Better

 

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Samok na paglaong na magbag-o kaw. Himua nan hilom da. There something NOT right about new year’s resolutions. Most of them are purely forgotten on the third day of January. Chances are, you will be back with what you usually do. Change for the better is a decision, not just lip service.

Kaitlin Woolley from Cornell University and Ayelet Fishbach from the University of Chicago have just published some new research investigating New Year Resolutions, and found 55.2% of resolutions were health related (exercise: 31.3%, eat healthy: 10.4%, have healthier habits: 13.5%), 34.4% were work related (save: 20.8%, get out of debt: 12.5%, learn something: 0%, get organized: 1.0%), and 5.2% were social goals (spend time with family: 2.1%, help others: 0%, enjoy life: 3.1%).

But the research then found out that people are only limited to wishful thinking and cannot turn their promises into action. So, instead of saying them or posting them on social media, we can ponder on the importance of the things we like to change in us since these are needed for our well-being.

Do it. The people who consume a lot of substances that destroy the body cannot claim that they love themselves. They are probably trying to conceal something in them that they drown themselves with alcohol and satisfy the need to enjoy all the time. You see, there are things like “sacrifice” that we must do to have a better future. So, how can we say that we are capable of loving others when in fact we do not love ourselves?

Let us aim to become better. In the long run, we are here to serve others; to make good relationships. There are those who are so drunk with power they enjoy making others’ lives miserable. There are some who enjoy looking for others’ mistakes. Let them be. They are heading to something bad. We need to concentrate on what we can do to make a better world. We need to be better to contribute something good.

Let us face the new year with great expectations. We can deal with the challenges and we can rise above the difficulties. Like love, we can make ourselves become the answer.

Something for You

 

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Ajaw pagpahilabi panhatag, kahutdan kaw. Generosity is a good value. But to be generous to others, you need to be generous to yourself first. Like love, you cannot displace it once you do not know self-love.

Self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth. Self-love means having a high regard for your own well-being and happiness. Self-love means taking care of your own needs and not sacrificing your well-being to please others. Self-love means not settling for less than you deserve.

But then why is it that some of us work to please someone else even if we are already dying inside? Is there a dearth of freedom due to the self-restrictions and the fear of being unwanted? That is why there is a need to open our eyes that we need NOT depend our happiness to others?

Why are you begging for someone else’s affection? Cohen (2017) said: You should never have to beg to get someone’s love, attention, or affection even, and for them to make you a priority. And you should never have to beg to get someone to love you, because someone that truly and utterly cares about you will treat you as a priority, and will make time for you, despite their busy schedules and whatnot.

It’s high time to respect yourself. Do not place yourself as a second priority. There is a need to control your emotions than allow them to let you be humiliated by allowing someone to control over you. Regain CONTROL over your happiness.

Enjoy your life. No matter how difficult the situation can be, breathe in happiness and peace. Extract yourself from unhappy relationships and worse, possessive ones. Be free and savor the short moments and make them well-spent.

Give yourself a break. Give yourself a gift. Love.

Board of Judges

 

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Kilaya kaw baja sa ako? Diin man ta magkaiban? You have an opinion about me? What is the basis of that? Are you employing the mindset of a scientific researcher when one must have an unbiased set of mindset towards my person?

What is your background? You see, there are instances when your upbringing might be the cause of your prejudice. You might be raised with a set of parents who are overly critical of your movements. When parents fail to affirm the young children, they will become adults with fragile security issues.

You see me as strict? Why? We do not have prior experiences together. You gauge your labels from people you do not know. You mean you do not trust your own observations and assessments? This is a manifestation of poor self-confidence! Use your own criteria. Embrace the common good not just your comfortable concepts of living.

The problem with prejudice is that it is rooted in ignorance. Ignorant persons ignore the facts. They directly create an opinion towards others without understanding the basic facts. Prejudice is a baseless and often negative preconception or attitude toward members of a group. Prejudice can have a strong influence on how people behave and interact with others, particularly with those who are different from them, even unconsciously or without the person realizing they are under the influence of their internalized prejudices.

Is it because I work harder than you? Or are you threatened by my silence and being different?

Cherry (2020) mentions that the common features of prejudice include negative feelings, stereotyped beliefs, and a tendency to discriminate against members of a group. In society, we often see prejudices toward a group based on race, sex, religion, culture, and more. While specific definitions of prejudice given by social scientists often differ, most agree that it involves prejudgments that are usually negative about individuals and members of a group.

So please, do not paint something bad against me. You do not know me. Check on yourself. Maybe you are the problem, not me.

Wait for Your Turn

 

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Ajaw paghakopa tanan, manlusot an iban… The universe seems to consider equity. Some of us want more just to have them all. There is this insatiable need to have all the things we desire. Yet, life teaches us that we can’t have everything. Blessings are equitable to all.

The innate human desire to seek means that we can never truly feel that every desire and wish has been met. There will never be an end to the to-do list, future goals and plans, the things we want to achieve and see. But the fact that we don’t have everything we want is exactly what makes life so fulfilling (Goldhill, 2016).

If we have everything at this moment, what is the motivation to go on? You see, there is always this challenge for us to pursue something. We should NOT have everything to continue pursuing the things that we dream of. And if others have reached theirs, there will always be a time for us to do so.

Whether we’re striving for a new job, more meaningful relationships, or personal enlightenment, we need to actively want something more in order to live well. In fact, neuroscience shows that the act of seeking itself, rather than the goals we realize, is key to satisfaction.

So, there is no need to hurry. We can enjoy the small victories that we have right now and plan for other victories to pursue. There is always that thrill of seeking for the fulfillment of our goals. But, once we are impatient and will compare ourselves to others, we will become unhappy.

You can never make other’s life be yours. You have your own life patterns to create.

When we compare ourselves to others, we’re often comparing their best features against our average ones. It’s like being right-handed and trying to play an instrument with your left hand. Not only do we naturally want to be better than them, the unconscious realization that we are not often becomes self-destructive.

Comparisons between people are a recipe for unhappiness. Let us accept our own lives. We are unique. And, something good will happen to us sooner or later. Let us just focus on the things which we can control.

Just be patient.

Tangible

 

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Planohon an lihok! Although we need to live the day as it is, there is a big difference between doing something than doing nothing. Rest is essential but when we are resting after being tired of doing nothing is another story.

Productivity is a measure of efficiency of a person completing a task. We often assume that productivity means getting more things done each day. Wrong. Productivity is getting important things done consistently. And no matter what you are working on, there are only a few things that are truly important.

Being productive is about maintaining a steady, average speed on a few things, not maximum speed on everything.

Some of us are diving towards work which sometimes have less impact in the future. There are those who consider that technical things can really ease future problems forgetting about being creative and being efficient. Such endeavors wear us out.

Most productivity strategies focus on short-term efficiency: how to manage your to-do list effectively, how to get more done each morning, how to shorten your weekly meetings, and so on. These are all reasonable ideas. We often fail to realize, however, that there are certain strategic choices we need to make if we want to maximize our productivity for the long-term.

This is when long-term planning comes in. Yet, there are those who have wonderful plans but they do not know how to work them out.

It is not necessarily a person’s job to do that task, but they have to take responsibility for it, and be able to explain what progress has been made on it, so they do have to be able to engage in sufficient detail (skillsyouneed.com).

This is a pragmatic approach to enable you to track progress, so you need to take a pragmatic approach to identifying those responsible: you need to know what’s going on day-to-day.

But if your ideas are only limited to words and concepts and they will not turn out into reality, nothing will happen but purely intangible concepts hanging on air.

Let us contribute some action. We can fill up space now for a better change.

Downsize

 

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Simplehan da nato gud! Why complicate life when we can play it well with simple things? If we complicate it, will it warrant an outcome which we can equate to happiness? There are instances when we gauge life as satisfying if we immerse ourselves with tasks for the sake of being busy. Not realizing that these are just mere outputs, not outcomes.

Jones (2014) mentioned that it can be the difference between mediocrity and the creation of lasting and sustainable change. Mediocre organizations and individuals are stuck on making decisions based on outputs. Great organizations and persons are managing to outcomes.

In the work area, there are those who complain about being busy to the point of immersing themselves to performing tasks which might not be conceptualized well by the managers for better outcomes. There are those who design and assign stuff which lack creativity and too technical to be understood by the people in the organization and they impose on the intended outputs to keep the people busy. Not realizing that such activities can be considered as exercises in futility.

Same with the things we do with our lives.

Outputs can be considered as the quantitative things we do and attain. These will oftentimes lead to qualitative results. Those things we feel and perceive that enhance our lives. Of course, we do not have the same orientation on what things do we need and do to produce good emotions and experiences, yet we are gifted with the mind to discern.

Choice is our ability to make decisions when presented with two or more options. The psychology of choice explores why we subconsciously make the decisions we do, what motivates those decisions, and what needs these decisions are meant to satisfy.

Let us then choose things which will eventually become treasures in our lives. The activities and events that need to be faced must be aligned to what we want without sacrificing the greater good.

We need NOT look at our lives with what we do…but what do these things do to us.

 

We Define It

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Hinay-hinay lamang… Success is a mindset. It is not about what you attain or what others think about you. It is all about the meaning it has put in your life – a satisfaction that you feel out from the efforts you exerted to fulfill your envisioned life.

Successful people always find motivation to keep going no matter what’s happening around them or within them. That’s one of their differences from everyone else. Successful people have the drive to move forward. They channel their time, effort and energy towards their life goals. Each of us is unique. We have our motivations to do things to achieve our goals. But regardless, all goals require an effort. That’s why we need to get ourselves into that action so that we can direct our efforts toward them. For that, we need motivation (Nhan, 2020).

Psychologists believe that these are the common things that motivate a person: Money and Rewards; Desire to be the Best; Helping Others; Power and Fame; Recognition; and Passion. Adults and self-actualized persons must understand what pushes them towards the inclination to do something so that they can weigh their options. Else, they will be experiencing crises and will eventually lead to conflicting situations. Once in control, the person can embrace humility and understand his worth.

Research is clear that passion and creativity work together to produce drive. A study published in the Journal of Neuroscience demonstrated that the more inspired participants felt during a given activity, the more activated their amygdala (the emotional center of the brain) became. People are ultimately guided by their own values – not by other people’s attempts to control their behavior or even by external circumstances. This applies whether you want to know what motivates you to work hard, achieve certain goals or change anything about yourself.

The importance of understanding your drives is clear: It will lead to a happier life. You see, all of us have these motivations to work out towards our defined success. Without a deep self-knowledge, a big tendency is that people will drift. That is if they do not understand where they are going.

Again, justifications come in. There are some of us who whitewash the real reasons into something “grand” not realizing that we are concealing the real issue. We lie to ourselves and convince others about our own lies. But in the end, our conscience prevails.

Life is short. We have to define who we are and what do we want. In this case, even the simple sentence we have written on our notebooks is success in itself.

We create success every minute of the day!

Ego Boosters

 

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Uman hanapan man nan lusot? Ever notice that there are those who find justifications of their wrong actions? Worse, there are those who do not accept their flaws and project their mistakes to others. This is the sign when such persons won’t reach the level of self-actualization.

Self-justification is a portrayal of the brain that, despite its stated goals or desires, is not interested in truth, but rather self-preservation. Admitting you were wrong may save relationships and lives, it may prevent distress and war, but it will also force you to admit that the narrative you have constructed about yourself is wrong. And depending on how committed you are to that narrative, you may be unable to even see that you made a mistake, let alone confront it (Tavris, 2019).

It is not the same thing as lying or making excuses. … It is more powerful and more dangerous than the explicit lie. It allows people to convince themselves that what they did was the best thing they could have done. In fact, come to think of it, it was the right thing.

Then, these persons find people who, like them, love to justify themselves and do not allow to see the mistakes they have committed. Of course, we have big tendencies to do self-preservation but the concept is also applicable when we accept mistakes and repair damages.

In the book Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me), Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson, the authors say that between the conscious lie to fool others and unconscious self-justification to fool ourselves, there’s a fascinating gray area patrolled by an unreliable, self-serving historian – memory. Memories are often pruned and shaped with an ego-enhancing bias that blurs the edges of past events, softens culpability, and distorts what really happened.

We need to look deeper into us and allow the ego NOT to be diminished by admitting our mistakes and start repairing. Mending things lead to a positive outcome, therefore, the ego is preserved, or better, strengthened.

It’s terrifying when we even use God as part of our self-justifications. The divine’s intervention is for us to feel GUILT and proceed to humility and asking repentance.

Most of the time, we need to understand that WE SOMETIMES COMMIT MISTAKES. We don’t have to justify them since it will lead to being UNHAPPY. Lying to others and your own self is not enriching.

Unload

 

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Molabay da iton. Sometimes, it is difficult to get over with something bad which happened to us. The memory lingers and the pain in the heart seem to haunt us over and over again. But again, we are the ones to allow the hurt to affect us. We oftentimes linger on the bad stuff which shattered us…

Therein lies a stark difference that may explain why happiness dissipates and sometimes, pain lingers. Positive emotions are usually embraced, accepted, expressed and released out of our bodies into the world. Once they’re out, they’re gone; they can only be recreated from scratch with a new joyful experience. Negative emotions however, are often suppressed, ignored, rejected and held within us. They remain entangled with the memory of the experience that caused them in the first place.

Therefore, one thing we need to do is to express the hurt and the pain. This may cause a bit of awkward moments with a loved one or a friend but since they know us better, they’ll understand. There are also instances that we do not express our pain to others since we feel “weak” when we do so. But, we cannot be strong all the time, right?

With today’s modern conveniences, a person can physically survive a solitary existence. But that existence is probably not a happy one. Kirsten Weir (2012) posited: It may take time to heal from a bad break-up or being fired, but most people eventually get over the pain and hurt feelings of rejection.

The one who allows this pain to linger is the self. There might be traumatic experiences beyond our comprehension that is the reason why we have to seek help from a friend or even from a professional. We can see and observe tell-tale signs in us that we are hurting too much.

Researchers have documented the detrimental effects of initial emotional reactivity to daily stressors on future physical health outcomes but have yet to examine the effects of emotions that linger after a stressor occurs. Most of the hypotheses are geared towards negative effects.

We then can surrender to the divine. We fortify our faith by seeking for spiritual advisers. These people may enrich our positive outlooks and we can process the hurt in us. We can also write the feelings down. We UNLOAD.

Life is short to be bitter. Let us release the hurt in us and feel the beauty of the simple things around. Let us also be grateful with what we have right now. It may be an old saying, still it applies: Let us count our blessings!

Exhale

 

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Bijai an mabug-at. There are things we consider as burdens in our lives. We oftentimes cannot move forward due to these heavy loads. We have to discard these from pinning us down. The hate, the toxic individuals bringing us down, the emotional hang-ups that we have won’t allow us to have a smooth journey. And based on the things that we observe lately, we can indeed say that we must move forward. Life is short.

"We are all carrying backpacks that we continually load up. We keep stuffing them full until one day, they can’t zip and the stuff starts spilling out all over the place."

While carrying past experiences (and the emotions that came with them) may help us better navigate future experiences, they also take a toll on our health. One study found that emotional baggage can be a real barrier to making healthy lifestyle changes (like exercising more, eating healthier or quitting smoking). “Participants described being burdened by an emotional baggage with problems from childhood and/or with family, work and social life issues,” found the study (Steinhilber, 2018).

If you do recognize some of these emotions or behaviors in yourself, the next step is determining the underlying cause. Emotional baggage is as unique to each person as the suitcase they pack it in.

In most cases, these emotional burdens come from people – those who hurt, insult, belittle and disrespect us. We are often affected by their “power” over us not realizing that we have the hold of that power. If we won’t ALLOW ourselves to be hurt by fortifying ourselves by accepting our own strengths and blessings, we can stay away from the toxic world others are creating.

“Entitlement is an expression of conditional love. Nobody is ever entitled to your love. You always have a right to protect your mental, emotional, and physical well-being by removing yourself from toxic people and circumstances.” -Dr. Janice Anderson & Kiersten Anderson

You deserve to know you are worthwhile. Try to remember that things will get better and that anything is possible. This means self-care, goal setting, surrounding yourself with positive support, and feeling a sense of peace. Your greatest ambition should be to love yourself. Without self-love, letting go of toxic people will be difficult.

It is time to breathe. It is time to heal. It is time to see the rainbow waiting for us. Let us not be burdened with the negative deeds of others. Give it to them. Allow them to wallow in their own murk. Let us PROCEED.

Bloom

 

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Pasagdi an mga hawod. In real life, there are those who are drunk with their ambitions. Most of the time, they step on others just to fulfil their dreams. In many cases, these persons are not aware that they are not growing. In fact, with the insecurities fueling their drive, they are shrinking.

People who struggle with boundaries are often people-pleasers, stepping on others along the process. It’s a coping mechanism – usually learnt from childhood. At the root of most people-pleasers is the child who didn’t feel worthy of love – who had to chase it by “fitting in” and pleasing others (typically, a parent). The parents of people-pleasers often have one thing in common: an inconsistent parenting style. And this can be for any number of reasons (often not intentional). Maybe they had a lot going on in their lives, struggling with mental illness, addiction etc. (thechelseapsychologyclinic.com).

We encounter them around: in school, work or even the neighborhood. These people are so engrossed with their ambitions so for the people will admire them. They are often successful but it is noticeable that their relationship with others are not good. These individual simply work for themselves and NOT for others.

According to University of Connecticut’s Anne Dailey (2017), “We say that people have good boundaries when they are able to restrain their impulses, to limit desire, to hold back, to tolerate frustration” (p. 13). But the need to satisfy their ambitions sometimes pushes these types to our areas. They pose as friends only to realize later that they just want something from us. Once they have what they want, they step on us and continue pursuing their ambitions by moving on to others’ areas to benefit from them. They are insatiable.

If someone needs to minimize your strengths and achievements to make themselves feel better, you don't need them in your life. Stay away from people who don't know "how to appreciate your hard work and can't rejoice in your accomplishments," suggests operations coordinator Anshul Sharma.

Again, let us go back to self-care. In many instances, all we have to do is to continue growing on our own. Let us not allow those people with childhood traumas affect us. Let them simmer on their own negative juices and let us embrace our own minor or major successes.

In the end, accomplishments are NOT always equated to happiness. The real one involve being happy of what we do despite the “mediocre” concept of others on our own definitions it.

Life is short. Let us do what we can without compromising our moral and ethical values.

 

 

Proliferation of Mutated Values

 

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Naghamok na sila…nahimo na uso an pamalikas hasta pagsabwag nan mayaot. Facebook (FB), Instagram and WhatsApp all suffered outages midday of October 4, 2021, according to public statements from the three Facebook services. CNN New York reported that outage tracking site Down Detector logged tens of thousands of reports for each of the services. Facebook's own site would not load at all; Instagram and WhatsApp were accessible, but could not load new content or send messages.

On Sunday, "60 Minutes" aired a segment in which Facebook whistleblower Frances Haugen claimed the company is aware of how its platforms are used to spread hate, violence and misinformation, and that Facebook has tried to hide that evidence. Facebook has pushed back on those claims.

At a Senate hearing on Sept. 30, US senator Richard Blumenthal pressed Facebook global head of safety Antigone Davis on Facebook-owned Instagram and the platform's potential negative impact on children, particularly young girls.

Freedom of speech is not absolute especially if it steps on societal norms. And since Facebook is a company, it is their moral and social responsibility to look into the company’s impact and influence to the majority.

One cannot deny the help of this platform to link families and friends in terms of its reach and usability and influence. The sites are even used for online businesses and even education to cope with the unnerving discord the pandemic has brought. But with the proliferation of the positive impact of such platforms to individuals and groups, a plethora of hate, trolls, memes against the rights of the marginalized (like PWD, LGBTQ and even women and children) are also thriving.

The whistleblower accused the company of putting a deaf ear on these things since algorithms sensed huge following on silly, violent and even hateful content which can eventually become big sources of profit. Researches were already done but the higher-ups of the company seem to be mum about the implications.

Look at the posts thriving on the timelines these days. Thematically, a keen observer can cluster them to divisiveness and even disrespect. There seems to be a sense of entitlement to people who seem to feel some sort of power once they post something which can feed their skewed beliefs.

Yes, we are in a democracy but we must also be open-minded in thinking about our influence to children when we blurt out profanities on social media and similar platforms. We must understand the ripple effects of our actions. Also, the company must practice accountability on the “mutation” of values people seem to experience through the platforms.

The billions the company acquire must come along with social responsibility.

 

 

Inner Power

 

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Padajon lam! It is natural to sometimes feel exhausted. There are times when we seem to give up especially when times get rough. But we now understand that it is now part of our journey to struggle on! The fittest will survive be it physically, psychologically or even spiritually.

The COVID-19 pandemic has had a major effect on our lives. Many of us are facing challenges that can be stressful, overwhelming, and cause strong emotions in adults and children. Public health actions, such as social distancing, are necessary to reduce the spread of COVID-19, but they can make us feel isolated and lonely and can increase stress and anxiety. Learning to cope with stress in a healthy way will make you, the people you care about, and those around you become more resilient (cdc.gov).

It is but normal to be afraid of the unknown enemy. But there are instances that the enemy is within us. We can sometimes bloat our fear to an uncontrollable force. We even make mountains out from anthills. That is why we need to check on our own well-being to be able to endure, to be able to continue struggling and survive in the end.

People were worried about the emotional impact that the loss of loved ones would have on themselves and on their friends and neighbors. Many found it hard to cope with the grief and isolation, and others found it hard to deal with job loss and financial insecurity. Still, the lingering fact is that we have to continue our efforts to make it until the end of this global crisis.

Worrying and welcoming anxiety can lower our immune system. If we allow these things to happen in us, there are greater risks of being unmotivated. Although we are oftentimes contained in our own spaces, we have to look for good things to do. We can read, write, plant, listen to music and be with our friends and family virtually. We can use technology to feel less-pressured.

Prior research shows that positive psychology factors play a significant role in the likelihood of growing stronger through adversity. Intrapersonal variables that prompt growth include positive appraisal and optimism (Prati & Pietrantoni, 2009), reflective modes of thinking (García et al., 2015), capacity for dialectical thinking (Waters & Strauss, 2016), and the process of benefit finding (Danoff-Burg & Revenson, 2005). Positive extra-personal factors that contribute to growth during challengeing times include social support (Scrignaro et al., 2011) and strengths-based parenting (Zavala & Waters, 2020).

Let us endure. We know that we are susceptible to the infection and we are unaware of its presence. But we can follow the government’s moves to lessen the spread and continue to empower ourselves with positive energy for us to survive.

We shy away from depressive episodes by doing productive things. We stay healthy and happy. But best, we need to stay away from situations and people who can induce psychological weakness which will later turn into physical weakness. We FIGHT!

 

 

Mea Culpa

 

Tindogan mo an imo binuhatan! Responsibility means feeling it is your duty to deal with what comes up, being accountable, and/or being able to act independently and make decisions without authorization. There are both moral and personal responsibilities.

Have you experienced being blamed with something which is not YOUR fault? There are those people around (friends, family members, companions, superiors) who do not take responsibilities of their actions. Worse, they will even give you tasks not your own and expect that these will turn out to be what they have expected and even beyond what is expected!

In ethics, moral responsibility is primarily the responsibility related to actions and their consequences in social relations. It generally concerns the harm caused to an individual, a group or the entire society by the actions or inactions of another individual, group or entire society. This is the mechanism by which blame can be placed, and influences many important social constructs, such as prosecution under the legal system.

It is proposed that self-responsibility or self-accountability is the quintessential defining attribute to qualify as an adult. The word responsibility literally means “response-ability,” that is, possessing the ability to respond. So self-responsibility means to not only have the ability to respond, decide and choose, but further to participate in an engaged, most practical possible fashion in taking responsibility for your entire life (Friedman, 2018).

Then why is it that there are some that are incapable of taking the responsibility of their actions? There are even instances that we allow others decide for us and then put the blame on them when things do not come out right.

Being responsible means taking care of yourself and understanding that every act or action has a consequence. Likewise, as psychotherapist Albert Ellis pointed out, many people find it easier to avoid or evade certain responsibilities than to deal with them. This is a defense mechanism that makes it easier for them to blame others for their mistakes. Thus, people project their discomfort onto others without knowing that the key to change lies inside them.

We have individual roles. The tasks that we do must be done by us. Let us not create more chaotic relationships by playing safe. Risks must be taken and the mistakes that we encounter along the way are part of our journeys.

We have to allow others trek their own paths.

Fortifying the Self

 

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Tagkuyba, tagsawan, ya na ko kasabot sa ako tagbati! As the COVID 19 mutated into several variants like Delta, the newsfeed of the social media sites seem to become like the obituary. The viewers seem to intensify the fear in them that their feelings oftentimes segue to become depressive bouts.

For many people, the uncertainty surrounding coronavirus is the hardest thing to handle. We still don’t know exactly how we’ll be impacted, how long this will last, or how bad things might get. And that makes it all too easy to catastrophize and spiral out into overwhelming dread and panic.

Nervousness and anxiety in a society affect everyone to a large extent. Recent evidence suggests that people who are kept in isolation and quarantine experience significant levels of anxiety, anger, confusion, and stress. At large, all of the studies that have examined the psychological disorders during the COVID-19 pandemic have reported that the affected individuals show several symptoms of mental trauma, such as emotional distress, depression, stress, mood swings, irritability, insomnia, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, post-traumatic stress, and anger (Salari, et al., 2020).

Yes, these things are happening brought about by the pandemic. Research has also shown that frequent media exposure may cause distress. Lee Chambers said: Some of the potential reasons why [this may happen] include high levels of exposure to social media and news, disruption to routines and anchors caused by lockdowns and restrictions, and difficulties disengaging from the threatening stimuli, including [virus] variants and the situation in other countries.

That is why, it is unhealthy to constantly tinker on your phone and see sad stories about death happening around especially if you have the tendency to be depressive.

Despite vaccines and a decrease in disease prevalence, some people experience what scientists call COVID-19 anxiety syndrome. Symptoms of this syndrome mimic those of other mental health conditions, including anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). And, the pandemic and related factors appear to be the cause.

So, how to avoid these things from happening?

The Medical News Today suggests: Consider actively seeking out positive messages around improvements in the pandemic, the vaccine rollout, and how the risk of death from the disease appears to be lessening due to new treatment options. Also, take things slow despite the expectation for a rapid return to normalcy. Step outside comfort zones at an individual pace while still practicing safety measures to “ease back into a place of harmony” gradually.

Remember, we are the ones controlling our emotions. If we give in to fear, we might lower our own immune system. These times need strong WILL to survive. We have to continue arming ourselves with the physical heath and following the protocols mandated by the health department.

Explain feelings of anxiety to a trusted person to build mutual understanding. This increases confidence and allows others to provide the support needed when venturing outside the home.

We have to strengthen our faith as well. Enrich the belief that ALL WILL BE FINE soon.

 

Legacy

 

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Bootan da kun jaoy kaatubang…. It’s a sad fact that there are people who seem to be nice in front of you but hurls all the judgment to you when you are not around. These persons exist in our society and most of them cause some chaos in their lifetime – minor or major.

Gossiping shows the basic nature of human beings. We have a tendency to look into others’ lives. If it is others’ downfall people are happier! Even the trendiest social website Facebook is climbing success with the same strategy. Most of us will have a natural curiosity about what is going on with others.

Persons who thrive on backbiting are either psychologically disturbed or innately envious. They cannot fill in their inadequacies they start looking for others’ mistakes instead. Their existence will become meaningful when they can talk bad about someone! How unhealthy that could be!

When people feel bad about themselves, they sometimes will target other people to try to make themselves feel better. As a result, they talk about others as a way to deflect attention from themselves. When people are at the top of the social ladder or are determined to climb higher, they sometimes accomplish that by diminishing the status of another person (Gordon, 2020).

Still we need to understand that what we have done good will be the ones that count: not the mistakes, the hitches in one’s journey. That is why we have to consider nurturing each other rather inflicting pain. A person’s legacy must be the efforts he/she exerted on empowering others and helping them to become better individuals and NOT destroying them.

Biologically and socially toxic conditions interfere with successful development. They influence development of the affective/cognitive factors that mediate behavior (Flay et al., 2009) and can undermine the development of social bonds with others and counter the development of pro-social norms and skills (Flay et al., 2009).

Life is difficult these days. Let us not add toxic things around to ease the fear, anxiety and feeling bad due to our own inadequacies. Let us concentrate on how to BUILD than to DESTROY. Life is short you might NOT have the chance to become a good person.

In the end, you will only become a memory.

The question is: How will you be remembered by others?

Silver Linings

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Bisan hawoy, padajon ta. Strong people are not bent by petty things. They will pick themselves up every time the fall. They have this mindset that life is a continuous battle of having victories and defeats. The mindset allows them to continue to struggle even with the adversities around.

Going bankrupt, failing an important exam, and walking away from an abusive marriage. Living with depression or a child in jail, knowing you are socially awkward, needing help to manage life… being sick. These are not your identity; they are simply part of your story.

Our stories have their ups and downs. We need to understand that there is no perfect story. Even in movies, we always expect to see the CONFLICT which will lead to the denouement. The “happy ever after” phase is always looked for yet we need to understand that our life is a continuum of different stages. That is the reason why we have to understand how to be kind to ourselves.

Self-bullying arises from lack of compassion and kindness towards oneself. It is often engendered by painful childhood experiences that left a child with emotional scars. Children are more vulnerable and susceptible to negativity, so harsh criticism from parents, teachers, or peers can easily shatter their confidence, making them feel insecure or inadequate (Flaxington, 2015).

With this fact, we have to consider evaluating our own selves if we are inflicting our own pains. Yes, there are people around who could do that. But PAIN will linger when we allow it to greatly affect us. Again, the pain we feel (either self-inflicted or done by others) is not our identity. They CANNOT define us. There are many parts of us which are worth to be cherished and appreciated.

Expressing displeasure with the sources of your frustration does not need to involve ‘going ballistic’. There are alternative ways of doing so which entail calmly and assertively communicating your points verbally or in writing. Setting boundaries in this manner will make it easier for you to pick yourself up the next time you’ve fallen down.

A good way to remind yourself of this is by regularly noting mentally or in writing the people and things you are grateful for. This is a research-substantiated technique for improving your mood which we have to practice. This will allow your spirit to be lifted since you will feel the moral support of those who love you. For sure, they will understand your defeats as part of your growth.

Let us journey on. There are still good things to be felt and experienced ahead. Although we are in a bleak atmosphere these days, there is always beauty amidst the difficulties.

  

We Are Who We Are

 

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Hinay hinay lamang kay sa hilabian magdali. There is actually no competition. It is one’s outlook in life if he/she is competing with the people around. The real battle is within: a dynamic movement of the self from a starting point to the next. There is no time limit set by the society. Sometimes, the pressure seen from the outside can make the person feel inferior. Where in fact, no people must be pressured to live their lives the way they perceive it to be.

In 1990, psychologist Jennifer Campbell published a paper that introduced the idea of self-concept clarity. Basically, she suggested that having high self-esteem can be associated with having a clear sense of yourself and knowing who you are.

Anyone who is dedicated to self-improvement, personal development or the higher goal of spiritual growth needs to actively seek to understand oneself. This is because only when one understands where one lacks, can he or she focus their efforts on what to improve.

Basically, self-awareness is the capacity that a person has to introspect. It includes gaining an understanding of and insight into one’s strengths, qualities, weaknesses, defects, ideas, thoughts, beliefs, ideals, responses, reactions, attitude, emotions and motivations. Thus introspection also includes assessing how one is perceived by others and how others are impacted based on one’s behavior, responses and conduct.

There are instances when people look up to someone as a role model. That is not bad, but what is wrong is the time when the person start to copy or level up (and even try to go beyond) with the role model without understanding first his/her strengths and weaknesses. This is the time when the person instills some sort of a stressful set of activities for him/her to realize the skewed need.

To understand our personality, we need to understand the nature of our mind. The mind is made up of two parts – the conscious and sub-conscious mind. The sub-conscious mind is vast and the impressions that are buried deep inside are not easy to uncover and analyze. However, ever so often during the day one’s mind erupts and reacts to some events and situations negatively. As a result, one feels a certain amount of restlessness and emotions such as insecurity, fear or anger (spiritualresearchfoundation.org).

It is then important to experience metacognition, which means having awareness and understanding of one’s own thought processes. This particular type of self-development pertains to becoming conscious of one’s own body and mental state of being including thoughts, actions, ideas, feelings and interactions with others. It is therefore the first step in overcoming negative emotions and reactions.

There is always a need for us to look deeper inside us to understand out motivations. This will allow the person to develop maturity. When we understand our own strengths and improve our weaknesses, there will be no time for us to be envious. You see, we will also arrive to the understanding that we are gifted with skills and intellect differently.

Let us cherish each other’s efforts to become better individuals. We know that by doing so, our niche in this world, even how big and small could it be, will be more meaningful.

Everybody Fails...Sometimes

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Kay uman kun masajop? No one is perfect. There are instances that we mispronounce a word. But does this mean that we do not know how to speak? Mistakes should be welcomed since these are the stepping stones towards an improved self. What we should be afraid of is the induced “success” which is hollow from the inside out.

Deep Patel (2018) mentioned: Authentic people are self-aware. They avoid blaming others for their own mistakes and accept their strengths and weaknesses. They show vulnerability, opening themselves up to others and connecting with people on a deep level.

Inauthentic people are quite the opposite.

Simply put, inauthentic people are fake. Sometimes people start taking on inauthentic characteristics because they feel pressured to be what they’re not, or they believe it will help them increase their chances of being successful. We all know that appearances are important. But inauthentic people have lost their way, and their phoniness is toxic to themselves and those around them.

That’s why we keep it simple. The understanding of one’s strengths and weaknesses is the starting point of success. We enhance our weaknesses and sustain our strengths. We have to put an effort in dealing with these as we journey on. Yes, it is good to dream and be ambitious. Still, we need to put our perspectives on such dreams. We work on them and celebrate our small successes.

Inauthentic people, however, like to show off. They have high opinions of themselves and they want to make sure everyone around them sees how great they are. They view others as being beneath them. They are often the peacock of their group, the one who is strutting and bragging, and who can’t stand it when others show them up. They have wrapped themselves in a bogus façade and they even start to believe their own lies.

Under their carefully curated exterior, however, they may be struggling with low self-esteem and severe insecurity.

Life is what we make it. We have to consider living our lives within our realities. Living on an induced atmosphere won’t allow us to be happy. People will continue to bloat their ego to the point of hurting others and even themselves. There is really a need to have a robust mental well-being to be able to survive in this competitive and fast-changing world.

Fake people often insulate themselves within a clique. These cliques often put social pressure on others to conform to their ideas, which serves to reinforce their preconceived notions. This is because inauthentic people aren’t open-minded and don’t want others to question their motives or ideals (entrepreneur.com).

We have to embrace our weaknesses and correct our own mistakes. By doing so, our gauge of our own success will be meaningful. In the end, it is us who savor our own fortunes NOT others.

Your Efforts, Not Theirs

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Dili lamang maghilabot sa paigo nan iban! We work for our families. We extend ourselves and create efforts to make our small and big communities better. We keep busy to make productive outputs. Sometimes we fail. Yet, if we strive hard, we often succeed. Those who do not strive hard and on the verge of failure oftentimes pull us down. They feel better when they reduce you to their level.

The need to feel superior to others is a major cause for people who put others down. Psychology says those who feel this need humiliate people to knock them down. By making another person feel small, a person who bullies feels bigger. They may feel superior in that they can assert their dominance over another person. It could also make them feel strong or powerful to beat another person down. This need comes from a lack of stability regarding this person's self-worth, and the bullying is simply a defense mechanism they have developed to shield themselves (Dean, 2020).

When someone puts you down there is often a motive or reason behind it or an aim that the person wants to achieve that will ultimately make them feel better. They will resort to demeaning comments, ignoring the other person or their efforts or passing rude and passive aggressive comments. Hence they make the other person feel less important, put down or upset and this gives them happiness or joy.

In reality, they are the ones who are feeling small. It is not our mistake if they envy the things that we have. If they have some mental disorders of feeling inadequate and they project these inadequacies to us, that is their problem. We cannot do anything about their mental wellness since health is a personal responsibility.

One of the reasons why someone would put somebody down is because of the low self-esteem they have. They are unable to improve their own self esteem by making an effort or working hard mentally and physically to feel better about themselves hence they resort to an easier method. And this is a result of poor parenting during their childhood (optimisticminds.com).

So, why be affected with these people with mental issues who pull us down? We need to continue thriving without minding the impact of their parents’ poor nurturing to them and affect us. Let them wallow in their distress and allow them to continue living the dark world they created.

For the rest of us, let us continue doing things aligned to the common good. It is free to dream and working for them is our choice. If others opt to waste their time by letting opportunities pass (or allowing their fickle mindedness to be developed), let them be. We work. We perform.

Poor mental health manifests because of NOT understanding the outcomes brought about by childhood deficits and poor self-esteem. If they will get crazy pulling us down, that is their business!

For us, let us monitor or mental well-being by monitoring our own movements…NOT others.

Hungry for Accolade

 

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Basta kay naghimo kaw nan eksakto! We sometimes do things for the affirmation that we long for. We cannot deny the fact that it is a human need to be affirmed. There are also those who thirst for recognition. It was mentioned time and again about the hierarchy of needs theorized by Maslow that recognition is a human need. But to wallow on such need is a different story.

Some intriguing research conducted by Dan Ariely and his colleagues (Emir Kamenica and Drazen Prelec) highlights how powerful and important a simple gesture of acknowledgement can be in terms of our level of engagement and perseverance. They orchestrated a study to examine our willingness to work on a task, depending on the extent to which it was recognized by another party. Despite the repetitive, and some might say boring, nature of the task, the impact of acknowledgement on the motivation of the participants was profound.

We all need to be recognized. It’s not a matter of pride, selfishness, or immaturity. Human beings, from the earliest moments in their lives, absolutely need respect and affection from everyone around them, which is where we implicitly find that sincere recognition towards us as people (exploringyourmind.com).

But what about those who constantly look for recognition that it would be the main motive of the individual in performing the tasks? What about those who will feel bad when a regular task is NOT recognized?

The Mayo Clinic mentions that narcissistic personality disorder — one of several types of personality disorders — is a mental condition in which people have inflated senses of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others. But behind this mask of extreme confidence lies a fragile self-esteem that's vulnerable to the slightest criticism.

A narcissistic personality disorder causes problems in many areas of life, such as relationships, work, school or financial affairs. People with narcissistic personality disorder may be generally unhappy and disappointed when they're not given the special favors or admiration they believe they deserve. They may find their relationships unfulfilling, and others may not enjoy being around them.

We cannot blame people having this since it is considered as a mental disorder. In fact there are treatments like psychotherapy and others. But to be aware of the ailment is an individual responsibility. One has to acknowledge the disorder so that ways and means can be found to have a better life and good relationship with others.

Self-esteem refers to the positive (high self-esteem) or negative (low self-esteem) feelings that we have about ourselves. We experience the positive feelings of high self-esteem when we believe that we are good and worthy and that others view us positively. We experience the negative feelings of low self-esteem when we believe that we are inadequate and less worthy than others.

Our self-esteem is determined by many factors, including how well we view our own performance and appearance, and how satisfied we are with our relationships with other people (Tafarodi & Swann, 1995).

We have to boost our self-esteem by doing what we think is right; what we consider as meaningful. The rewards and recognition must come from the fulfillment that we feel inside us. Others may see us differently but as long as we understand what we are doing, we cannot wait for their affirmation to continue doing well.

Life is short to be bitter. Let us lift ourselves and encourage others to do the same. In the end, the plaques, certificates, trophies and the entire accolade will become distant memory or be forgotten once we are not here anymore.

Live well…even if no one notices you.

 

 

Personal Ethics

 

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Pagpaigo nan imo!

You see me differently. You dislike the way I think, the way I talk and the manner that I work. But, why does it bother you? You can focus on your own manners and the way you think. Stop fidgeting on how I see the world. I respect your version of it. Do not be bothered with my convictions and my belief system. I am me.

There are things that you like that I don’t. But did you hear me complain about them? Feel free to do them. But do not tell me NOT to react when your deeds are already against my moral beliefs and they are beyond the line of adhering to the greater good. You are free to BE. And, I am me.

If I read and you listen to gossips, let me be. But I won’t let you harm people. I will cry foul when you use yourself to be a destroyer rather than a builder. My profession is teaching and I need to correct misconceptions based on the collective thoughts I acquired from being an academic. You might have a master’s degree on your craft, but I based my reactions on scientific theories and research. I will allow you to enjoy badmouthing people. Just don’t let me hear them. I can scold you. You are yourself and I am me.

Respect my religious convictions. What is wrong with saying the rosary? You claim to be a better believer, but what’s the gauge? Allow me to pay tribute to the sacramental and I can allow you to broadcast your God. Just do not criticize what I do. I understand what I’m doing. Do you? Let me be.

What is wrong with defending and befriending the marginalized people? You have your friends. Did I give a critique about their lifestyle and yours? Let me have mine. They might be imperfect and NOT rich but at least they understand the beauty of simplicity and humility. Spare me with the pretense and social-climbing. You are different from me.

Why am I not ambitious? I am. But my ambition might be different from yours. I am more into understanding myself avoiding the lures of the world and material stuff. You might measure success with money, fame and power. I see self-actualization as my direction. I will allow you to feed on your hunger. Let me be.

The world is better when we see the sunrise and sunset as the metaphors of our lives. Let me savor the life I borrowed from my creator the way I like it. Do not judge me, I am just doing the things which I like trying not to hurt others by doing my best to be of help.

Live your life. I will with mine.

 

Happy Go Lucky

 

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Gusto ko pirme bibo, kalian kun aya. Dapat malingaw ako pirme! We hear these statements most of the time. In fact, there are instances that these are our own words. But have we realized lately that in reality that is impossible? There are really instances when we have to accept the fact that life is boring and dependent on the concepts of our definitions of what is enjoying and boring.

The world renowned author M. Scott Peck mentioned: Life is difficult. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult-once we truly understand and accept it-then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.

A research team led by psychological scientist John Eastwood of York University in Ontario, Canada, define boredom as "an aversive state of wanting, but being unable, to engage in satisfying activity," which springs from failures in one of the brain's attention networks.

And what are satisfying activities? The answer depends on the inclinations and activities the person likes. Reading can be enjoying and satisfying to some but it can be boring to others. This is the reason why others “click” as friends since they share similar interests. Binge drinking and consuming drugs can be enjoying to some that is why they call themselves as “barkada”. They share similar inclinations to vices.

But is it normal to continue looking for fun? Or is there some sort of a “skip” or deficit among such people? The concept presented by Peck that acceptance of life as difficult (and boring for that matter) allows the person to transcend is a start. This is probably the proper time for the person to find meaningful activities. When he sees the activity with some meaning on it, he will start understanding that he must not just enjoy it. He has to do it.

Self-actualization (also referred to as self-realization or self-cultivation) can be described as the complete realization of one’s potential as manifest in peak experiences which involve the full development of one’s abilities and appreciation for life (Maslow, 1962).

The attainment of self-actualization involves one’s full involvement in life and the realization of that which one is capable of accomplishing.

Carl Rogers believed that for a person to achieve self-actualization they must be in a state of congruence. This means that self-actualization occurs when a person’s “ideal self” (i.e., who they would like to be) is congruent with their actual behavior (self-image).

With these proven theories, it is really a must for individuals to monitor the SELF. The actual recording of his/her thoughts is a valid activity to reflect on one’s journey. It was even presented in the Christian faith: Jesus spent around forty days to be with himself and reflect. He was even tempted with material and worldly things but was able to say NO to them.

How much happiness is welcome before it starts to seem out-of-touch, willfully naive, even a compulsive defense against reality?

Yes, it’s OK to look for fun some time. But when one looks for it ALL THE TIME, something is wrong. Probably, the person was not able to develop the ability to find meaning with his/her existence.

Let us not be bound by our own emotions. Let us be the one to control them… not the other way around.