, such as tolerance for conflict, age, and the desire to present one’s self positively (Biswas-Diener, 2017).

Research shows that chronic complaining has physiological effects. Through the repetition of bad, sad, mad and powerless feelings, the neurotransmitters in the brain can go through a neural “rewiring,” which reinforces negative thought patterns, making it easier for unhappy thoughts to repeat themselves and leaving little room for the more positive feelings of gratitude, appreciation, and well-being.

The opposite of complaining is simply gratitude and appreciation.

Gratitude is a way for people to appreciate what they have instead of always reaching for something new in the hopes it will make them happier or thinking they can't feel satisfied until every physical and material need is met. Gratitude helps people refocus on what they have instead of what they lack.

Gratitude activates dopamine in the brain and creates the conditions for optimism.

Therefore, those who complain a lot end up being unhappy.

Stay away from people who are always dwelling on the negative side. Most of them are unsuccessful. You might be infected by their darkness.

Malicious Intents

 

Ka-testing kaw jaon ikaw na noon an pakasad-on? There are people who play up with others to the point that you will be judged as the culprit. These persons are wolves in sheep’s clothing. They show some sort of “holiness” up front. But deep inside, their intentions are purely dark.

Someone with a bad intention is aiming to cause harm. A person can have bad physical and psychological intentions. As it is possible to physically harm someone as well as emotionally abuse or misuse someone for one’s own personal gain (Mangelschots, 2022).

Bad intentions are also commonly called malicious intentions.

But what if you will be placed as the villain when you try to confront the bad intention of another? When you will be honest one in telling the truth up front to the person how harm has been caused by him/her to others, they sometime retaliate and make you as the BAD GUY.

Worse, there are those who believe the accusations!

Individuals with “dark” personalities regularly use gossip to spread negative information and harm others that would surely contribute to the negative reputation of gossip.

Indeed this world can sometimes be unfair. But there is always a belief that what one displaces will come back to him/her. Let us just wait for the precise time when the bad intentions will become something worse than their malice.

Anyway, the good intentions that we have are the ones seen by the Maker.